Chapter 12: Do I Make You Proud?
Someone must have made a mistake, because whomever was responsible for transporting her so suddenly from the beautiful house overlooking the sea had also re-assembled her inside out…Or at least it certainly felt that way.
Miaka gagged violently, barely preventing herself from throwing up all over the expensive pair of leather shoes nearby. Uncaring that she was not alone, she allowed herself to crumple unceremoniously into a panting, retching ball against one wall. She dropped her head to rest on her knees, slowly willing her rebelling stomach under control.
Time seemed to stretch out endlessly, until she became aware of a shadow falling over her. Cautiously, she lifted her head, and was rewarded with the sight of the last person she wanted to be stuck in an elevator with. Especially now, when she was still reeling from the shocking realisation that she had fallen hook, line and sinker for the one man on the face of the planet with whom she had no possibility of a future...And also not forgetting that she could throw up all over him (and his shoes) at any given moment! She could not even derive any satisfaction from the fact that his face had taken on an uncharacteristic pallor, the skin around his mouth appearing grey. He looks almost as ill as I feel…Somehow, finding out that Nakago had (for once) come out of this faring only slightly better than her, did not make Miaka any happier.
It also did not help that her school uniform was still damp from the rain. Her eyes widened as she looked down to find that she was back in the clothes which she'd been wearing the day Fate had decided to mess up her life, and not the bathrobe which she'd had on when they had been snatched out of their seaside exile. A measure of relief filtered through her misery. The odds were that Keisuke would not understand if she turned up late in the evening wearing nothing except a bathrobe, in the company of the hunky blonde shogun...never mind that Nakago was supposed to be her worst enemy! Her brother would no doubt jump to the wrong conclusion. In her current fractured emotional state, Miaka did not think she had the strength to deal with his well-meaning concern or righteous anger.
Between them, the Shijintenchisho lay open on the floor, exactly where it had fallen three weeks—or a few seconds, depending on one's point of view—earlier. With trembling hands, she reached out for it.
The elevator lurched into motion.
Mercifully, the doors slid open a few seconds later, and Miaka needed no second invitation. She bolted out of the small compartment with her satchel and the Book of the Four Gods—which she'd hastily slammed shut—in case Fate or Taiitsukun changed their minds and decided to transport her somewhere else…Like say, a monster-infested watch-tower in the middle of the Sairo desert.
Not stopping until she arrived in front of the apartment, she tried to open the door but her hands were shaking so badly that she couldn't even seem to fit the key into the lock. She could sense Nakago closing the distance between them in a manner uncomfortably similar to a predator stalking its prey…
Without a word, he took the keys from her suddenly nerveless fingers and unlocked the door for her before she could stop him.
"Miaka-chan? Is that you?" Keisuke called from somewhere inside the apartment. Footsteps heralded his approach.
Her grip on the Shijintenchisho tightened, "Okaeri…" she said weakly, her voice barely a whisper of sound. She was so very tired…All her defences were crumbling, her self-respect and control in shreds. Hot tears burned at the back of her throat, and suddenly, the ache in her battered soul became too much for her to bear…
"You're late today—…Whoa! Miaka, are you alright? What happened?" Keisuke staggered backwards when his sister dropped her books and school bag on the floor and hurled herself into his arms. He soon found himself the recipient of a hug so tight that he swore he heard his ribs cracking. His breath caught when he spotted the silent presence in the doorway just behind her. "Nicholas?" For a moment, he thought that everything was back to the way it had been before the kidnapping; that his sister had regained her memories and had sought out the tall Seiryuu seishi…
…Until it abruptly dawned upon him that it was not the case. Something was wrong. Miaka's former enemy was standing unnaturally still; the handsome, chiselled features hard as granite. Keisuke had gotten used to seeing the impassive mask which the other man usually donned, but this one was not just blank, it was damned near impenetrable. The shock of seeing Nicholas again for the first time in over two months was swiftly eclipsed by frantic concern when he felt the first shudder rip through his sister's slight body as she sagged against him.
The erstwhile Seiryuu general met his questioning glare with an air of aloof detachment, "Good evening, Keisuke." The greeting was formal, stripped of anything that might have passed for emotion. Nicholas' eyes shifted almost imperceptibly to Miaka, and for a split-second, Keisuke thought he saw a flicker of something in the cold silver-blue depths.
And then, Nicholas was gone. The blonde man swiftly turned and walked back down the hallway with his customary jungle-cat stealth, leaving an extremely confused Keisuke alone to comfort the tiny russet-haired miko who clung to him and sobbed as if her heart was broken.
Life goes on…how she had come to hate that phrase. Nakago had not come back. Not to check on her to see how she was doing, not even to pass some snide comment about how all his good work in tutoring her was probably going to waste. Oh, life did indeed go on, but no one had warned her how much it would hurt. Knowing that he felt nothing for her and that he had probably already moved on with his own life…
The thought of him spending it with someone else was slowly killing her. She imagined that he would be with someone who complimented his social status and good looks. A glamorous model, perhaps. In order to prevent herself from dwelling on such thoughts, she feverishly threw herself into her exam revision to keep her mind busy…and yet they crept back in to haunt her in her most unguarded moments late at night in the realm of her dreams.
