Chapter 12
"Hey how about we go to The Stowaway for a little while before I take you home?" Emily suggested before pulling out of the Grayson Manor driveway.
Charlotte looked at Emily like she'd just grown another head. "What? No I want to get home and check on Declan as soon as possible."
Emily turned to her sister and pushed a strand of hair behind Charlotte's ear. "Charlotte maybe it would be better to give Declan some time alone. I mean today's his first day out of rehab and he hasn't even had a minute to himself to wrap his head around that. I remember when I first got out of juvie, the world just seemed way too big and overwhelming. I'm sure what Declan's going through must be even harder."
"I know but did you see the look on his face. He was devastated. I can't just let him sit at home and suffer." Charlotte argued.
"I get that you want to help Charlotte but think about it. It's a half mile to the beach house if you go by the road, it's going to take Declan awhile to get home. How do you think he's going to feel to see us drive by him. Let's just go see Jack, we can let him know what happened tonight. It might help Declan to have his brother talk to him." Emily persuaded.
Charlotte bit her lip and looked torn but she finally nodded. "Okay lets give him a little time."
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By the time Declan got to the beach house he was drenched with sweat, his hands were blistered, and his chest was on fire along the scar from his heart surgery. Despite all that what was worse was the constant feeling of nothingness that was now the lower half of his body.
He wheeled into the living room and sat staring at his feet willing them with everything he had to move. Just one little twitch, anything to give him some hope. He sat like that until the alarm on his phone broke through his concentration. The shrill alarm was a bitter reminder of everything that had changed in his life.
Declan wheeled over to the automatic chair lift, another one of the modifications Emily had installed, and transferred into it. He pushed the button that raised the chair up the stairs and felt himself getting more frustrated by the slow pace of the lift. Less than five months ago he could have run up the stairs two at a time, now he was forced to sit and brood over his messed up life.
The lift finally reached the top of the stairs and Declan transferred into the wheelchair Emily had bought for him to use on the second floor. It was an exact remake of his other chair, specially built to his measurements. Emily had gone through a lot of work to make sure that everything in the house had been designed to make life as easy as possible for him. It was an enormously generous gift, but right then all of the modifications just seemed like a slap in the face. More reminders of how screwed up his body and his life were.
Once Declan was in his chair he wheeled to his new bedroom, pulled a pair of pajama pants out of his dresser, and moved into the adjoining bathroom. He catheterized himself and then took a long shower in the modified stall. He thought the hot water might make him feel better. Instead the shower just felt like another brick being laid on his shoulders.
Everything he did was different now. Everything was slower and harder and infinitely more frustrating. When his shower was finished he dried himself and did his nightly check for pressure sores. The doctors at the rehab center had drilled it into his head that he had to check the skin on his legs and butt everyday to make sure that he wasn't developing sores from sitting all the time. Since he wouldn't feel it if he got one a sore could easily get infected and make him sick.
As he got ready for bed his mood just grew worse and worse. Each thing he had to do just so he could get in bed and go to sleep pushed him further into the black hole of depression he was sinking in. Finally he was able to transfer into bed, again a process that was maddeningly difficult and slow.
He maneuvered his body until he was laying on his side facing away from the bedroom door and towards a wall. He noticed a slight imperfection on the wall and forced himself to concentrate on it. He tried to make his mind go blank thinking about nothing besides that one spot. Despite his best efforts he still felt hot tears running down his cheeks.
From downstairs he heard the door open and close and he winced knowing that Charlotte was going to come up and want to talk. He didn't want to talk or think, he just wanted to stare at his spot and not feel anything. He chuckled bitterly at that thought. Here he was wishing to not feel anything when all his problems revolved around the fact that he couldn't feel half his body.
He listened to footsteps coming up the stairs followed by a knock on his bedroom door. He refused to respond to the knock.
"Dec are you in there?" Jack called from the other side of the door.
Declan was surprised to hear Jack's voice, but he still refused to answer.
Light flooded into the dark room when Jack opened the door and stepped inside. He walked over to Declan's side of the bed and sat down in his wheelchair so that he could talk to Declan face to face.
"Charlotte and Emily stopped by the bar. They told me what happened, what Conrad said. Declan I'm so sorry that happened to you. Nothing that he said was true, you have to put it out of your head." Jack urged.
Declan said nothing, he didn't even move his eyes away from the spot on the wall. Jack gave Declan's shoulder a squeeze.
"Talk to me Declan, please. I'm worried about you, so is Charlotte."
When Declan again refused to respond Jack sighed and stood up. Declan clenched his jaw and tightened his hands into fists. He hated seeing how easy it was for Jack to just stand up from the wheelchair and walk away, such a simple thing that he couldn't do.
"Fine you don't wanna talk I won't make you. Get some sleep. I'll come back in the morning and we can talk then." Jack said.
Declan kept staring at the wall after Jack left. He was still staring at it after Charlotte came up and tried to get him to talk to her. He was still staring when she finally gave up, climbed into bed, and fell asleep.
The next morning when the sun came up and lit up the room he was still staring.
A/N- Hope everyone enjoys this chapter despite the fact that it was totally depressing. Thanks again for reading and reviewing.
