Club Vampyr

Chapter 12

The seats in the theatre were old, the padding in them long gone flat, and Kerry couldn't help but shift uncomfortably. On screen, Johnny Depp acted his way through various situations with graceful aplomb, and complete hotness. Beside her, Michel gave every outward appearance of watching the movie – he laughed at amusing parts, frowned slightly as the leading characters fumbled their way into another goof in their relationship, and raised his eyebrow when events turned unrealistic – but Kerry couldn't help but wonder if his attention was really there. Sometimes he seemed millions of miles away, thinking of something which made his muscles tense and eyes narrow.

She wondered what he would do if she put her head on his shoulder. It was a serious thought, something she was preparing herself to do. She knew he probably wouldn't react at all, wouldn't put his arm around her in turn, but he also wouldn't push her away. Between them, it would always be the things he didn't do. There was a slight chance, though, that if she leaned on him, he would gather her in his arms. Her heartbeat sped up at the uncertainty of it all.

"What is it?" His eyes immediately swung to her, then quickly darted around the theatre in search for whatever it was that put that extra kick in the speed of her rushing blood. She stared evenly back at him, waiting until his eyes rested on her face again.

"I was wondering how you would react if I snuggled up to you," she told him honestly.

Amusement crept onto his face. "I probably wouldn't," he told her with equal truth.

"That's what I thought." Kerry was slightly disappointed. It was one thing to hope for something she didn't expect, and quite another to be told not to expect anything. She turned her attention back to the movie, trying to watch it instead of him for the first time that evening.

"Aren't you going to try?" He whispered back a moment later.

Kerry shrugged. "Probably not." She could feel rather than hear him chuckle next to her. It came as a total shock when he slung his arm around her shoulder, in more of a friendly hug than a romantic one, but beggars can't be choosers, and jerked her towards him.

She grinned, letting her head rest gently against him. She wasn't entirely comfortable with his boney shoulder digging into her ear, but that was a minor complaint when faced with the light scent of whatever detergent he used to wash his clothing, and the slow lull of his heart. By the time they left the theatre, she was no closer to figuring out what the movie was about, but she could predict the exact time he took a breath while relaxed, and not talking.

They walked down the street, shoulder to shoulder, every once and a while their fingers would brush. Kerry wondered if it was deliberate. More importantly, she was afraid she was the one doing it. At some moments, just being with him made her heart swell with a strong emotion that she barely remembered feeling for him, and she wanted to get closer and closer to him. She had squelched the urge to hold his hand. It was bad enough that he knew what sixteen year old Kerry felt for him without bringing into the picture the fact that current Kerry felt the need to be in constant contact with him just to assure herself that he was real.

She didn't think she loved him anymore. In fact, she had figured out a long time ago that her feelings had been the crush of a naïve girl towards the mysterious older man. It was like a mild case of Stockholm Syndrome, and she had herself convinced that it hadn't been real. How could she love him for the rest of her life when it had been probable that she would never see him again? Now that he was back, it was obvious that she had been deluding herself. Oh yes, she had felt strongly towards him then, now, and probably in the future. But was it love? She knew nothing about this man, and what she did know could just as easily be a lie. She couldn't love someone she couldn't trust to be honest even if she did, on occasion, think she could trust him with her life.

"I'd like to talk to you about something," he said quietly, avoiding her gaze. Immediately, Kerry was curious. It was as though he was reading her mind, and she couldn't help but glance at him suspiciously from the corner of her eye. He didn't look back at her.

"Sure," she said, perking up at the idea of him saying something to her that caused him to avert his eyes. One of the things she noticed about him was that he could lie to your face without a second thought, but sometimes honest conversations made him so uncomfortable that he couldn't look. She wondered if it was just another one of those traits he feigned for her benefit.

Michel looked down at her face, eyes locking with hers for a moment and she drew in a breath. She told herself it was because she was about to say something, and not because of those blue eyes seeing into her soul. Michel glanced up and down the street before he took her elbow and slipped off the sidewalk. They cut through slightly damp grass, into a park in the middle of the city. Michel avoided the well-lit path, steering her towards a bench out of the way from anyone who happened to be cutting through. He moved easily through the dark, and though the area wasn't as treacherous as a swamp, she had to cling to the sleeve of his jacket so she wouldn't trip over a flower and fall face-first into his back.

