Disclaimer: I don't own the awesomeness that is the Ninja Turtles. How sad…
Warning for this chapter: eeeh… Raph says a bad word…?
Author's Note: Takes place about 2 weeks after "A Nice Ass". This one takes place directly in the 2007 Movie-Verse. This is when Leo comes home :)
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-Welcome Home-
By: Melissa the Damgel
--Two weeks later--
"Hey, Leo's back. Better go say hello before he leaves again."
Donnie mumbled slightly as his magazine was thrown off his face. He blinked sleepily at Raphael's retreating back, "What?" he asked before he turned to look to the side and a slow smile crawled up his face before it covered his features. "Leo!" He chuckled, standing up from his chair, reaching out to hug his brother – only to instantly be snagged into a headlock and given a noogie. "Hey!" he laughed and struggled weakly.
He was back!
"Huh?" A sleepy Michelangelo grunted, peeking an eye open from his sprawled out position atop the couch where he was hugging a bag of chips and a stick of butter to his chest. It was almost like Mikey had Leo-radar. His eyes locked on their older brother instantly even before his eyesight was focused and he tumbled off the couch in a spray of candy and chips as full awareness blasting him in the face. Struggling to regain his footing amidst the mess he and Donnie had created during yet another night of junk-food-and-movie-bonding, Michelangelo's eyes stayed locked on his eldest brother, a grin tugging at his face, "Is that really you?" He laughed, jumping to his feet with his hands raised at his sides before he rushed him, "I'm, like, dreaming, aren't I?" he asked and quickly wrapped his arms about his brother's waist and hiding his face against his arm, smiling as he nuzzled at him happily.
And just as suddenly as he was overjoyed, he realized just as abruptly that he was shaking. Mikey squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, just hugging him even as he hid his face against his body. He was here… he was here….
"No, Mikey, you're not dreaming." Leo wiggled slightly as he gazed down at his head, his eyes softening and his lips remaining parted. Lifting his hands ever so slightly, Leo touched Mikey's sides.
Michelangelo smiled and nodded slightly, his throat choking his voice down, but he pushed past the lump and pulled Leonardo closer, "Oh, good. I have nightmares about birthday parties." He joked weakly, closing his eyes again and hiding his face against him.
Looking down, Donatello smiled softly and took a small step back, "Um, it's good to have you back bro. I'll… I'll let you and Mikey catch up." He said, pointing over his shoulder.
Leonardo paused, turning to look at Donnie with a small blush spreading across his beak, as well as a look of nervousness. "Um, Donnie…"
"It's okay, really! We'll have all morning to chat and catch up. But, you two need to talk. Now." He stated and then turned, quickly but quietly leaving the two before they could argue otherwise.
Michelangelo watched Donnie run off before he dared to peek up at Leo, suddenly feeling shy – which that alone was unnerving because he was never shy. But the thing that had his stomach flip and forced him to physically straighten and back away from Leo, was the uncertain look on his face and the way he had his eyes turned away.
His breathing picked up and his eyes dropped to the floor. "You changed your mind… huh?"
Leonardo winced and looked back to his brother, "Mikey…"
Smiling as brightly as possible as large, fat tears obscured his normally bright blue eyes, Mike shrugged and laughed weakly as his heart broke, "It's okay, dude, I mean, you got to travel and stuff and think about everything. And it's probably better like this 'cause Splinter probably wouldn't let us and-" He was rambling at this point, trying desperately to keep his voice from hitching and his lungs from hiccupping his breathes; because as soon as that would happen, he would shatter and start crying – really crying.
"Mikey…" Leo hesitated, reaching out for his elbow, "Its not-"
"Hey, how 'bout we talk tomorrow. I got work in the morning, but we can have breakfast and I'll make waffles! I'll even make the yummy jam syrup with marshmallows and M&M's that you like so much. Welp, night bro!" Michelangelo cheered, his voice quavering as he rushed away, inhaling so sharply he almost stumbled on the stairs and ran as fast from the main living area as he could.
Leonardo just stood there, his own tawny browns flickering as he knit his brows together and his shoulders fell as he watched Mikey run.
"Welcome home."
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Mikey wiped at his eyes as he hurried down the hall to his room, a small blubbering gasp tumbled from his lips and he abruptly ran into something large and solid.
