I have no idea when we fell asleep but Lexa and I finally got Costia to sleep. I feel so useless I wish I could take away her pain. She is such a kind and gentle soul this should not be happening to her; but like I said to her we can't control what goes on with the universe. I am excited to meet Costia's family even if it's under really bad circumstances; but at least we're getting the time to be with her father. I do feel bad that he's never going to know the baby, or any other children we may have in the future but at least they will know how he is. We will make sure they get told stories about him and how much he would have loved to meet them. I just hope her family likes me; which if they're anything like Costia they will but sometimes you never know. I rolled over and noticed that Costia was still asleep but Lexa was awake and it looks like she's been awake for the whole night.
"Did you get any sleep?", I whispered to her so that I didn't wake Costia up.
"No, I could not sleep knowing she was hurting. I rested but did not have a full sleep.", Lexa whispered back to me with a small smile on her face. Costia is not going to like that Lexa hadn't slept.
"Understandable, will you be okay to travel today? When do we leave?", I said then asked Lexa as Costia started to stir a little. She looked like she was about to have a bad dream so I instantly started running my hand through her hair knowing that it usually calms her down.
"I will be fine, it is Costia that I am worried about with traveling. We should be getting up to leave. Let's wake Costia and then you can go get your mother up.", Lexa said to me with a reassuring smile on her face.
"Sounds good.", I said to her with a smile of my own. I am really glad that I am going to be spending my life with these two. They make me complete and I couldn't ask for anything better then that. I know they'll always be by my side and they will always protect me; and I will do the same with them.
"Cos it is time to wake.", Lexa said as she gently started to wake Costia up. I am happy that we are going to see her family today but I am a little disappointed that we can't do our usual morning thing and just enjoy each other before starting our days. You take what you can get I guess.
"It is too early.", Costia said in a sleepy voice not wanting to get up. She is so cute when she acts like this.
"Come on love, we have along day of travel today.", Lexa said to Costia as Costia realized that we had to leave today and immediately got up and started to wake up pretty quickly.
"Okay you two get ready, I'm going to get my mom up and then get ready my self.", I said to them as I kissed them each on the lips and then headed to my mom's room to wake her up so we could head out.
"Morning Clarke, I heard you up with Costia last night. Everything okay?" my mom asked once I got into her room.
"She's just upset about her father and she's feeling guilty that she hasn't see her family in a while.", I said to my mom with a small smile on my face.
"I am sure her parents understand, they may not like it but I'm sure they still know why she hasn't come to see them.", My mom said to me.
"I know, but she still feels guilty. I don't know how long it took us to get her to go back to sleep but I never want to see her like that again. It broke my heart to see her that broken.", I said to my mom sitting down on her bed to talk to her for a little.
"I can understand that, but she will break down I am sure more then once with her father being sick. Just be there for her and hold her and she'll be alright.", my mom said to me as she sat down next to me on her bed.
"I know, I just wish Lexa and I could do more then just hold her. I wish we could take the pain away.", I said to her with a sad expression on my face.
"I know the feeling and trust me I doesn't get any better when you become a mom.", my mom said to me with a chuckle to her voice.
"Oh gee thanks for the pep talk mom.", I said back to her with a chuckle to my own voice.
"You're welcome, but you need to get ready so we can leave on time.", She said to me as she kissed my forehead before I headed back to my room. When I got back to our room Costia was alone staring out the window; Lexa's probably getting warriors set up for us to travel with.
"You okay?", I asked Costia as I stood next to her.
"Yes, you need to get ready though so we can leave.", She said to me with a smile on her face.
"I know, I was about to change when I saw you standing here. Where's Lexa?", I asked as I started to change.
"She went to go prepare to leave, she also was sending warriors with Octavia to make sure she makes it home okay.", Costia said to me,
"Good, I was hoping she was going to do that. I know Octavia can handle her self but she still needs to be looked after every so often.", I said to Costia while I finished putting my clothes on.
"I get that, my brother is the same way, and you will get to meet him. All my siblings will be there within the week actually.", Costia said to me with a smile on her face.
"I can't wait, if they're anything like you I am going to love them.", I said to her as I hugged her and kissed her lips softly.
