Alrighty everyone, this chapter, everything returns to funny.
Why? Because after the first scene, we return to RWC writing scripts for us!
Seriously, without a script to follow, everything just turns to epic, it's hard for me to control.
BY Lantern Light, Genesis's deal was that he had G cells, which let him make clones of himself, but he aged super-fast unless he could get some S cells, like the kind Zack, Sephiroth, and eventually Cloud had. In this story, he enjoys Yaoi and reproduces asexually so is still a virgin.
Mom calling, you haven't read Fairly English Story, so I favour your vote on the hilarity of this story above all others, except perhaps for Kitsune13's, because he writes the long, nice reviews.
BlazingFireAngel, we've got something planned for Zack. Trust us.
-}+{-
First job, break Zero down mentally, because there is no way I would ever work for Shinra after Nibelheim.
"Don't misunderstand me." Zero told me. It's easier to call him that. "I'm just using Shinra as a means to an end."
"Means to an-" Tifa began, then realised what he was suggesting. "You want to kill Sephiroth too?"
"Well, that's gonna be kinda difficult." I sighed, leaning back. "See, because of Jenova's link to the Lifestream and Sephiroth's link to Jenova, she can use it to form a new host and return to this world from the afterlife at will."
"Ah." I nodded as Aeris gobbled up her ice-cream. "So you'd need to kill Jenova then."
Zero shook his head as Hojo snuck away. "Unfortunately, that would have the same problem, so there is only one solution."
"Which is?" Tifa asked him.
"End the Lifestream."
…
…
"Nyeh?"
"T-That's insane!" Tifa shouted, getting to her feet. "To end the Lifestream would end all life on this planet!"
"Including Sephiroth." Zero added, leaning back in his chair. "So it's a minor inconvenience."
Tifa stepped back in horror, and I stood up. "Tifa. Get everyone together and head for the train tracks." I ordered. "I'll catch you all up once I incapacitate Unit Zero."
Zero stood up. "Ha, you really think you can take me on?"
I rammed his face into the table, toppling it. "Without your suit?" I asked him. "Yeah, I think I can." I turned to Aeris, who was still eating her ice-cream. "GO!"
They didn't need to be told again. I stepped back as the café emptied of screaming vacationers and I considered drawing a sword, but bare-hands would probably be best here.
Zero rose to his feet angrily. "And I thought you wanted her dead?" He asked.
I punched him in the jaw, knocking him flying. "Right now? She's the lesser evil."
He planted his foot to the wall and stopped. "I see." He nodded. "So, that's your decision."
He blurred, and I spun behind me and kicked his ribcage just as he elbowed me in the face, knocking me down and him flying.
I recovered in time to slash a chair across his face, but he ignored it and punched me down again, so I grabbed his wrist and snapped it down, before rolling on top of him and twisting both arms.
He tucked his legs under his chest, then jumped up into the air and rolled onto my back. "Going down." He whispered, before kicking me into the stone below.
I rolled out of the crater and launched a crapload of missiles at him, but this guy is actually stronger than I am, so he just charged through them and grabbed me with his good arm.
"Where is Sephiroth?" He asked me, lifting me into the air. "Where is she headed?"
That told me three things.
1) This guy doesn't have a Jenova-dar, or at least not one as sensitive as mine.
2) This guy doesn't automatically heal, nor is he using any Cure materia.
3) Alternate me is obsessed with tracking down Sephiroth.
He's also crazy in the normal, psychopath way. "Temple of Ancients." I told him, hoping to buy us some time. "Sephiroth needs what's in there."
Zero dropped me, then to his knees. "QUICKSES!!"
I turned to see Hojo lead a team of men in hazmat suits, carrying pipes and a large metal tube. "Precious cannot be outside his suit for longses!" Hojo shouted, hopping up and down. "No he cants, no he cants!"
He then looked at me and waved with a sneer as the helicopter came down. "Thanksyou for your helpses, nasty Cloudses."
Crap.
"Quick version is that there's a psycho super clone of you that wants to kill Sephiroth by killing everything else too?" Wedge asked as we left the villa.
"That OR Cloud is the evil clone or something?" Jessie asked as I locked the door.
Don't know why I did it, just felt like something that I should do. "Pretty much, yeah." I told them.
"Things just can't be simple, can they?" Tifa asked, shaking her head.
"Wuddern be fun udderbise." Barrett stretched. "Whut we teekinbot?"
I ignored him and turned to Yuffie. "Sephiroth's nearby." I told her. "Is she still in the city?"
"She left already." Yuffie reported. Damn.
"Re rentioned Rorth Roral." Nanaki pointed out.
"So she'd have to pass through Mount Corel." Biggs deduced.
