-Chapter 12-

Bella's POV

"They're coming." Edward whispered into my ear, pulling me by the waist, bringing me closer to him. I had to fight the urge to push myself away; I'll just end up being punished.

He looked at me with utter distaste. "Stop trying to fight me, you can't stay strong forever."

The words cut me deep, but I put my thoughts elsewhere.

Edward had gotten me new clothes to wear. I was wearing a white t-shirt with black skinny jeans. He got me a forest green coat so that I wouldn't chill and Vans shoes to go with it, too. I was only thankful for that part. Nothing else.

My arm was still wrapped up in the same old gauze that Carlisle had put on me a few hours ago. It needed to be changed soon. I was still trying to recover from the anxiety attack Edward caused me not too long ago. My heart was racing, but it was at a decent rate.

From the clearing, I saw a line of hooded figures getting closer and closer. Every second that ticked by felt like a whole new millennium. Finally, they stopped in front of us, the shining of the moonlight reflecting off their pale skins.

They dropped their hoods in unison. Most of them were there. The Cullens, Jane, Alec, Felix, surprisingly Marcus, a couple of other Volturi guards whom I don't remember the names of and Caius. He looked at me with relief, but was infuriated at the same time. I could tell he was debating whether to lunge at Edward or not, but he was fighting the urge. He was fighting hard.

Edward chuckled darkly. "You wouldn't do that." Edward shook his head, his intense stare directly at Caius. "If you want her alive, you wouldn't dare attack me."

Caius cocked his head to the side, frowning slightly. Jane's lips curled back and she let out a low hiss. She was contemplating to use her gift or not, I could see the mixed emotions on her face: confusion, concern and relief.

"Plus," Edward smirked, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. "she loves me, don't you, hun?" He pulled me closer to him, and I gave them all a feeble smile. Enough to possibly persuade them to think that I do.

Caius's expression faltered, confusion crossing his face as he looked at me with disbelief.

"N-no..." He stuttered, his red eyes burning with fury.

I mouthed, I'm so sorry.

"NO!" He growled, the guards around him flinched. "You're making her do this..." He accused, stepping closer.

Suddenly, Edward fell to the ground, in a heap of pain. He groaned loudly, followed by an ear-splitting scream.

"Jane!" I gasped, my eyes wide as I watched her smile deviously. "Jane, stop! Please!"

She sighed, and Edward rolled over on the ground, still in pain, shockingly.

"Isabella..." Caius whispered, "tell me this isn't true."

I looked at him, doubt in my eyes. Then I stared at the ground, afraid of the consequences in my decision.

"It's true." I replied, my voice cracking.

"You're lying." Jasper muttered.

"She's-she's not!" Edward stammered, getting up from the ground to stand next to me.

What the hell are you doing, Bella? This is the chance you've been waiting for! There are two dozen vampires against you and Edward. You can tell them the truth. You can get away.

Stop fighting, tell the truth.

It's your only way out.

I shook my head, clenching my fists.

"I don't love him."


"You don't have to be afraid anymore." Jane whispered.

We were on our way back to the castle, and I was in the arms of Jane. Caius wanted to stay behind, to take care of Edward.

"I know." I murmured.

As much as I wanted Jane to be right, I knew that she couldn't be any more wrong. Jacob was still out there - somewhere, and there's no doubt that he's coming back for me. He came here for a reason; he wants me back. He wants me to come back to Forks, create some sort of truce with the Volturi (like that's even possible) and let me live out a normal life - one that I supposedly deserved.

But the guilt still held within me. I'm rotten, and no one knows this. No one, but me, knows that Edward raped me. No one knows that he threatened me. No one knows that he always gets his way, whether anyone likes it or not. Except on those rare occasions where it would be logical for him not to get his way.

If Caius kills Edward, I'm the one responsible for his execution. Will the Cullens ever forgive me for being the cause of their adoptive son's death? Or will they understand? Understand what, Bella?

My conscience was right. What will they understand? I can't tell anyone that I've been raped, it will just be something that I'll have to carry on with forever. I have nothing left to offer my mate anymore, besides lies and empty promises.

I don't think me having anxiety makes it any better. I hate listening to myself say that, 'Anxiety'. It's not the worse thing to have, but it stills affects me. If I'm changed into a vampire, will it go away? Or will I have to live with it for eternity?

I don't know if I can handle that.

