Chapter 12: Damage Assessment

Sam woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon, grease, and waffles.

Since they found a permanent home in the bunker, Dean had progressively become more homely than ever. It wasn't unusual for him to wake up and cook breakfast, but Sam was always up earlier than him, so he never actually woke up to the drifting smells. Aside from that, it had been a long time since Dean cooked himself a decent breakfast; with the Mark on his arm, he woke up every morning with beer and coffee. Both served to ward off the nightmares from the night before and make up for the lack of sleep.

So, Sam was understandably happy to smell all that unhealthy food. It meant that Dean was ok again.

He carefully rolled himself out of his bed. It felt like his body weighed a ton. There was no physical pain, but Sam had to put every ounce of strength into sitting up on the edge of the bed. He felt exhaustion before this whole incident, but this was a completely different level.

It didn't make a difference. He was alive and back in the bunker. He had to get up and go find Dean and whoever else was with him.

One foot in front of the other, Sam trudged out of the bedroom. He entered the hallway and kept a hand lightly against the wall for stability. Memories from the whole ordeal had left him alone while he slept, but they came flashing back now. There was Jess, beautiful and understanding. Jo, at peace but still a hunter at heart.

And then there was Death, and everything that happened afterward.

Those were the memories that lingered longest and sent a faint tremble down his spine. The worst moments of his life all happened in there like they never happened before. The fear was just as real as the first time. Going through them all again was a while knew kind of trauma.

Through the hall, through the library, and into the kitchen Sam went. There was nobody as the stove anymore because all the food was already cooked and everyone was getting ready to dig in. Sam hadn't gotten a great look at everyone yesterday, but he wasn't surprised to notice that it was Dean, Cas, Charlie, and Jody that were seated at the round dinner table.

Dean had his back to Sam, so he wasn't the first one to react to his presence. It was Charlie who looked up from her plate with wide eyes as she uttered his name. "Sam…"

That was all it took to send Dean into protective mode. He shoved his seat back and stood up, facing his younger brother in the doorway. One glance over from Dean told him all he needed to know: Sam was exhausted. "Have a seat," Dean said, pulling his chair back even further so Sam could easily scoot into it.

"I'm fine," Sam started to protest. But he spoke too slowly. Dean already walked the short distance between them and grabbed onto Sam's upper arm. Yesterday, Dean had grabbed Sam and helped him along. With the fatigue he felt then, he nearly melted in comfort and relief when he realized that Dean could carry him for a little while. His journey was anything but easy…

Dean guided Sam down into the chair, where the latter couldn't help but notice the heaping plate smothered in syrup. "Dude, you don't have to drown the food—it's already dead."

"Shut up, Samantha," Dean snorted as he set a hand on the back of the seat. "You don't get to complain when I cook breakfast for you."

"Did you even try to soak the grease off the bacon? It's so greasy it might slide off the plate."

"The syrup'll stick it to the plate till you get to it," Dean said proudly. "Now eat your breakfast."

Sam half rolled his eyes, but his mouth turned up into a faint smile with the same action. It was a stupid, petty argument, and neither of them said anything with bite. This was just what they needed to do to fall into some scheme of normalcy and ignore whatever nightmares they were both having.

Picking up his fork, he began to eat while Dean prepared himself another plate. He grabbed a chair and slid it between Sam and Cas. The angel was also eating, though he probably didn't need to now that his Grace was back.

It was a few minutes into the meal when the peaceful silence was broken. "Sam," Castiel began, "I have to say thank you, for finding my Grace."

"Of course," Sam nodded.

"How did you manage to find it?"

That was the kind of question that Sam feared. The "how's" and the "why's" and the "what's." Basically, he feared any question right now that would dig deeper into things. Dean suffered enough with killing him; he didn't need to know how Sam's heart was broken over and over again in his journey back.

But Cas deserved to know what happened, so he told him. "Gabriel," Sam said. "He found it and passed it on to me to give to you."

"Just like that?" Dean asked in amazement. "Last time, it took a lot to get him on our side."

"He decided to skip that part this time," Sam said. "It was nice of him." He took a huge mouthful of food, hoping it would keep them from asking questions. No such luck.

