This is a story about a beautiful magician that pushed herself too far. Now she lies buried underneath lavender silk with a thermometer in her mouth. I watch Koakuma check its temperature while sitting backwards in a well-cushioned chair.
"It's no good after all. Patchouli," says the caretaker. "I suggest that you stay in bed for the day."
Patchouli adjusts the faded red ice pack on her head before replying. "I expected as much. These past few adventures were bound to take its toll eventually."
And I'm to blame for that..
"Is there anything I can do for you, Patchouli?"
Patchouli shifts her eyes to me as far as she can without having to turn. "I should be fine if Koakuma and Sakuya are nearby. The most you can do for me at this point is to stay out of trouble until I recover."
"I see..."
"Mr. Starsky," Koakuma calls while stepping in front of me. "You can help me prepare some recovery ingredients for Patchouli if you would like."
"Really?" Way to read the mood! "Okay, I'll do what I can."
Patchouli sighs while closing her eyes. Koakuma and I decide to leave her to rest. Now then, if I don't mess this up, tonight will be sweet!
The Road Paved in Concepts: (Season One Bonus)A Flan in my Plan!
[BGM~y5KS4i8kzjU "Country Lane (Clannad)"]
I am Louis Starsky, age nineteen. After leaving my original dimension, I wound up crash landing into the magic library of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. I ran into Patchouli Knowledge almost immediately afterwards. A series of unreal adventures followed, and now I am a temporary resident here. If I knew things would/could turn out this way, I would have done this a lot sooner...
Today I am one of Koakuma's many assistants to aide in Patchouli's recovery. The plan is apparently to make a bunch of cupcakes spiced with cinnamon and echinacea. The sheer size and layout of the kitchen seems to be designed for the dozens of fairy maids involved in the production. They covered the batter while Koakuma and I occupied a couple of mortars and pestles. Despite me not being used to grinding in this fashion, I am a somewhat fast learner. And thanks to Koakuma being a highly effective teacher, I am beginning to break down these herbs and spices nearly as efficiently as she is. At this rate, we'll be done in no time at all!
...
"Say, Mr. Starsky," Koakuma calls once the cupcakes enter the oven for baking.
"You can call me Louis."
She nods in understanding. "Please do not take offense at how Patchouli answered you earlier. It's just that this kind of thing happens to Patchouli all the time, so everyone that lives here is used to it, including herself."
"I figured that much, but I just wanted to do something for Patchouli for once."
"According to Lady Knowledge," she replies. "She fell ill a while back and you helped her recover all on your own."
"Oh yeah... I just got lucky though. I happened to wind up in the right place at the right time. Plus it was the least I could do for causing one troublesome situation after another."
Koakuma politely shakes her head. "Trust me, Louis. Lady Knowledge can and will avoid any kind of trouble that she does not want to be a part of. Simply put, it is wasted energy blaming yourself for things like that."
"Ah, you're right." After all, Patchouli told me the exact same thing to me at one point. "Sorry. I think it's a bad habit of mine."
Koakuma chuckles slightly. "Don't worry. I understand completely."
Moments later, one of the maids give Koakuma a large plastic container with a half-dozen of cupcakes ready for distribution. She takes a whiff, nods in approval and closes the lid. Afterwards, she passes the container to me.
"Would you please deliver this first batch to Patchouli? She will most likely share a couple with you. I will drop by with more along with her soup and tea."
"It would be my pleasure," I reply honestly.
[Fade BGM]
…
Why is it, I wonder, that simply anticipating Patchouli's reaction has me so amped compared to my older reality? I've served breakfast in bed for several of my relatives before, and most of them were generally grateful. Is it simply because of who I'm doing this for? No, it's not just that. Patchouli and many entities like her have managed to make me happy in the past. Not by meaningless words and gestures but by their mere existence. Where I come from, most people were simply not capable of being happy outside of wealth and material possessions. To live in a place like this in comparison...
Viip!
An incredibly fast object zipped past me from behind while abducting my train of thought. Was it a bird? A plane? Maybe it was a fox...
The blur changes its path and heads straight towards me! A familiar petite figure dressed in red instantly appears in front of me wearing an unrestrained smile. For a split second, the scene randomly makes me think about bird seed..
[BGM~RxtxfmPWec0 "March Ahead (Paper Mario)"]
She swiftly thrusts an index finger at my face while gasping. The sound that followed came from the multicolored structures hanging from her odd wings; they sound like wind chimes..
"Hey! It's the homunculus from before!" exclaims Flandre Scarlet.
"You keep saying that, but I'm a human."
"Impossible!"
My argument is invalid now..? "Why?"
"Cause you're an impossible color!"
"That doesn't make me any less human." Wait, my color isn't impossible either...
