Dear Diary,

I don't even know where to begin. I don't know if I should be crying, screaming, throwing things. Instead I just sit here on my bed looking at this stupid journal for hours before I finally got up the nerve to start writing.

Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie look like walking Zombies, they are trying to keep busy helping with things or arrangements. Grandmas Esme and Grandma Elizabeth have been keeping the boys busy as well as all of Rose and Alice's kids. Grandpa Carlisle called someone to come and pick up mom.

I didn't watch when they did that. I looked out the window though and what I saw broke my heart than finding mom so lifeless.

Dad bulled back the sheet that was covering mom and placed his head over her chest like he was still trying to listen to her heart or willing her to wake up. Grandpa Edward finally went outside and how to practically pull Daddy off of mom. I could also see Rose and Alice standing on the porch watching their hands over their mouths.

If anyone was trying to be the strongest out of all of I guess it might be me. I have closed myself up. Uncle Jasper keeps whispering things about my way of grieving or denial. But that's not it.

When the ugly looking car left and I could no longer see in it anymore I decided it was time to do something. I could not sit in my room all day and that is when I remembered the iPods that mom and I put the music on the other day.

"Give these to your Aunts."

"When mom?"

She smiled but I could tell that it was not a real smile like it hurt for to say the words next. "You will know when."

I took the iPods out of hands along with a long envelope and placed them in my nightstand.

Right now I look down at them wondering if this was the right time.

I think it is…

Real Time:

I walk into the living room where everyone was sitting. It was so quiet, eerie. Daddy sitting at the piano not playing but his fingers every few seconds would touch an ivory. Rose and Alice were holding each other like they were trying to keep each other together, if one of them moved the other would also. Emmett and Jasper were trying to keep the kids occupied with some quiet movies. And everyone else just looked lifeless.

I look down at the items in my hand and taking a heavy breath I walk over to Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie. When I became within in reach the two of them pulled me into an embrace telling me how sorry they were. But I wasn't sorry.

"Here," I held out the two iPods. "Mom told me to give these to you when the time was right. I think the time is right."

Alice and Rosalie look down at the bright pink iPod Nano's and I could tell they had confusion in their eyes. Each iPod had their own little note with instructions in mom's scribbled hand writing.

"Daddy?" I asked when I was closer to the piano.

He slid over on the bench and patted the red velvet. His eyes were so lost, so pained, red and puffy.

"Daddy, mom asked me to give this to you," I handed him the last thing my mother and I did together.

"When?" He asked looking at the long envelope.

"A couple of weeks ago, she said that I will know when it is time to give to you and that you would know what to do next."

Daddy turned the envelope over in his hands a couple of times before opening. By now everyone in the room was curious as to what it was.

I watched as Daddy scanned it quickly his expressions on his face changing so many different time. After reading it a couple of times and pulling out some more papers he stood up.

"Carlisle, call the funeral director, tell him there has been a change of plans."

Carlisle did not even ask he did as he was told and took his cell phone out of his pocket.

"Alice, Rosalie, how quickly do the two of you think you can get packed?"

Rose and Alice looked at each other. "Please Edward, Rose finally spoke. "I don't think this is the time to take a trip."

"That is where you are wrong, Rosalie, we leave in the morning," Daddy said and for the first time since the early morning hours Daddy seemed to be at some kind of peace.

"What are we packing for?" Alice asked as her voice seemed to come alive at the challenge of speed packing and shopping.

"Bella seems to have made her own plans," Daddy said slowly. "Like she knew that she would be leaving us this very day or close to it."

"Son," Grandpas Edward said coming up to him. "You're talking craziness."

"No, Dad," Daddy said to his father. "Bella wants to be cremated and she wants her ashes to be spread in very distinctive spots. Right now is the best time to go."

I watched as Daddy looked at Uncle Emmett and Uncle Jasper, then over to Aunt Alice and Aunt Rosalie all four of their eyes very slowly beginning to understand what Daddy was talking about.

"Very distinctive spots," Daddy said again this time holing up a handful of yellowish papers with giant red words on them.

"Oh my God!" Alice said sliding down onto the floor Jasper running to catch her.

"She planned all of this?" Rosalie asked tears coming down her face.

"Planned what?" Grandpa Edward said.

"Dad, all of us, and I mean everyone in this room is going to help Bella close the Circle of Life."

I reached up and took hold of Daddy's hand to get a better understanding of what code he was talking in and that his best friends were able to understand.

"Carnival Destiny?" I asked.

Daddy nodded his head. "Looks like we are going back to the beginning.