Finale

Madness Intensifies


"Ugh, fuck me..." Kirlia groaned, her arm covering her face. Her head throbbed in pain, and she rolled over, her forehead bumping into Cole's face, the pain in her head intensifying.

"I did, last night... Like, twice" Cole muttered, making Kirlia sluggishly punch him in the arm, which had no discernible effect. Cole opened his eyes, rolling over onto his back. Kirlia scooted closer to him, draping an arm over his chest in a hungover, still-partially-drunken display of affection, a wide smile on her face.

"I know, and it was amazinggg..." Kirlia tiredly said.

Cole stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought over the events of the past week. EA, their mad plans, Scootaloo, it was all insane. Cole was just glad it was all over, and that there was, at least for now, no more ridiculous adventures to go on. He was, for now, at peace.

"I love you, Kirlia" Cole whispered, turning to face his girlfriend, kissing her.

"I lo- ugh... I love you too, Coley" she said, returning the kiss. They fell silent, quietly enjoying each other's company(and fighting off the terrible hangover). The morning peace unbroken, warm, inviting.

...

"ALRIGHT NIGGAS, IT'S TIME!" Blackburn yelled, busting in the door to Cole and Kirlia's room in the house the three shared. Blackburn was dressed up like the Juggernaut from the X-Men animated movie, a drink-hat haphazardly duct-taped to the costume's helmet, two bottles of tequila stuffed into the cupholder. Kirlia rolled over, her naked form on display for all to see. Tali was dancing provocatively around Blackburn, grinding against him. He was holding Princess Twilight Sparkle in his right hand, the small pony more than a little confused, but otherwise eager to learn about human customs. Cole rolled over as well, falling to the floor.

"Oh shit... Oh fuck.. Where are my pants? Fuck it... Let's go" Cole said, throwing a blanket over Kirlia. He set her up on her stomach, leaning her head over the side of the bed and setting a bucket beneath her, so that if she threw up in her sleep she wouldn't fucking drown in it(this is a pro, life-saving tip, kids, and is very important if you drink like an Irishman).

As Cole and Black walked down the hall, the two otherworlders in tow, Cole saw that the door the to Hub in the middle of their living room was open, the door on the other side opening into Princess Celestia's bathroom. "Yeaaahhh! Video tape that shit and sell it on Pornhub, bro!" Cole declared. He found a pair of pants on the floor that didn't smell too offensive and he threw water on himself. Freshly dressed and showered Cole threw six guns on his body in various holsters and scabbards and accompanied his friend through the portal, eager to seduce and fuck a sexy maid horse.

It was going to be a good day.

TITTIES

(Where are they now?)

Cole and Kirlia ended up getting married, though they never really "settled down". They occupied their time traveling to other universes and dimensions, killing bad guys, stopping evil plots, and performing insane stunts. They banged on the reg, but they never had kids, figuring the little hellions would be incompatible with their lifestyle of shooting people and banging.

Blackburn filled every minute of his life fucking Tali'Zorah, and when he wasn't fucking her she was sucking him off. He still accompanied Cole and Kirlia on adventures, filling the role of their heavy-gunner. He polished, sharpened, and upgraded the Jerry Sandusky cheese grater regularly, and used it to great effect during their various adventures when he wasn't gunning down Kindergarteners and orphans with his M60.

Twilight Sparkle, quickly determining that Cole and his friends were all fucking insane, closed off the portal to their world faster than you could say "books". Though, occasionally, ponies from Equestria would find their way into the human world, where they would quickly be roped into adventures with Cole and Blackburn(though most ended up running away, dyeing their coats neutral colors and cutting off their horns or wings and living out the rest of their lives as "regular" horses, intent on getting as far away from Blackburn as possible).

Tali'Zorah fucked Blackburn every day.

In the end the group found a comfortable life living out crazy adventures, and when they weren't out adventuring, they lived in a quaint, one-story house in New Jersey(which had become a Republican state and all guns were decreed legal, which is how Cole was able to own 1,000 guns. And also why he didn't pay tax or rent) right next door to the Aqua Teens, whom they regularly got involved in adventures with. Carl was initially delighted at the prospect of human neighbors, though once he learned how fucked up they are he became even more misanthropic and reclusive from society. The group lived comfortably, in harmony, with beer cans, condoms, and pizza boxes as their decor.

They also had wild orgies. And their behavior had driven all the other neighbors out within a week.

The end.

That's all.

...

Stop reading now.

...

Fuck you.


THE END, NIGGAS.