"I love you.", she said to me after the kiss broke.
"I love you too. Any morning sickness today?", I said to her then asked her.
"So far I am well. I am hoping it stays that way.", Costia said to me as Lexa came back into our room.
"Are we ready to go?", she asked us with a smile on her face.
"We're ready. But come here for a moment.", I said to her as I shifted Costia to one arm as I wrapped my other one around Lexa's waist when she was closer to us. "I just wanted to say that I love you both so much, and we are going to get through this. I know he's like a father to you Lexa and I know you aren't showing it but this hurts you too. I am here for both of you and please do not push me away.", I said to them as I kissed them each on their lips.
"I love you too Clarke, and I will try to not push you away.", Lexa said to me as she hugged me.
"I love you too, and thank you for being here for us.", Costia said as she hugged me at the same time as Lexa.
"Sorry to interrupt but we should head out.", my mom said as she peaked into our open door.
"Mom's right let's go.", I said as I detached my self from my girls' and headed out the door as they followed behind me. Once we got to the horses I could see Octavia waiting for us with her own group of warriors.
"I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. I am sorry to hear about your dad Costia. Have a safe travel.", Octavia said to us and then Costia as she hugged each of us.
"Be careful too, I will send word to you when we get there.", I said to her as she hugged me one last time.
"We better get going, Indra while I am gone make sure Aden is okay in his duties.", Lexa said to Indra who nodded her head in understanding. I really hope while we're gone the Ice Nation doesn't screw anything up; which I am sure they're going to try and do but I know Indra and she will stop anything from happening.
"Sha Heda, safe travels.", Indra said as she went back into the tower I guess to be by Aden's side when he wakes.
"Okay time to go.", I said as I mounted my horse as everyone else did the same.
We have only stopped for breakfast but it seems as if we haven't even gotten that far from home. I have a feeling this is going to be a long trip to Costia's village. She has been quiet this whole time as well, Lexa and I have been trying to hold a conversation with her but she just doesn't seem to want to talk. We have decided to leave her alone for now and if she wants to talk she can. After we ate breakfast we traveled a great distance from what I can tell. We are nowhere near the grounds of Polis.
"Lex, where are we?", I asked Lexa, not remembering if I have seen this part of the grounds or not.
"We are not that far north of where we fought the pauna.", Lexa said to me with a smile on her face remembering that fight we had for our lives with the damn gorilla.
"Oh, I was going to say I don't really remember these grounds.", I said to her as I was looking around.
"You would not, we were fighting for our lives. I am sure you were not paying attention to the ground.", Lexa said to me with a chuckle to her voice.
"What did you guys fight? What is a pauna?", my mother then asked us from her horse.
"It means gorilla.", I said to my mother as her face contorted into realization that we had fought a gorilla.
"You fought a gorilla? Why did you not tell me this Clarke?", my mom asked me as she got all worried and uptight. This is exactly why I didn't tell her, if I told her then what had happened she would have kept me in a cell so that I would not get hurt.
"Yes we did and we won with little injuries. I didn't tell you because I knew you would react the way you are now. Or locked me in a cell to protect me. I didn't want to deal with it.", I said to my mom with a smirk on my face telling her that I was messing with her.
"Don't get smart with me young lady. I am glad you are okay both of you, and thank you Lexa for keeping her safe.", mom said to me then to Lexa.
"Actually it is Clarke who protected me. I had hurt my shoulder in a landing and she did not leave me behind like I told her too.", Lexa said to my mom with a smile on her face.
"Yup I saved the Commander's ass.", I said low enough where only Lexa, Costia, and my mom could hear; which got them to chuckle. Even Costia chuckled a little at the joke, which I am glad at least I know she is listening to us. She's probably just in her own little world right now and I don't blame her if she is.
"You just got lucky is all.", Lexa said to me making a joke her self. I chuckled a little then noticed that Costia looked as if she was swaying a little on her horse.
"Cos, you okay?", I asked her, in that moment she must have been dizzy or on the verge of passing out because she was about to fall off her horse. Thankfully Lexa noticed and she quickly moved her horse on the side of Costia's and caught her so that she did not fall off the horse.