"Then why is your heart beating so fast?" Jane questioned, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I licked my lips and bit them, before replying. What can I tell her? Just tell her that you're still in shock from what happened. Being kidnapped is a big thing, too, you know.

"I'm just...living in the past." I explained, my voice hesitant.

Jane sighed and she slowed down her pace. Alec and Felix were with us, but they remained silent. She put me down averted her eyes to my own.

"You really don't have to be afraid anymore." She repeated, reassurance in her voice. She sounded so confident, and I wished so much to feel confidence, but I couldn't.

"Yeah." I muttered weakly.

She half-smiled, pitifully. Her red eyes softened and her pale skin was shimmering against the moonlight. Her blond hair made her look so different under the night's sky, almost as if she were a different person.

"Are you feeling okay?" She asked, her attention to my still-broken arm.

I nodded. "It's fine, it's-" I yawned. "throbbing a bit."

She took my hand. "Five more minutes and we'll be back to the castle. You must be tired."

Then we took off.


I curled up in bed, the soft linen sheets wrapped around my body snugly. My droopy eyes scanned the silent room. The moonlight peered through the curtains, creating a white puddle of light on the ground. I sighed to myself.

"Bella?" A high pitched voice echoed, and I jumped, my eyes darting towards the door.

"Alice! Jeez, warn a girl." I muttered lazily, rubbing my eyes.

She smiled apologetically. "Sorry."

"It's fine." I reassured her, smiling back.

She walked over to the bed and sat at the edge, her pixie-like features made her look younger than usual under the dark light. Is it just me, or do vampires just look more amazing at night than they do during the day?

"I came to talk to you about something..." She whispered, biting her bottom lip.

"Of course, what's up?" I asked her.

I don't remember the last time I had a conversation with Alice, but it felt like a long time ago.

She sighed at first, making me frown in response. "Is everything alrig-"

"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asked me, her tone serious and questioning.

I searched for some sort of playful hint in her eyes, but there was none. She looked at me seriously, her features intense and questioning. Her golden eyes were fixed at me with the utmost sincerity and concern that I wondered if everything is all right with her; if something was bothering her.

"I don't know what you mean." I said cautiously.

"I mean," She said, pausing for a bit. "does Caius make you happy?"

My stomach churned.

"He makes me feel safe." I said instead.

"But does he make you happy?" She wondered, emphasizing really hard on the word 'happy'.

I didn't say anything for a second, thinking really hard. Did Caius make me happy? Well, you never really had a chance to be completely alone for a while in order for you both to enjoy each others company and just talk.

"I don't know." I whispered, my heart breaking along with the words.

She nodded her head. "I get it. I just want to make sure that this is what you want; that you're not going to regret your decisions later because of recent events."

I smiled at her concern. "Thanks for looking out for me Alice, I appreciate it."

She returned the grin and gave me a hug. "Edward deserved to die."


I woke up the next morning with odd aches everywhere. My thighs hurt, my abdomen and ribs hurt, my arms, legs and weird parts of my neck hurt. I hissed under my breath, this was all Edward's fault.

I did my daily routines; shower, brush my teeth, hair and dress up. Today, Carlisle told me that I had to meet up with him later to check up on my arm, to see if I still needed an operation.

I didn't know if the Volturi were back yet - the ones who went out to come looking for me, but I had a feeling that they should be here, it's been a good eight hours since I've been found. They should have gotten the memo by now.

"Bella?" Jane called out from the door. "Breakfast is ready when you are."

"Oh, yeah..." I said quickly, not really paying attention.

She entered the bathroom and stared at my reflection in the mirror, with a big frown on her face.

"Is something wrong, Bella? You've been acting distraught and quiet since last night." She remarked.

Dammit, she's more observant than I thought.

"No, nothing's wrong..." I lied, but I knew better than to to do.

"You're lying." She sung, shaking her head in disappointment. "Please, do not keep secrets, it's not healthy."

I sighed shakily and made my way to the bed where I sat down. Jane took a seat next to me, her dark purple cloak spread neatly on the bed.

"We should have protected you better; Caius is beating himself up over it. Everyone else regrets not having you well-protected, as well." She informed me, regret in her eyes, too.

"It's not your fault. Corin and Renata did everything they could." I defended.

I didn't want Jane to feel bad. It really wasn't their fault that they thought someone from the Cullen clan wouldn't kidnap me. They weren't expecting it. Maybe after they killed all those newborns, they thought their deed was done.

"Bella...Corin and Renata are dead." She said. She was being cautious now.

