Author's Note: I. GOT. OVER. A. 100. REVIEWS. Did I ever mention that each and every one of you reviewers (and readers, too!) rock my socks? Because you do. Sorry this was late, my…love life went kinda crazy, and I got swamped with homework :) At least I've finally made a decision on whether or not to go with romance…

IMPORTANT NOTE: I have officially decided that it would be best if you read the whole series before reading this…I haven't seen to the end of the series myself, but I probably will have before this story ends and so some spoilers may find their way in. I put a warning in the first chapter also.

Stranger Than Fiction

Chapter Twelve: Some Like It Cold

Helen liked to think of herself as the sort of person who didn't panic when faced with even the most insurmountable of dilemmas. When she received a phone call from Lauren's little brother about Ed's fever, however, she threw on a coat, grabbed her keys, got into her car and kept her foot on the accelerator the whole way, unsurprisingly thinking the worst.

So, naturally, she was anything but prepared for the sight that awaited her when she burst into the guest bedroom.

"Got any tens…err…Alphonse?"

"No, I don't, and you can call me Al."

"Oh…okay."

Helen blinked.

"Uh…by the way, Al?"

"Yes?"

"Could you stop cheating?"

Helen blinked again, then shook her head and moved over to the bed. Lauren's younger brother had made it sound like Ed had been dying a slow, painful death, but apparently it wasn't that bad or Lauren and Alphonse wouldn't have been playing cards. Wait…Alphonse?

"Hi Helen," Lauren smiled, looking up from their game.

"Pleased to meet you," Alphonse said politely.

She blinked for a third time, then grinned so widely Lauren wondered if her face would crack in two. In a split second, Helen was hugging Al tightly and…nuzzling him.

"I can't believe it! I get to meet Alphonse Elric! How did he get here?" She stopped. "Wait, is it really him, or did I just glomp an innocent cosplayer?"

"Yes, it's really him." Lauren replied, confused. Helen squealed and hugged him even tighter. Lauren blinked.

"Umm…sorry to bother you, Helen, but Ed's in dire need of a doctor." Lauren said, jerking her thumb in the direction of the nearby bed.

Immediately turning serious (and freaking Lauren out slightly, though she hid it very well), Helen stroked her chin, leaned over and inspected Ed thoughtfully. "He's got a bad fever, if the sweat and flushed complexion is anything to go on."

Lauren developed an eyebrow tick. "We already know that."

Helen blinked, looking up. "Oh, we do? Do we happen to know his temperature also?"

Lauren opened her mouth, and then closed it abruptly.

"I thought so." Helen said, pulling the thermometer out and examining it. "Wow…forty degrees Celsius."

"Is that bad?" Al said anxiously.

Helen rubbed the back of her neck, averting her eyes. "Yeah, I'd say so. A few more degrees and we'd have a medical emergency on our hands."

Ed stirred suddenly, attracting the attention of everyone in the room. "Feel…very sick."

Helen crouched down next to the bed. "Ed, can you hear me?"

"Too…hot…" he croaked.

"Just hang in there. Lauren, could you go get a damp cloth to put on his forehead and a light blanket? Al, I'm going to need you to help me take off most of his clothes."

Uncomfortable but determined; Helen nonetheless set about yanking his black jacket off, Al attempting to help her as best he could. A few minutes later, they had more or less succeeded in striping him down to his boxers and black tank top.

"Good God…If someone told me I'd end up…well, here, I would've pointed and laughed at them. Loudly." She sighed.

"I've got the stuff!" Lauren called, entering the room moments later with a wet rag and a thin fleece blanket.

Helen nodded, relieved. "Good, just put it over there on floor next to the dresser."

Lauren did so, not taking her eyes off Ed. He looked better then he had before, but he was flushed. He winced, grabbing his automail arm; Lauren started as she remembered something.

"…Helen?"

The twenty-something blinked. "Yes?"

Lauren hesitated. "Earlier, it almost seemed like Ed's automail was paining him. He went into a sort of…fit."

There was a short pause. Helen's expression slowly changed from surprised to sad.

"Thank you for telling me that, Lauren." She whispered.