"Get her off the horse.", My mom said as we all dismounted our horses. I went over to help Lexa with Costia so she could dismount her horse.
"She promised to tell us if she was getting dizzy or sick, why did she not tell us?", I said as Lexa was taking Costia off her horse and sitting her on the ground propped up on a rock.
"I do not know, love. She has been silent this whole time.", Lexa said to me with worry in her voice just as I had.
"I have to check her, did she eat anything with Iron in it at breakfast?", my mom asked us as she was trying to check Costia over.
"She did, I made sure she had meat.", I said to my mother.
"Her pulse is weak, help me lift her shirt I want to make sure the baby is okay.", mom said to me and Lexa.
"Gonot raun.", Lexa ordered the warriors and guards to leave so that we could help my mom with Costia. After they were a good distance away we started taking Costia's armor off and then her shirt so my mother could check her over.
"Mom she feels warm.", I said to my mother as I was touching Costia's head to see if she had a fever.
"She does.", my mom said back to me when she felt Costia's head her self. "I think the armor with the heat is too much for her.", she then said as she placed her hand by Costia's heart to check her skin there to see if it was warm.
"Her upper body seems to be warm, maybe it is the armor. Is everything okay with the baby?", I asked my mom as she was using the portable sonogram machine.
"Everything seems to be fine, look he or she is moving just fine and their heart beat is at a normal rate. I still don't know why she is fainting though.", my mom said to us and then to her self.
"We should make camp until she wakes.", Lexa said to me as Costia opened her eyes and shot up into a more siting position.
"What happened?", Costia asked as she was short of breathe. The fact that she doesn't know that she had fainted kind of scares me.
"You fainted, love. Do you remember anything before you did?", I asked her as I handed her, her shirt back so she could put it back on.
"I remember hearing you three talk but I do not remember what about. I did not feel like my self since after breakfast. I felt as if I was not in this world.", Costia said to us which surprised us all.
"Why didn't you say something sooner?", I asked her with concern in my voice.
"I do not know, it was like I could not talk.", Costia said to us which got us to be very concerned as to what was going on with her.
"Okay, no need to stress her out more by getting agitated that she didn't tell you something. Let's rest for a little and then I want you to share a horse with either Clarke or Lexa.", my mom said to her and then us.
"She can ride with Clarke.", Lexa said, not looking to pleased with Costia at the moment. Great now I have to deal with a cranky Commander and a sick girlfriend. Lexa walked away from us and to her group of warriors to tell them we will be leaving shortly.
"She is upset with me, I suppose you are too?", Costia said to me then asked me.
"I am but I am not going to ignore you, she really needs to learn to deal with her emotions.", I said to her as I kissed her on her forehead.
"She has always been like this.", Costia said as she started to tear. I hate seeing her cry and she has cried so much in the last day and a half.
"Don't cry, she'll come around. And if she doesn't I will tell her off, she needs to talk to you two when something is bothering her, not just ignore you and hope it goes away.", my mother said to us butting into our business. "And sorry I know it is not my place to say anything.", she then added as I smiled at her to thank her for saying what she needed to say.
"It is alright Abby, you are allowed to speak your mind.", Costia said as she started to slowly stand up with mine and my mother's help.
"Are you okay to ride?", I asked her as she leaned her head on my shoulder.
"With your strong arms holding me I will be fine.", Costia said to me which got me to blush, I can so feel my cheeks and they're burning.
"Smooth talker.", I said to her as my mother and I chuckled. Costia knew what I had meant I explained it to her the other day when we were relaxing in bed.
"I try my best to woo my lovers'.", Costia joked back to me; which got my mother and I to laugh harder.
"I love you.", I said to Costia after we stopped laughing.
"And I you.", Costia said back with a smile on her face as she leaned in to peck my lips. "Sorry Abby I should have not done that with you present.", she then added as my mother waved her off.
"It's quite alright, I am happy that you don't mind sharing your affection for my daughter around me. I am glad that you three are happy.", my mom said to us as Lexa came back over to us.
"We are very happy.", I said to her with a smile on my face. God I love my family.
"Is she well to ride?", Lexa asked my mother not really looking at either Costia or my self, which honestly is pissing me off.