"Watch it knucklehead." Raph grunted but he immediately stopped and just stared, his brows rising high and his lips parting – and he could do nothing but stare at the twisted, agonized face of his baby bro and gape. "Mike-"
Michelangelo's tears instantly became heavier and faster before he pushed passed him, desperately fleeing from his brother and into his room.
Raphael turned, watching him slam the door behind him. He glanced over his shoulder, back towards the stairs and he felt his gut drop as he connected the dots. Leo was down there…
A frown slowly grew over his face and he hesitated, running the options through his head. With a heavy sigh and a squaring of his shoulders, Raph marched over to Mikey's door. Closing his eyes and inhaling slowly, Raphael pushed the door open and stood silently in the doorway, watching Michelangelo's shoulders bob as he sat on the edge of his bed, his fists pushing against the tears in his eyes as though fighting them back.
"Hey, Mikey-"
He shook his head and cried harder, wiping at his tears with his fists and soon the tears made messy treks down along his wrists while he shook harder.
Sighing and looking down at the comic, soda can, and potato chip bag strewn floor of his brother's room. Raphael closed his eyes and stepped in, silently closing the door behind him. After navigating through the treacherous waters of his floor, Raph sat heavily next to his brother and leaned forward, resting his forearms on his knees as he sighed loudly. "Hurts like shell, don't it?"
"How… do ya… s-sa'vive?" he sputtered out, shuddering harder and bawling as his nose began to clog.
"Ya just do." Raph explained, looking down at his feet. "Ya just go on livin' like ya normally do and hope it doesn't hurt as much in the mornin'." He whispered.
Mikey wiped at his eyes, gasping and flinching in his sobs, "I feel all… all ripped apart, dude. Like the Sh-Shredder just w-wailed on me." He hiccupped now and then, and he squeezed his eyes shut tightly to try and not collapse completely in front of his brother.
Raphael nodded and looked to the side, his mind heavy with his past for comparison. He felt his stomach knot as he remembered that feeling – that horrendous feeling of having something ripped out of you; like something vital was wrenched out of both body and soul and the idea of living without something so essential just didn't seem possible. Sitting up suddenly, Raph looked away from Michelangelo and he grunted loudly. "I know. It hurts." He whispered.
"I really-really lo-loved him…" he stuttered out then choked up, and a wail fell from his lips as his arms wrapped about himself as he leaned forward, head bowed and his body aching.
"Yeah… I know." Raphael nodded. Shifting slightly on the bed, Raph carefully reached out and slung his arm over his brother's shoulders and patted his arm awkwardly as he attempted to comfort him.
Michelangelo grasped at that small hint of love and fell against him with a hiccup and wail He hid his face against his big brother's plastron and wrapped his arms around Raph's strong body, clinging to him desperately as he soaked them both in his tears as his body trembled and grew weak in despair.
Wincing as he clumsily patted his brother's shoulder, Raph stared off to the side though he was looking at nothing in particular. "You'll be okay, bro. You'll be okay." He whispered, laying his hand atop Mikey's head and closing his eyes to the sight of his brother, though his ears picked up every shuddering sob and choked breathe. Yeah, they'd be okay; so long as the pain didn't kill them.
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He waited till Michelangelo was asleep before he stood from the bed, meaning to leave his room, but he paused and eyed his baby bro, then suddenly reached down and grabbed a blanket to throw over the curled up turtle. Raph stared down at him a moment, grimly watching his body shudder now and then due to all the crying that was still affecting him even in his sleep.
Raphael's hands curled into fists as Mikey shakily took in a loud breath before settling again, and that only fueled his anger.
Turning sharply and marching from the room, Raphael snarled as he stomped down the hall till he reached the railing and jumped down from it, his eyes did a quick scan of the living area before it fell on the flickering candlelight coming from the hallway leading to the dojo. He was around the corner in an instant and the candles revealed his brother sitting lotus style as he meditated.
Growling because Leonardo hadn't even flinched from his noisy arrival, Raph stepped inside then sent the rack of weights and dumbbells to the ground in a shattering crash that broke the silence and forced his older brother to open his eyes. Raphael took great delight in the annoyed look on Leo's face as he was rudely awakened. It almost made up for him not even bothering to acknowledge him in the first place.
