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Chapter
12:
Apology
Soundtrack
: Apologise by One Republic (I had to…)
I woke up as the sun fell upon the couch and I felt Rose on top of me. She looked in one of the most awkward positions, her bum on the edge of the coach, her head resting on the back and her body resting on my legs. Alice was sprawled on the adjacent sofa, looking really cold in a mere singlet top. I forced my face into a little smile. I couldn't believe the had put me up on a night like this. I had arrived home in the middle of the night and with little explanation, burst into tears.
Yet, they had just eased me through it without even demanding to know what was wrong. That's how you tell true friends apart from the rest. They would always be there for me no matter what reason was behind it and I knew from then on, if I never got a guy, it would be enough to just have these two by my side and I would always be in debt to what they had done for me all the years I had known them.
Me,
waking must have aroused Rose because I saw her stir and her eyes
flickered open as she peered down on me.
"Hey," she said
rather sleepily.
"Hey." I tried to reply but my voice croaked.
She smiled. Even little to no sleep in the most uncomfortable
position, she still looked like a supermodel. She got up, shaking
Alice asleep before proceeding to the kitchen to, what I thought,
make some coffee.
Alice immediately awoke and came to sit next to me, pulling me into a quick hug. She didn't say anything, she didn't need to. The sadness in her eyes portrayed it all and I pulled her into another hug, letting out a little sob. I heard Rose come back and she sat on the other side, handing Alice and me a spoon.
Carefully she prized open the lid of the chocolate ice cream she had brought out. We all dug in. It was heavenly and I closed my eyes to let it ring through all my senses. We sat there for a while, silently, eating the ice cream, only interrupted by my occasional hiccup.
It was still early so I guess there was a lot of time before any of us had to get ready to work. And yeh, we just happened to have three of the few jobs that actually made us work on Saturdays! I know Rose and Alice would've put up a fight but I was planning on making them go when the time to leave came and started planning arguments as to how I could convince them I was well enough to go to work today.
With the chocolate ice cream, I didn't feel so sleepy or depressed as I had the moment I woke up. Finally quite full, or rather had enough of the chocolate at this early hour, I leant my head on Rose's shoulder (her being taller, it was a better height) and tears subconsciously rolled out of my eyes. Alice worriedly handed me a bunch of tissues, taking the spoons and ice cream and placing it on the coffee table. I dabbed at my eyes but I felt all cried out. I was ready to talk and by the looks of their faces, they were ready to listen.
"The date was perfect, beyond perfect. He took me to this gorgeous restaurant that his brother, Emmett owns. The food was delicious, the place was beautiful and the conversation was divine. Emmett's a charm and well, it got quite late and Edward drove me home. It was all perfect." I sighed at the memory, taking a deep breath to prepare myself to tell the next bit.
"He walked me right to the door and well he kissed me. It was divine, it was crazy. It was just… but I didn't want to go further but when I asked him, he didn't stop. I guess my voice wasn't exactly convincing but then I got really angry and well. Oh, now I sound ridiculous but it so nearly got to that point where I could've slept with him! I mean, that's not what I want but he so nearly could've made me go that far. Am I wrong to be angry with him? I mean, I guess he's just not how I thought he.." I didn't get to finish because I burst into large sobs. Rose held me until I calmed down and Alice made sure I had an ongoing supply of tissues at use. Finally they spoke.
"Bella," Alice said. "You're not crazy. I mean, if you didn't want to, he shouldn't have pushed you that far. You had a right to be angry. But I wouldn't be so quick to judge and say he's just another jock. By the sounds of it, there is still a chance he isn't. I mean can all the gentleman-like things be completely dismissed after one act of indecency? Give him chance Bell. Of course, take a break. I think you need that. But don't completely ignore this. Because…" she hesitated, looking at Rose as if for approval. Rose merely shrugged, still rubbing my back in comfort. Alice continued, "Because, Bella. We've seen the changes. You're a lot happier. Well not right now. But you looked so happy. You actually suggested we play dress ups Bells! That guy really touched you. And that doesn't come around too often. I wouldn't be so quick to discard him. He seems really special."
