Another day, another chapter...hopefully not a filler but if I get stuck... Please enjoy! Also a warning : there is going to be mention of molestation and family-beating so if you aren't comfortable with it please don't read this chapter. And no this actually never happened to me, I made this up for dramatical purposes, but I do have a problem with people that are like this father.
Backstage with Vix, I remembered I didn't want to be doing this and wondered again how and why my own mother had forced me into this. 'Well she said she was worried about me...but if you are worried about someone you wouldn't force things on them would you? I know I wouldn't.' Again I was glad that mother was only here for the holidays and then I would have the big house to myself again. In the meantime, Vix was staying in one of the many rooms because she was also working very hard to do a good job which included working late at night. Her grandmother told her she shouldn't be waking her up in the middle of the night, but to stay somewhere until it was over. Vix was very hesitant about leaving her alone, and so every morning spent a few hours with her to ensure she wasn't lonely and was alright. She didn't bother looking for work, as my mother was paying her. Me on the other hand, I was working under free labor. 'Damn it all...here we go, another run...' Vix came up to me then with a new idea.
"Unnie, do you mind if I could do two performances? My own and then one with you? It doesn't have to be a DBSK song like your mom wants...but I want you to sing! I think the audience will really like it and donate more to our cause!" She smiled, and I couldn't help it, I smiled back and nodded.
"Alright...but only ONE song ok cause I can't deal with the nerves any more than that!" She laughed. "Chincha? You will? Alright! And I can come out and dance with you!" Before I could tell her I wasn't dancing for anything, she ran off to prepare. Holding the mic, I got into my spot on the stage and hoped that mom hadn't put anybody as the audience so I could get used to it because she made me nervous whenever she did. I looked to the other girls and nodded, and they all smiled. "We have it right this time for sure!" The curtains opened and we all stepped out and took our spots, and I could see people right in front of me. Breaking out in a sweat, I gulped and tried to ignore the gut feeling of paranoia and fear before the music started. Then I heard the music for Balloons and I closed my eyes, trying to imagine the music video and Jaejoong's face and his smile, hoping it would calm me down. Opening my eyes, I starting singing his part and tried to focus on anything but the people in front of me, but my eyes disobeyed my brain and I looked, getting nervous and falling down, stopping the practice in it's tracks. I heard the expected laughter begin, and felt my eyes tear up, until Vix came running out and helped me up.
"Unnie are you alright?" There were no traces of amusement, only concern, and I nodded. "I am fine, Vix. No worries!" But she didn't smile, instead she gasped as she gave me a once over. "Unnie, you are bleeding!" "Ani...I am fine I told you!" She took my hand and put it to my head where I had hit it and I winced, immediately pulling my hand back. I gasped then too, for there WAS blood, but only very little. Feeling the spot again, I found the little cut that had appeared at my temple and realized it was only a small cut. "Nae...I am bleeding but please don't worry it is very small. Just get me a band-aid ok?" I smiled, ignoring the little snickers of laughter I still heard. After Vix went off to find a band-aid, I turned to the girls who were supposed to be working with me but were instead laughing at me.
"What's wrong Soo-Jung? Is it Fall again already?" Bianca, the girl who had spoken and the one I always saw gave the most trouble, stepped up to me, laughing harder when she saw the cut. Pointing, she tossed her hair back over her shoulder and yelled loud enough for everyone to hear, "Look! Clumsy little Soo-Jung has a boo-boo. Want me to get your mommy to come make it better? Can't even do Jaejoong's part in the songs! Why do you have such bad stage fright, because you know how much you really do suck?" Laughing loudly and getting the others to laugh too, I felt my cheeks burning. I dared to look at where the people who were playing the audience were to see that they had gotten up and were now against the stage listening. 'I wish Haemin or MinHye or Jen were here...or even Yoochunnie and the other DBSK boys...' Too bad I couldn't see worth a damn because my glasses had broken a few weeks ago and I hadn't the money to buy new ones. But then, maybe that was a good thing, because I wouldn't be able to see the sneers I knew were on everyone's faces. I looked back to Bianca to see Vix had started to back with the band-aid for me, and I saw Bianca trip her.
"Monkey see monkey do much? You just HAVE to do everything your precious 'unnie' does don't you?" Vix stood up and ignored her and walked toward me again. "I didn't do what unnie did, Bianca. Unnie tripped over this cord here," and she pointed to a harmless looking cord that was next to my foot, "and I tripped over your big ass foot!" She came up to me, and gave me the band-aid. I could feel the anger radiating off of Bianca at someone standing up to her, and moved Vix somewhat behind me as I placed the band-aid on my head.
"Vix, go down to the floor. And be careful." "Araso, unnie...but what about you?" I nudged her to move quickly, and she did so, moving onto the floor and standing near the 'audience'. I started to back up, taking my damn sweet time to get to the edge so I could also get to the floor, but Bianca had gotten even angrier and stopped me. "What, are you going to run away now? To your mommy? OH mommy, the mean Bianca hurt my wittle feelings! And she was laughing! HA!" She moved closer, and I stood my ground. As much as I really hated violence, I was also not about to let a bully get her way.