Not that it lasted long and his rage boiled within his gut and reflected in his eyes once more.
Raph stalked towards him, his fists tightening and his eyes blazing. Reaching down, Raphael grabbed the leather strap across his brother's chest and he rudely pulled him up, tugging him in close as he bared his teeth and pulled his fist back, smashing it into his brother's cheek with a growl like a beast's. "You are such a bastard, you know that?" he screamed, shoving his brother from him only to advance on him a heartbeat afterwards.
Leo stumbled back, a hand to his cheek before he regained his balance, only to get a sudden left fist to his other cheek. He whipped about, sprawling out on his belly with a heated cheek pressed to the tatami mats before he felt Raph grab his shell at the back of his neck and tug him up onto his knees.
"What the shell do you think you're doing to Mikey? Huh? He waited two years for ya, and this is what ya do to him?" Raphael snarled and threw him backwards, forcing him onto his shell before towering over him. "You think he's not needed anymore? Ya think its okay for you to throw him away, is that it?" He stepped over him, glaring down at him. "Is that it?" He shouted, the fire in his eyes burning all the brighter.
Staring up at his younger brother, Leo's brows knitted tightly together while his lips formed a thin line and a hand dropped from his puffy cheek. The guilt and anguish he was already feeling flared inside of him. He closed his eyes, keeping his facial features smooth and steady to not betray anything to Raphael because it was his pain, and his burden to agonize over. "That isn't how it is and you know it, Raph." He said, struggling to his feet with downcast eyes.
"And what is it, huh?" Raph demanded, flinging a hand into the air, "'Cause I'd really like to know why my baby bro cried himself to sleep!"
A wince marred Leonardo's features. Brown eyes darted to the side and he calmed the desire to rush to their youngest brother and comfort him. But, once again, Leo managed to calm himself and he looked back to Raphael, "I need to do something first." Leo grimly stated, looking his brother squarely in the eyes.
"Bullshit." He scoffed, pointing a finger as he stepped forward. "Splinter's one thing, but you're just taking delight in controllin' Mikey! Stringin' him along, watchin' him go all gaga over you, then ya cut him off. Is this just some sick game to you? Is the mighty and powerful Leonardo too good for even love? You're such a selfish and egotistical bastard." He gnashed out, shoving Leo hard against his chest.
Leonardo stumbled back but managed to catch himself, his brown eyes suddenly blazing as he straightened up and sneered. "Such big words Raph, for someone so hypocritical." he shot back, glowering at his brother. Leo managed to catch himself before he let himself fall into the rage; but the rage was better than feeling this heavy pressure on his chest. Raph was wrong; about everything. This wasn't a game and he felt like he wasn't worthy to be granted love – especially not after what he just did. But he was right about one thing – Splinter was one thing.
Inhaling slowly and calming himself of the raging fire that was he felt, Leonardo stared back at his brother and watched that same fire reflect back at him in Raphael's eyes. Leo straightened his shoulders and leveled a look at his brother, taking a moment to measure him up before he spoke, as calm and collective as possible. "Raph, you don't know what's going on. I just have to do something before…"
"Before what? Ya tell him that Master Splinter said no anyways? He cried himself to sleep because of you!" He pointed accusingly.
Trying not to let that blow show just how wounded he was to hear it pointed out again, Leonardo dug his nails into his palms, calming himself as the sharp jabs of pain shot up his arms. "He knew what the outcome could be-"
"Yeah, but this is Mikey." Raph interrupted, scowling openly. "He always hopes for the best, and never gives up. Unlike you." Raphael hissed, taking a step closer. "You killed him, ya know that?"
Leo's jaw tightened and he turned his eyes away, staring more at Raph's cheek than directly in his eyes.
"You just ripped his heart out. You're not only selfish, but yer ruthless too!" Raph shoved at his shoulder, and Leonardo suddenly lashed out, shoving him right back.
Prickling at the retaliation, Raphael stepped forward again and shoved Leo in the chest, "I bet you hate it right now, huh? Because I'm right and you know it!" He jabbed a finger into Leonardo's chest, glaring as Leo smacked his hand away and he leaned forward, invading his personal space. "Ya went on your little vacation and now ya don't care about us. Well fine! Leave again! I don't care! Mikey was happier when you were gone!"
