Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Fullmetal Alchemist nor do I claim to.

See chapter 1 for trigger warnings.

Chapter 12

Unseen sorrow

I didn't break down until I got home, and I just laid in bed fully clothed for the next several hours. Harsh sobs wracked my frame, and I couldn't stop them.

I don't know why I'm even surprised, he didn't exactly promise to be exclusive with me. I guess knowing and seeing are two entirely different things.

The ache in my stomach reminds me I haven't eaten in a while, and after my crying ceases to some degree, I get up to get something frozen that I can just nuke. I don't have the energy to cook right now. A sneeze randomly escapes me and I rub my nose irritably. I hope I'm not getting sick. My throat's a little sore, but it's not bad.

While I'm at it, I brew some coffee and sit on the table with my chin rested on my hands as I listen to the microwave hum, and watch the coffee percolate. I'm half expecting the cops to kick down my door at any minute, and I find myself randomly glancing at the front door waiting for it to happen.

I can't stop thinking about Ed, and the images of him beneath that guy plague my mind. It's almost like I'm a glutton for punishment, replaying that scene over and over in my mind.

I almost want to cry again, but I stop myself. I shouldn't be selfish. I need to think of Wrath. I need to suck it up and just deal with this shit long enough to get what I need to help him.

I stare at the clock. 9 AM. I didn't get much sleep, but I've run on less before. I grab my food and coffee and eat in a deafening silence. My chewing seems to be extremely loud and I start to annoy myself.

In the midst of my self-loathing, my phone begins to ring. It's Ed.

I sigh and answer, not entirely sure what to say to him at this point. "Hi."

"You got lucky this time, En. Russ didn't remember a thing when he woke up. I convinced him that he fell on his way to his car." He seemed relieved, but I feel too numb this morning to even care.

"Russ, huh. So it has a name." I reply sarcastically.

"..." Ed pauses, and I hear a sigh on the other end. "Envy I'm sorry. Let me come over and explain."

"What about school?" I ask him, trying to remember what day it is. It's definitely a school day.

"I skipped today because you knocked out my teacher." He replies as if it's the most normal thing in the world.

Come again?

"Uh … kay." I don't know what else to say. His teacher, really? This boy keeps managing to throw curve balls at me at every turn, just when I think nothing will surprise me anymore.

We hang up with an awkwardness in the air, at least on my end. I no longer know what's going on inside my boyfriend's head. I have no choice but to hear him out, I guess. This should be good.


It takes a little while for him to show up, but I'm already there to open the door before he even gets a chance to knock. I'm back in my baggy clothes today. I just couldn't stomach trying to get dressed up this time.

He, on the other hand, looks amazing as always in his little Yankees jersey and baggy jeans. He doesn't even have just-fucked hair. I wonder how many times he's come to see me right after he's been with someone else, and I had no idea?

I don't even want to know, on second thought.

He follows me over to the couch and we sit with some tension in the air between us.

"I'm all ears." I lean back leisurely with my hands behind my head and give him an expectant look.

He sits beside me and looks like he wants to lean against me, but decides better of it last minute. He simply sits with horrible posture and he looks at me with those huge puppy-dog eyes that are impossible to stay mad at.

"It just started out as a one time thing," he begins and I have to stop myself from cringing at how leisurely he talks about sex. "He was a substitute teacher and I thought he was cute and well … I'm sure you can guess the rest."

"Yeah, I saw plenty this morning, trust me." I gripe, and look the other direction.

He looks a little taken aback, and I can tell he didn't realize I'd seen everything.

"Envy … you weren't meant to know. He ended up turning into a 'permanent' teacher and I didn't want it anymore. It felt too ... wrong, I guess." He scratches his head and looks like he's searching for the right words. I say nothing during his pause, because I want him to finish his thought. I'm honestly curious as to what sort of excuse he's trying to come up with.

He continues finally. "It was supposed to be over, and I was trying to take care of it before you had to deal with it." He looked pleadingly at me.

I meet his eyes, and I must look very hurt because he bites his lip. I can see in his eyes that he's trying to figure out a way to make things better.

"Didn't look very 'over' to me, Ed. Fuzakeru na." I complain, knowing he will have no clue what I'm saying. From the look on his face he is assuming I called him something vulgar. I think I'll let him wonder.

He only has the deer-in-the-headlights look for a moment, then proceeds to fold his arms and pouts at me. "Stop being sexy. I know I have a problem, En. I'm trying here. Please just give me some time to end things with him?" He pleads with me, and I have trouble staying mad. I lean a little closer to him, and he takes that as his signal to embrace me. Our lips touch, and I forget if only for a moment about 'the other guy'.

He gives me an unsure smile, and we touch noses. Even though he's been unfaithful, I can't stop loving him. No one else makes me feel like he does.

He appears to read my mood, and he begins to play with my hair. He runs his fingers through the long strands, and moves to nuzzle his face in the base of my neck near my hair line. It feels good, and I move my head to allow him more room.

I guess he feels comfortable enough now that I won't break his arm or something if he touches me.

"Hey, En?" He suddenly asks.

"Yes?"