She had not told Yui and Keisuke the whole story; only the most superficial details, and even then, she'd glossed it over with a bright plastic smile accompanied by laughter which sounded just as fake. When Keisuke had gently brought up the issue of her emotional breakdown, she had insisted that the tears had been those of joy and relief, because she had almost given up hope of ever returning to this world. How easily the lies had tripped off her tongue! Miaka hated herself for keeping things from them, but she just wasn't ready to face their well-meaning concern, or worse still, their pity. And hence the charade which she put up for her friends and family…because it was too painful for her to admit to them that she had fallen in love with the enemy…
She felt drained physically, mentally and emotionally. Today, she had sat for her last exam, the last paper she would ever write as a high school student…It was fitting that it was Economics. Her last link to him. She'd scribbled the answers down like a person possessed, handed in the scripts and quietly slipped out of the examination hall forty-five minutes before the bell rang.
It was only when she was safely outside the school gates, did she let the tears fall.
She was not entirely sure how she ended up at Ueno Park. Her feet guided her along a path which curved through the sakura trees. As she stood, gazing up at the branches overhead, it suddenly occurred to her that she had seen this place before…in the vision she'd had when Nakago had been treating the jellyfish stings on her leg.
Dropping to her knees, she buried her face in her hands. Her sub-conscious had been unspeakably cruel, conjuring up what she had come to realise as her dearest wish; taunting her with something that could never be. He cares nothing for you…he was nice to you while inside the Book probably because he was bored, her mental voice asserted harshly. There was a hollowness inside her…as if Nakago, not content with stealing her heart, had also stolen her soul.
"It's about time you stopped moping around, Suzaku no Miko!" A gratingly familiar voice caused her to stiffen.
"Oh joy…" she muttered through gritted teeth as she got to her feet, "Can't you even leave me to cry in peace?" She was still furious with Taiitsukun for lying to her. It convinced her that the Gods and the Fates were merely amusing themselves at her expense, and it was not something she took kindly to. Miaka's fists clenched at her sides. This miko is through with playing games and jumping through hoops, she vowed darkly.
The Overseer studied the russet-haired young woman carefully, reading the thoughts that went through the miko's mind. The one who stood before her was no longer the same person who first entered the Shijintenchisho as barely more than a child. Miaka had come a long way since then; she had known friendship and hate, and had experienced love. The witch narrowed her eyes, "You're angry that I led you to believe that you had to have sex with him to get back to this world." The statement of fact was made without preamble.
The miko glared, "No kidding," she snapped, red-rimmed hazel eyes flashing with anger. "What was the point of that exercise anyway? We got sent back here without having to—"
Taiitsukun interrupted her tirade with a dismissive wave, "The point wasn't about the two of you becoming intimate. If you recall, I never actually said anything about that…YOU simply assumed that you had to. In fact, you could have bonked each other in all the positions of the Kama Sutra and still be stuck there!"
A scorching wave of heat washed over her pale cheeks at the old hag's blunt declaration, but Taiitsukun did not give her a chance to speak. Irritably, the deity continued, giving her a baleful look which people reserved especially for incontinent puppies, "For heaven's sake, girl! What did you notice about him in the time you spent together? You watch, but you do not see. You hear, but you do not listen!" The witch paused, and the stern expression on the wrinkled face softened slightly as she began fading out of existence, " Open your eyes, Suzaku no Miko, as you have opened your heart!"
"Tai…Taiitsukun! Wait!" Miaka yelled, wanting to ask more questions, but it was too late, the cranky being who presided over the Universe of the Four Gods was gone. That disappearing trick of Taiitsukun's was fast becoming a close contender for the top spot on Miaka's list of pet peeves. Right up there next to "Sinfully handsome blonde shoguns who try to kill your friends" and "Bus drivers who purposely speed up when they see you running towards the bus-stop".
Biting her lip, she stood unmoving for a long moment, replaying the conversation in her mind. The ugly old goddess' words set her thinking…what had the Fates and Taiitsukun wanted her to see in Nakago that they had gone to such extreme lengths to trap them together? They had intended for her to fall in love with him, that much was clear. But why? What had she missed? The sneaking suspicion that the answers to everything lay tied up in her lost memories was becoming too strong to ignore…
There was no telling how much time had passed, but eventually, she was realised that she was tired of feeling sorry for herself. "Miaka no Baka…" she whispered fiercely, "I'm such an idiot…to fall in love with him…" Not that she could have helped it, any more than she could have stopped the sun from rising in the east every morning. There was no use crying over spilt milk, and Yuuki Miaka had never been one to take things lying down. It had taken a while for her to remember that part of herself; the person who had stood up to Nakago's ruthlessness…the same girl who had taken on Tenkou and won!
Miaka staggered and sagged against the nearest tree as her mind struggled to cope with the sudden weight of the new — old — memories.
Tenkou! The once ghostly images unfolded in her mind and solidified. Where previously it had only been a story told to her by Yui and Keisuke, she finally remembered living it. What she had seen, all that she had felt…her grief when Tamahome had died; her awe and sadness as she had stood atop that cliff watching the setting sun, listening to Nakago speak so dispassionately about his past…
The iron-willed determination not to lose…and they had made it, mostly because of Nakago. He was a cold, arrogant jerk, but he'd helped her summon Suzaku a second time, even risking his life to protect hers.
A part of the immense puzzle clicked together. No wonder Keisuke, Yui and Tetsuya had been so ready to welcome him into their midst. He had their trust, and hers as well, because he'd earned it many times over. The memory of him being mercilessly tortured by Tenkou made her want to weep all over again.
How could I have forgotten something so important? she berated herself. Hiding in her shell (which had been precisely what she'd been doing for the last few weeks) would not get her anywhere, she decided as she slowly made her way out of the park. Whatever happened, Yuuki Miaka was not going to let life pass her by. Come hell or high water, she was going to start living again, beginning now...