I nodded as best I could between my sobs. I knew she was right. She always was. I buried into Rose's shoulder to stifle a few more tears. I didn't even hear the door bell ring but Alice must have got it because I suddenly heard Rose gasp. I sniffled as I turned around and Alice looked completely shocked still as about a dozen delivery men came into our lounge room, placing bouquets of roses on every surface they could find.
Finally
a man came in with a clipboard.
"Isabella Swan?" he inquired,
looking between the three of us. I took another tissue to wipe my
nose before raising my hand. He handed me the clipboard and a
pen.
"Please sign this." I did as I was told, still too
stunned to really speak. The man took his stuff back and headed out
the door with the rest of his men.
"Have a nice day." he said
courteously as Alice closed the door behind him.
She leaned against the door with a devious gleam in her eyes but her mouth still hanging open with shock. She rushed around the bouquets until she could find the note. She read it before handing it to me, wide-eyed. I read it aloud as Rose read over my shoulder.
Bella,
I am eternally
sorry. I do not know what came over me last night.
I just got
carried away. I never meant to do anything. Please believe me.
I
don't expect you to forgive me for what I did.
But please
do.
These roses, I hope, will fill your mind with their scent just
as your scent is forever locked in my mind. Not that I'm suggesting
anything just that you do smell awfully nice.
I'll always
remember it, and you.
I am sorry.
Edward.
I didn't know what to think.
The whole thing about the scent actually made me crack a smile. He was always saying things like that but obviously realised that this wasn't the time to start praising my scent! given our latest encounter. Rose and Alice watched me, trying to decipher my reaction. Obviously, Alice could no longer wait.
"Come on Bella. What are you going to say?" That was something I wanted to know myself but Alice's words rang clear in my head. I know I needed a bit of space but I also knew that Edward was really special and I didn't want to lose him that easily. So I knew there was only one way to do it.
"I'm going to try and get some space. Just wait it out a little. But I'll give him another chance. I owe him that," I said, not quite recognising the certainty in my voice. Alice couldn't contain her excitement anymore and she squealed as she hugged me. I laughed. I was starting to get scared that we were stuck with the motherly Alice. Though I loved it when she was so caring and supportive, it just wasn't Alice without the bubbliness and squealing! She quickly busied herself putting the roses into better positions around the house, even allocating some for each of our rooms. I sat there with Rose for a while before launching myself off the couch. I looked back at Rose's slightly worried face and smiled, actually smiled.
"I need a shower. I feel disgusting." Rose laughed, a little wary but I think she was kind of relieved that I was getting through it.
In the shower, I let the warm water rush over my body, untying all the knots in my body. I let out the last of my tears and by the time I stepped out of the shower, I felt refreshed and new; ready to face the new day. I blow-dried my hair and ran into my room, towel wrapped around me to get changed for work.
I heard Rose and Alice already getting ready as well. I was done before them, as usual and made coffee for us all. They both came down, in mellowed moods but noticeably happier seeing as I was obviously better. Alice gave me a concerned look as if to say, are you sure? I merely nodded and she started up a random conversation about her work, like it was any regular morning.
I was glad that they decided not to linger anymore, they knew me a lot better than to try and weasel details out of me and I was silently grateful. Before long, we all left the apartment block, splitting our separate ways after some reassuring hugs. I felt a lot more confident walking into the office that day.
I
must admit, I half expected it but I was still surprised. Edward
never did things half way did he? There on my desk was a gorgeous
tatty teddy that had an envelope next to it. One of my colleagues,
James, passed me as I reached for the envelope.
"That came for
you this morning." he explained nicely before rushing off again. I
read the envelope, written in Edward's elegant script.
Eternally yours just as I am
eternally sorry.