"You know we are standing right here and can hear you.", I said a little snippy to Lexa.
"I know. Are we ready to go?", she said then asked still not looking at us. I swear to god if she does not fix this I will not marry them. She is going to piss me off so much with her attitude when she's scared or feels helpless.
"No we aren't, we are not leaving until you tell me why you're ignoring Costia and I.", I said to Lexa as my mother looked very uncomfortable with our fighting.
"I do not wish to speak to you about this at this moment. We will talk about it when we are alone in a private room.", Lexa, wait no this was the Commander speaking, said to me which got me pissed off even more.
"Oh no you do not get to speak to us like you're the Commander, we deserve more respect then that. She is your wife and I am soon to be your wife too, we are talking about this now not later.", I said to her getting more and more angry as the words were coming out of my mouth.
"Clarke, chil au.", Costia said to me as she placed her hand on my shoulder to try and calm me down; which did not help at this point I am too angry at Lexa for anything to calm me down.
"I will not calm down. This is getting ridiculous that she can't speak to us when she starts to have feelings about something. We're partners if you can't tell us what is going on then how can we know.", I said to Costia then to Lexa again.
"Clarke, I am warning you do not do this now.", Lexa said to me still speaking like she is the commander not my girlfriend.
"And I'm warning you, if we do not speak about this now I am not going to marry you.", I said to her making her realize that I was being serious about us talking.
"Clarke, you do not mean that.", Lexa said to me sounding so much like a hurt child that it killed me. I don't want to make her upset but we need to talk about what is going on in her head.
"I do, Lexa I can't marry you unless you start telling us what is going on in your head. I don't want to second-guess things because you don't want to seem weak to us. But you are far from weak; you are the strongest person I know. You hold 13 clans together; you a single person are keeping peace between thousands of people. You are not a robot, you are allowed to feel pain and you're allowed to cry because something is scaring you or making you feel helpless, don't just act like the Commander all the time, let Lexa come out and be human with things that you should be human for. There's a time and place for you to be the Commander, but here with us right now is not the time. Now's the time to be the Lexa that I am in love with, because this person standing in front of my right now is the person that left me to do something very horrible in Mount Weather. I don't want that person, I want the Lexa that looked at me the first time in the war tent, who kissed me because you were afraid that you were going to die in Mount Weather. I want the Lexa who holds Costia and I at night; I want the Lexa who talks to the baby inside Costia's stomach. I do not want the Commander in my marriage unless it is necessary. Showing us that you love us as Lexa not the Commander will not make you look weak in your people's eyes it'll make them think you are the strong Commander they view you as. So please don't just stand there and demand us to talk about this later, stand here in front of your warriors and talk to us about what is bothering you.", I said to Lexa as I started to cry because I have been keeping this inside for so long that it started to build up my emotions a little.
"I am sorry. Being the Commander is all I have been taught to do, I am trying to be a good wife, but sometimes the Commander side of my self comes out and I do not know how to bring Lexa out. I am trying Clarke, but I am so frightened right now. I feel so helpless that Costia is going through this and we do not know what is going to happen or when something wrong is going to happen. I am so used to being in control of everything, that I am not used to something else being in control. I do not know how to handle it.", Lexa said to me as she started to cry her self.
"That's what we are here for Lex. Talk to us; let us know what's going on in your head. We can get through this but only if we do it together. I love you two so much I never want anything bad happening to you two but somethings are just our of our control. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and let things take their course. It sucks but as long as we're together facing it head on we're going to be okay.", I said to her as we hugged each other and started to cry even harder.
"I love you two so much.", Lexa said as Costia come over to us and hugged us as well.
"I love you too.", I said back to Lexa.
"I love guys too.", Costia said to us as she started tearing herself.
"Okay feelings time is over we have somewhere to be.", I said to them which got them to giggle a little and head to our horses.
"I think you should still ride with Clarke, I will ride next to you two.", Lexa said to Costia and I.
"Sounds like a plan.", I said as I helped Costia up onto my horse and I got up right behind her. I think I finally got to Lexa, I have a feeling for now on she is going to talk to us whenever she needs too; well I can hope at least.