"Who else did you run into up there? I know you saw Jo…"

Sam swallowed the food. "Yeah. Jo's great. Same as ever, but at peace." He saw a lot of people in Heaven, but did he really want to share all of that? Not really, but if he kept it a secret, Dean would find out and be hurt. "Saw Ash. And Kevin. Then Gabriel." More softly. "And Jess." He reached for the water and took a drink, staring down at the glass while everyone else stared at him. Dean, Cas, and Charlie were most knowledgeable on that part of his past. Jody didn't specifically know who Jess was, but she could tell that it was somebody important.

All of them took the hint and led that thread of conversation drop. The new one they chose was hardly any better.

"Tessa told us that you saw Death in the veil," Charlie said. She paused, as if waiting for confirmation. Sam gave her the slightest of nods and she continued. "How did you get away from him?"

"He let me go. He sort of wanted me to live."

"Why?" Dean asked. "Lately, all he's tried to do is keep you in the grave."

"I convinced him I wasn't done yet," Sam said simply. Once more, he began to play with the food on his plate. He only ate a quarter of what Dean served him, and while that may have been a huge amount, eating a quarter of it wasn't good enough. Every second though, his appetite was disappearing.

"Did something else happen, Sam?" Jody tried, using a gentler tone.

Of course it did. It always does. He swore that he wouldn't lie about anything that happened. But he couldn't answer that question. Not right now.

He shoved his chair back and stood up, looking much like a cornered animal that was ready to run. "Whatever happened to that case we found?" Sam asked mainly Dean. "The one about the possessed college girl?"

Dean stared up at him in obvious concern, confusion, and worry. "We didn't do anything about it."

"Then we should," Sam said. "Right now."

Dean knew Sam better than anyone, so he was quickly connecting the dots in his head and realizing that Sam needed some out from this conversation.

Unfortunately not everyone at the table caught that drift. "Sam," Cas started, "You've just returned from a difficult journey. Now's not the time to be thinking about hunting."

No. No no. Don't drag me back into this conversation, Cas, please. "There's some innocent girl out there who's possessed," Sam spilled out too quickly. "We need to help her."

The way that everyone stared at Sam like he had three heads was enough to drive him insane. They were all analyzing him, trying to get inside his head and figure out what memories set this off. Well in Sam's ticked off and frantic mind, they needed to stop being so nosy and back off. He could swear that he was going to suffer a legitimate anxiety attack, and this time, it wouldn't be caused by the Fear of Abel.

"Dean," Sam tried again, looking down to his big brother. Please.

"Okay, yeah," Dean said to Sam's relief. He began to stand up, grasping his half-eaten plate so that he could carry it to the trash and then throw it in the sink.

"Sam, if you don't want to talk about it, all you need to do is say so." Jody's voice was colder and more closed down than it had been just a minute ago when she tried to get Sam to open up. Both boys did a double take and stared at her in alarm.

"It's fine," Sam lied. "We just need to take care of this girl, that's-"

"Well that's not happening," Jody declared. "Cas is right, Sam, you just came back and you're still having a hard time even standing upright. There's no way you're going on a hunt right now. I'll go and take Charlie and Cas with me."

"Wait, what?" Dean started.

"I'm in," Charlie agreed instantly. "Cas?"

Though Cas was falling behind because of all the subtext of the conversation, he knew that it was best to just play along. "Alright," he said. All three of them rose to their feet. The rest took some time, but it was simple enough that Sam could sum it up in one sentence: They backed bags, grabbed some food for the road, said goodbye, and hopped in a car and left.

Leaving Sam and Dean alone for the first time since Dean stabbed him.

"Awkward" couldn't begin to describe the air between them for the first few hours. Dean avoided him for a little while by cleaning up all the dishes in the kitchen (which he certainly took his time with). Then he began cleaning up the library and putting away any books the group used to try and save Sam. By the time he was done that, Sam was sitting on the couch in front of a television that they put in a while back, dozing off and on the very edge of consciousness.

Dean looked at his little brother for a long time in silence. The kid had him freaked, but it wasn't the first time and it definitely wouldn't be the last. Sammy had a habit of getting himself into trouble and making Dean worry.