"Of course it doesn't," Flandre replies while finally calming down.
"So you get it now?"
"I got it from the beginning: You're a homunculus!"
"Human!"
"Homunculus!"
"Human!"
"Homunculus!"
"Human!"
"You're eating hair!"
"I'm not even eating yet!"
…
This... isn't getting anywhere. The flat expression in Flandre's bright red eyes suggests that she realizes this too. Her mood shifts into a full smile in a heartbeat.
"I'm bored! Wanna play?"
"Sure. Let me get this food to Patchouli first."
I extend my hand is holding the plastic container... or at least the hand that was holding it! Where did it..
"You mean this?"
Oh.. "Yep, that's it, alright..."
"I see," she sings while examining the bottom of the container with one eye closed.
I can tell by Flandre's open stance that she is prepared to try and thwart any attempt I will make to grab it back. Damn. What are my options here? Taking her head on is absolutely out of the question! In that case, I should stop thinking and go with my gut instinct. Can't go wrong with that!
...
"I'll do whatever you want if you let me take that to her."
Well that wasn't gutsy at all! At least the phrase visibly stunned Flandre.
"H-Hey, you're up to something! You're giving in too easily!"
"Is that no good?" I continue. "We both want something and we both can give it to each other. Besides, I'm a little bored too."
[Fade BGM]
The true motive of my approach surfaced by witnessing Flandre's increase in happiness. Somehow I doubt that I could resist her even if I had the power to.. Forgive me, Patchouli!
[BGM~4V0bqoY8L8s "U.N. Owen Was Her (8B)"]
"SDM Defense Patrol, we have a Code Rainbow. I repeat! SDM Defense Patrol, we have a Code Rainbow!"
Sirens, loudspeakers, footsteps and panicked chatters all begin to fill the iconic mansion. Ever since I agreed to play with Flandre, she decided to take off to room after room causing a ruckus. I gave up trying to keep up with her towards the beginning of her rampage, so I wound up finding a nice spot atop of the ballroom balcony. From here, I could observe Flandre's randomized routes from a safe angle. I can safely say that watching the chase is not going to get old any time soon. Once the little devil goes through one door, there is no telling where she will appear next. Hell, there's no guarantee that only one Flandre will show up, since she apparently has the ability to duplicate herself... Wow, did she just swap clothing with one of the fairies..?
"Why is the sister so excited all of a sudden?" asks one of the fairies I vaguely recognize from back in the kitchen. "Today is too normal for Flandre to get this riled up.."
I guess this is my fault then? But all I did was say that I'd hang out with her for a little while. Come to think of it.. Does she even notice that I'm not following her around? Or maybe she completely forgot about me..
"Yahoo!"
A sudden weight pressures both of my shoulders. Two soft arms immediately wrap around my collarbone. The abducted plastic container rests in her right hand, allowing me to easily identify who it is. It also helps that the small army is now looking upwards at my direction.
"Who is that boy?"
"I dunno, I've never seen him before."
"He must be the one responsible!"
Well then.. I've been marked as Flandre's cohort and Patchouli's cupcakes are being held for ransom. I don't think a good ending can come from this. Just as I think this, a small squad of Defense Force fairies approach us directly from behind.
"W-We've got you surrounded!" whimpered the centermost fairy. "Please calmly return to your room!"
"Heh.. Classic scenario much?"
"Yep!" Flandre replies while generating a Spell Card with her free hand. "Old school for the win!"
The Spell Card morphs into an absurdly crooked black spear-like weapon. This has to be her Laevateinn! Flandre lifts it high above her head and the weapon immediately ignites with an intense flame. She then lets loose a monstrous horizontal gale that is at least four times wider than any danmaku I have ever pulled off. The impact forcibly scatters all of the nearby fairies like bowling pins.
Flandre lightly kicks my upper ribs with her heels. "Giddyup, homunculus!"
Really now..? "Not unless you stop calling me that.."
Flandre grunts. Sure I'm pushing my luck, but after all this, I barely have any left anyways. Flandre wraps her arms around me with much less force than the last time. And then a softer voice replies..
"Pretty please, Mr. Starsky..?"
…
Piggyback mode activated! Thankfully this girl's light enough.
Flandre steers me down the halls while signaling a turn every now and then. Eventually the directions lead to an unfamiliar narrow one-way corridor. A wave of three fairies block the path towards the exit.
The middle fairy speaks. "End of the line! Please come quietly!"
"Okay, now what?" I ask although I'm pretty sure I know what-
"Charge!"
Yeah, I figured.. The fairies wince at her decision. What's even worse is that Flandre does not seem to be readying any attacks meaning...
"I'm the one opposing now..?"
"Show me your moves, homun-! I mean Louis!"