"…Will he be alright?" Al asked softly.

Helen sighed. "I don't know. It may be that his body can't properly adapt to this environment. After all, the reality you and he come from isn't exactly a carbon copy of this one."

"But…but he already went through that!" Lauren said desperately. "He was sick the first night or so, and then he was fine!"

Helen ran a hand through her hair. "Automail isn't exactly easy to construct. If something small was forgotten or lost on the way here…one little gear or wire…that could also mean his body is missing something, and if he stays for too long…he may die."

---

Ed awoke to find himself in a dark, empty guest room. Confused and a bit bewildered, he attempted to sit up, only to cringe when a wave of nausea passed through him. He leaned back into the pillows, wincing.

"You shouldn't move very much. You're still very ill." Weakly turning his head in the direction off the voice, Ed realized he hadn't noticed Lauren was sitting on a chair next to the bed.

"What…happened? Where's Al?" He asked roughly. Lauren smiled sadly.

"You were pretty sick earlier, and you collapsed. Actually, you're not exactly a hundred percent now- Lauren says your fever should probably pass within a day or so. Apparently she took a nursing course or the like…Al went with her. My parents would've definitely asked questions if they found a walking, talking suit of armor in their house."

He grimaced. "Well…that explains a lot." He tried to sit up again, only to be firmly pushed down by Lauren.

"Don't move; you need to rest. Besides…" She fought to keep her expression neutral. "…You aren't wearing any pants."

He gave her a sidelong do-I-want-to-know look and edged slightly away from her. Unable to hold back any longer, she laughed.

"I wish I had my camera, the look on your face is priceless!"

Ed just rolled his eyes. "You're as bad as Winry…by the way, why am I missing my automail?"

Lauren stopped, the smile quickly fading from her face. "Oh…Helen had to take it off to…umm…make sure you were okay."

Ed could tell at once she was lying, and his brow furrowed. "What…?"

But as quickly as it came, her hesitation was gone, replaced once again by cheerfulness.

"Oh c'mon, don't be such a stick in the mud; I've got movies!" She said in a singsong tone of voice, before rummaging in a nearby bag. He blinked.

"Now, -Aha! I found it!-, I thought you'd like something a bit light-hearted, so I got…Monty Python!"

Her only reply was a raised eyebrow. Lauren sighed exasperatedly. "That's right, they don't have them back where you're from…how do you survive?"

"So…Monty Python is…?" He prompted. She held up a video cassette.

He narrowed his eyes. "'Monty Python's Flying Circus'?" Lauren just grinned.

And so they watched it. A few minutes later, not only was Ed in a better mood, but Lauren was also.

"Did you like it?" She said happily.

He smirked. "And now for something completely different…"

She shook her head amazedly. "If someone had told me a week ago I'd have Edward Elric in my house quoting Monty Python, I would've told them they were insane."

He grinned. "Takes one to know one?"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

"You just did."

"…So, what exactly do you think of my world…time…whatever? If it makes you feel any better, you'll probably live to see Monty Python."

"Thanks, that does make me feel better." He replied wryly, folding his arms…err…arm…behind his head lazily. "I don't know. Its okay, I guess. Weird, but okay…"

She smiled. "That's good to know…"

He gave her a questioning look.

"Well, after everything that's happened these past few days, I thought you might've…nothing, never mind. Oh, by the way, I've already had dinner, and I saved you some." She smiled. "Don't worry; I cut the hamburger in two. There's no danger of saliva."

She pushed a plate full of fries and half a hamburger towards him, also handing Ed a can of soda.

"Thanks." He replied quietly.

She grinned. "Don't mention it."

"Lauren Mildred Mackenzie, your brother says you need to come downstairs now!"

Lauren froze, while Ed gave her an amused look. "Mildred?"

"Uh…yeah, that's my middle name…" She blushed, and then grimaced when her mother continued.

"He said something about that show you watched…what was it called…Full-metal Alchemist?"

Lauren's eyes widened and Ed choked on his cola. Hesitating for a moment, she finally called back. "Uh…okay! I'll be down in a sec!"

