Chapter 11: Why Can't I be Prettier Like that Quinn Girl?

Dear Mom,

I'm sure you are gorgeous. But why am I so NOT gorgeous? Why can't I be prettier and thinner, like that Quinn girl? I'm not Quinn—I don't look like her and I'm not as blonde or skinny. I'm not a Cheerio and I'm really just that loser that loves musicals. And Finn will never want me.

I tried throwing up today…to try and be skinnier. So I wouldn't gain fat from the lunch I barely touched. I don't know what I was thinking. I know it's not healthy. I know I shouldn't resort to such things over a boy. But…But it's Finn, mom! It's Finn and he's with Quinn and…And I'll never be as good as her. And she reminds me of that every day.

I even joined the celibacy club so I could be around Finn more. I know, you don't have to say it, I'm pathetic. It was a waste of time anyways—the entire thing was a complete joke. The dirty little secret that none of the guys realize is that girls want sex just as much as they do.

Of course that's a lot of big talk coming from a virgin.

I tried to be sexy. I tried to get Finn's attention….it ended up in us doing a performance of "Push It" at the school assembly, us getting into trouble and Quinn, Brittany, AND Santana joining Glee. Thanks to me, now the only way to join Glee is if they sing an "approved" song…so…that plan failed.

I don't know what to do, mom. I wish you were here to help…I know what I'm doing isn't right but I'm not sure how to win him over. I'm not sure I ever will.

Love, Rachel Berry