Ugh.. what else can I do? Not only is this overpowered little girl still holding Patchouli's food.. but apparently she remembers my name. This is seriously going to come back to bite me but.. time to brandish the spear.
"For cupcakes! Passionate Squall!"
My ground-hugging projectile successfully connects and detonates. All three of the opposing fairies are knocked out. This is definitely the point of no return if I haven't passed it already.. I make haste forward with Flandre still perched on my shoulders. Unfortunately for me the corridor she lead me to turns out to be a winding staircase. Regardless, I keep going without complaints or hesitation. This is probably because I finally stopped caring. I'm sure tired as hell though!
[Fade BGM]
After a half of an eternity, a large veranda pulls into view. At this point it becomes clear that our end destination lies on the outside. The sky reeks of late dusk tints. After navigating across the familiar leisure porch, Flandre hops off and directs me to a spot on the slanted roof. She free-falls backwards wearing a purely contented smile. Does this mean I'll be getting the food back sometime soon? I look up towards the sky while hoping so..
...
A potentially – starry night is denied by – the clouds in the sky.
The relaxing environment triggers a yawn from my diaphragm. "This is the furthest I've been outside of the mansion since I got here."
"Really?" Flandre replies. "Me too!"
"Our situation isn't quite the same though. You've been stuck here for centuries after all. It must be tough."
She shakes her short blonde hair in response. "Not really. You get used to it after a while."
I thought being cooped up for that long would drive anyone crazy. Then again, this girl is far from the most sane person I've ever met.
"I don't know about you but there are tons of people and places I'd eventually want to meet to in Gensokyo."
Flandre brushes aside the idea with her gesture. "Too many humans ~ Not interested!"
Does Flandre have something against humans? Maybe it was a compliment when she called me a homunculus.. if she values them higher that is.. What am I saying! I can't encourage something like that!
I randomly look towards Flandre to discover that she's looking back towards me. Every smile she produces is particularly cute in its own way, but the gentle one she wears now fully brings out the definition of her ruby eyes; it's enough to make my heart skip a beat.
[BGM~S-Xm7s9eGxU "Gymnopédie #1"]
"Hey," Flandre calls. "Did you ever make a wish to the Mecha Star?"
"I... don't even know what that is."
Flandre grins excitedly before continuing. "It's big and yellow and it always has a great big smile like it will definitely listen to you! Not like those other boring shooting stars."
"That.. sort of sounds like the disturbing Sun from the Teletubbies."
"It's not the Sun!" she shouts. "It only comes out at night, and it's more awesome and metal-looking!"
"I'd probably make a wish to something like that if I ever saw it," I lie. Maybe she saw some kind of weird satellite?
"I know right? I tried showing it to my sister tons of times but I can't ever get her to come with me when it shows up!"
"Really? Why not?"
"..." Flandre's smile decreases ever-so-slightly. "Make a wish, homunculus!"
"I'm a.. aw, forget it.. Make a wish to what? There's nothing but clouds."
Flandre frowns before responding. "Just because we can't see stars every night doesn't mean they don't exist! If I were a star, I'd be happy to know that someone appreciates me even when I'm not shining."
Something in those words struck a nerve. In the end I decided against trying to recall that sudden strong feeling. Regardless, I wind up accepting her words wholeheartedly.
"Fine." I look up towards the thick clouds. (I think it's gon' rain!) "In that case.. I want to keep on having days and nights like this one. If life was always this unpredictable, I don't think I could ask for anything more."
Flandre gets up before I could read her expression and places a light object on top of my head. Ack, I almost forgot what I came up here for!
"Here," she says. "Bookworm waited long enough. I'm going back inside."
"Ah. T-Thank you," I say as she turns back towards the porch. "Wait a second, Flandre.. If you ask the stars, maybe you can watch them with your sister some day."
"..."
It would have been troublesome if Flandre didn't live up to her word. Just as I suspected, I can trust Flandre for at least that.
[Fade BGM]
"You are doing a good job of reminding everyone why you are not permitted to leave the mansion," a voice suddenly sounds. It looks like we have a new party member. Also, I'm going to have to do a bit of explaining to this one...
[BGM~S9zCFVYQXzs "Locked Girl (Mystical Chain Ver.)"]
Patchouli is looking rather cross on the rooftop this evening. Her cheeks are flushed, indicating that it will be awhile before she fully recovers. On another unrelated note, this is where I realize that the striped dress she always wears is apparently sleeveless.
"Patchouli, where's your mantle? Your cold's going to get worse that way."
Patchouli squints. "I would be relaxing if some unidentified entity were not reportedly assaulting the SDM Defense Force. I'll have you know I had to spend several minutes begging Remy and the others to not get involved. You would have been out of luck for shelter had that happened at the very least."