"Full…Fullmetal Alchemist? You mean…I…"

"Sorry, Ed! I have to go now! Helen convinced Mom to let you stay here, but I'd rather you stayed in this room tonight, okay? Bye!" She said hurriedly, before leaving and closing the door behind her with a slam.

"Wait!" He tried to get up, only to fall back with a combination of dizziness and the realization that he was missing his leg.

Ed sighed bitterly. "Dammit…"

Then, out of the corner of his eye, he noticed his automail leg and arm lying on the dresser. He grinned evilly.

---

"How's Ed?"

Lauren blinked, turning her attention from the TV set for a moment. "Oh, he's fine…and bit roughed up, but fine."

Jared gave her a searching look. "You sure?"

Lauren threw her hands up exasperatedly. "Of course he is! Ed's had worse and walked away unscathed! He seemed okay to me…"

They were currently in the recreation room in the basement, and had been watching Fullmetal Alchemist until it ended. No matter how much she tried, however, she couldn't get the look in Ed's eyes out of her head. For once, he'd been entirely helpless, and aware of it; which unnerved her.

"…Al said you hesitated. You know, back when you first came to the tree house." Jared said suddenly.

Lauren averted her eyes. "Yeah…it kind of scared me, seeing him like that."

Jared sighed. "Don't lie to me, I know you too well. You were afraid."

She blinked. "That's what I already said, I was-"

"You're not comfortable with his automail, are you? I mean, when you're prepared for it, you can shove your uncertainty aside, but when you aren't…"

Lauren's breath caught.

He was trying to wrap the bandages around his automail arm with one hand; a task that proved impossible.

"Do you need any help?" She asked hesitantly. I can do this, it's just metal…nothing unnerving about that…

"No, I'm just fine." He replied frostily.

"Well, I'm helping you anyway." She said determinedly, grabbing the bandages and proceeding to start from his fingers upwards. If he needs help, I'll do it whether I want to or not…

To Jared's surprise, Lauren smiled ruefully. "Yeah, you're right, I'm not. It's just…I never been very comfortable with strange or usual things, but this…this takes the cake. Jared, what am I going to do? It's a stupid, shallow fear, but how do I get rid of it?" She cradled her head in her hands.

"…Lauren?"

Lauren slowly raised her head, confused by Jared's strange tone. "What is it?"

"So that's how you really feel?"

She stiffened at the familiar voice, turning around to find Ed behind her. He was missing his arm, but he had apparently grabbed automail leg and put it on.

"Ed… why are you…why are you h-here?" At that moment, Lauren felt like the most insensitive jerk on the planet. The look of mixed surprise and hurt made her feel even worse.

How could I say that?! She thought, horrified with herself. How could I…How could I say something like that?! And I meant it to! What sort of horrible person does that make me?!

But before she could blink, his face was expressionless, his bangs obscuring his eyes.

"Never mind; I'm sorry I bothered you." His tone wasn't angry or sad, but just…flat and monotone, which scared Lauren. Why wouldn't he yell at her? Why was he just taking it? Why in the name of God was he just standing there and acting like everything was alright?

"Ed! I-I…" Words failed her. What could she say? 'I'm sorry'? 'I didn't mean that'? No, no reply she could think of sounded anything less then patronizing and cruel.

"I'll be upstairs; out of your way." He turned to walk away, his body tense and stiff.

"Ed!" She shouted, and then slapped a hand over her mouth, wide-eyed. Now would not be a good time for her parents to come downstairs. The blonde alchemist didn't stop or even acknowledge her, as before she realized it he was almost at the top of the stairs.

"No! Ed, stop!" With a slam of the door, he was out of sight. Lauren tried her best to fight back tears, but eventually started crying.

Jared sighed. "Well, it certainly feels like I'm watching a soap opera."

"Shut up!" Lauren snapped, rounding on him. "How c-can you joke about this? I j-just told s-someone else b-behind his back t-hat…that I-I…Oh, what's the b-bloody use!"

And then door was slammed yet again, with Jared left behind bewildered and hurt. Unbeknownst to her, the expression on his face gradually changed to a sad and guilty one.

