So, this chapter is kinda funny. I hope you like it! Also, there is a reviewer vote at the end! Can someone please tell me what 2D's recommended zombie movies are? If someone does, I will dedicate the next chapter to them!
It was an extreme coincidence that I even knew how to explain this particular malady. I mean, how often does an 8-ball fracture come up in everyday life? During a brief interlude in which I was arrested in Mexico, I studied administration of pharmaceutical medicines (and received a doctorate), but focused particularly on odd diseases and medical what-not. During my studies, I came across Hypherma (the actual name of an 8-ball fracture), and studied it furiously. The thing with Hypherma was that usually, only a bit of the eye was darkened, but with Stuart, his whole eyeball was pushed back, and entirely blackened.
How was I expected to explain all that to a fifteen year-old? He didn't seem very bright, and I could barely read any of his miss-spelled chicken-scratch writing. I brought a hand to my temple, and sighed, going over in my head how to explain such a rare and odd condition. I got about halfway thinking through my semi-prepared speech/lecture when a question streaked through my mind.
"Err... Stuart, why is yer hair blue?" I asked carefully.
He looked a bit bored, the picked up the clipboard and pen and began scribbling/writing.
"i fel out of a tree wen i was 7 and my hare fel out and gru bac blue. i dont know how that works so plese dont ask me." he wrote, spelling mistakes running rampid.
It seemed like he had been asked that question too many times. I mean, blue was such an odd colour to dye your hair, and I have no trouble imagining him getting bullied relentlessly for being 'that poof with the blue hair'. Hmmm...seems like something I would say. Some furious scribbling and a clipboard being pushed into my hands brought me out of my musings.
"can u plese tel me y my eye is all black and scary loking? i need more payper." he wrote.
Oh yeah, I was supposed to explain his 'scary loking' eye.
"Geez, kid. Don't go gettin' yer knickers in a twist! So, basically, yer eye got pushed back into yer head, and filled up with blood. For some reason, though, it filled up more than usual and turned...black. It will go away in a little while, though, so don't be worrying yerself into another coma!"
He nodded in understanding, then looked confused, then searched around on the paper fo a empty spot to write on. There was none, so he resorted to writing on his arm.
"Anuther comma?!" he wrote, his mismatched eyes wide.
He didn't know? The people here were really keeping him out of the loop..
"Yeah, you were out for three or four days! Did anybody even talk to you here?!" I asked.
Stuart stared at me, looking a bit annoyed. He flicked the pen at me.
"Hey! Yer gonna get ink on my shirt!" I said, my voice raising higher than I would have liked.
He shrugged, brought his fingers back up to his eye, and poked at it in a bit of a bored way. Then I realized what his issue was.
He was out of paper.
I looked around , but came up empty handed. It seemed the only paper in the whole room was the one on the back of the clipboard. What a horribly cheap hospital!
"Sorry, mate. Outta paper."
The teenager looked a bit annoyed, then suddenly froze. He hunched forward, clutching his head. He groaned a bit, and seemed to be clenching his jaw tightly.
"Uhh... Stuart? Yew okay mate?"
He shook his head slowly, and swayed a bit. What was going on here? Was it something I said?
"H-Hey kid.. Quit messing around!" I warned him.
His delayed reply was a choked sob. Now I was really worried. What if I was blamed for this?! I frantically looked around the small hospital room for anything that could help, and I just happened to spy a red call button. I nearly launched myself off of the bed and wheeled around to the other side. I pressed the button repeatedly with the palm of my hand until I read hurried footfalls outside of the room. Some seedy looking nurse burst in.
"Wat's goin' on in here?" she shouted in a bad accent, the loud noise making Stuart flinch.
"Somethin's wrong with the kid! I think e's hurt!" I told her, subtly adding in "It wasn't my fault.."
The seedy nurse took a long look at Stuart, then calmly reached in her pocket producing a large pill bottle. She walked slowly to him, and offered him two capsules from the bottle. He stole a look at the pills in her hand, scoffed, and glared at her.
Stuart gestured for her to come a bit closer, and I caught the mischievous yet pained look in his good eye.
The nurse shuffled a bit closer to him, oblivious to the clever trap he had layed out.
"Wat is it, sweetie?" she asked in an overly sweet way, as if she were talking to a retarded child.
The damaged teenager grinned, then quickly swiped the pill bottle out of the nurse's hand. Before she could even lift one of her heavily-plucked eyebrows, he had the cap open, and had popped at least five of the little capsules in him mouth. He swallowed the pills without water, and casually tossed the half-empty bottle back at the flustered nurse with a pained grimace.
