Disclaimer: If Shaman King were mine, I wouldn't need to write fanfics. If any of these songs were mine, I wouldn't be writing fanfics.
Background music: Pretty. Odd – Track 13 – She Had the World
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Chapter Twelve – She Had the World
Lyserg sighed as he leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window. He didn't mean to be an emo-angsty brat, but it seemed like life was always setting him up to be such. Life was always depressing him, despite all the fronts he put up. It was bad enough his father died at an early age, when his dad was one of his big lifelines. Then Chocolove. Now Yoh. The world hated him.
Well, he supposed he shouldn't be so upset. It was about time Yoh was done putting up with how he treated him, like some kind of booty call. Yoh had too much integrity to be used like that…oh who the hell was he kidding? He really liked Yoh, never mind what he told the twin at that club. He was upset when he found out Yoh was going out with Tamao. Personally, even knowing Tamao was a good person, he figured she was too air-headed and fluffy for Yoh, but maybe he just didn't know the Asakura as well as he thought.
Hao was such a sweetie. Already, he had come visited him numerous times. Then again, it was strange that he wouldn't leave his flat for two days on end. Hao had been a comfort, showering him with attention from bringing him everything from food to soft kisses. Still, he didn't feel like telling Hao about how depressed he was, and strangely enough, the older Asakura didn't ask. It seemed to be something everyone knew not to touch up on.
Time to take the dark cloud to the living room. Well, he supposed it was normal for him to shun society after such a blow like that. He had stayed cooped up at his house when Chocolove died and the school had understood. He refused to go to school when his father died. He was that kind of mourner. But he supposed it was also healthy, cause he recovered from both those tragedies by himself. He would definitely get over Yoh at this rate.
And he had Hao too, right? Oh damn, he supposed he lied too much. It was bad enough he'd lie to those close to him, but now to himself? How horrible. Yeah, he had what others would call a 'relationship' with Hao, but it was different for him, with Yoh. Yoh was different. It felt different.
When he was with Hao, he felt protected, like Hao was a force to be dealt with. But that was probably all it really was. He had a chemistry with the older twin that was unexplainable and that itself was able to unveil the affectionate side that he had hidden away after Choco's death. He supposed that Hao was such a good post to lean on, he had mistaken it for an attraction, when Hao had probably been just a good friend. But Yoh was different.
With Yoh, things were electric. It was kind of cliché, but when they kissed, there was a warmth that Hao wasn't able to produce. It was similar to how things were with Choco, maybe even better. It was hard to explain. There were no words to describe it, but if you knew how it felt like, no words were needed. Leaning his head against the couch, Lyserg felt like sleeping. He was rather lethargic lately.
The knock on the door didn't interest him and he wasn't surprised when Hao let himself in again. "Seriously, Lyserg, you should lock your doors or else someone will really come in and rape you."
"Whatever."
Hao's frown was almost palpable. "Lyserg, I don't like to see you like this. Tell me what happened."
"Nothing."
Sighing, Hao set down the offering of food on the table. "That's it. We're going somewhere and I'm gonna knock your frown upside down. It's the least I can do."
"Alright."
He didn't have to ask. Even without Hao telling him, or anyone telling him in fact, he knew Yoh was out with Tamao. The boy really meant it when he said 'STAY AWAY'. It was better not seeing him. Smiling faintly as Hao held his hand on the elevator, he wondered how things got like this. He had the world. Things were full of promise at the beginning.
"Hao, how do you feel about me?"
Hao gave him a funny look. "You know. I like you bunches, Lyserg." To make no mistake about it, he leaned down and kissed Lyserg on the forehead comfortingly. Lyserg chuckled. It was like Hao to use silly words like 'bunches'. Despite how childish he could be, Hao was a really good person and actually quite mature. They set off down the street and the weather seemed to have changed the two days he had stayed in. It was getting into the cold part of fall.
His mother had always imposed her relationship advice onto him, whether he liked it or not. One day, out of the blue, as Lyserg was going through the kitchen to get a Coke, his mother had practically dragged him to the table to talk to him.
"So Lyserg, how's the private life going?"
Sometimes he hated his mother. She was so nosy, and it wasn't like he was going to tell her anything. Even if he wanted to, there was nothing to tell. He was thirteen and he had already been asked out by a few boys in his class, despite rejecting them many times over. It wasn't like he was going to say that to his mother.
"None of your business."
"Even so," Jean said earnestly. "Remember that if you play hard to get, they'll come after you more."
Like he needed reminding. Even though he wasn't playing hard to get and he was just trying his best to avoid his male suitors, they just kept coming back and coming back and coming back. There was no escaping them sometimes.
"The more you push them away, the more they come."
Yeah, he knew.
So when Yoh came along, he figured that if he played the disinterested role, Yoh would come straggling along. And that worked at first. Yoh was always at his heels, like those annoying boys back in grade school. He was so confident the cards he were playing were right, and why should he think any differently? The boys back at school persisted until he changed schools. He had practically everyone in his hand, playing their strings like puppets, and Yoh was such an easy pawn. He was very good at manipulating, and he knew the only reason everyone kept chasing him was because he kept his eyes at the sky, the clouds mirrored in his eyes as he turned a blind eye to everyone else. That part of him intrigued a lot of people. It even kept Hao in check.
He held the world upon a string, but then Yoh snapped it and escaped right through his fingers. This was a new development. No one had ever broken his spell before, and for a moment he wondered if continuing this way would work. It was the only play he knew and it wasn't like it hadn't worked before. And with Tamao as his rival, he was pretty sure he would turn the victor in this game. Everything was a game with him. People were so easy to play when you were a pretty face. And anyway, after Chocolove, he was sure he wasn't going to be taking anyone seriously anyway.