Miaka's voice could be heard just down the hall, alerting the Seiryuu no Miko to her approach. She sat down on her bed and gripped the handset a bit tighter.
"What's the situation like now?" Taka sounded carefully neutral over the telephone.
"Well…they're getting along like a house on fire," Yui muttered in an extremely disgruntled manner. No, the Seiryuu no Miko was not happy at the way things were turning out. Andy had become a frequent visitor to the Yuuki residence. Despite his busy concert schedule, he often shuttled between China and Japan whenever he could, just to see Miaka. Couldn't Miaka see that she was with the wrong man?
And I'm certifiably insane for even wanting her to end up with someone who probably won't be able to bring himself to tell her he loves her, the fair-haired girl thought grimly. Either that, or else she was a die-hard romantic who believed that opposites did attract and only loves sprung out of only hates. Nakago probably had enough of his own personal demons to fight without everyone criticising his decision to keep his distance from the one person who had managed to melt the ice around his heart. Yui suspected that the only thing which held the darkness in his soul at bay was what he felt for the Suzaku no Miko. As for Miaka, out of everyone, she was the one who most deserved to be happy. If happiness meant being with Nakago, then Yui was more than willing to gave her friend a push in that direction.
In fact, the urgency to give Miaka that push was mounting. Yui knew that the time had come to do something which would either make her an enemy of her closest friend, or would earn her Miaka's undying gratitude.
Blowing her bangs out of her face, the dragon priestess sighed and prepared to travel the certifiably insane route. "I know he's your friend and comrade, Taka, but it's…wrong. She was in love with Nicholas before Ashitare kidnapped her. What if she ends up marrying Andy then suddenly remembers? The guilt will be too much for her to bear. She would try her best to forget her feelings and try to make the marriage work, of course…but it wouldn't be fair to either of her or Andy. They'd both be hurt. And Nicholas…" she shuddered, "He's not quite the same man as Nakago, but he will not forgive. Neither will he forget. Not even for her."
Hearing the sound of footsteps coming closer, she spoke rapidly, promising to keep him updated and rang off, not a moment too soon, it seemed. Miaka stuck her head into the room, "Yui-chan, what are you doing?"
"Nothing much…just relaxing…" she answered as she languidly stretched and pretended to give a huge yawn.
Her faux yawn turned into a squeal as Miaka took the opportunity to tickle her sides. "Hey! St—stop it! Miaaaaakaaaaa!" Yui tried to squirm off the bed, her fingers went for the other girl's flank, determined to exact revenge.
Minutes later after many loud shrieks and giggles, both girls lay on the bed gasping for breath. Yui prodded the unmoving figure beside her with a foot, "Oi, are you still alive?"
The other miko did not open her eyes, but snaked out a hand, grabbed the foot in question and ran her nails along the bottom, causing Yui to dissolve once again into helpless giggles. When Yui finally regained possession of her foot, she immediately tucked it under the blanket as Miaka propped herself up against the headboard, looking smug, "Repeat after me, Yuuki Miaka is the Tickle Queen!"
Aiming a mock glare at her counterpart, the Seiryuu priestess drawled, "How old are you, Your Highness? Eight?" She winced slightly, "My sides ache, I haven't laughed this hard in ages, since…"
"Since we were in middle school, before the Book," Miaka finished softly and added, "You needed it, I think." Despite the apparent seriousness of the words, there was an enigmatic smile hovering over her lips.
You needed it more than I did, Yui retorted mentally, but kept her thoughts to herself. She could not put her finger on it, but that smile was…odd. In fact, come to think of it, Miaka had become extremely hard to read of late, ever since the end of the exams. Yui did not know what had happened between the phoenix priestess and the former shogun or why Miaka's smiles never quite reached her eyes anymore, but what she did know was that her bubbly, care-free friend no longer wore her true heart on her sleeve. Whatever that thing she tried to pass off as a heart was, it did not fool someone who had known her since they were both toddlers. The Suzaku no Miko still laughed and whined over silly things and ate a lot, but there was something not quite natural about it. As if she was forcing herself to be happy; had probably deceived her own mind into believing that everything was okay. There were times however, when Miaka's face would blank out for an instant before the sunny smile returned.
Everyone had observed how she only seemed truly relaxed with the former emperor, and how close they had become. More worryingly, there had been no mention of Nakago.
Yui reminded herself of her mission, "Let's go to that new Korean barbecue place in town for dinner," she said casually, hoping to talk some sense into Miaka before Andy got to her.
Unfortunately, the other girl shook her head apologetically, "Sorry, I'm supposed to have dinner with Hotohori tonight, but he wouldn't tell me where he's bringing me. He only said to wear something pretty…" Miaka wrinkled her nose, "I need to borrow a dress from you."
Oh no! Damn! That Suzaku seishi sure moves fast! Yui felt her brain kick into high gear…she knew what the pop star was up to. By chance, she'd seen him in a store earlier today. He had been unaware of her gaze as he had been too intent on making his purchase…A very expensive purchase from the looks of it. She had to admit that he certainly wasn't dragging his feet when it came to Miaka. Pasting a stern look on her face to cover the unease that was welling up, she folded her arms and shook her head, "No! You always end up ruining my clothes!"
"Come on, Yui…pretty please? I promise to take good care of it!" Miaka pleaded, hazel eyes wide and innocent.