"Will you put on that little outfit again?" He asks sheepishly.

I feel a small smirk stretch on my face. I guess he really did like it, though I wish the first time he'd seen it had been under better circumstances. Again, his fault. I was ready to give him a quickie before school but I guess he was already getting his jollies.

"You missed your chance this morning." I reply bitterly, but he doesn't stop his advances.

"Mmhmm." He completely ignored what I said. He seems oblivious to my change in mood this time and leans in to kiss me again with a little more vigor. Again? I kiss him back automatically, feeling his tongue asking for entrance into my mouth. I part my lips as he explores the cavern of my mouth.

My mind is telling me to stop, that it's wrong and I shouldn't be enabling his sex addiction. But his tongue is so soft and warm and—

My thoughts go blank as he runs his right hand over the fabric covering my inner thigh, and explores underneath my top with his left. I become aware that he's touching my nipple, and he gives it a gentle squeeze between his thumb and forefinger before pulling on it lightly. I gasp against his mouth, feeling my body beg for more attention.

No. I can't do this now.

I pause, breaking the kiss and I look to the side. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and shake my head sadly. "I can't." I say quietly without looking at him.

His brow crinkles in disappointment, and his hands drop to his sides as he stares at the side of my face. I think he may realize for the first time just how much that affected me.

"Envy ..." He says my name softly, and I avoid his eyes. No, I have to stay strong.

I try to suppress a cough, but it comes out anyway and I hold my hand over my mouth. Ed looks a little worried, though in my opinion, being sick is the least of my problems.

"Are you sick?" Ed touches my face gently and I recoil from his hand. His fingers curl and he seems regretful.

"I'm fine." I mutter, still looking down.

"No you're not. I'm trying to fix this, but I don't know how." He pauses, and takes a slightly shaky breath before continuing. "The only thing I know how to do is make you ... feel good." He sounded as if he was about to say something a little different. "It's the only thing I've ever been good at." He suddenly opens up to me, and I look up at his eyes to see pure sincerity in those deep golden pools. I'm quite unfazed, and scowl at him.

"That's entirely untrue." I say, quite perturbed as a matter of fact that he is trying to make this about him. He's perfect in every way, he has absolutely no reason in the world to feel inadequate.

He gives me a somewhat condescending look. "It is true. It's the only reason anyone ever wants to date me is because they've heard from someone else that I'm good in bed." He complains, and I can't help but roll my eyes.

"Do you think that's why I want you?" I ask, looking him dead in the eye.

His eyes widen minutely, and he looks as if he hadn't really considered that. His face goes from a little surprised, to wonder, then to worry. The stream of changing emotions is interesting to watch.

"Well, of course not but ... I don't know, why else would you want to hang out with a 16 year old?" He frowns at me, and I am visibly hurt by his accusation.

"Are you trying to say you think there's no possible reason why I'd want to be with you other than sex?" I gawk at him, and he gives me a pained look.

"It wouldn't be the first time." He mumbles, and I fall silent. I think of Russ, or 'the other guy', as I like to call him and realize Ed must be talking about him. I suddenly get the distinct feeling that this behavior of his is not exactly a secret from anyone, not even at school.

I start to see Ed in a new light after this. He might be just as fucked up as me, if not more so. I had no idea of the unseen sorrow of my beautiful blonde.

Wrapping my arms around his smaller frame, I draw him closer to me and we hold each other there on the couch. He snuggles his face into my shoulder and I stroke his hair. It's in a pony tail, but his bangs are falling out as usual and I smooth them back away from his face. He makes a happy sound as I do this and it brings a small smile to my lips. How could I ever stay mad at him. He's my angel.

Maybe I can help him the way he's helped me.


Time seems to stand still when we're together. It's already mid-afternoon, and Ed and I have done nothing but lay together on the couch. We have hardly spoken, we've both just been satisfied to simply be in each others presence.

A little nagging voice in the back of my mind reminds me that we have work to do, though, and I nudge Ed's shoulder gently. He grumbles a bit and swats my hand. I think he fell asleep.

"Aishiteru, Edward." I whisper into his hair, meaning every syllable. I don't think he can hear me, which is why I am able to say it. I've never told anyone I love them, not even my own brother.

He smiles and yawns widely, stretching himself a little in my arms before peeking open one sleepy eye at me. I feel a blush creeping onto my cheeks when he looks at me like that, and I wonder if he heard me. Even if he did, he wouldn't know what it meant. It's an intense expression of love not often used outside of things like love songs, but it's honestly not even enough to express my feelings for the blonde resting in my arms.

"We have things to do, Edward." I kiss the side of his face and move to get up. I've been using his full name more and more and he doesn't even seem to be noticing, and I snigger inwardly at my impressive sneakiness.

"Five more minutes," he groans, and turns over on the couch. He must have been really comfortable there with me. I give him a longing look, but resolve myself. We have to be serious about this, and I need to share my idea with the band. I need everyone's help if I'm going to save my little brother.

"I'm going whether you come with me or not." I threaten, and he ignores me. He already knows to call my bluff, the perceptive jerk.

It takes me a good half hour to get him off the couch and headed back to his house. There's work to be done.