Leo growled and threw a punch. It connected hard with Raphael's cheek and he sent his brother staggering to the side with heat blossoming across his face.
A smirk crawled up his red clad brother's face as he lifted his head, wiping away the blood from the corner of his split lip. "Nice one; at least I can say I never actually hit my bros while you were gone."
Shaking, Leonardo glowered at him, "And yet you still made it so bad that Donnie wrote to me asking why Splinter sent me, and not you." He snapped.
Raphael leapt forward suddenly, his foot jabbing upwards abruptly and crashed into Leo's chin, sending his brother flying backwards and crashing to the mats in a heavy and loud action. Leonardo struggled to stand, his brown eyes blazing and turning a lighter color as he pushed himself up onto his elbows.
"Don't you even think about it, Jungle Boy." Raphael growled and smashed his foot down onto Leo's chest, shoving him back to the mats – but Leonardo grabbed his ankle and with an expert maneuver, Raph found himself on the ground with Leo attempting to flip him and pin him to the ground. But Raph twisted and threw an illegal elbow jab during the abrupt wrestling match and the two broke apart, struggling back to their feet and their stance immediately fell defensive as they faced off.
"I have to do something first, Raph! Don't go blaming me for stuff you don't understand!" Leo shouted, narrowing his eyes.
A hard laugh burst from Raphael's lips as he stared incredulously at his brother, "Stuff I don't understand?" His laugh was another harsh bark of irony. "Leo, if you knew half of what's happened to me, you wouldn't be saying that right now!"
"You think I don't know about you and Donnie?" Leo scowled, his fists tightening. "You rolled over so easily, Raph. At least I put up a fight for Mikey and was sent away for it!" he threw a hand out at his side, leaning forward slightly in his cry.
Leonardo was a bit surprised at how fast his brother had moved. He barely had time to lift his arms into an 'X' in front of his face to block the blow a second before his fist connected with face. He slid back on the mats a few inches, and he ducked and shifted to the side the moment he regained his balance. Dodging another wild, angry swing, Leo took a step forward and drove his fist into Raph's gut in ruthless sucker-punch.
A rush of air left Raphael's lungs and he staggered back, gagging to breath and holding his belly with his eyes narrowed. When he could finally draw breathe once more, he rushed Leo again, lashing out and attempting to back hand his brother. Leonardo ducked easily and Raph quickly lifted a knee to block Leo's retaliatory kick with his arm. The padded knee collided hard against his arm and he shoved it away only to throw an elbow up and out to redirect Leo's leading fist, stopping it before it crushed into his face.
Leonardo threw his opposite elbow out, using the momentum of the block to try and hit the side of Raph's face. He clipped him, due to Raphael's sudden duck and roll to his side. Raphael came up swiftly to his knees and swept his foot out, catching his brother's ankles and forcing him to fall backwards. Leo tucked into himself the moment his shell made contact with the mats and he threw his feet up in the air, rolling over his head and regaining his footing in a matter of seconds. He dropped into a crouch and narrowed his eyes, already preparing for another hit.
Raphael scrambled back to his feet and charged, barreling towards his brother; but Leo sidestepped and then planted himself squarely in place. Standing his ground with only a heartbeat of time to make the shift, he reached out and caught Raphael's arm under his armpit, and using his brother's own momentum against him, Raph's feet swept out from under him as his upper body stopped in place, and Leonardo threw him down onto the mats, his forearm pressing against his throat while he pushed a knee into his chest. Raph gagged, trying to breathe on empty lungs due to the air once again having been knocked out of him.
"You're anger will always make you loose sight of the bigger picture Raphael." Leo hissed in his face, breathing heavily. He pulled his arm away slowly from Raph's throat as he gasped for air. Wiping at the corner of his mouth, Leo glanced down at the back of his hand to see the blood smeared across his skin. Shaking his head, he stood then, backing away before he scowled down at the other turtle, almost appearing disgusted by his brother's antics. "You shouldn't use your temper when you fight; you'll always end up making mistakes in battle that way."