"New jacket?" She asked, feeling the worn, soft leather beneath her fingers. She still had the one he had disguised her in years before. He didn't reply, and soon came to a halt. She bumped into him.

"There's a bench, right there," he gestured into the night. The area was made darker by the overhanging trees.

"My night vision isn't that bad," Kerry retorted, straightening from where she was clinging to him and groping forward for the bench. She could see a vague, seat-shaped shadow in the direction he had pointed to. She loathed to admit that she wanted to take back her quick reply, as she really couldn't see anything. Only her pride kept her from looking back at him to see if she could see that infernal smirk playing across his lips. Likely, she wouldn't be able to distinguish that in the dark either. Luckily, she soon found the bench by knocking her hip against the arm-rest. "Oww," Kerry complained before sitting down.

"Are you done showing off your self-sufficiency?" Michel drawled, sitting beside her.

"You couldn't have picked somewhere with a lamp?" Kerry asked.

"There is a lamp," she could feel him shrug. "It just isn't on."

"Perfect," Kerry muttered, bringing her feet up to brace on the edge of the wood. She put her arms around her knees and stared into the dark night. She had worn a sweater earlier that evening to not only ward off the chill, but to also prove to him that she didn't care to make herself beautiful in the off-chance of seeing him. Of course, she had no way of knowing that they would be spending hours in each other's company. Kerry was thankful for the warmth the sweater was proving now that they were outside in the cool, wet air as she could barely keep her teeth from chattering even all bundled up. Her eyes were starting to adjust to the overwhelming darkness, and she could now make out individual trees instead of a looming blob, the curve of his jaw, and the gleam shimmering in his eyes. "What did you want to talk about," she prompted him, wondering if he would forever hedge just so he didn't have to follow through with a conversation.

"Do you remember that last discussion we had four years ago?" He finally said. Neither of them were looking at each other, but appeared to be looking forward at the same thing. Maybe, it would be more apt to say they were both looking backwards in time, thinking of their own memories of a time they shared. She wasn't sure if it was a first or not, but it wasn't often that Michel willingly talked about anything the least bit personal or serious.

"Sure," she told him. She might not have vampire powers, but that night was so ingrained into her memory she would think of it at random times. "I actually had something I wanted to tell you about it." It was an amazing coincidence that they were thinking of the same thing.

"Ladies first," he said with a twist of his lips that was almost visible to her human sight.

Kerry frowned at him. "You brought the subject up," she pointed out, going so far as to physically jab her finger at him. She didn't really want to tell him, she realized. But at the same time, she didn't want this tension on her side to continue. There were pros and cons to both alternatives, and she didn't have the ability to sit down and make a list. Not that 'making a list' had ever helped her in the past. It was just what people did when they were indecisive about telling vampires the truth. Kerry sighed, giving into him. "About what I said back then," she started, already fidgeting with the hem of her sweater.

"Which part?" He asked. His body was turned towards her, one leg pressed against the seat of the bench. She was still staring into the trees in front of her.

"The part where I said I love you," she told him, turning her head to the side and letting her cheek rest against her raised knee. She could see him now, his black hair causing him to blend into the darkness like someone adept at hiding in darkness.

Michel's eyebrows winged up in the most surprised expression she had seen from him in a while. "Oh, that conversation."

Briefly, she wondered what conversation he thought she was mentioning. "I wanted to apologize," she rushed on, that little voice in her head yelling at her to stop. "It must have been awkward for you."

He made to stroke his fingers through his hair, but stopped the motion short. "It was… different."

She couldn't help but smile wanly. "I want you to know that it was only a crush." Kerry laughed. It sounded slightly bitter to her. "I know the difference between honest love and infatuation now, so you don't have to worry."

Michel remained silent. His face was drenched in shadows.

"I just thought you should know…" Kerry trailed off lamely. Surprisingly, her heart felt like it was breaking and she wished she could take it all back. Her admission did nothing to ease the air between them, if anything, it made it worse.

"I knew," he told her. "But you thought it was real."

And there it was… one of their demons exorcized.

"What did you want to talk about?" Kerry asked.

"It doesn't matter anymore." He told her.

©RelenaFanel.Dec17.2006


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