I looked down at the bedsheets. Corin and Renata are dead...because of me. Edward is dead...because of me. Jacob is wandering the streets of Italy alone...because of me. Now, everyone is basically putting off their daily work...because of me.

It's all because of me.

"I-I..."

"You don't need to apologize." Jane shook her head, smiling sadly. "No one thought it would happen."

I stayed silent for a moment, remembering Corin and Renata smiling at each other as they stood guard in front of the room I was in yesterday. They seemed to relaxed and cheery, they didn't even seemed to be worried when they were reporting the battle statistics to me, either. They were at ease, and there was no sudden noises or disturbances either that would have caught my attention. Edward killed them quietly and neatly.

"On to what I was most concerned about..." Jane said, looking at me with expectancy.

"Yeah." I whispered, averting my eyes elsewhere. "...He...he did more than kidnap me." My voice cracked.

Jane remained silent, entirely focused on my words. Though, she frowned and her red eyes were intently burning into my own. I didn't look at her, though. I didn't want to break down right there, even if I knew I was going to anyway.

On cue, my eyes started to tear up. It started to sting and I closed my eyes really hard, forcing the tears not to spill over.

"When...when he kidnapped me, he took me far away; where you guys found me. And then...and then he...he..." A lump formed in my throat, cutting me off from my speech.

Jane's eyes were wide and she was still. Her lips slightly parted, she looked shocked and infuriated. I vigorously wiped the tears from my eyes, cursing myself for not staying strong.

You can't stay strong forever.

"What did he do?" She whispered, her voice hoarse and hard.

I swallowed hard. "Raped. He raped me." I choked.

Then I burst into tears, hiding my face behind my hands. I felt dirty, gross, violated, impure. I felt like I didn't belong here anymore, that I'm too much of a screw up to be acknowledged or wanted.

Without another word, she hugged me. She hugged me protectively, and I kept crying. Why hold back? I thought to myself.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. We should have protected you better. God, I'm so sorry." She broke into sobs, her eyes pooling with a silver-like substance. Venom, I presumed.

"I'm just so sorry."


It was three thirty in the afternoon and Caius hadn't returned yet. I was in the garden, and I've been avoiding everyone all day. Jane was my only companion. Any Volturi member that dared bother me, Jane would have them sent away, or they would feel the pain.

She even refused to leave my side when Aro ordered to do something. He wasn't pleased, but didn't push any further. She even refused to let him see her thoughts; a rare thing for her to do. This, he wasn't very impressed with. He was unhappy that his most loyal, precious guard wasn't being obedient to her master. But I didn't bother to tell her to do the right thing, I needed a friend more than anything right now.

"He'll never want me." I murmured, sitting in the familiar bench in the garden.

It was a particularly warm afternoon, the sun glossed over all the plants. It made me smile as I remembered my firs time walking into the garden. It was an amazing feeling to see all these exotic plants. It was like a vacation in a jungle.

"You can't possibly think that." Jane muttered harshly.

"I have nothing to offer anymore." I added weakly.

"Believe me, it has been a long time since Caius has ever cared for something, much less a person. He won't give up on you; you're both soul mates. You're made for each other. He'll care for you despite your condition." She explained gently.

I smiled a little bit, but it faltered. "He never cared for Athenodora."

"Please! Never speak of that whore again!" Jane retorted. I flinched at her vulgar language. But I laughed, and it felt good to laugh. "But no, since you mentioned her, he never has. She had an odd affair. She had affairs with so many humans and vampires in different covens. I'm surprised Caius never did anything to throw her out of the Volturi coven. She had no significant talent."

"She's dead." I stated, somewhat relieved. "So, she's not the Queen anymore?"

Jane looked up for a moment. "No, I guess not." She smiled.

There was moment of silence before I realized something.

"Jacob...Jacob's still out there." I widened my eyes, standing up abruptly.

"Jacob? Who is this Jacob?" She frowned in confusion.

"He's my best friend...he found me yesterday...but then I got kidnapped again." I cringed, and fell back onto the bench.

"Wait..." Jane said, suspicion in her tone. "Is your friend a wolf?"

I nodded. "Yeah." I replied.

She frowned. "You're just looking for trouble!" She sneered harshly.

I felt offended.

"It's not my fault! I've known him since he was born; his father and my father are best friends." I defended myself.

"The Children of the Moon are no things to be friends with." She growled, her fists balling up.

"Children of the Moon? No! Jacob's a shape shifter. Their whole pack is." I told her, incredulously.

