All mistakes are my own.
I do not own FSOG. (Just this plot)
Ana was leaving a new sandwich shop she'd been dying to try when she spotted her estranged husband not two feet from her.
"Christian," she said lightly, trying not to draw too much attention to them.
"Ana," he said quietly. "I come in peace," he joked, trying to diffuse the situation. Stepping closer, she asked what he was doing here.
"Honest to God I was having lunch across the street with a few potential investors. I saw you walk in not too long ago, and when it was over, I thought it would be nice to say hello."
Ana hadn't seen the man since she left the hospital, which had been almost a week ago, and was surprised to feel this sudden desire to see more of him.
Man, he looked good.
He was dressed head to toe in Armani. All black, no tie. She loved when he wore all black. It gave him an even more handsome appearance, but more on the sinister side.
God, this man is trying to kill me!
"Well, hello. You look, um good." Blushing at her lame comment she noticed that he smiled a bit before gesturing to her.
"You look beautiful. Beautiful, and glowing."
She smiled slightly, before glancing over at Taylor ruefully.
"Hey, Taylor."
Smiling sheepishly, he nodded once to her.
"Mrs. Grey." Turning to Christian, he gestured that he would be waiting in the car. As soon as the door shut, Christian turned his full attention to Ana.
"I miss you."
Blinking back tears, she wrapped her arms around her waist. She wanted to say that she missed him as well. But, she didn't want to fold too soon. She did so much of that, and Christian practically ran her over. Instead, she pulled her purse strap higher on her shoulder.
"It was good seeing you. I better head on back."
Before Ana could take another step, Christian spoke quietly.
"You know when I was fourteen Grace said I tried to kill myself?"
Gasping, Ana unconsciously stepped closer.
"What? Why?"
Sighing, he continued.
"I honestly don't know. I can't even remember it. Grace said she got up one night, and I was sitting in the kitchen. I was staring into space, and at first, she thought I was awake. She called my name, but she said I didn't answer. She said that was when she realized I was sleep walking through the house. My mother was so scared when all of a sudden, I reached into the kitchen counter near the stove, grabbed a knife, and held it to my throat. She screamed my father's name, and that didn't even pull me from my thoughts."
Horrified, Ana placed a hand over her mouth. Shaking her head, she reached over and grabbed his hand.
"Christian," she started. He smiled self-deprecatingly.
"I um. My mother said that I kept saying over and over why didn't my mother love me. Why didn't my father love me. By now, Carrick was worried and went to grab his phone, while Grace kept repeating how much they loved him. My father said that later on they realized I was talking about the woman who birthed me, and the man who left her." Reaching up, Ana ran her hand over his cheek. Turning to her warmth, Christian closed his eyes.
"For a week I did that, and all of a sudden, my parents said I stopped. It was like I told myself that this was no longer an option."
"How do you think you were able to stop it?"
"With therapy. My parents put in cameras in the house so that they could record anything they missed. We discussed it in family therapy. They told me when I was twelve that my mother overdosed. They said I had no reaction when I was first told. The therapist thought that was my way of processing the information."
Ana could see that. Being a quiet child, he probably had no way to express how he felt. And if he did, he probably thought that Grace and Carrick would give up on him.
"They would have loved you anyway, Christian. No matter what you did, or did not say."
She could see his eyes mist over, before he spoke.
"Ana. How was I supposed to bring a child into my life? I could barely keep my own mind straight. It wasn't until I was eighteen that I heard about a vasectomy. Elena and I, well-"
"Tell me," she whispered. He nodded once before continuing.
"Elena was showing me different things. A lot of different things. The type of scenes was becoming more intense, especially with the women, and I thought to myself that a child wouldn't, or shouldn't be involved. I guess in my subconscious I knew it was wrong, but I didn't know how to stop. I didn't know how to get out. I just kept going, because somehow, it felt like living."
Ana felt like she could slap Elena right at this moment. As a matter of fact, if she saw her again, she knew she couldn't be held accountable for what she might do.
"Did you have any more of those thoughts of suicide?"
"No. As I said, I never went through it again. I did have feelings of self-doubt, like any other hormonal teenage boy, but I think that was about it. Just anger, and aggression. But Ana. How could a woman such as yourself ever love someone as damaged as I was? As I am?"
