Thank you to all of you who are kind enough to leave a review. And thanks to all of you who are reading this story. I'm stunned that my little fic seems to be so much appreciated. I don't know how long this story is going to be in the end. I normally write two to three chapters ahead, before I actually post one.
I know I'm not only using CF characters but I hope everyone whose not familiar with Med or PD can follow the story likewise
For those out there wondering, Gabby doesn't show up in person in any of the following chapters. For me, this ship has sailed ;-) Although I never really was neither pro or con Dawsey. Needless to say, I like Casey and I prefer him hurt and broken, so Go Gabby - break his heart! We'll take care of him afterward;-)
Chapter XII
Matt wasn't pleased with Kelly's intention of following him into his home. He wanted to be left alone. He tried to talk his friend out of it, "I am really tired, Kelly. I'm going to fall asleep the minute I drop down on the sofa."
"I don't mind. I just want to know you're having everything that you need. I'm not going to interfere in your routine, I promise. As soon as your asleep I'll let myself out." Kelly reassured.
Severide wasn't sure how or if he should address the fact, that he knew Dawson was gone for good. But he knew he had to be at his brother's side when this whole load of pain and desperation built up over the day would come crashing down and finally would hit him.
"You know, Chief did give me some time off," he told him.
Casey raised his brow. "Really? Did he?" Casey smiled as he could smell the rat, "that's convenient since I'm on medical leave."
"I was thinking we could go fishing. I mean now that we both have time off."
"Conveniently," Casey emphasized.
Kelly ignored Casey's sarcastic remark, "I thought it would be fun. We didn't do anything together in a long time."
"Listen, Kelly, I know what you're trying to do here, but I think I'll pass."
"I'll ask you again tomorrow. Or the day after tomorrow. I guess by then, boredom will have hit you hard."
He couldn't stand the idea of Casey being alone and wallowing in self-doubt. He was worried, and he knew Matt and he were cut from the same cloth. Kelly himself could be a master of self-pity on occasion and he knew nothing good ever came out of it. He had Stella, who helped him through his darkest hours after losing Anna. And he survived Shay's death only because Matt and Dawson took him in.
Speaking of, Severide was shocked as he saw Casey's living room. It didn't look anything like this nice tidy apartment he once knew and actually lived in.
He felt bad for invading Matt's privacy for the second time this day. And he felt bad for discovering a, what seemed to be, very well-hidden secret.
Matt didn't comment on it, he just made his way over to his couch, which appeared to be his bed for the last few months and sat down. To be fair, Kelly didn't expect anything else. What should Matt say anyway? The room spoke for itself.
Matt definitely wasn't coping with everything that was going on in his life right now. Kelly remembered the gossip which was roaming around after the death of Hallie. Shay told him that Dawson found Casey in his home, which apparently had looked like a dump.
At that time Casey and he weren't as close as now. Andy's death still had been a touchy subject for either of them. Kelly's own pride and pain back then, made it impossible for him to help Casey the way he should have.
Now he had the chance to redeem himself from that guilt, to step up and be the kind of friend he wanted to be. It wasn't going to be easy, he knew as much, but he was willing to try.
"Looks like Dawson was in charge of cleaning." Severide instantly regretted his inappropriate comment.
Matt just frowned and rolled his eyes. "Seriously, that's your reaction," he said amazed.
"Man, I'm sorry. I didn't ...", truth be told, Kelly didn't know what to say.
"Don't sweat it. It's messy, I get it. I told you to stay away." Matt looked at his dirty jacket, he still had kept, and threw it on a pile of clothes on the ground near the table.
"I'm pretty sure you can toss that out," Kelly pointed at the blood-smeared vest. "Together with much everything here lying around."
He let his eyes wander for a moment. Empty beer bottles and pizza cartons had been strewed all over the place.
Most of the cartons had half of their contents still in them. "Do you eat anything at all?" Kelly asked his friend without trying to be judgmental.
Casey just shrugged, "I'm not hungry most of the time. And I eat at the firehouse. Nothing's more delicious than Otis's Chicken Kung Pao." Matt tried to crack a joke.
"I am worried about you." Kelly suddenly admitted.
"Don't be," Matt retorted. "I'll figure it out. I'm just too tired to do it right now."