The seedy nurse looked as if she was about to slap him, so I took this time to intervene.
"So... What is up wit' da kid?" I asked, casually putting myself between Stuart and the now-fuming nurse.
She took a moment to collect herself.
" 'E had a migraine, is all. It is a chronic condition for 'em, and that's wat t'ose pills are fo'. 'E's not s'ppost to take that many tho'!"
"Mmmmmm...and why not?"
"B'cus 'e has a mild painkiller addiction!" she all but shouted.
Wow. This kid was messed up before I got to him! I can't say I'm not impressed, though. I decided that, yes, I liked this kid. Screw my court-issued babysitting job, I was taking this kid...permenently.
"So... Miss..." I began.
"Paula" she interjected, a slimy huskiness entering her voice.
I tried not to shudder too visibly.
"Right. I am the issued guardian of this here Stu-pot, and I need to know if there is anything else I should know... Like uhh... medical concerns, allergies and whatnot..." I said, trying my best to sound official.
Paula sighed, obviously clearing her mind of the painkiller incident. She nabbed the clipboard from it's hiding place in-between some sheets, and read off of it in a bored tone.
"Mmm... 'e takes prescription Vicodin to relive 'is migraines...uhhmm... Allergic ta' pickles...yadda yadda... If 'e passes out, don' worry.." she listed.
I looked at Stuart, who shrugged. He seemed a bit more relaxed now that he had raided twenty dollars worth of prescription drugs.
"Oh, and since yer takin' care of 'im, yew pretty much get a free pass to the painkiller department of any chemist, although yew get that anyways, don't ya Mr. Niccals... Or do you prefer (her voice got husky again, as if trying to sound attractive) Dr. Niccals...?"
"Errr... yeah.." I said uncomfortably.
I quickly glanced at Stuart, who seemed to be silently laughing his arse off at me. He caught my glare and quickly covered his mouth up with his hands.
"Laugh it up kid." I mumbled.
Now was the time to put my grand pan into action! Grand plan you ask? Yes, grand plan. The plan that had been formulating in my mind since I got here, the very one that would not, no, could not fail. I'm really not just gonna sit here and explain it, so pay attention!
I ignored Paula's blatant attempts to 'woo me' and bent down to Stuart's ear.
"Can yew stand up?" I whispered.
He nodded, looking a bit confused.
"Do ya think yew can run?" I whispered again.
He shrugged.
"Did ya bring anything here with you that yew couldn't ever part with?"
He shook his head, and I got the idea he couldn't even remember any of the items he used to have.
"We're bustin' outt here!" I whispered excitedly.
'What?!' he mouthed, and I grinned veeeery widely.
"Hey Paula! Is that a naked man running down the street? WHAT IS HE DING TO THAT CHILD?!" I shrieked and madly gestured to the window.
"Really?" she asked and rushed over.
"No!" I shouted and put my arms around Stu's midsection, hoisting him over my shoulder.
He weighed less than I thought he did! It seemed he was a lot les prepared than I had taken him for, and repeatedly pounded on my back with his fists, even going as far as kicking my chest a few times before he passed out. I wasn't really surprised he passed out, in fact, I was almost counting on it! I rushed out the room, a hysterical Paula not far behind me, and ran down the hospital hall.
Doctors and patients leapt out of the way of me as I charged down the hall and out the double doors, with a passed-out teenager over my shoulder. I laughed maniacally as I sprinted to my Winnebago (which I had bought soon after I trashed my Vauxhall Astra), which was parked close to the hospital entrance.
I kicked the door open and unceremoniously chucked my kidnap-e on the bed, before plunking myself down on the driver's seat. I laughed at the frantic pounding of a few security guards on the side of the Winne', and sped out of the lot.
Ha ha! Life was good!
"Ey Stuart! That wasn't so bad, was it?" I said amidst my laughter.
With his lack of reply, I remembered he was not actually conscious. Oh well, I had fun! I was super-confedent now that I had pulled off a kidnaping, but then a thought struck me.
What do I do now?
REVIEWER VOTE WARNING!
Should Murdoc:
-Take Stuart straight back to his flat, even though there might be cops waiting for him there.
OR
-Start completely anew and abandon all of his possessions, starting over in a new location (perhaps KONG?)
YOU TELL ME! I need at my review count to be at 85 at least. Also, who's POV should the next chapter be in?
-Azure (I will be signing off like that from now on, as it is my nickname, and I love it!)