Ana had to will the tears in her eyes to stop. Seeing Christian this way, so vulnerable, and open was all she really wanted. People could have the money, and all the diamonds. All she wanted was the man.
"Christian. It was never about what you had. Surely, you know that by now. It's always been you. Just you. And I would have loved him the same."
Studying her eyes, Ana could see that Christian didn't have as much faith in himself, as she once thought.
"Everyone deserves to be human. To have human moments. Even the great Christian Grey." She added, relieved to see him offer a genuine smile at that."
Running her hand over his smooth jawline, Ana studied his eyes. So, open, and honest. Unlike before. Moving his lips to her palm, he pressed his lips to her skin.
"You've been taking care of yourself?"
Nodding, she moved to pull her hand away, before he grabbed her wrist. Gently pulling her closer, he spoke.
"When is the doctor's appointment?"
Reaching up, she placed her hands over her stomach before smiling a bit.
"Next Monday. 4pm."
"Good. I'll be there. How have you been feeling?"
Shrugging, she glanced around the busy street.
"Hungry, tired." Horny, she silently added. Holding his hand up, he smiled.
"May I?"
Nodding, she closed her eyes, when his hand moved to rest atop hers.
"Obviously it's too soon to feel anything. But, it makes me happy knowing he or she is safe, and happy inside. Becoming even more loveable for me."
While Ana was speaking, Christian was become more entranced with her words, and how content she seemed.
"Ana, I thought you couldn't be more beautiful. That was until today. Until this moment. Now, I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful woman that the one standing in front of me."
Blushing at the compliment, Ana sighed.
"Thank you, Christian."
"You're welcome, wife."
Ana shivered at that. She always loved how he would call her wife. Especially when they were first married. As if he could sense her thoughts, he said, "You know. I was thinking earlier. There were a lot of things I stopped doing some years after we were married. Like calling you wife."
"We stopped doing a lot of things we used to do, Christian. But I don't blame it all on you."
"Really? Because it feels like it's all my fault."
At that, Ana said no.
"Christian. It wasn't just you. Do you ever think that we should have never gotten married? That maybe we just-"
"Never."
"Never?"
"No. You see, I've always thought you were it for me, Ana. And I thought I had to do whatever it took to keep you. Lie, present a different image, whatever. As long as the end result was you. It's not right, but it's what I believed. You are too good of a woman. And I am selfish enough to want you even if I'm causing you pain," Christian said fiercely, pulling her closer. His words shouldn't have moved her, but they did. She didn't realize she was crying until he wiped away her tears.
Leaning forward, he kissed her cheek, before whispering in her ear.
"I can't sleep without you. I can't eat, and I can't focus. I miss being inside you, and I miss being around you. It's not fair to say these things, but I can't play fair when it comes to you, Ana. Tell me you think of coming home."
Pulling away, she wrapped her arms around herself. Before she could reply, he spoke again.
"I've been looking at houses."
At that, Ana paused. She noticed he looked a bit nervous, and waited for him to continue.
"I, uh, was thinking about the baby. I spoke with one of the secretaries at my company. They said that babies enjoy, and need lots of light. She said there needs to be life. I was looking at homes that would offer that.
"Christian," Ana said, touched by what he was doing.
"I can send you over some of the homes I was looking at. If they aren't what you want, I can have a home built. From the ground, up. Anything you want."
She could see that he was serious. But, so was she.
"I need to know Christian, that if I'm thinking of coming home that it will be different. I cannot go back to the way things were. I have too much self-respect for myself to keep going back to a toxic environment. I won't have it for our child."
"I know. I just need to know you'll think of coming back home. To me."
"I need some time."
Nodding, he said okay, which surprised, Ana. He smiled sadly at her reaction.
"It's terrible that you think I wouldn't give you that. It makes me feel even more of a cad to have put you through so much stress. I love you, Ana. Please remember that."
Stepping back, she cleared her throat.
"I should be going."
"Okay. Do you need anything from me?"
Yeah, sex.
Ana was always an easy read, so he could see the desire in her eyes she tried so valiantly to hide. Her desire always triggered his own.
"Ana," he said huskily.
Biting her lip, she shook her head.
"I have to go."
We're getting someone people! Finally! LOL leave me a review! Love you all