"We need to catch up with her." I told everyone as we headed into the street, catching the pickaxe Aeris threw at me side-on. "Because Zero isn't going to kill the Lifestream unless Sephiroth's in it, and she's not going to be in it unless she's dead. Also, if Zero's in his power suit, then we're going to need all the firepower we can get just to stop ourselves from dying."
"The hope for this planet just keeps getting bleaker and bleaker…" Jessie sighed, clicking her fingers in a rhythm.
Actually, a lot of people are doing that unconsciously, now that I look.
And the musicians in the corner were playing Reno's theme.
"Pretty cool, huh?" Reno asked, whipping an arm around my neck and steering me away from my team. "But I'm afraid it gets kinda worse."
"It always does." I sighed, flashing a hand signal to explain that I'd be right back to the team. "What now?"
"I think that it's safe to say things are turning out different than they did in your reality." Reno told me.
"Really." I said. "Whatever gave you that idea?"
"Because you told me that if I stuck with Shinra, then I'd come out on top." Reno tuned to face me. "You talking about Rufus Shinra or Shinra electric company?"
"Nyeh?"
"Because Rufus got voted out of management and now Heidegger runs the show." Reno continued. "Also, I doubt they made Unit Zero in your reality."
"Wait, what's happened to Shinra?" I asked.
"Rufus ignored the company shares, something about not bothering with the little pieces." Reno sighed. "Hojo, Scarlet, Palmer and Heidegger voted him from the company."
I facepalmed. "This just keeps getting better and better doesn't it…"
"The Turks will take care of regaining control of Shinra." Reno told me as his pocket began to buzz. "You take care of Unit Zero and Sephiroth… again?"
"What?" I asked him as he pocketed his phone with a sigh.
"Elena managed to tie herself to the bed again." Reno sighed. "She's an absolute genius at tying knots, but she can't untie them. Oh, she can tie a knot in reverse, which usually does the job, but she can't physically Untie a knot."
"I thought the Turks were meant to be elites?" I asked.
"Oh, they are." Reno explained. "Geniuses, every single one of them. Unfortunately, a genius is someone who is very, very good at one thing, and an idiot in everything else. I'm basically the minder of all fifteen of them."
"Fifteen?"
"Well, a load of them left when Heidegger took control of the Turks, but Rufus tracked them down and brought them back under his control. A fantastic man to lead people, but an idiot otherwise."
"I can see what you mean." I sighed. "How do I contact you? The message you sent me had a blocked origin."
"Use Yuffie." Reno told me, walking off into the crowd. "She'll be the contact."
"Biggs, Yuffie, Jessie and Nanaki, you four are with me." I told everyone once I returned. "Wedge, take Tifa, Aeris and Barrett"
"What did Reno talk to you about?" Yuffie asked me as everyone filed into their groups.
"Rufus wants you to keep travelling with us." I replied.
"Guess it's time we were ahead on our way." Wedge said, stretching out once the groups were formed.
I nodded. "Meet at the train tracks outside Mt. Corel." I told them. "You guys take the direct route, we'll take the long way."
Naturally, we got there first.
"Be careful if yer goin' up ta mountin." Some old guy told me. "It gits dangerous. Also, some girl in a lab coat just went up. You might git to see'er fall, heheheh…"
"So she went this way…" Biggs nodded.
"Looks like it." I replied, before confronting the old man. "Why would you be happy about someone falling to her death?"
"Bitch be trippin' balls, yo." The old man explained. "I warned her I did. She threatened me before running up there."
"Yep, it's her." I sighed, then saw the others coming. "We ready to go?"
"Um… I'm… scared of ladders…" Jessie said.
"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked. "Are there any ladders around here?"
"T-The rails…"
Facepalm.
"Alright, if you're not here, raise your hand." I announced once everyone regrouped.
Barrett raised his hand.
"Right then." I nodded. "We'll wait for Barrett to get here, then we're off."
"Danks." Barrett nodded, wandering off to a quiet corner for a spliff or seven.
Everyone sat down on the grass, and Tifa started walking towards me.
"Hmm… yes…"
CRACK
Started walking towards me. Biggs got in the way.
"Uhrite, I's Bach." Barrett announced after a few minutes.
"Right, then we can be off then." I announced, getting to my feet.
"Barrett's not here." Barrett said.
"Who are you then?" I asked.
"I jus teld yer, I's Bach."
"Alright then, you'll do for now." I sighed. "Tifa, Aeris and Jessie with me." I announced. "Wedge, you've got Biggs, Yuffie, Nanaki and Bach."
The only one with a problem was Yuffie, who sighed. "Why do I have to be on a team of guys…" She sighed.
"Sorry about that." I shrugged. "Alright, a few metres in the track splits into two. We'll take the right-hand route, you guys the left. We need to recruit Sephiroth, not scare her off or fight her."
"Gotcha." Wedge saluted. "Come on Beethoven."
