Chapter 11

So it came that he found himself sitting on the street in the early shades of morning, contemplating his sorry excuse of a life, trying to come to terms with himself whilst the sun slowly lit up the sky.

He had been living on the fast track far too long and had failed in each attempt to put on the brakes or at least to change direction.

All the pent up anger which had filled him since his boyhood had almost disappeared after Heather's kiss…all the remorse and hurt after Chris' death, his growing despair after each feeble attempt of proving himself worthy in his father's eyes ended in just another shady job driving him even further into damnation, confirming that his father was right, that he was a lousy character, a worthless punk; those outrageous happenings in Iraq, when he had killed that little girl; his self-loathing, the futile attempts to make amends by always being the first in the line of fire, half-hoping that someone would put him out of his misery…

When he had finally accepted what he really felt for Heather, all that turmoil within him had subsided and deep inside his heart he had known that if he could have Heather at his side, if she would bestow upon him her love, he would be able to work it out, he would finally be able to become the man his father had once seen in him, the man he glimpsed in the reflection of Heather's azure eyes…

But she was no longer here. He had to face it, he had screwed up again, worse than ever. He had left her high and dry, avoiding her, never admitting that he liked her back, that he had fallen in love with her the very moment he had met her on that school bus after the bombs, too afraid to get attached, to take on that responsibility. He didn't need more chances to screw up, to hurt someone; it was better to not get involved.

And now it all came rushing upon him, smashing him violently, tearing his breath away; the loss of her ripped through his body and soul.

Heather… his Heather… she was gone. She would never again smile that shy smile of hers, would never again start babbling nervously, would never again touch his heart…

Losing her was the masterpiece of his collection of mistakes and bad judgments.


tbc...