I remember Jacob telling me a legend of the Children of the Moon. The Children of the Moon are wolves who change during a Full Moon. They're way more dangerous, bigger and vicious than werewolves are. They shouldn't be associated with often.

Apparently, no one has seen or heard of any of the Children of the Moon in a long time.

"Shape shifters." She snorted. "It would explain that disgusting scent you had last night. They all smell disgusting."

"So I've been told." I winced, remembering all the times Edward commented on how unpleasant I smelled every time I came back from Jacob's house - that is, whenever I was allowed to go to Jacob's.

We just sat there for a while, enjoying the slight breeze of the wind and the sunshine. It was interesting to see Jane up close; when she sparkled in the sun. She looked translucent, with a million little diamonds all over her body. It was really intriguing and phenomenal; quite out of the ordinary.

"Caius is back." She whispered.

My breathing hitched and my eyes widened. Caius is back. Back from slaughtering Edward. I don't know whether I should be relieved or scared. He might find out about what really happened. But then again, Jane wouldn't betray me, she was too loyal for that - she gave up Aro, for god sakes! But I know I can't be myself around him...knowing that I'm impure and broken.

I can already tell I'll have panic attacks around him, just thinking about the truth and how I want to tell him. I don't want to tell him, though. I don't want him to find out what happened. I don't want him to think that I let Edward do this to me. I don't want him to give up on me; to give up on us. I don't want him to chuck me aside and forget about me.

You're so fucking insecure.

I took a shaky breathe, and tried my best to relax.

"Calm down, Bella." Jane patted my shoulder. "You don't need to be worried."

But I can't help it.


I curled up in a corner of the throne hall. No one was in here; some went out to hunt or they were taking care of business. The Cullens went for a while, in search of animals.

I don't know where Caius is, I haven't seen him since yesterday. It's approximately seven in the evening, and I still haven't heard from him. Jane doesn't know where he is either.

Gianna came in once, wondering if I wanted anything. I declined her, and she walked away adding, "Just call if you need anything."

When she left, I stayed in the corner, on the ground. It was weird to be sitting in a corner of the throne room, but it was comfortable. I knew that if anyone came back soon, they would come through the throne room, and I'll be able to talk to them. I needed to talk to Carlisle, most importantly, in regards of my arm.

I was carrying a book in my arms and I opened it to the page I left off in a few days ago.

"My word, how mortals take the gods to task! All their afflictions come from us, we hear. And what of their own failings? Greed and folly double the suffering in the lot of -" Then I was cut off from the passage as I heard footsteps enter the throne hall.

Slowly, I peered up from my book and there stood Caius, carelessly walking through the room.

He looked tired; unusually, for a vampire. He looked stressed - his hair was everywhere and his brows were knit together, causing him to look angry. He was definitely worried. He muttered something unintelligible before audibly cursing.

I turned nervous, which was a bad thing on my part. It caught his attention and I pretended I didn't notice him. I kept reading through the passage, not really paying attention to what the words meant.

"Isabella?" He whispered. He sounded pained.

I looked up from my book and locked eyes with him. My heart beat accelerated and I could feel myself flush. I dropped the book and brought my hands to my face.

"I'm so sorry." He apologized, his voice breaking.

He knelt beside me, but didn't touch me. I squeezed my eyes together shut; forcing myself not to cry. But how could I not, knowing that I'm going to have to lie to him now? How can I keep this from someone who just fought for my life? Simple. I can't. But I'm going to have to.

"Isabella, please speak to me." He begged.

"I'm sorry!" I wailed, fresh tears forming in my eyes for the sixth time since last night.

"Why are you apologizing?" He queried, completely baffled by my apology.

"Because this is all my fault!" I explained, through the hiccups of my sob.

"This is not your fault." He snapped sternly. He focused his gaze on me. "You didn't ask for this to happen, nor did you assume. I know that you wouldn't ask for something like this to prevail down on us. Stop blaming yourself, it's others who envy and avenge what they shouldn't."

"You make it sound like I didn't cause the death of two others." I retorted, remembering Corin and Renata.

"That isn't your fault either. The newborns were eliminated before their death; it was one of our own who betrayed us." He explained.

"If I weren't alive, none of this would have happened." I snapped back, hardening my tear-filled eyes.

"If you weren't alive," He began. "then my existence is meaningless."

I stood up and averted my eyes to the nearest exit.

"If I weren't alive, all your problems would disappear."