"Bach." Barrett corrected, following him.
"Bach then."
After a few minutes, I got a phone call. "Yello."
_\_ "You see that shack over there?" _\_ Wedge asked me.
I turned to look at the hut. "Yeah?" I asked him.
_\_ "Well, there's a lever in there we need you to turn to open the path." _\_
The shack exploded. "OH WHAT THE HELL!?" I shouted.
"Sorry…" Jessie apologised bashfully. "I- I just needed to let out some stress…"
I sighed. "Get Yuffie to jump across the water and break the locks, then spark the gears with some lightning spells." I told Wedge. "Should work."
_\_ "Gotcha. Later." _\_
He hung up.
"Alright, off we go." I announced. "Wait, where is everyone?"
Tifa looked around, and we saw Aeris and Jessie poking their heads into a hole they just found a few metres up the mountain.
I hopped up to see what the commotion was, and saw them cooing over a chocobo nest.
The one with ten phoenix downs inside.
" How cute…" The two girls squeed.
"I'm taking the damn treasure." I said, reaching in and taking the downs. "Come on, we need to go." I told them before hopping back down to the rails.
"You know Cloud, your hair kinda looks like a chocobo's." Tifa pointed out.
"Thanks for reminding me." I sighed as the other two climbed down the rock face. "Let's get going!"
BOOM
I turned around to see a cockatrice. Tifa back-handed it, crushing its skull against her fist. "Hurry up then." She urged.
We eventually found Sephiroth resting on her sword against the rock face. "Sephiroth." I nodded as I approached, the others keeping a safe distance.
Sephiroth got to her feet. "You…"
I sheathed the Buster sword. "I need you to come with me."
Sephiroth blushed slightly, then glared. "Why should I?" She asked. "We're strangers."
I sat down next to where she was and glanced at the girls, who were pretty much out of earshot. "The Cloud you know has become Unit Zero, that thing that attacked us earlier."
"I know." Sephiroth sighed, sitting down next to me. "So that raises the question, who are you?"
"A different Cloud Strife." I told her. "One that wants this planet to stay alive, unlike Unit Zero."
"You both want me dead." Sephiroth pointed out.
"I want to stop you from killing everyone." I corrected. "The other Cloud wants to destroy the Lifestream."
That shocked her. "What!?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "So you can see why I want you aboard so we have a chance at destroying him." I told her. "The way I see it, you're the lesser of the two evils, because at least you can be reasoned with."
"And Cloud-ku- Unit Zero can't?" She asked.
"He's obsessed." I told him. "And whatever Hojo did to him has robbed him of what little reason he had left. All that matters to him is killing you then destroying the Lifestream…" I trailed off.
"You can sense him coming." Sephiroth said, standing up and readying the Masamune.
"Far too fast." I agreed, drawing the Buster Sword. "He can't sense us like I can sense you, so he must be tracking us some other way."
"Tracks?" Sephiroth asked as the other three got the hint and prepared for battle.
"Most likely… here HE COMES!!"
FRAZZZ
Zero had one hand on my sword and the other on the Masamune, pushing against them as we did all we could to block his attack.
Damn… that armour really does make all the difference.
Crack
"Oh no." I said, glancing down at the breaking planks.
CRACK
"Oh no…" Sephiroth said, glancing at the rumbling stone.
BOOM
"OH YEAH!!" Barrett shouted, bursting from the stone with a jug of red liquid in hand and kicking Unit Zero in the head, pushing him over the edge and down into the water below.
"I… don't think he can fly…" I pointed out as Tifa, Jessie and Aeris ran over to us.
"OH SHIZ DA SPYDAAAAHS!!" Barrett screamed, pushing past Sephiroth and I and falling through the rails, landing on the rock below.
"He'll live." Jessie pointed out calmly. "But I really, really think we should move before we get caught in the avalanche."
"Right." I nodded, placing a hand on Sephiroth's shoulder. "Welcome to AVALANCHE, no RUNNN!!"
"Wait, you're wearing a leather coat." Tifa pointed out as we ran from the wave of stones.
"As I do." Sephiroth stated. "What of it?"
"The guy at the bottom warned us about a woman in a lab coat."
"Maybe Wedge found them." I shrugged as Sephiroth put her katana to the back of her head. "What're you doing."
She sliced through her hair, so now it fell down to her shoulders. "If we don't want to get tracks, best lose the defining features first."
"So, the cloak next?" Aeris asked.
Sephiroth lowered her head to hide the blush.
"You're not wearing anything under the cloak, are you?" I asked.
"I'm wearing trousers!" She shouted back angrily. "But yeah, silver hair and trenchcoat stands out a lot."
"I don't know why you bother." Aeris shrugged. "I mean, Shinra hasn't bothered posting any wanted posters for us yet."