Rolling over onto his hands and knees, Raph coughed, inhaling deeply with a splutter before he glared up at him, "Ya think you're all that, doncha? Well you're not. I don't care that you're back, ya hear me?" he struggled up, swaying slightly on his feet before he regained his balance. "The only thing that you've done so far is make Mikey cry. Great job, glad you're back." He taunted, raising his hands out to his sides threateningly.
Leo's jaw clenched for a moment, his hands tightening at his sides. "And what about you, Raph? You haven't exactly been a model brother for the last two years. I remember the letters Donnie sent me, asking me how I always managed to keep you in line." He glared, seeing a flicker of surprise in his brother's eyes. "Donnie was starting to fray because of what you pulled. Yelling at him, mocking him… threatening him. Just great Raph, not only do our little brothers have to worry about the outside world, but now they have to worry about you and your temper in their own home. No wonder they didn't feel safe."
"Shut up Leo…"
"No!" Leo snapped, lifting a finger up and shoving it towards him accusingly. "You told me once that your purpose in life was to take care of you little brothers, but instead you were their greatest enemy and scaring them to death! What the shell were you thinking?"
"You abandoned us!" Raphael roared, throwing his arms out at his sides and leaning towards him as though he were ready to attack again any second. "It's just as much yer fault as mine!"
Shaking his head, Leo scowled, "You always try to blame other people, Raph."
"I do not." He hissed, taking a step forward. "And you're changing the subject. How could you do that to Mikey? Huh? He waited two years… two years! Ya said you'd be gone only one! Ya left and he waited like some puppy. And when you got back, what did ya do? You ditched him! You threw him out of the house! That's my baby bro, I can't let ya get away with it!"
"I have my reasons!" Leo shout right back, his chest tightening and his breathe becoming uneven. "I can't just allow anything to continue until I know-"
Raphael laughed bitterly, "Splinter Jr. at it again. Can't do anythin' unless you have his permission, huh? How pathetic." He scowled.
"It's not like that-"
"Then how is it. 'Cause right now, I just want ta pound yer face in." Raph snarled.
Glaring right back, Leonardo squared his shoulders and leveled a harsh look upon his brother. "I need to do something first the concerns both Mikey and Me. I need to ask Permission. Something I'm sure you never bothered trying for Don-"
Raph interrupted him again with another bitter laugh. "Yeah, 'cause I'm sure Splinter will let ya just 'cause you asked all nice and pretty." He shook his head, sneering at his brother. "He wouldn't even let me in to see Donnie that time after his first kill. If he wouldn't let me ta just comfort him, why would he let ya be together now?"
Leonardo stiffened, his head raising an inch or so, "I just-"
"The answer is, he won't let ya. The sooner ya realize Splinter won't let ya, the better off you'll be."
"And this is better?" Leo scowled, waving a hand around himself as though the entire dojo was an epicenter of all the frustration and pain their family was experiencing. "I have to try, Raph!"
"You'd be better off just sneakin' around behind his back." He hissed.
Narrowing his eyes, Leo folded his arms, bowing his head threateningly as he took in his brother's ironic words. "Oh really. If that's the case then I would have thought me being gone would have brought you and Donnie closer together! If sneaking around is the best why; then why aren't you two doing it already, huh?"
Raphael flinched as realization settled over him.
"It's because Donnie is too loyal, isn't it? He tells you to back off and you have too." Leonardo's stomach flipped, wondering if Raph was right about it being better to sneak around… he'd have to meditate on that. But he bristled upon seeing the anger in his brother's eyes rise. He needed to end this fight now. "I thought you would have helped Don while I was gone. But it looks like I was wrong!" Leo took a step closer, his arms falling to his sides and hands shaking as he moved closer. "You did every despicable thing to him short of outright beating him! You yelled at him, you lied to him, you mocked and insulted him; and you really think he wants to be around you now? What's your problem, huh? I thought you would have loved having me gone! I wouldn't have been around to know if you two were sneaking around; let alone having me around to piss you off! Instead of taking your own advice, you sulked around and did nothing for him or our family!" his hand sliced at the air, brown eyes burning in anger and turning a tawny color from the rage.
Raphael scowled right back, his shoulders stiffening and the muscles in his arms twitching as he stalked up to him, "I had things… I had my reasons." He hissed into his brother's face with a mocking quality to it.