Speaking quietly, I told her what I really thought of her. "At least I can go to my mommy, Bianca. She doesn't hate me because I am a snobbish little bitch who has to get her way all the time and makes others feel bad so she can feel good. At least I have someone to call me 'unnie' because they want to, not because they have to. You think you know everything and can do whatever you want just because your family is rich and you are pretty. Too bad all those boys you go home with every night can't see how ugly you really are. And that is why, should you ever meet DBSK and Jaejoong, they would just ignore you and hang with me instead. That is why Jaejoong would never sleep with you, because they can see right through your pretty little face to the cold nasty interior." The entire time I was talking, I could feel her anger and see her hands tensing and knew what she would do if I didn't stop, but I couldn't help myself once I started to tell her my thoughts on her I couldn't stop I had to let it all out.
"And by the way, Bianca, I think that the only reason people like you is for your money and the fact that they don't want to be bullied and shunned, even though your 'closest friends' get bullied too. No one really likes you, Bianca, and now you know why." As soon as that left my mouth, her fist landed on my face and I fell off of the stage. She jumped after me and tried to sit on me to continue her physical assualt, but by this time I had many feelings coursing through me all at once, feelings from two months ago, feelings from now, even some feelings from the past that were so unspeakable and dangerous that even Bianca could feel it. I stood up, pushing her off of me and sending her to the ground. Vix tried to come to me but I just growled at her and she backed off, and I started toward the girl who just couldn't leave well enough alone. Standing up as I approached, she said the one thing that set me off completely.
"Looks like little Soo-Jung has become like her drunken, family-beating, child-touching dead-beat father!" She smiled triumphantly at me when I stopped and looked up in shock. 'How did she...know? YOU...'
Fuming, I charged toward her and took a swipe, landing a hit and pushing her to the ground. I started beating on her, over and over, every once in a while changing to kicking, then punching again, the tears flowing freely, and I wasn't even seeing her face anymore, but that of my father, and I couldn't stop. I felt someone grab my arm as I raised it for another punch, and I pushed them away and landed another hit before someone grabbed me from behind, saying my name over and over, trying to get my attention. Unable to hit my target anymore with my fists, instead I took to screaming at him totally forgetting that it wasn't who I was seeing but Bianca.
"HOW DARE YOU! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A FATHER! YOU COULDN'T EVEN BE AT HOME FOR AN HOUR WITHOUT DRINKING AND BEATING ME SENSELESS? AND MOTHER BLAMED HERSELF WHEN IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT, JUST BECAUSE OF YOUR STUPID GUILT FOR WHAT YOU DID! I HATE YOU! JUST DIE ALREADY AND MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE!" I hiccuped then, and tried to scream again but found no voice. Turning in the embrace I knew was not romantic but to keep me from my assault, I pushed against the firm body and tried to escape, all the while still crying. I heard my name again, softly, and this time I recognized the voice. Looking up into the face of Youngwoong Jaejoong, I stilled in shock and embarrassment, the shame coursing through me as I thought back to what he had seen me do, what he had heard me say. I crumpled to my knees, him following me, still holding me and making shh noises. 'Why is he doing that, I am not saying anything...oh...' I realized I was crying, big wrenching sobs traveling down my body and making me shake, also making him shake too. Without realizing it, I fell asleep, listening to his heartbeat and his voice, all cried out for the time being.
Jaejoong's POV
Holding her and listening to her cry, I could feel the grief and sadness that seemed so strong for just the little fight I had seen and I realized that the girl must have said something to really hurt her because I knew, especially after the incident at the apartment, that she absolutely abhored voilence. 'She must have just snapped...I wonder what could make her like this, make her so depressed and angry...I want to help her...what a nice Christmas present I turned out to be...well part of one anyway...' I noticed then that her breathing had softened and she had fallen asleep. The other girls on the stage had come and gotten the badly beaten girl from the floor a long time ago, at least it felt like a long time to me. Haemin walked up to me with Soo-Jung's mother, and translated what she was saying for me.
"You need to wake her up, we are going back to the house. I need to talk to her...I had no idea these feelings she was harboring for her father. I will explain everything when we get there." I nodded, and tried to wake her up only to find that she was so deeply asleep and mentally and physically exhausted that she wouldn't wake. Instead, I picked her up and nodded again to her mother, who nodded back and motioned for me to follow her. Walking alongside Haemin, the others joined us and we all made it to the house before it got too cold. Her mother led me up to Soo-Jung's room, and I walked in and put her down, then refusing to leave her alone for many reasons one of which was her reaction to waking up alone. Her mother, understanding only part of my hesitation, nonetheless brought in chairs for Haemin, MinHye, Jen, and Vix, kicking the others out and telling them to come back later. She got comfortable, and then began.