"I know she's gone for good, Matt." Kelly finally addressed the elephant in the room.
Matt sat perfectly still and kept silent. Kelly didn't move either but eventually repeated, "I know Dawson left you." Silence, again filled the room.
After what felt like an eternity, Matthew stood up and slowly made his way to the refrigerator. He took out two beer bottles and silently passed one to Severide. Casey sat down and gulped down his drink. He didn't say a word.
Kelly took this as an invitation to sit down next to Matt and after a long swig, he said, "I'm really sorry Case."
"I guess, it wasn't meant to be," Matt whispered and cleared his throat. "Did Boden tell you?"
Kelly nodded, "He did. By mistake. He thought I knew." Severide looked at his bottle as he stated, "I should have known." He then turned to Matt, "You should have told me, Casey. This is the kind of things were supposed to tell each other."
"I'm telling you now. Don't I?" Matt played with the label of his beer bottle.
His body language showed Kelly that he felt uncomfortable.
"Do you wanna talk about it," he cautiously asked.
Matt shook his head and with a small voice, he sighed, "What's there to talk about? She left me. Apparently, she doesn't love me anymore, or she actually never did. What do I know? She's gone and she's never coming back." He shredded the paper of the label, nervously.
"I told you, you should have put up a fight, Casey. You let her dominate you, every time you two had had an argument."
"I did not." Casey huffed.
"Of course, you did! I saw it. I lived with you two, together, remember?" Kelly was adamant, "I saw you punching a damn hole in that very same wall." He pointed at the wall which covered the entrance from the living room.
"I love her," Casey hissed. "When you love someone, you step down!" He stood up and tossed his empty beer bottle on the table, as he mumbled to himself, "I should have stepped down."
"I can't believe you're actually defending her." Severide shook his head incredulously. "Even, after she dumped you over a job, twice. First, she wanted to be a firefighter, now she's doing some development aid on some dusty island?"
He was furious with Dawson for leaving his best friend, and he was furious with Casey for not seeing things straight.
"She's helping other people," Casey interjected.
"And again!" Kelly shouted now and stood up as well, "You're defending her! Again! What is wrong with you, Casey? Seriously, you should have learned to stand up for yourself once in a while in this relationship. I know you are capable of it."
Matt tried to hold it together, he felt tired and hurt and Kelly's little shitstorm about Gabby didn't help his mood at all.
"You know what, Kelly. I'm not interested in your opinion concerning how I have to behave, regarding my relationship with my wife. Actually, I'm not interested in any relationship advice from you at all. How long did your marriage last?" He faked a pause. "That's right! A couple of weeks, so please spare me the input of your experiences about fictive married life."
Severide placed his bottle next to Casey's on the table and huffed, "That doesn't feel right. You're taking the hit. She did mess up and you're questioning yourself. You shouldn't be the one taking the blame." Kelly looked at Matt and told him, "You did nothing wrong, Casey."
Matthew glared at his friend. His eyes looked glassy and Kelly feared he would crumble any minute, but he didn't. Matt stood still in front of him and with a surprisingly strong tone, he said, "I need you to leave now."
"Matt," Kelly pleaded.
"No. Kelly, I'm serious. I can't talk with anyone right now." Casey was shaken to his core. "I almost got killed this morning. I saw a seventeen-year-old get shot in front of me. And to top it off, I can't go to work for the next ten days. I'm not joking. I just can't."
Kelly felt awful, "I'm sorry Matt. I can't possibly understand thru what you're going right now, but I think you shouldn't be alone. You have to deal with all this. You can't hide in here forever."
"Please." Matt tried again. As Kelly shook his head he informed him, „If you're not going, then I'm going." Matt picked up another hoody, which he had lying around, just to prove that he was serious.
Kelly rose his hand in the air, "Okay. Okay. … I get it. You'll stay, and I'll go. But you're going to call me! We need to talk this thru. You can't keep ignoring this situation forever, Casey."
Matt made his way over to the couch and laid down with a groan of pain. He rubbed his aching side and whispered, "I told you. I'll figure it out."
"You better," Kelly warned him as he made his way to the door and reluctantly left Matt alone in his filthy apartment.