Leo narrowed his eyes. They were just inches apart at this point. "You're just mad because Donnie hates you now."
A primal roar fell from his lips and Raph lashed out, but Leo ducked the wild punch and shoved his shoulder into his brother's stomach and he easily flipped him over his shell, sending Raph crashing into a rack of bo staffs just a few feet behind him. Looking over his shoulder to glare at his brother, Leonardo shook his head, "You need to learn to control that temper."
"Fuck you." Raphael snarled and struggled to stand. And as though the irony of sitting in a pile of the weapon of choice for the one he loved just wasn't enough, Raph glanced up as his brother had turned to leave, and he saw Donnie standing in the doorway to the dojo, his hands curled and his jaw squared as he regarded his older brothers.
"Maybe it's best you two go to bed." Donatello said, in a low, calm voice that immediately hinted at just how angry he really was.
"Fine with me." Leonardo glared over his shoulder before he moved to leave.
Donnie's hand shot out and grabbed Leo's hand suddenly before Leo walked passed him. Don stared at nothing for a while, his eyes downcast and his jaw tight. When Leo opened his mouth to ask, Donnie finally spoke, "Don't presume anything about how I feel; got that Leo?" He asked, raising his dark eyes slowly.
A deeper frown marred Leonardo's features before he nodded and was able to pull his hand free of Donatello's hold.
Donnie turned, watching his brother leave and disappear around the corner before he turned, looking towards Raphael sitting dejectedly in the pile of toppled poles and weapons.
"Just say it and get it over with. He's right, huh?" Raph grunted, glaring off to the side.
Silence reigned between them for a while before Donnie sighed and Raph winced, his heart hammering as he hoped he wouldn't say it, but dreading that that was exactly what he was about to do.
"No, I don't hate you." Donnie whispered. Raph felt something ease in his chest, but it jerked back into place not a second later as Don continued to speak. "Yet that doesn't mean he wasn't completely wrong though… you did make it hard. But I could never hate you." Don whispered, lifting his eyes to look at Raph peeking towards him.
Rumbling in a heavy exhale, Raph struggled to his feet, kicking aside a few bo staffs before he scratched the back of his head nervously.
Donnie looked him over for a moment before he turned, silently walking away.
Raph winced and gazed after him, longing and despair heavy on his face. But a growl escaped his throat and he threw his hand out, smashing his fist against the wall in anger.
Yeah, he definitely made a mess of everything. Again.
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He hated mirrors. Every time he looked into one he was reminded of who he really was inside.
Leonardo stared into his eyes. Shame, disappointment, regret, betrayal, and begrudging resolve; that is what he saw when he looked into mirrors. It was like a twisted sort of self punishment – forcing himself to stare into the eyes of the one person he loathed the most.
When he finally could drag his eyes away from the quivering depths of the warm brown eyes gazing back at him, Leo scowled down into the sink instead and gripped at the porcelain, hoping that when he lifted his eyes once more, he would see someone else instead of the egotistical and despicable bastard who pretended to know what was best for everyone else around him. He hated that person; that stupid, filthy mask he had been cultivated since childhood to wear with an air of haughty honor and pride forever surrounding him.
Inhaling slowly to calm himself and to focus solely on everything that Raphael had told him in the dojo, Leonardo finally raised his eyes to look at himself in the mirror once more. His eyes were softer, more hurt and vulnerable. His face wasn't as set – his jaw had relaxed and his brows had worried together in a tight knot in the center of his forehead. Leo stared, his hands trembling even pressed as tightly as they were against the sink's surface. This was him – this was who he was inside – this weak, pain filled shadow. Who he really was could only be a shadow to being the leader; he had learned that the hard way out there in the world.
Leonardo's eyes trembled as he focused on the warm brown eyes and took note of the soft flecks of tawny and gold scattered across the surface. He stared and remembered Mikey whispering to him on their last night that he had the most alluring eyes. He had said his eyes made him feel like he was drinking him in while promising protection and security.
Squeezing those eyes shut and blocking the memory away, Leo bowed his head and steeled himself, forcing himself to keep from shaking. He turned away sharply from the sink lifted a hand, his finger yanking his blue mask free so his other hand could wipe away the tears before they could fall.
