"Your mom seems really nice," Murphy said after a moment. "But there's no way I could take your bed, though. The couch is fine. Seriously, it's a huge improvement over where I was sleeping before."
"You're not sleeping on that antique love seat, it's not large enough and your ankle won't heal properly." Oswald said standing up to help Murphy up and to his small bedroom.
Murphy had to admit Oswald had a point. "Again, thank you," he said quietly. He accepted Oswald's help getting up, wincing as he did, and let himself be led to Oswald's room. He looked around the small room, then said hesitantly: "I … I'm sorry if I made things worse."
Oswald didn't say anything for a few moments as he helped Murphy to bed. "I ... I doubt the punishment would have been different had we told the truth ... The only thing that changed is you got punished as well." He said helping Murphy with the thin patched up blanket. "You ..." Oswald paused unable to look at Murphy. "You tried to help me ... It's more than anyone's ever done for me before." He said before turning to his dresser and pulling out a pair of loose fitting shorts.
"Maybe," said Murphy uncertainly, climbing into bed. He couldn't tell whether Oswald was just saying that to make him feel better. "But it was a pretty clumsy attempt on my part. I actually used to be pretty good at helping people, believe it or not." But now all he seemed to do was mess things up. He couldn't even seem to help himself. The most he'd managed to accomplish on Oswald's behalf was to end up imposing on him and his mother for hospitality and medical attention. "Are … are you really okay, though?" he asked seriously, watching Oswald's face closely. Oswald froze at the question, he hated how many times he was being asked that, the more he was asked the harder it was to lie. He nodded slightly unable to get himself to speak.
"I'm going to go take a bath." He said grabbing his towel off the hook on the back of his door and heading towards the bathroom just outside his bedroom door.
"Alright, then," Murphy nodded. Under other circumstances, he might have half-jokingly asked if Oswald wanted him to join him … but right now, he very clearly wanted to be alone. It was becoming more and more obvious that something was seriously bothering him. If he didn't want to talk about it, though, Murphy thought it was best not to press any further … but that didn't stop him from worrying. He settled down under the covers, staunchly minding his own business.
Oswald closed his bedroom door leaving Murphy inside and pulled off his suit and trying to block out the memory of when he'd taken it off earlier that afternoon. He hung it on the hanger and hung it on the coat rack, putting on the shorts as he put the stopper in the tub and turned the hot water on. He pulled the pack of cigarettes from his suit pocket along with his banged up zippo and opened the bathroom window. He sat below it as he put the cigarette in his mouth as he listened to the running water. He flicked the lighter open and light the cigarette with shaking hands.
He sat there quietly for a few minutes, the cigarette burning but he didn't take more than a few puffs. He could feel the emotions he'd been hiding all night building up inside of him ... Felt like he was going to explode. But Murphy was in the other room and he had no doubt he'd be able to hear him if he did.
He furiously wiped away the tears that were threatening to spill over and moved to the bathtub which had been draining into the hole at the top for some time now. He turned the water off, hissing as he touched the water. It was hot ...
He sat back down on the floor again, leaning against the bathroom sink as tears started falling down his cheeks, unable to stop them any further. Oswald tried to take another drag of his cigarette but his hand stopped halfway up and he threw it to the bathroom floor. There was nothing left but the filter anyway ... Had he really been sitting there that long?
Oswald pulled his knees up to his chest, hugging them to him as he buried his face in his arms, giving in to his emotions, allowing himself to cry. Oswald's body was shaking so badly but at the same time he felt like he wasn't shaking enough ... Like his body was physically restricting him from getting his emotions out ...
He gasped for breath as he tried to calm himself, his chest hurting from hyperventilating ...
'Calm down ...' Oswald thought. 'Calm down ...' He thought leaning his head back against the sink. He looked around the bathroom, feeling exposed out here in the bathroom which was wide open to the rest of the apartment ... But he couldn't go back to his room. His sanctuary ... Murphy was in there ... Why did he have to bring Murphy with him? Why couldn't he have taken him to a motel or something ...
Oswald groaned in frustration before lashing out at the only person in the room ... Himself. He stopped a moment later, his head and his knuckles hurting, and looked down at his hands before resting his head against the sink again.
It wasn't Murphy's fault. Oswald forced himself to get up, forced himself to move to the bathtub and put his hand into the water. It was still hot ...
He took his shorts off and paused when he saw his reflection in the mirror. He had bruises in the shape of handprints on his hips, lines bruised around his wrists. He looked away from his reflection feeling more dirty now in the aftermath ... How could Murphy want him now?
Oswald climbed into the bathtub hissing at how hot the water is, but forced himself to go into the water until he was submerged to his neck.