"Soo-Jung's father was...not a nice man. At first he was, but something...happened and he changed. When she was 7 he began drinking, even when he was supposed to be watching her. She learned how to take care of herself pretty fast, because at the time I was very busy with the place I was working at. Then one day I came home and noticed a dead silence." She looked at Soo-Jung, and I could see a tear make it's way down her cheek. "I got nervous, and so looked for my husband and Soo-Jung, worrying that something had happened and they were hurt or worse. I had reason to worry, at least partly, when I came in to the kitchen to see my husband laying with his face on the table and Soo-Jung at the sink, washing something. I walked up to her, used to his behavior be now but not hers. Usually she would come right to me when I got home, and she would have a smile on her face and something she had made for me during the day. When I saw what was in the sink, what she was washing, had blood on it, I turned the water off and turned her to look at me." She stopped and took a shaky breath, tears spilling more frequently. "He...he had hit her so hard that her nose and lip had bled and was still bleeding, even though she had...she had tried to put a band-aid everywhere. Her...pretty little face...was covered in band-aids. She tried to...to smile...and couldn't from the pain. "Hi mommy! How was your day?" She asked, like it was a normal day and she wasn't bleeding all over what I now realized were the clothes she had changed into because she was washing her other ones in the sink. I broke down, and hugged her and cried, and when she spoke again I cried harder, terrified that he would wake up and hit her again or even me. I brought her upstairs, and cleaned her up. The thing she said to me, the thing that made me hurt more inside than the sight of her beaten, bruised, and bloody face...she told me..."Don't cry mommy, or daddy might get mad again." Apparently, she had scraped her knee pleaying outside and had come in crying, making his alchohol headache worse. So he beat her until she stopped crying." She stopped again and got some tissues, and I looked at Soo-Jung. Brushing some hair away from her mouth, which was now swollen and bruised, I thought I could understand the fear and anguish her mother had felt. I felt it just with the little damage she had, and I knew I wouldn't have been able to take it if I had seen her worse than this. Her mother began again, and I didn't look at her this time, instead I watched Soo-Jung sleep, and as I listened to the rest, I started to feel the tears fill my own eyes.
"At age 13 she came home from school early, being sent home by the nurse. I was home this time, because ever since that day so long ago I had done whatever I could to protect her, instead taking her beatings myself. My husband was in a particularly bad mood when he got the call from the nurse to tell us she was coming home, and when he hung up he broke the phone from the force. He had been drinking again, of course, and what had triggered his rage this time was simple human genes. The nurse had told him that Soo-Jung had started her monthly, and what she said was "Maybe now she can be bleeding for a good reason instead of alchohol." It was crude I know, but the nurse was tired of the small cuts and bruises he would place upon Soo-Jung when I wasn't looking or for the few minutes I wasn't home when I went to the store.
"When she got home, I tried to yell to her to get away, get out, but she walked in just the same, just as he hit me and knocked me unconscious. I was told the rest of this later, grudgingly, because it was hard for her to talk about. After I was out of commision, he went after her and beat her to a pulp, first using his fists and when his arms got tired enough he took a break and got a bat, having the time to do so because he had broken her ribs and she was in too much pain to move. After his short break he beat her some more with the bat and to this day I am surprised she lived. I have seen the pictures and let me tell you it was only a miracle that saved her. That and the fact that the nurse had gotten nervous about his reaction to her comment and called the cops to our house. He was shot in the shoulder, and the ambulance came and got us both. She had four broken ribs, one arm broken in two places and the other in three, her leg broken and the other bleeding like crazy, her face unrecognizable." I felt a hand on my arm and looked up into her mother's face, barely being able to see her for the tears that were there. "You really care for her, don't you?" I nodded, and she handed me a tissue. Finishing what she had started, I felt sick inside and wondered if maybe that was why she had flipped out, if that girl had teased her about it. 'And to think this all started because she got nervous and tripped over a wire...'
"After that we left. We had to move several times, because he kept following us. See he had gotten bail and skipped court and wouldn't let us go. Finally he found us, with Soo-Jung home all alone, at the age of 15. She ended up fighting for her life, and won. Barely. Cops arrested him and he went to prison, dieing a year later from a gang war inside. She never got to confront him, never got to look in his face and ask why, but I knew. I had found out soon after that he had gotten drunk and high one night while he was out, and had done...unspeakable things to a child that was with a family that was on vacation there. His guilt had eaten him alive until he had nothing left, and started drinking. Which led to everything else. Please...try not to judge her too harshly. I know about the fight, but what that girl said to her...it was wrong. Please, Jaejoong, " and I looked up at her again, "if you care about her and love her, take care of her. Don't judge her in any way because of this, and don't pity her. Just be there for her. Please." I nodded, and she walked out, the girls following her, all with their own tears and sniffles, leaving me alone with Soo-Jung. I sighed, looking down at her, and decided to lay with her, hoping she wouldn't mind too much.
"Soo-Jung-ah...I love you. Saranghae. Juseyo...be happy." I said softly to her, and she turned into my embrace, making a feeling of dejavu appear.
"Jaejoongie-ah... I heard, and then I heard her sob, and knew she was crying because of a bad dream. I held her tighter, hoping it would help.
OK so I had ALOT of me and Jaejoong...MIANHE! ducks flying objects again I will put more of the others into the next chapter...and maybe even keep myself OUT of the next one! . Please read and review and comment...tell me if you hate it! I hope you don't, but I need to know. Just be nice ok? .