She opened her mouth to deliver a scathing comment about how difficult it was to get bloodstains out of clothes (which was what happened the last time she'd loaned Miaka anything), but changed her mind before she could give voice to it. Instead, she silently went to her closet and took out a delicately layered chiffon dress. Ignoring the exclamations of admiration and delight, Yui looked at her best friend intently and slowly held out the dress, "On one condition, Miaka…Promise me that you won't make any life changing decisions tonight."
What happens now has happened in the past, what will happen in the future has happened before. God makes the same things happen again and again.
—Ecclesiastes 3:15
She swept her gaze around one of the most exclusive restaurants in the city. The wall of glass windows offered a breathtaking view of the glittering city lights. She was wearing a beautiful dress and was escorted by the most handsome of men…she had not missed the flare of male appreciation in his golden eyes when he had picked her up from her home. By all rights, she should have felt on top of the world, but all she could think about was Yui's strange behaviour earlier and the equally unusual promise the Seiryuu no Miko had extracted from her.
And Nakago.
Always Nakago. He was never far from her thoughts, however hard she tried to forget. His face tormented her in her dreams, and in every waking moment. She clung to the memory of their quest against Tenkou and their time together in the house by the sea, knowing that everyday she fell a little more deeply in love with him. The blonde shogun's continued absence and indifference hurt unimaginably, but she could not bring herself to seek him out without having all her memories intact… without knowing what sort of relationship she'd had with him before her amnesia.
"You seem distracted," Hotohori's smooth, cultured voice broke into her musings. "A yen for your thoughts?"
Miaka started slightly, realising she had been gazing sightlessly out into the night sky for several minutes and ignoring her dinner companion. She cleared her throat sheepishly and poked at a spear of asparagus on her plate, "Gomen…I just had a sense of déjà vu…like I've been here before."
Hotohori's mouth tightened, his elegant musician's hands clenched briefly into fists but released almost instantly, "This was where we first met again." He took a deep breath, as if preparing himself to step out onto a stage. The unease she had been feeling since the beginning of the evening morphed into full-blown shock as he slowly slid a small box across the table, "Open it," he said softly. "Accept this, Miaka…accept me."
The world around her seemed to stop, waiting for her response. It was impossible to look away from the object in front of her. Her trembling fingertips brushed over the velvet covering as she lifted the lid, and the true enormity of what he was asking loomed over her. Numbly, she stared at the ring nestled in its bed of white satin, and suddenly, Yui's strangely prophetic words came back to her.
- -Promise me that you won't make any life changing decisions tonight.- -
Somehow, her best friend had known…
She acknowledged that she had been spending a great deal of time with Hotohori lately, because he was always willing to lend a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. They had shared with each other their hopes, dreams, and innermost fears. She had told no one except him about what had happened during her exile inside the Book, and had even confided in him how she felt about Nakago. Sympathetic and understanding, he dragged her out with him, insisting that she accompany him on shopping expeditions and meals, keeping her company whenever he could without making any demands on her. A flood of shame accompanied the realisation that she had been taking advantage of his gentle concern, especially when deep down, she had always known how much he cared about her. It must have had been difficult for him to listen to her talking about the blonde Seiryuu seishi who had killed him in a past life, yet he had comforted her whenever her feelings for his mortal enemy overwhelmed her. Why is he doing this? He knows I'm in love with Nakago…
"Hotohori…I…" she stammered, replacing the box on the table with shaking hands. The large diamond solitaire sparkled accusingly up at her. It must have cost him a fortune.
Her former seishi reached across the table, covering her hand with his own, "Please Miaka…will you at least think about it? We can make this work, I know we can! I'll tell my record company to cut back on the publicity and the concerts so that we can spend more time together!"
It hurt to look at him and see the pain in his golden eyes. She knew exactly how he felt. After all, she too, was in love with someone who could never love her in return. Demo, I have to make him see… She gently withdrew her hand from his, composing her thoughts before beginning in a low voice, "I remember reading in a book, how everything in the universe follows a cycle, from the stars and planets, to people. For humans, the time it takes to complete one cycle is about 25 million years. Starting from now, when 25 million years pass by, everything will come round full circle…like a clock being reset. We will be born again; grow up making the same decisions we made before. All the things we are going through now, we will go through again later…and we will meet the same people we once met before."
She smiled, but her expression was tinged with sadness. It made Andy realise how lovely she had become…and how very far out of his reach. Miaka had finally grown into the role of the Suzaku no Miko. As a young lonely prince cloistered in the palace, he'd always imagined the priestess to be beautiful, dignified and wise beyond her years…and now, seeing her like this, his boyhood fantasy come to life, made him wish for the old Miaka back. He missed the cheerful, simple girl who tripped over her own feet.
Playing along, he forced his voice to be calm, "So in 25 million years, we will both be sitting in this very same restaurant, having this conversation?"
Luminous hazel eyes held his for a long moment, "Yes," she nodded slowly, "And my answer to your question will be the same…" His beloved miko looked down at her barely touched entrée; her next words confirming what he had suspected all along, "…because I think I'll still be in love with him."
Andy took a sip of his wine, the excellent vintage now tasting sharp and bitter on his tongue, "Is he really worth it?" he asked evenly.
"He is," she answered immediately, with so much quiet conviction that he was taken aback. "I can't tell you the exact reasons how or why I love him, because I'm not even sure myself. Whenever I'm near him, I feel—…It's…It's like finally breaking into a run after walking all my life…" Miaka trailed off, her hand unconsciously fisting around a snowy white table napkin.
"I see." He didn't, actually…but there wasn't much else he could say. It hurt deeply that she had turned down his proposal (again), but subconsciously, he must have known what her answer would be. Miaka was not the kind of girl who would lead a man on, and never once had she given him any indication that she viewed him as anything other than a friend. Andy almost groaned in horror. Dear Suzaku, what have I done?