This was insane. Why did he have to hurt him? It was worst than he imagined. He thought Mikey would cry, but crying himself to sleep? And in front of Raphael no less?
Leo was out of the bathroom and down the hall so quickly he hardly remembered ever leaving one room for another. The cold bite of the doorknob leading to Michelangelo's room awoke Leonardo only enough for his ninja stealth to kick in. He slipped into the room as silently as a phantom through a wall. He easily traversed the littered floor of his youngest brother's room and he stood at the foot of the bed, gazing down at him and curling his fingers into a fist at the very sight of the red puffiness around Mike's eyes.
He was so still, just laying there under a few blankets. Mikey loved clinging to things – when they had slept together he would latch himself to his arm or his waist and burrow close to him. That memory had been a wonderful thing to latch onto during his lonely nights out in the world, always staring up at a different star filled sky with unfamiliar positions to the constellations he was used to back in New York City.
Hope had kept him out there for that full year; hope that he would be able to return and just explain to his master that they loved each other and acceptance would be granted – but a letter from Splinter hinting at the reason for his stay out there, Leo had been consumed with guilt and despair. He had focused on his physical needs so completely that he had lost sight of the spiritual and mental training his Sensei had sent him out there to master.
Leo had worried about what would await him and Michelangelo when he returned. He had honestly forgotten that progress in his both his training and his meditations on what a true leader should be for his brothers would be needed to show his Master that he had been serious about his time away from his family. All that time away from his family had opened his eyes to what he and his brother's relationship truly was; and as he hid away in the cargo hold of the airliner, he knew deep down that all the years away had not changed his feelings towards his baby brother at all. If nothing else, his Master has only strengthened his resolve.
The two years apart had only matured him further and made him realize just how precious a gift he had waiting back home for him. He had someone who would wait for him regardless of the time or distance; and he had someone who supported him no matter what it was he set out in life to do. He wanted to return that gesture of love; he wanted so badly to be able to give Mike everything he deserved.
Kneeling down carefully on one knee next to the bed, Leo gazed at him, watching the way his brother's breathe was even and slow – but then would suddenly hitch as though even in his sleep he was still sniffling. Leo reached for him; he wanted nothing more than to wake him and tell him he was sorry and then pull him into his arms. But he jerked his hand back, his fingers curling and his brows knitting as he caught himself.
Bowing his head forward, Leo lowered his hand and delicately rested it atop Mikey's bedding. He never thought he'd miss those silly star covered, deep blue sheets; but he had. He fingered the cotton fabric and raised his eyes once more to Michelangelo's sad face and felt another kick to his gut. His intensions had been to explain himself and tell Mikey everything; but the tears had immobilized him and locked his tongue in his mouth. It had shocked him that Mikey knew before he said anything – and it had hurt him far more than he expected after seeing the devastation in those normally dancing blue eyes.
Watching Mikey gasp for shuddering breathe, Leonardo closed his eyes and gripped at the bedding to keep himself from reaching out to him. How he had missed that playful grin and that twinkle in his eyes. Leo's belly jumped and he clenched his jaw, allowing the depression to sweep over him.
How he missed wrapping himself around Michelangelo; he missed how they smelt after their private times together. In the past, after sex, he would typically pull his baby brother close and nuzzle his neck, breathing him in and running his fingers across his arm writing kanji. He wrote anything from romantic poetry to dirty promises he vowed he would someday fulfill just to see Mikey gasp and writhe under him.
Leonardo raised his eyes once more to settle upon Mikey's features. He really was the cutest turtle of the bunch. But then again, he was biased.
Murmuring in his sleep and whimpering, Mikey's features twisted up suddenly and a line of moisture squeezed past his eyelids.
Distorting his own face up in despair, Leo reached out, wanting to brush the tears away and smooth the wrinkle from between his brother's brows. He jerked his hand away just as abruptly and he looked down at the bedding, his hands shaking as he placed upon his knees.
"Leo." Michelangelo moaned, his fingers tugging on his sheets.
Squeezing his eyes shut in pain, Leo stood sharply and turned, racing from the room. He had the presence of mind to not slam Mike's door shut, but Leo panted heavily, pressing his back against the wall and he almost hoped Mikey did wake up and catch him in the hallway – he almost prayed he was caught and Mike would beg him to stay; just so he could give in. It was so stupid that he was denying them both this. But he had to know. He needed to know where they stood together – where their Sensei stood concerning the both of them.