Edward
I was glad that I didn't start tearing up again or it would've ruined the make-up I had put on to try and hide the puffiness of my eyes from all the crying I had done the night before. I carefully placed the bear to my side and sticking true to my word, chose not to ignore it but not give it all my attention, just yet.
That day, I wrote one of the best articles I have ever written in my career. I don't know what came over me, but I just kept writing and as I read over it, I was actually satisfied with it which is quite a rare thing for a perfectionist like me.
I left quite early that day, it not even being three. I was actually in a good mood, nothing compared to the giddy mood of the last few weeks but still good. I nearly crashed into someone on my way to the elevators, madly apologising, my face, red with embarrassment. I scolded myself for my clumsiness as I waited for the elevator.
When it arrived, I did not wipe the glare off my face before Edward saw it. He must have thought the look was meant for him because he looked quite literally petrified as I stepped in. I realise I left the tatty bear back on my desk but decided to use this to my advantage. I turned my back to him as the elevator doors closed, trying to hide my smile. I saw him eyeing me suspiciously in the reflection of the doors.
"So,
did you get my um…gifts?" he timidly said as if I was about to
snap at him. I snapped my head around and I swear he shrunk back in
the corner just a little. I just flashed him a smile.
"Yes,
thank you." and turned back around. I saw the confusion cross his
face.
"And?" his curiosity was bigger than his pride. This
time I actually spun around to face him.
"Again, thank you.
That's really sweet." I said, rather enjoying myself at his fear.
But it was no time to play games now and I looked down at my feet before starting up again, this time serious. "Really, Edward, there was no need. I think there was a little misunderstanding and of course, I forgive you. But I just need a little time to process everything. I just, I need you to be patient. Just for a little bit, just so I can sort everything out. Please."
Out
of all things, I couldn't believe I was actually pleading to him. I
was
supposedly mad, but with the ability to pull the best puppy dog face
in the world, you couldn't stay mad at Edward for long. He nodded
in comprehension.
"Of course, Bella. Whatever you need." The
elevator had arrived and I made my way out.
"And Bella?" he
said, catching my hand before I got out.
Much to my dismay, the electricity was back on. He looked deep into my eyes and I could feel the apology pouring out. "Thank you." He was beyond sincere and my knees almost buckled as he gave me a lingering kiss on the cheek. Before I did anything to undermine all that I had said to the girls and to him today and last night, I reluctantly let his hand go and left the building.
I settled down for a rest on the couch with the unfinished chocolate ice cream and Pride and Prejudice one of my all-time favourites. The time was about five or was it a quarter past? when my phone rung. I picked up, still absorbed in my book so not noticing the caller ID.
"Hello?"
I said, finishing the sentence I was reading.
"Bella?" Of
course it was that wretched velvet voice. Still, I dropped
my book and looked at the caller ID just to make sure.
"Edward?
Why are you calling?" Had he completely forgotten the conversation
in the elevator or was this just his meaning of time-off?
"I
know you said you need some time, Bella. But I can't wait that
long. I want to see you again. I am sorry but…I find myself,
addicted to you. Not sexually of course or anything. Oh gosh! I
didn't mean that. Ohmigosh. Ok, let me start again." I was silent
on the phone but I couldn't help but smile at his evident internal
torture.
"I
guess I wanted to know, Bella. Is it enough time if I don't see you
until tomorrow night?" he sounded so desperate on the phone but
that actually had nothing to do with my decision.
"Of course
Edward. I'll see you then." And for both our sakes, I hung up the
phone. I know, I know. I should've held out for longer. But this
was Edward we're talking about here. Drop dead gorgeous, sent from
the gods who was actually interested in me?! and wanted to see me?!
again! I mean yeh, he did something bad last night but as Alice said
it could not condemn him given all the other things he had done
before and since the incident to make up for the now, tiny,
insignificant act.
OK…I
admit that didn't explain it too well. But it'll be very clear in
the next chapter…I hope. But I'm taking a break for now. been
sitting at my computer for way too long. Back soon!
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