Mortification at the spur-of-the-moment decision he'd made earlier that afternoon, after seeing the engagement ring in the window display of a store, swept through him so violently it would have sent him reeling if he had not been sitting down. He only had himself to blame if Miaka never trusted him again; never wanted to come near him again. How he wished he could turn back time…it didn't matter that he could not have her, but at least he'd had her friendship.
"Hotohori," he was pulled out of his rapidly darkening thoughts by the sound of his seishi name. Only one person still called him that. He blinked and re-focused his attention on his miko, but found her regarding him with a disconcertingly direct stare, as if she was peering right into his soul.
He found himself unable to meet her probing gaze, "I'm sorry…I've…failed you. I hope you will still consider me a friend, but if you never want to see me again…I'll respect that too," he whispered with as much dignity as he could muster, but Andy could hear the tremor in his voice.
"Hotohori, please look at me," she stood up and walked around the table to stand beside him, "You have not failed me! Don't say things like that!" He said nothing, so she began earnestly, "Not long ago, you told me your hopes and dreams, and all the things you wanted to achieve. I don't think any of that has changed. I understand why you feel compelled to ask me to marry you, and I'm grateful that you care enough for me to throw away all that you've worked so hard for. I know you love me, but if you had entered the music industry with the same conviction that you made this…offer, you'd still be singing in a karaoke bar somewhere, instead of being the superstar you are now. This proposal, as well intentioned as it is, isn't what you truly want." He felt the touch of her hand on the sleeve of his jacket, "And it wouldn't be fair…to either of us."
It took a stunned moment for her words to sink in, yet another to search his heart and recognize that she was right. He did want to live his dreams; to reach the goals he had been working towards over the last few years. In his past life as the ruler of a country, he had inherited the position rather than earned it. By contrast, he had reached where he was today through hard work and determination, and the sense of achievement was far greater than anything he had ever felt as the Emperor of Konan. Getting married at this point in time would be committing career suicide. Andy didn't give a damn about his popularity or the money that came with it, but he loved his job and the rush of adrenaline he experienced every time he performed on stage. He was just reaching his peak, and he was still young…there was still so much he wanted to do before settling down.
"How did you—?" he stopped himself. He should have known that she would see the truth in the deepest recesses of his heart. Andy sighed and got to his feet, wrapping his arms around her small body, "Forget I asked…I just hated seeing you so sad because of that ice-cold jerk. Are we…still friends?"
She hugged him tightly in return. Going on tiptoes, she grazed her lips lightly across his cheek, "You are still on my Christmas mailing list," she assured him with a soft chuckle, "And it is all forgotten, except your good intentions."
Andy swallowed against the tears of relief suddenly clogging his throat. Just like that, he was forgiven. Once again, he marvelled at the wonderful creature in his arms. She was beautiful, both inside and out. He would not apologise for loving her, but it was clear to him now, that only one person had the power to make her truly happy. And that person was not him…could never be him. To be honest, he had known that right from the beginning, when he had first laid eyes on her again in this very same restaurant…the connection between Miaka and the blonde man had been so strong that he'd felt it from clear across the vast room.
His miko petted his shoulder affectionately before pulling away, "I guess you should take your ring back," she nodded at the small box on the table.
He went still for a moment, then let out a heavy breath, "No, Miaka…I want you to have it anyway. I bought it for you and would never think of giving it to anyone else," he said softly, "If things don't work out with him…As long as you keep the ring, I'll have that 0.01 chance with you."
From a private table one level above the main dining floor of the restaurant, Nicholas stoically watched the former emperor proposing to the Suzaku no Miko. He had sensed her presence even before she'd walked in through the door. Gods, she looked exceptionally pretty tonight, wearing a dress which seemed to gently flutter around her, as if she was being touched by a magical breeze. The innermost layer was a deep rose colour, followed by pale orange and finally overlaid by a translucent layer of creamy ivory. The colours blended and changed as she moved, teasing the eye. Her russet hair had been left to ripple down her back in loose artful curls. And he knew, she would be wearing no make-up except her favourite strawberry lip-gloss.
She was saying something to Saihitei, but it was hard to make out what from this distance. His hand tightened around the stem of his wine glass, feeling as if someone had reached into his chest and ripped his heart out when she embraced her seishi, kissing the boy on the cheek…to seal their engagement?
His thoughts filled with dark fury and despair. He found himself wanting to kill the Suzaku swordsman all over again…but that would make her sad, wouldn't it? Ruthlessly pushing aside all the dangerously unstable emotions that were coiling inside him, he forced himself remain detached.
Crack.
"Nick!"
Vaguely surprised, he looked down at the wine and blood dripping over his fingers, staining the pristine white tablecloth. The delicate crystal had shattered in his grip causing some of the needle-fine shards to embed themselves in his palm. Calmly, he wiped his hand with a napkin and stood. He refused to torment himself further by looking at the scene playing out below.
"What the hell is going on? Where are you going?" his dinner guest demanded, half rising out of the chair across from him. "Nick, for heaven's sake, you're bleeding!"
"A minor accident. Finish your dinner," Nicholas said flatly as he turned and walked to the exit. "I will settle the bill on my way out."
The sheet of paper was in grave danger of becoming crushed beyond recognition in her fist.
Keisuke, Yui and Tetsuya watched her with avid curiosity and mounting concern as she lifted strangely hollow eyes to look at them.