"Rufus isn't in control anymore." I pointed out.
"Well, either way, all we really need to hide from is Zero." Jessie pointed out. "And he'd see through any disguise she'd pull."
I turned back to her. "How are you so calm when we're running from an avalanche!?"
"I don't have any phobias about falling stones." Jessie shrugged. "It's… actually kinda calming, since I don't have to worry about the tracks…"
She stood stock still.
I reached back and grabbed her, then sprinted to catch up with everyone. "RUN FASTER!!"
We found the woman in a lab coat travelling with Wedge in the absence of Barrett. "Who's this lady?" I asked him as she was shocked at Sephiroth.
"I'm a guy." She snapped at me.
"Of course ma'am." Wedge nodded. "This is Elfé, the founder of AVALANCHE."
"She's not a guy." Sephiroth hissed.
"I. AM."
"Okay, okay, whatever lady." I sighed. "I'm Cloud Strife, Current leader of AVALANCHE, and what happened to Barrett?"
"She kicked him off the rails and told him to go do something useful." Biggs pointed out, limping.
"Well, he did." I told everyone. "Barrett just saved our asses, so I highly recommend finding him."
We found him getting beaten up by a lynch mob in North Corel. Elfé rushed to join in, but Sephiroth launched a large fireball into the sky.
"He's our property." She stated. "I don't like it when people break my things."
They mob looked around at each other, then took off their white hoods and sulked off.
"I hate the klan." Biggs sighed as he limped over to Barrett and helped him up. "You okay man?"
"It mah fault." Barrett sighed. "I hadda crazy buddeh who blew dis whole place up."
"Wait, that wasn't the klan?" Biggs asked.
"Whut?" Barrett asked. "No, day's minahs. Dey has da union."
"Whatever." I sighed. "Let's just get on the train to the Golden Saucer."
"Why we going there?" Jessie asked. "It's just a huge coffer for Shinra."
So we can get Cait Sith. "Because… we need to… get…"
"There's some weaponry there that we need to get a hold of." Tifa said. "And if we want to get to Nibelheim, then we need to find something that can go over sand."
"And why are we going to Nibelheim again?" Elfé asked.
"Because that's where all the remnants are going."
We all turned to Sephiroth. "They're the survivors of the Nibelheim massacre that Shinra injected with Mako to try and revive me." She continued. "They'll be going to Nibelheim to do it."
"Hold on, you don't need reviving." Aeris pointed out, raising a tombstone above her head.
"They don't know that." I finished, glad for the help and catching the stone slab. "So that's where Zero will be headed."
"I thought we were running away from him?" Jessie asked.
"The longer he lives, the more people die." Wedge pointed out sensibly. "So we're best off getting ahead of him while we can so we can finish him on our terms, preferably with a trap."
I nodded. This was writing itself. "So, we in agreement?" I asked.
"About what?" Yuffie asked.
"Rowing rod a ramned ream park." Nanaki growled.
"YAY!" Barrett shouted. "ROLLASHORERS!!"
"So… what happened here?" Aeris asked Barrett. Or at least, she asked it while smacking Barrett with an axe handle.
"Mah maddetahn used ta be hear." Barrett replied.
"Raddaya rean, rused ro?"
"It ain't ear rabbyroar." Barrett replied. "It got stolen by da human torch anna fink."
"And how is it your fault?" Wedge asked. He clearly hadn't heard this story before.
"Corel wuh always da cool mine tune." Barrett said. "It'sa sah dusty, but calm anso poor… a wheel small tune, dis wun. Dat's da first tahm ah eva heard da word 'Mako reacta' mendaned sins sat flashback."
And that's my cue to sleep.
"Who dares wake me from my sleep?" I asked.
"We're here."
I woke up to find Sephiroth and Tifa standing over me. "Where's everyone else?" I asked.
"They left the rail cart about an hour ago." Tifa explained. "We let you keep sleeping, but other people kinda need to use it now."
"They suck." I groaned, getting up and walking out of there and getting grabbed firmly on the shoulder.
I looked at the huge guy grabbing me, he was wearing leather and had cool shades, but the big thing I noticed was the gold crown and cat ears on his head."
"Cloud Strife?" He asked, letting go of me.
"Yeah?" I asked.
"My name is Cait Sith." He said, offering me his hand. "Come wid me if you want to live."
-}+{
Yeah, I think we can leave it there.
Sorry for the delay, laziness happened on both sides.
Now, none of you have cottened on to our little puzzle, so here's a clue. Starting from chapter seven, ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE, we put in a line that sticks out, following a pattern.
Also, FF13's soundtrack, which sucks in comparison to the other games, was done by a different guy to who did the sound track to the first 12 games.
And apparently this chapter has spelling mistakes. Tell me and I'll re-upload the chapter with corrections.