Leonardo rubbed his face in exhaustion. He hadn't slept in two days and the last few hours had been more than stress filled, they had been downright draining. Stepping away from Michelangelo's door, Leo walked to his own room, throwing his mask aside like a piece of garbage once he had closed the rice door behind him.
Gazing about his room, Leo took a moment to observe his immaculate room. Everything was where he had left it. Nothing seemed out of place – that is, until his eyes landed on his futon and his brows knitted together in pain. Stripping his weapons and padding off as he approached the rumbled bedding, and Leo knelt, studying the blankets and the indent in his pillow. He didn't even need to consider who had slept there.
Bowing his head, Leo leaned forward slowly as though in a bow and his face contorted. Though no tears fell, Leo finally allowed himself to truly feel the pain and let his shadow out for a few hours. Loosing Mikey was more than enough reason to allow himself to shatter inside.
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Donnie sat at his work bench, fiddling with something that he wasn't getting any progress done on.
Leo had been right – Raph had made it so hard for them the last few years. But he was wrong too, he had sent those letters, but he had read too much into them. They were just frustrated rambles of a over-stretched turtle who had no idea how to lead a team.
He would have gladly welcomed Raphael's advances the last two years; he would have welcomed anything other than the fighting.
But it couldn't be allowed.
Don fidgeted and knitted his brows together tightly. He couldn't cry – he had promised Splinter he wouldn't anymore.
A gentle hand alighted atop his shoulder and Don stiffened. Turning his head slightly to look at the emerald green hand touching him, and its thumb rubbing lightly at his shoulder, Donatello hesitated a moment before he dared to lift a hand away from his project and brush his fingers across Raph's.
Raphael watched him closely, his hand tingling as Don cautiously rested his hand atop his.
"Sorry." He whispered.
Donnie's head bobbed slightly. "It doesn't fix anything yet."
"I know. But I didn't mean to be so rough."
A snort escaped Don's nose. "You mean you didn't mean to be a bastard."
A small smile touched Raph's lips and he looked up to the side of Don's head. "Yeah; I didn't mean to be that too."
Donnie peeked at their hands atop his shoulder for a moment before he shrugged slightly and looked back to his project.
Sighing, Raphael straightened, beginning to pull his hand away, but Donatello's fingers tightened around his and he pressed his cheek against his rest. He looked back to him, and his face contorted slightly.
"Not yet… just hold on a sec." Donnie whispered, his brows knitting together as his teeth worried his lower lip.
"Sure thing; Donnie-boy."
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I SWEAR that if you watch the 2007 movie and look really closely at Mikey when he's sleeping on the couch right before Leo comes back; he is holding a stick of butter and a bag of chips atop his chest. I'm serious! It freaked me out! I was re-watching that part as I was editing it to make sure I got the right feel… and low and behold, there it was! I thought I had made it up in the last chapter, but apparently not. So either that thing he's holding is a really weird remote or cream cheese, I'm going to say its butter :)
And the fight. snickers actually, this is a request from BML, a friend of mine. She wanted to see Leo get the snot kicked out of him because of what he did to Mikey, and after reading a really boring chapter, I agreed we needed some action. Granted, Leo did most of the kicking and Raph got most of the snot kicked out of him, but hey, just all the more reason why Raph would have had pent up anger to fight, and WIN Leo on the roof later in the movie. So I'm all happy! I hope you enjoyed it Maddie:D
And as far as the ending goes; I just wanted to sort of patch things up between them – mildly. It seemed like in the movie neither Raph or Don got on each other's cases after Leo came back; so I it came down to two options: 1- was either because Raph now had Leo to fight with and get his anger out on, or 2- something happened to stop each other from fighting like cats and dogs. So this was I came up with.
But I hope you all enjoyed. (I still love the image of Raphael comforting Mikey all uncomfortable-like) (And I might post a fixed version of this later. I didn't have a lot of time to correct this; and in fact, I'm supposed to be at work in 45 minutes and instead, I'm posting this, and I haven't even showered yet. Oi!) let me know what ya think:)
Melissa the Damgel