The Seiryuu no Miko, still holding her own exam results, cautiously walked around to stand at Miaka's elbow so that she could read off the paper held by her best friend. Her jaw dropped in surprise, and she blinked several times as if she could not quite believe what was printed there.
"May I have a look?" Keisuke asked carefully. At Miaka's distracted nod, he slowly reached out to take the letter from her, expecting the worst. Had she failed? If she did not do well, it's all that blonde jerk's fault! he thought uncharitably. Nicholas had not been around to visit since that rainy evening…it was as if the blonde man no longer cared about her. It took Keisuke a few seconds for his brain to register what his stunned eyes were seeing. "What the…Holy Sh—" he broke off before the less than appropriate word could leave his mouth.
Peering over the rim of his aviator sunglasses, Tetsuya tapped his foot impatiently, "Well?"
Yui shot a quelling glance at the men and announced brightly, "Tokyo University, here we come! Now let's go celebrate!" Putting her arm through Miaka's, she tried not to be alarmed at the other girl's odd behaviour. Any other person would have been jumping for joy if they had scored the same results…
Because not only had Miaka passed the exams, she'd aced them, even achieving high distinctions in Japanese Literature and…Economics?
At the contact, Miaka seemed to snap out of her introspection and suddenly, the ever-present optimistic persona was back in full-force, "All thanks to you guys! Yui-chan, I'm so glad that we will be going to the same school! Can we eat now? I'm hungry!" she exclaimed in a her usual genki manner.
Throughout the celebratory lunch bought by Keisuke and Tetsuya, the dragon priestess discreetly observed her phoenix counterpart. Miaka seemed, for all intents and purposes, to be in high spirits and truly ecstatic at her good results and the prospect of going to the prestigious Tokyo U, but Yui noticed that if she looked into the Suzaku no Miko's eyes long enough, she could detect the hint of falseness under the bright smiles. No doubt Nicholas was responsible for Miaka's outstanding score, but there was something else…something which sent an involuntary shiver down Yui's spine when she finally figured out what had been niggling her over the last few weeks. She's becoming like him! the fair-haired girl realised uneasily. Like the blonde shogun, Miaka had taken to suppressing her true emotions and wore a mask showing what the world expected to see. Only, instead of bland indifference, her best friend had chosen ditzy cheerfulness so as not to arouse suspicion. Yui doubted anyone else aside from herself, Keisuke and Tetsuya had noticed anything amiss. But then, like Economics, Miaka had learned the art of deception from the very best.
It had to stop. It wasn't healthy. Unfortunately, smart as she was, Yui could think of no way to help her best friend.
Apparently, Keisuke must have been thinking along the same lines, because when Miaka excused herself to use the rest-room, her brother leaned over and hissed across the table, "Do something! Miaka's acting like everything is all perfect when we all know that smile of hers is more fake than Pamela Anderson's boo—…er…chest!" He rushed ahead before the miko could kick him under the table and said, "Look, I think you should just tell her the truth…that she and Blondie were in love with each other before the kidnapping! I don't care what we promised Nicholas, but she needs to know!"
The remark garnered a stifled snort from Tetsuya. Yui glared at both of them, "Why me?" She was aware of what had happened the night she'd loaned out her favourite dress, but only because Miaka had seemed to need to talk to someone about it. Luckily for all concerned, the girl had turned down Andy's marriage proposal although they were apparently still friends. Yui strongly suspected the reason for Miaka's decision, but was reluctant to press for an answer. Now, if only Nicholas would quit being so stubborn! I'm quite sure that she's fallen in love with him again, but is afraid to show it because she believes that it's hopeless. What is it with the two of them? Someone should lock them in a very small dark igloo, naked, with only one blanket…Ugh! Bad Yui…shouldn't be thinking of hentai things like that!
Unaware of her rambling thoughts, the two men fidgeted uncomfortably for a while until Keisuke volunteered, "Uhm…because it's a girl thing?"
He was saved from having to say anything more at the timely return of his sister. Skewering them with a frosty look that promised many unpleasant consequences in the near future, the Seiryuu no Miko stabbed her fork violently into a plump sausage. Both males gulped nervously, fearing for the continued well-being of their appendages. If things went pear-shaped, the powers of all the four gods combined would not be sufficient to protect them from Yui's wrath.
Miaka eyed the others warily. What did I miss? she wondered. Her best friend seemed to be taking a lot of grim pleasure puncturing the remaining sausages on her plate, while Keisuke and Tetsuya visibly winced at the sight. On second thought, I don't think I want to know…As it was, it was hard enough to keep up the façade of the happy-go-lucky schoolgirl without getting involved in whatever little argument that had occurred while she had been away. She acknowledged that her exam results were better than expected and that she should be pleased for doing so well…well enough to make her family proud and qualify for a good university.
But…
The high marks meant little to her because he wasn't here to share her joy.
There was someone waiting for them in front of the door when they got home. The man was wearing an impeccable suit and carried an expensive-looking leather briefcase. Miaka immediately felt a sense of foreboding as the man came forward, his hand extended in greeting.
"Miss Yuuki? My name is Yoshimura Shinji. I am a lawyer and here on behalf of my client. I believe you know Nicholas Raine?"
She stared numbly at the man, worst-case scenarios running rampant through her mind, "Has something happened? What…?"
Keisuke cleared his throat, interrupting, and held the front door open, "Maybe we should go inside to discuss this?" While he doubted that Nicholas had somehow managed to get himself killed in something as mundane as a car accident, he knew that Miaka would never recover from it if he had. And hell, I'd miss the Walking Icicle too, he admitted, feeling a sick sense of dread creeping over him.