He was probably way too flashy, though. It wasn't his fault. His mother had taught him to spread his love, and he didn't think twice when he kissed someone he liked. It didn't happen often, making up for his rather forward ways, and with the twins, he wanted to kiss them all the time when he felt like it. Yoh seemed like a modest person, though, and maybe this was different for him.
And then when Yoh finally started going out with Tamao, he should have pulled out then and there. He almost did, actually, with how he was practically chasing after Yoh. Then Yoh just had to ruin it all by saying he loved him. Lyserg had figured. Everyone was like this. He reverted back to his hard-to-get personality and flat out refused it. It happened before. Yoh would be back.
So he was surprised when Yoh wasn't. in fact, it was probably his fault Yoh was avoiding him so much. He had ruined the most promising thing that had come his direction. Opportunity knocked and he had stubbornly stood it up.
He had no right to be unhappy. He had everything he wanted in life. Even if his mother acted like she wanted to disown him, she really did love him. He had a home to go back to. He had gotten into a good collage. He even had someone who was willing to stick next to him. So why was he all torn up over a minor disagreement? It was stupid of him.
"Lyserg, where do you wanna go?"
"It doesn't matter."
How had he fallen for Yoh anyway? Both twins were at the same level at first, toys that were at his beck and call. They were disposable playthings and he could have easily up and left the two of them without so much as a good-bye. Hao was intriguing and entertaining enough, but Yoh grew on him. There was a general goodness that attracted his bloody, disappointing self. He had enough faults for a lifetime and he knew he was probably just another of those pretty boys that was up to no good. He would ruin Yoh for sure.
But he was sure, that with a little work and a lot of encouragement, Yoh could change even him. Honestly, someone should suggest the boy to be a therapist or something. His optimism and personality was contagious. Hitler would have probably been a pacifist with a friend like Yoh.
"Are you sure you're okay? You look…I don't know…sad? No, depressed." Lyserg snuggled into the warmth as Hao pulled him closer on the street.
"I'm fine. Really."
"Hey look!" Hao didn't even gesture or make any notion to what he was getting at before pulling Lyserg along. "There's some sort of carnival at the park today!"
The spacious city park was today acres of coloring leaves and friendly atmosphere. A sign hung over their heads as they reached the front gates. 'The 21st Welcome Winter Celebration! Games, raffles, food, and fun!'
"Huh." Lyserg studied the blue letters on the yellow sign. "Welcoming winter?"
"Well, winter is the longest season! And Silva won't mind we if skip work a bit." Hao chuckled as he pulled Lyserg toward the park. The Brit wasn't complaining. He didn't feel like working and a bit of fresh air was sure to do some sort of good. Maybe he'd clear his head a bit with this.
There was a raffle even at the entrance of the park. A vender sat at a tiny table surrounded by a small mob. Pushing their way to the front, Hao and Lyserg stumbled through to see what all the fuss was about.
"You can win the world! Step right up!"
"The world?" Lyserg mused out loud, just in earshot of the man. Jumping on the interest, the man turned to the two. "Yes! Well…in the world, I mean that you can win passes to do anything in the Winter Celebration for free! We can't guarantee you the world, literally speaking, but…" He laughed at his own joke. "But anyway, would you like to play?"
"Whatever."
Sobering a bit at Lyserg's disinterest, the man frowned a bit before breaking out in a dazzling smile. "Fabulous! Pick a number, please!"
"Fifteen."
"Fabulous!" The man was a bit obnoxious. Kind of like Silva, actually. Lyserg smiled as he heard Hao mutter, "Old man," out of the corner of his mouth as the man reached into a jar and pulled out a slip of paper. "And the number is…lucky number fifteen! Congratulations!"
Listlessly accepting the laminated pass, Lyserg stared at it, the yellow slip with a winter scene behind the words 'Pass'. He wouldn't deny that he had some sort of luck, but it always came at such mundane, boring things.
"Let's go," Hao insisted, sensing Lyserg's depression set in again. "Come on."
Carnival games have their shine but after a while, even the glittery shimmer is gone. Lyserg stood listlessly as Hao pelted glass bottles with softballs then turned on the booth manager himself. After a while, the two were notorious in the carnival area and had hidden deeper in the park where the security guards wouldn't be able to spot them as well.
"Honestly, Lyserg, tell me what's wrong." In the silence, Hao was dogging him on the subject again.
Lyserg shook his head, grasping the warm corncob in his hand. "You wouldn't understand."
"I wouldn't? It's about Yoh, isn't it." Hao hit the nail on the head and nodded as Lyserg turned to him. The older twin knew it all along, Lyserg thought; he was just waiting for me to say it. But he wouldn't. He wouldn't say it.
"Not really."
"Not really?" Hao laughed. "Well, just say it. I can take it."
Could he?
Silence enveloped the two again as Lyserg stared at the slowly steaming cob in his hand before stopping completely in the middle of the bike path. Hao turned to him, an unusually somber look on his face and even before the words hit the cold air, both of them knew what was coming next.
"Hao, I think we should break up."
To be continued…
Note: Um, yeah. Revival. I only added a few sentences to the prewritten chapter that I left in the recesses of my computer for about six months. But I think, what the hell, I finished tutor, I may as well finish this one. I at least owe it to Panic at the Disco and their kickass album. And I should finish this before I start my Coldplay album fic, although that's more of a four-shot fic. So that's what's going down. Review or my feelings will be hurt that I worked this hard and no one bothers.