He took the bar of soap and the scrubber, trying to wash every bit of him that he could get to. Tried to wash away the feeling of their hands on him, but he knew that feeling couldn't be washed away. He scrubbed at himself until his skin was raw and the water was cold and still it didn't feel like it was enough. Oswald's hands dropped into the water as he sat there, tears running down his face again as he stared down at the water. He was shivering by the time he pulled himself out, the water freezing, grabbed his towel and dried himself off.
He managed to get himself back under control by the time he put his shorts back on. He took a deep steadying breath as he left the bathroom and went into the living room.
On the other side of the thin apartment walls, Murphy could hear everything. The inconsolable sobbing, the gasping and hyperventilating … everything. There was no doubt in Murphy's mind, as he lay there listening, about what had happened. His stomach twisted into sickening knots, at the thought of what Oswald must be feeling, that someone could do that to him … He wanted to get up and go in there and just hold him, but knew that was probably a bad idea.
The last thing Oswald needed right now was another man invading his personal space uninvited. He'd intentionally gone off to be alone, and Murphy needed to respect that … But he hated that there was nothing he could do to help, to take that anguish away. Just like he'd failed to keep it from happening in the first place. His eyes teared up just from listening to the sobs on the other side of the wall, and his hands clenched into tight fists until his nails dug into the palms of his hands. He wanted so badly to find out exactly who had done this to Oswald, and he wanted to hurt them so bad that they were terrified to ever even think about touching Oswald again … But if Fish Mooney herself had ordered this, then … what could either of them do? And even if he could just go on the warpath, damn all the consequences, it still wouldn't undo what had happened.
As he heard the water start to drain from the tub, Murphy lay very still and quiet, unsure what to do, not wanting to further humiliate Oswald by letting on that he'd heard.
Oswald stared at the couch for a moment before slowly moving to his bedroom ... When he got there he saw that despite the light still being on Murphy was laying on his side against the far wall, his eyes closed and unmoving. He knew he wasn't asleep yet ... He knew Murphy had heard everything.
He slowly walked to the double bed and looked down at Murphy. Was he faking being asleep because he didn't want him there? Did he want to be left alone?
Murphy heard Oswald walk into the room, could feel his presence next to the bed, his eyes fixed upon him. Murphy opened his eyes, and looked back up at him. He didn't know what to say. Words felt completely useless in this situation. Instead, he wordlessly moved over to make room, looking up at Oswald questioningly, wondering if the gesture would be at all helpful. But if Oswald had come in here, maybe he wanted to be near him right now.
Oswald backed up slightly, his one foot back as if wanting to bolt from the room. He stared at the spot on the bed where Murphy had moved from to make room for him. He thought back to the other night when he'd slept with Murphy. How safe he'd felt ... How good he felt and Oswald seemed to relax a bit.
He moved forward again and climbed into bed, crawling under the covers next to Murphy, his hand carefully on Murphy's chest. "I'm sorry." He whispered so quietly it was barely audible.
Murphy gently put his arms around Oswald and held him close, wishing intensely that he could just absorb all the pain and fear Oswald was feeling until none of it was left, or wishing that by simply wrapping his arms around him, he could somehow protect him from everything out there that could ever hurt him. But both of those things were impossible. He'd seen a glimpse of Oswald's bruises before he climbed into bed with him. If Murphy ever found out who did this … He doubted he'd be able to stop himself from doing something reckless in retaliation.
In response to Oswald's apology, Murphy shook his head. "No," he whispered. "You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm here for you, okay? You're … you're not alone."
"I'm always alone." Oswald said before he could stop himself.
"Not anymore," Murphy said softly, and kissed him gently on the forehead.
"Promise me Murphy ... That you won't do anything stupid." He said looking up at Murphy.
Murphy tensed slightly. Given his track record … Could he really be sure? Lately, he'd become very aware of exactly what he was capable of, if driven to it, and that knowledge terrified him. If he found out who had done this … would he really be able to hold himself back? But … no, this was different. He wasn't the only one left to face the consequences of his actions. If he did something stupid, Oswald might get hurt as a result. He couldn't risk that happening.
"I… I promise," he whispered. "But only for you."
Oswald looked back down and nodded. "Thank you ..." Oswald said. "Because whatever happens ... I want to be the one that does it." He said quietly. "Mooney's not going to get away with this ... I can't do anything now but ... One day ... You'll see." He said looking back up at Murphy. "I'm going to hit her where it hurts ... I'm going to take everything from her."
Murphy looked down at Oswald, and saw the determination in his eyes, that strength and resolve that nobody else ever seemed to notice. And in that moment, it didn't matter who Oswald was going up against, or how long it took, or how the cards were stacked against him. Murphy believed that he could win. "I want to be standing by your side when that happens," he said.
"If you'd be loyal to me ... I'd want you at my side." He said not looking up at him, still scared Murphy would reject him. But he begged ... No, for the first time in Oswald's life ... He prayed, that Murphy would be with him still when that day came.