When they were all comfortably seated in the living room, the lawyer placed a thick set of legal documents in front of Miaka. "Don't worry, Miss Yuuki, nothing has happened to Mr Raine. He said he merely wished to show his appreciation to you and your brother." With a nod at Keisuke, he began, "My client has had these papers drawn up with respect to Miss Yuuki Miaka. As is stipulated in these documents, Nicholas Alexander Raine is transferring sole ownership of his penthouse apartment to you, effective as of tomorrow." Flipping several pages, the man continued, "Likewise, ownership of a vehicle, one Porsche Carrera GT, is to be transferred to Yuuki Keisuke."
"What?! What does he think he's playing at? He's crazy! And this…This isn't funny!" Keisuke had shot to his feet and reached across to snatch the papers off the table. Frowning in disbelief, he read what was printed in the document and managed to decipher enough of the legalese to ascertain that the other man had not been lying.
"I can assure you that my client was of extremely sound mind when he made this arrangement," the lawyer said dryly. Odd, Shinji mused as he observed the two people at the table, I've never seen anyone less happy at the prospect of being the new owners of an apartment and a car worth millions of dollars. Still, it was not his place to question why they were acting so strangely. Reaching into his briefcase, he withdrew a small black velvet pouch and set it down in front of the young woman who had not uttered a sound ever since they had sat down. "Mr Raine instructed me to give you this."
Her hand slowly reached out to touch the pouch, trembling as she turned it upside down. A single earring fell to onto the tabletop with a small clutter. Shinji was taken aback when she finally looked up. There was an aching vulnerability in her large hazel eyes. Uncomfortable with the situation that he had suddenly found himself in, he shuffled some papers and stood up, bowing respectfully to her, "Please look through the documents and contact me if you have any questions."
The brown-haired man, whom he assumed was Yuuki Keisuke, walked him to the door. Turning to shake hands, he glanced back at the pretty girl who sat as unmoving as a marble statue. Abruptly, he felt sorry for her. There was definitely something going on between her and his client, but it wasn't his place to offer advice on matters of the heart. His professional stance softened slightly, "Nicholas wishes you both happiness," he said quietly.
Miaka's brother snorted, "Does he really?" he shot back derisively and studied Shinji shrewdly for a moment, "He's your friend, isn't he?"
"We've crossed paths a number of times," the lawyer replied sardonically, neatly side-stepping the question.
The elder Yuuki sibling accepted his answer without comment, mouth quirking humourlessly as he opened the door, "Thank you for coming by, Yoshimura-san."
Some imp of perversity caused Shinji to pause on the threshold, "My client mentioned that he was catching a flight to the States tomorrow morning," he chose his words carefully, "But he remains contactable at the address listed in the title deeds should any last minute legalities arise." Technically, he was not divulging anything that jeopardised client confidentiality…he was merely stating facts.
Yuuki Keisuke nodded sombrely and bowed formally, "I understand…Arigatou."
The lawyer inclined his head briefly in acknowledgement and departed, leaving only silence in his wake. Closing the door, Keisuke scrubbed a hand tiredly over his face, feeling about a hundred years old. How can that blonde jerk leave her like this? Has he given up on her? I could have sworn that he loved her…No! he gritted his teeth, It's not supposed to end this way! Someone's got to knock some sense into Nicholas! I swear I'm going down to his swanky apartment and tie him to one of his designer chairs if I have to!
A low cry from the living room caused him to spin around, just in time to see Miaka slump over the table.
The blue stone glimmered in the light, as she stared at the single piece of jewellery. The one Yui had given her that Christmas so long ago, after the incident with Tenkou. She had been missing the blonde Seiryuu seishi badly and it had brought her a small measure of comfort to hold something which had belonged to him.
Her hand closed around the earring, gripping it tightly. I miss him so much…if only I could just hear his voice, one more time…Nakago, aishiteru! AISHITERU! I wish I'd had the courage to tell you that, the morning you brought me rosemary tea…The drumbeat of her heart grew louder and louder, until she could hear nothing else.
Like a dam bursting, the roar in her ears suddenly became a deafening cacophony of sounds and voices. Images whirled before her eyes, bright lights and colours whizzed past her at dizzying speed…and then amidst it all, the truth slammed into her with uncompromising force. She wanted it to stop, but the memories wouldn't be held back any longer.
In the palace, visiting Empress Houki…
That fateful afternoon by the river, with the bandits spying on them…
The night at the inn, when a drunk Tasuki had attacked her…
Standing under the flowering tree in the middle of the Kutou palace garden at sunset, waiting…
There were so many of them, so many different emotions, and yet every single one had a common thread weaving through them. "Nakago!" she rasped in a choking sob, caught in the grip of a memory so powerful that it felt like it was happening all over again. The remembered pain of the dagger ripping through flesh…She doubled over, clutching her abdomen.
"I'm so glad…you're okay again. I could not bear it…if we…if we went back to…being enemies…"
… the look on Nakago's face as he used the very same dagger to slit his own wrist…
He had loved her then…
Miaka tried to stand up, but her knees buckled. She heard Keisuke shouting her name in alarm, as if from a great distance away, and then mercifully, everything went black.
She was back in Ueno Park, but this time, she wasn't alone. They walked hand in hand down a quiet tree-lined path until they came to a small clearing. Wind whistled through the trees and sakura blossoms swirled all around them. She looked up into his handsome face, and saw all the emotions he allowed no one else to see. He traced the curve of her cheek gently, and drew her against his body. Her eyes fluttered closed as he lowered his lips to hers…
The feel of his mouth against her own was heaven as he kissed her slowly with so much tenderness that she could feel the moisture already welling up in her eyes.