I'm not a very good brother, am I?

---

Ed sat down heavily on one of the stools, staring blankly at the floor.

So that's how she feels…A sardonic smile tugged at the corner of his lips.

Well, it wasn't the first time something like this had happened. Plenty of times- more times then he could think of, actually- people had reacted negatively to his automail; the reason he tried to cover it up. To be honest, he'd come to accept it.

But just because he'd accepted it, didn't mean it didn't hurt.

Uncomfortable, Ed moved to pick up the phone. She scrambled back away from him, only to find herself blocked by the kitchen counter.

"I'm sorry," He said quietly, not quite able to meet her eyes. "But do you believe me now?"

He snorted. Why does this bother me so much? I've only known her for a short time.

But then again, she'd done a lot for him…more then Ed could ever possibly pay her back for. He sighed, finally tearing his eyes from the kitchen floor. He'd never been very good at stuff like this (well…Al didn't count), and he'd rather not start to be now. He shoved it to the back of his mind, telling himself all the while he'd worry about it later.

Then out of the corner of his eye he noticed a note with hastily scribbled words on it. He blinked, then picked it up and examined it closely.

Bye Lauren! Sorry for not being able to say it in person, but I have to go to work, and I'll be lucky to finish this note without being late.

Make sure Ed drinks lots of fluids, but keep an eye on him; he may seem a bit better later on, but he could have a relapse into fever at any time (All bio-mechanical limbs, gold eyes and reality-defying alchemy abilities aside, I'm pretty sure he has the flu).

I'm taking Al back to my place- your mother almost ran into him, and I'd rather keep him somewhere more private then the tree house. After all, anybody could stumble onto him there, and that may lead to quite a lot of unwanted questions. Dear God, I talk too much…sorry for the rambling letter! My phone number is at the very bottom of this note, in case Ed wants to call Al or something happens- Damn, I'm late; see you!

Sincerely,

Helen

P.S. You should be able to move Ed's stuff over tomorrow. Until then, I already asked your parents' permission to let him sleep over.

Ed smiled, the cheery, long-winded tone of the letter lifting his spirits slightly. His eyes flickered briefly over the phone number.

I really need to talk to Al…

The door to the basement burst open, nearly giving him a heart-attack. "Ed, I'm sorry!"

He sighed, managed to muster a weak smile and turned around. "No, it's oka-"He was cut off roughly when Lauren hugged him, knocking the wind out of him.

"I know sorry doesn't really cut it but I REALLY didn't mean for it to come out that way and I'm so sorry I was going to say something earlier but I thought you'd just laugh and brush it off and everything's been going crazy lately and I-"

"Whoa, whoa; slow down!" Ed said quickly, holding up his hands in a placating gesture. "I didn't even understand half of what you said."

To be honest, that wasn't the only reason he'd stopped her; Ed wasn't a very huggable person. Not that he wanted to push her away and hurt her feelings either…

To his surprise, she let go and stood up stiffly, her eyes firmly trained on the floor. "I'm sorry I said something like that. What I meant was that your…automail…is just something very strange to me, and I haven't quite gotten used to the idea yet."

She looked him in the eye, a determined look on her face. "But I will! I don't hate it; it just makes me a bit nervous. I don't think you're some sort of freak of nature, which I'm sure is what you think I think." Lauren smiled hesitatingly. "Can you forgive me Ed?"

He blinked. "Lauren, I wasn't mad at you."

She looked pointedly at the floor. "Yes you were."

"No, I wasn't, though I guess I can understand why you think so." He smiled bitterly. "Just call it bad memories."

Lauren raised an eyebrow and gave him a quizzical look.

He leaned back casually on the stool, resting his elbows on the counter. "Anyway, Helen left a note with her phone number on it. You read it, right? I was thinking of calling-"

He was interrupted by a scream, falling off the stool ungracefully. A white-faced Leigh stood in the hallway backed up against the front door, a disbelieving look on her face; as if she couldn't believe she had screamed.

"L-Lauren?" She asked hoarsely. "W-why is th-there…is that-t…Edward Elric?"

---

Well, I decided instead of a short, I'd write a nice little Christmas segment for you guys.