"Patchouli, I can explain..."
"This devil's presence explains enough," she replied while looking towards Flandre. "I've dealt with this one enough times to get the gist of what happened. Are we going to have to go at it again, Flandre?"
Flandre lets off a wry smirk. "Cumulonimbus clouds... There's an awful lot of them in the sky right now."
"...!" Patchouli seems a tad unnerved.
"Does Mr. Starsky know yet?" Flandre continues. "Maybe he will tonight!"
"Know about what?"
"T-There's nothing to know about!" she shouts while vigorously shaking her head. That doesn't look convincing at all..
"Oh really?" says Flandre.
Patchouli regains her composure and generates a Spell Card. The sky flashes white, giving her pose a nice dramatic effect. "Flandre Scarlet.. I understand that you most likely have not had this much fun with a visitor in ages, but it is time to wrap things up."
"You asked for it!" Flandre replies while brandishing a card of her own.
It's too late to bring it up now, but it seemed like Flandre was about ready to call it quits by herself. The sky flashes bright again as Patchouli starts to activate her Spell Card.
"Water Sign: Princess – Mukyu!"
A loud crash of thunder butted in on Patchouli's unfamiliar incantation.
[Fade BGM]
"Princess... Mukyu..?"
"...!" Patchouli completely freezes.
"Hahaha!" Flandre recalls her card, walks past her motionless opponent, and goes back inside. "Thanks for the good time, Mr. Starsky! Bye now!"
Patchouli whips around right when she hears the door closing shut. "Y-You're just going to leave? I'm not finished with you yet! Flandre Scarlet, get back here!"
"Here are your cupcakes Patchouli," I say while finally getting to deliver them. "I would have given them to you much earlier but I met Flandre along the way and.."
"There is no need to explain," Patchouli assures. "Let's just go back inside before the weather starts to MU-!"
Another crash of thunder interrupts her sentence. Patchouli impulsively clasps her free hand over her mouth while avoiding eye contact. I wonder...
"Hey Patchouli, can I ask you something?"
"You may not," she replies flat out.
"Is it possible that.."
"Louis, you will cease this inquiry at once," she replies in a more agitated tone.
...
"You're afraid of thunder aren't you?"
"T-That's absurd! How dare you assume such a thing!"
What's more absurd than my claim is how Patchouli completely lost her composure from me asking a simple question..
"I see. It would have explained a lot though. If that were true, you would need earplugs to help you get to sleep during a thunderstorm. And when I think about it, that would sort of explain why you hardly ever use any lightning magic."
She slowly peeks at me with fifteen percent of her vision range. "That's..."
"I won't make fun of you if that's what you're worried about."
After staring at me for nearly a minute straight, Patchouli takes a deep breath and exhales for twice as long. She follows up with an expression that looks ready to come clean. "Do not mistake it for fear. It's just that the obnoxious noise that thunder makes has been proven to distract me to the point where I can never complete an incantation. Most of the time, I can go outside and face a thunderstorm with no trouble whatsoever."
"So it's just the sound of thunder that you can't stand."
Patchouli nods in response. "Now that you understand, note that you are not to mention this to any living soul outside of this mansion, and especially not to Marisa. That's the last person I want to find out.."
"Yeah sure."
Well I can't say that I saw this development coming. I would have thought I was a hundred years too early to have Patchouli trust me with anything. The Mecha Star delivers! Whatever that is..
The master bedroom remained the most quiet area of the mansion that night. Only the main mistress and her servant occupy the room. The mistress sleepily performs her waking exercises while the servant skims through the latest Mansion Status Report.
{Remilia Scarlet – The Scarlet Devil}
"The alerts seem to have quieted down," the youthful vampire says as she stretches her wrists.
{Sakuya Izayoi – Perfect and Elegant Servant}
Sakuya places her reading on top of a nearby dresser. "Patchouli has probably resolved the matter just like she requested."
"What was all that about anyways..?"
A red skirt bounds in the room and positions herself parallel to Remilia. She promptly starts a series of random poses, stretches and flexes.
{Flandre Scarlet – Sister of the Devil}
"Why not ask the energetic one?" Sakuya asks in a rather stoic fashion. "She was a large part of the commotion after all."
A flash of lightning and a boom of thunder fills the pause following Sakuya's words.
Remilia looks out of the window. "Oh dear, it's a thunderstorm. I'd better locate Patchouli and keep her company."
"Bookworm will be fine. She has a nice homunculus now!"
A streak of curiosity overwrites Sakuya's expression. "A... homunculus?"
Remilia glares at her sister. "Flan, what the heck are you talking about?"
This path has extended quite the ways. Of course we are far from the end. What sorts of development will occur in the days ahead? Stay tuned in order to follow the road.