"Tears have no place on this day," he murmured, using a fingertip to catch a teardrop which trembled on the tips of her lashes. Vaguely she heard clapping, wolf-whistles and hoots of encouragement. The buzz of voices in the background…
Her eyes flew open.
She found herself standing on a beautiful black sand beach under a small white gazebo. White and gold satin ribbons and flowers streamed from poles driven into the sand. All around her, friends and family stood smiling. Not far away, the sea lapped at the shore, the waves turned liquid gold by the setting sun. The breeze tugged playfully at the gossamer-fine veil in her hair and the white silk and organza of her full white skirt.
Miaka stared up into the cerulean blue eyes of the man who was now her husband, seeing the love that mirrored her own…
…and felt something cold on her forehead.
She bolted upright, dislodging the wet cloth and causing it to fall into her lap. She was in her room, in her own bed. A dream…Just a dream…
"You're awake!" Keisuke stood at her bedside, a worried frown marring his features. "You scared the holy hell out of me when you fainted! What happened?" He sat on the edge of the mattress, retrieving the cloth from her lap and tossing it into the basin on her nightstand.
Delicate hands fisted in the bedclothes, as she recalled the last few moments before she had blacked out. She took a deep, shaky breath, and turned to face her brother. "I…remember…" she said baldly. There was no need to explain. She could see that her brother understood her perfectly.
"How much…?" he asked, the urgency in his voice unmistakeable.
"Everything. I remember it all! Nakago…he loved me…" she whispered, her voice trembled with emotion.
"He still loves you!" Keisuke declared fiercely, "He made us promise not to tell you about the two of you being in love with each other. Tetsuya thinks that it has something to do with a very twisted sense of honour."
Miaka barely heard him, as the last pieces of the huge jigsaw puzzle in her mind fell into place. She understood now, that every one of his actions was due to the fact that he had genuinely cared about her. He'd wanted her to see…wanted her to choose to be with him on her own free will, and not because someone had told her that she should love him. She winced inwardly at how blind she'd been. Taiitsukun had been right, she had been blinded by her own prejudices, unable to see what was right under her nose. It must have hurt him terribly to know that I didn't remember our love and all that we've been through together. Searching her heart, she realised that there was no difference in the way she felt now, compared to before Ashitare had kidnapped her. It was as if a part of her had never forgotten. Not that it had mattered in the long-run…the kind of man that he was had been enough to make her fall in love with him all over again, even without her memories.
She shoved to her feet, a wave of panic suddenly threatening to choke her. The sky outside her bedroom window was dark and it looked like rain was on the way. She grabbed Keisuke's arms, "How long have I been out?" she questioned wildly as the horrible reality of the situation made itself known. Nakago was leaving and she knew that he would never return if she let him go. She had to stop him! Or had she already missed her last chance?
"A few hours," Keisuke told her grimly. He looked down at her for a moment, his gaze very serious. "Get changed. I'll call a cab. You can still make it down there in time." He turned and strode purposefully out, only pausing briefly at the doorway to say with stiff dignity, "And when you see him…please tell him that I don't want his damned car if he's not around to watch me dent it."
Literally shaking with nerves, Miaka stood outside the door of his expensive penthouse apartment. The apartment that would soon become hers for reasons known only to the man on the other side of the door. No need to be nervous, Yuuki! He's not going to bite! Just go in there and tell him that you remember and that you love him! And then everything will be all right…She gulped in several breaths and tried to calm the rapidly pounding organ in her chest, which felt as if it was about to burst out of her ribcage and make a bid for freedom down the plushly carpeted hallway.
She gritted her teeth, and pressed the doorbell before she lost her courage.
Silence.
Just as she was about to press the bell again, she heard the sound of a bolt being drawn back and the click of the lock turning. Miaka opened her mouth to greet him and launch into the speech she had practised a thousand times on the way over, but the words froze in her throat.
A tall, incredibly beautiful pale blonde woman clad in a skimpy red spaghetti-strapped camisole and a pair of tight, low-slung jeans stood in the open doorway.
"Can I help you?" the platinum-haired goddess asked politely, her pretty mist grey eyes alight with curiosity.
In that moment, Miaka felt her hope shatter into a million pieces…much like her heart.
Notes:
1) Sorry once again for the long absence of updates! Hope this chapter was worth the wait. This instalment is a whopping 14 pages long in Arial font size 10, and is the longest chapter in any of the three stories in this trilogy. Statistics aside, I know this chapter may look like a collection of various POVs strung together, and shifts around quite a lot, but I wanted it this way to reflect not only Miaka's somewhat fragmented state of mind and her indecision concerning Nakago/Nicholas, but also give readers a sort of 360 degree view from the perspectives of the other characters. There are elements in every character's POV that will tie in with things in later chapters. However, I'm not telling just yet…
2) Miaka has actually come to terms with the fact that she has fallen in love with her former enemy, as seen by her confession to Andy, but cannot seem to find the courage (and opportunity) to confront Nakago directly. She has her pride as well, and believes that her love is doomed to be unrequited, hence the reason she does not seek him out.
3) The speech Miaka gives to Andy about the 25 million year cycle is by no means original. I was inspired by the Korean(!) drama "Goong" (also known by the title "Princess Hours" in English) and adapted it to fit in here.
4) Who is the woman who answers the door and what is she doing in Nakago's apartment…? Stay tuned to find out…