'A Very, Very, VERY Special Christmas Party'

By Arktos (though you already knew that…)

"I wish we could begin these miserable short stories another way." Lauren grumbled.

It was a sunny fall afternoon, and Lauren, Jared, Al and Ed were sitting in the Mackenzie kitchen, doing nothing. Well, Ed was currently fiddling with an elastic band, but that didn't really count.

As if on cue, Lauren's mother walked into the kitchen. "Good news, we're having a Christmas party/family reunion tonight!...is that the boy you invited over a few days ago? Who's the man in armor?"

The last two questions were obviously rhetorical, because she left the kitchen as quickly as she came, heading into the dining room. Why exactly is a plot hole that will remain unexplained for the duration of the story, to irritate and generally annoy you.

"But it's the beginning of November!" Lauren threw up her hands exasperatedly.

"Oh no…" groaned Jared. "Not another Christmas party, I'm still scarred from the last one…"

"No, it's the family cat." Ed said sardonically. He was half-tempted to flick the elastic band in her direction, but amazingly refrained.

"'Christmas Party'?" Al asked curiously.

Jared sighed, hitting his head repeatedly on the counter. "You tell them."

Lauren glared at him. "Alright, Christmas is a religious holiday involving presents, family and general good will among men…"

A boring explanation later…

"Let me get this straight." Ed replied critically. "Once a year, people wait for some fat guy in red to break into their homes, steal their food, leave hoof prints on their roof, possibly damage furniture and property while they sleep upstairs and trust that he doesn't steal anything, all because he leaves presents? Hell, I'd leave a bank."

Al sighed. "Brother…"

Jared looked torn between laughing and maintaining his image. Lauren blinked.

"Uh…well, when you put it that way…it doesn't sound very magical…"

"There's no such thing as magic." Lauren rolled her eyes and shook her head, giving up on explaining the concept to him.

The doorbell rang.

"Oh, and by the way…" Lauren's mother added, still in the dining room. "…the party started ten minutes ago."

A mad dash to the basement later…

"Wow…you sure have a lot of friends and relatives." Al commented.

Jared snorted. "Yeah, they're all insane too." There was a pause. "…except for you guys. You're oddly sane. Well, at least you are, Al."

"Ugh…I don't feel so good…"

Lauren gave Ed a strange look. "You're turning green."

Much vomiting and gross description later (I'm sure we could all do without that)…

"Well, I think he's a bit sick." Jared declared.

Lauren gave him an annoyed look. "Brilliant, Jared, just brilliant. What was your first clue, the 'I don't feel so good' or the technicolour yawn?"

"Didn't we already use that term in an earlier chapter?" Jared pointed out.

"I don't care! We need a bucket, a few blankets and…a mop. Could you get all that?"

Jared grinned cheekily. "Yeah, he sure did a number on your pants, didn't he?"

Ed murmured something that sounded like 'Sock-ou', but Lauren suspected was an expletive.

"Well, I never liked these pants anyway. Could you please get going?"

"Alright already, jeez…why do I always get the grunt work…"

"Oh, so you'd prefer playing nurse?" Lauren replied wryly. As if on cue, Ed retched again. Lauren distantly thanked the fact that her father had never put carpeting down.

Al sighed. "Here, I'll move him away."

"Be careful," Lauren warned, though she knew it was unneeded. Gentlely, Al picked him up and laid him on the couch

Lauren sighed. "Well, I think I speak for Ed when I say this is a sucky pre-Christmas."

Al laughed. "We've had worse things happen."

"On Christmas?"

"'N gen'ral."

"Ah."

Ed threw up again. Unfortunately, Lauren was standing a bit too close.

"'M sorry…"

Sigh. "It's okay, I never liked this shirt much either."

HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS…HANUKKAH…KWANZAA…RAMADAN…OR WHATEVER THE HECK YOU CELEBRATE:)

Heh. Not bad. Not good, either, but my writing never is to begin with. Poor Ed, he seems to be chronically sick in this story :) By the way, I'm going to do a few (major) edits for this story during the holidays. Happy Holidays!