Author's Note (Monster): Hello, our lovelies. No, did not proof read because I wrote this a few minutes ago to have something to post. As you might guess, we don't have much time to write anymore. My studies are taking up a lot of my work, my boyfriend too. Awoken is still writing Discovery's next chapter. I've written three Love Drabble requests but they're so bad I wanna scream. It's like my stress is eating away my ability to write properly. So I'm sorry if this Songfic sucks. Replies to the reviews below. Enjoy
Lyrics of Circles:
I was running in circles
I hurt myself just to find my purpose
Everything was so worthless
I didn't deserve this
But to me you were perfect
"We're here alone", he said. I listened. It couldn't have been true that I was meant to do anything else than listen. It's always been my trademark. His gentle voice got carried away by the light summer breeze. "It's warm."
His presence was so faint to me. it was like he was there but then at some point he wasn't. His mind was consistently shifting his attention from me to other things and back. It was only fair. After all I wasn't important to him.
I remember a time when it was different but his pain consumed him more than ever. Was I that hard to handle? I'm sure, I wasn't, but his love was just so ethereal. He gazed at me with his stare. It once held love but now it didn't. I still loved this man. I'd always love him but why did it feel so foreign for us to be alone in the silence of the rustling grass and summer breeze.
"Listen, Johnny…"
There it was again. I was meant to listen, nothing else. I simply turned my whole mind off because every time I was told to listen, something bad was coming. If I didn't hear it, it didn't exist. A monotonous sound filled my head. He wasn't there anymore. He had never been there. Neither had I.
I awoke covered in sweat. My shirt was soaked so I pulled it over my head and dropped it next to me somewhere on the floor. The cool air hit my chest and I shuddered momentarily. It didn't feel too well but I'd felt worse things in my life. I sunk beneath the covers and turned my back to the outer world.
The nightmare had been coming to me more often. It wasn't my fault the stupid problem kept surfacing. It was all on the interviewers. Why did everyone keep asking about Deuce? Why did they have to keep asking me questions about his leave? We kept a waterproof story out on the market. Hell, when the guys found out we had to.
It hadn't been a nice sight. I still remember it.
Suddenly the mood had shifted between Deuce and me. He broke up with me and it hit my heart like a cannonball because I loved him for all I had. Charlie noticed our constant fighting. He noticed my undying pain and constant flaring temper. Charlie always knew every single step I took. It had always been that way. Whenever someone would ask who was the leader of the band, they'd point at me, but I reality… Charlie was the real hero of the band. He was always the one taking care of everything. He was the one pampering me when I got in trouble. Even back then when I poured my heart out to him.
He did nothing. He only stood there, arms folded and jaws clenched. He listened to me. For once I wasn't the one listening. It was Charlie. As you might expect, Charlie got angry. He was furious. Deuce had broken my heart. He told J-Dog, Da Kurlzz, Funny Man. He told them all. Soon they were all standing up against Deuce to help me but in the end, it made Deuce turn sour and we had to kick him out.
We never meant for it to go that far. It was just a fight. Just a heartbreak. A heartbreak couldn't be that bad, right? It was that bad.
When Deuce got kicked out, the band continued as a five piece but then we remembered we kept a pretty good singer at bay in our crew. His name was Danny. He was a kindhearted soul. He always smiled whenever we joked around. Whenever I saw him, he offered me his small innocent smile. Now I'm not one to be naïve but it almost seemed like the innocence within him was pure, like he'd never have any ill intentions. I know it was stupid of me to think that way because wasn't that the way I got hurt with Deuce? I shoved that thought away. Even now as I lay in my bunkbed.
I heard a meek voice. "Johnny?"
My eyes shut more tightly. Why did it have to sound so pitiful. I didn't need his pity. "Danny."
My voice was hoarse and it cracked in the middle. Just the sheer sound of pain was captured in it so perfectly that I felt the tears of back then well up again. No, not now. I couldn't let my tears spill. I walked away. Deuce broke up with me, asking me if I had anything to say about it. I didn't. I just walked away. If only I had asked for my heart back before I did so.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, you wouldn't know anything of it anyway."
He was closer to me now. Almost like he was standing next to my bunk.
"Is it about the thing you guys always talk about that I'm not allowed to know?"
My attention was focused on him as I turned over abruptly. "What?"
He was standing next to my bunk and fidgeting with his fingers. He looked down. "You guys are always talking about something in a quiet voice whenever you're sad. I was wondering. Is it because you don't like me?"
I sat upright and let him take place next to me, our legs dangling down. "No. I do like you. You're a great friend."
Danny shrugged. "Then why can't I know about it?"
I leaned my elbows on my knees. "It's just something that happened before you were a part of this. I mean, you were a crew member but you weren't close enough to know anything about this."
He put a hand on my shoulder and I gazed back at him. His eyes held a certain sorrow I couldn't place. "Is it about Deuce?"
"It is", I breathily admitted. "It's always about him. Why can't everyone just let him go? Can't they see it hurts?"
The singer wrapped his arms around my one arm and laid his head on my shoulder. "I'm sorry I asked."
I put my hand on his hair and pet him softly. "No, you have the right to ask. We've been keeping it from you because it really wasn't a pleasant time."
He rubbed his cheek on my shoulder. "I wanna help you."
"You can't. He really hurt me. I believe I hurt him too but even if I did, he knew how to hide it."
Danny pouted. "I bet he's equally as hurt as you are. He lost everyone after all."
I blinked a few times. "You're right", I murmured before I wrapped my arm around his shoulders. "Why are you awake?"
"I can't sleep. I heard you murmur in your sleep."
"I'm sorry", I said. "You should go back to sleep."
"But I wanna cheer you up."
"You already did. You don't even know you did."
He smiled and hopped out of my bunk into his own. I smiled at him before I lay down and turned my back to him. How could I have been so selfish before? Sure, he broke my heart into a million pieces when he suddenly told me he didn't want to continue what we had, but that didn't mean I had the right to ruin the opportunity to become famous. I unintentionally took the band away from him. It wasn't my fault they picked my side, was it? I couldn't even remember if it was. The whole year was a blur. My mind throbbed tiredly and I realized I had to go back to bed for the big show tomorrow. I closed my eyes. Right before I fell asleep, I opened them again. I took out my phone and typed a quick text to the one who broke me.
I'm sorry for everything.
Please review, they're our heavy fuel.
Gabbi: I don't wanna go back to when I was a child because if I did, I'd have to come back to the present as well and the contrast would be so sudden, it would hurt more than ever. I hate Twilight. Girls, for some reason, keep talking to me about Twilight and asking me for advice on what to wear. Just because I'm gay. Then again, it's nice to be popular all of the sudden.
Daiyu Ability: I was thinking about them as well. I'll write them when my ability to make good stories returns. Might take a while.
Ro: I'll do them all eventually but I'm considering to make another HU Songfics for non-Hollywood Undead songs. Medicine is also one of my favorites but I've been encircling Hear Me Now and Save Me for a while now. I think I might start writing them first.
Silicone: I read your review aloud and I swear Awoken just turned pink and walked away. I think that was one of the rare moments I got to speak with Awoken again. Ever since the days became so busy, we've been living next to eachother rather than with each other. It's weird. I haven't spoken more than two words to my best friend since two weeks. We're so lazy we sometimes just text instead.
Dismay: Funny how such a mediocre fanfic can bring you to tears. I thought Lion was rushed like all of my fics lately. Glad you liked it.