What did you go through to get back here? Dean silently wondered. He wasn't stupid; he knew that Sam was keeping something from them all earlier at the table. He let it go because he knew Sam needed some time to mull over everything and cope in his own way, but Dean figured he gave him enough time. Now, Sam needed to talk and get it out, before it festered inside him like a cancer.

And he needed to help his brother somehow. After what he did, this was the only thing Dean could do to atone.

"Sam?" Dean asked gruffly, quietly. No response, of course. If Sammy was awake, he knew that the conversation to come wasn't pleasant. And if he was asleep—well, he was asleep. No need to think deeper than that.

He quietly placed himself next to Sam on the couch, eyeing the kid cautiously. If he was asleep, then he needed the rest. Cas said that it was Sam's soul that was tired and that his physical body was okay, but Dean couldn't help looking over him again and again. It was all that he could do. Physical wounds he could help heal, but the soul—he had nothing on that. He had no way to tell what kind of shape it was even in.

I need to hold off on that talk, Dean suddenly decided. I gotta watch him and see what kind of shape he's in. Then we'll talk.

His mind made up, Dean leaned back into the chair and folded his arms over his chest. He was tired too, and now that Sam was here and within arm's reach, maybe he could get some decent rest. His eyes flickered shut and Dean eventually forced himself to rest.

Just like Sam's, it was filled with nightmares.

*…*…*…*…*…*

Even if he was in the middle of yet another nightmare, Sam wasn't ready to wake up just yet. His body may have been perfectly fine even after everything, but his mind and soul weren't bouncing back so easily.

The only reason he was coming to was because the air around him had turned brutally, bone-chillingly cold.

Sam shivered, attempting to sink deeper into the couch to absorb some of the warmth that his body heat had put into the fabric. There wasn't the slightest solace or change in temperature. Why couldn't he escape the cold?

Or a better question: Why was it so cold in the first place?

He slowly opened his eyes, peeking in front of him only to see a different landscape than usual. The television that was once on was filled with static and the lights were dimmed to the point that they hardly seemed to emit any light at all.

Worse than that, there was a figure in a torn black robe hovering right in front of him.

"DEAN!" Sam hollered in panic. He hadn't even noticed that his brother was right next to him until he felt the jolt in the couch. Even so, he kept his eyes on the creature. Its face was shrouded by a black hood, as was its entire body. It was unlike any spirit that he saw before. Just the aura that it was putting out made him feel so terrified—so hopeless and alone.

An hand reached out and grabbed onto his arm—not the monster's. Dean's. His big brother held on tight to Sam's upper arm and dragged him away from the creature that had been too close for comfort. Sam stumbled over his tired legs, but Dean's strong hold was enough to level him and keep him moving away from the spirit.

When they were at the edge of the room, Sam dared to look over his shoulder. "Dean." His voice came out weak and weary, like he just woke up from a sad dream and he didn't have a full grasp on reality yet. His tone didn't really matter to him; it was the message that he was trying to convey. Dean knew him well enough to look over his shoulder towards the couch.

The monster disappeared just as quickly as it had come.

Sam sank down to the ground in relief, pressing his back against the wall as he wrapped his arms around his chest. The air was slowly warming up, but the coldness lingered over him. He expected Dean to be more rational and go check out the area by the couch or grab a weapon, but instead, Dean slid down to the ground next to him and breathed out his own sigh of relief. His breaths came out unevenly, and Sam realized then that Dean was probably affected by the monster the same way that he was. The only difference was that Dean had enough presence of mind to drag him out of there.

Even now, Dean was still aware enough to utter the question they were both thinking.

"What wasthat?!"

*…*…*…*…*…*

Peanut: Once more, the story has taken on a life of its own. I was going to wrap things up this chapter but I decided to follow the story further. So we'll still have a few more chapters to go in this one, unless it takes yet another spin that I'm not anticipating.

I want to take a moment and thank the people who reviewed the last chapter: Daisy, cammiemorris7, shadowdancer33996, sunshine102897, SamSam, and reannablue. And thanks to everyone who's been reviewing the story as a whole. I've been bad with getting back to people personally but I REALLY appreciate your faithfulness to the story and your feedback. You guys all rock!

In other news, life's about to get hectic, so apologies for longer gaps between chapters in both my active Supernatural stories.

Ta Ta for now,

Peanut