Hello faithful readers :3 Indeed I have not given up! I just wasn't into finishing it up, until I realized how long it had been. Just about a month! Well here I am, back and with another chapter :D If you haven't realized, I usually abuse emoticons like there's no tomorrow Cx. We're working on it.
...Anyway!
So, you've all shown that you still love me, though there is sympathy for Double D here. Don't worry, this chapter solves it! Of course, I expect a final couple chapters after this possible...at least one more C:. This one is a lot of time-skips and sort of changing between the main viewpoint, and if it's confusing I can put a 'Double D POV' and 'Kevin POV' if you want.
Chris: I would have loved to reply to your review ): sign in~ I understand though w my own email is soo~ long. You were my inspiration to finish this :3 Your review just made me all fuzzy~
DISCLAIMER: IGNORE ME (no ownership)
If Double D thought the rest of the day would go by without any more conflict, well then he would be wrong. He had completely forgotten that the two of them shared their science period, and realized it quickly. Seeing Kevin had a fresh wave of anguish and pain running through him, gloating inwardly that Kevin didn't look so happy either.
Sitting in his seat awkwardly, the period was tense. They didn't speak, nor look at each other throughout the whole thing. Their gorgeous teacher noticed soon enough, having latched onto the two young lovers for one reason or another. After class she confronted them.
"Boys," she started, hazelnut eyes flickering between the two, "Is there something wrong?"
Kevin's lips tightened and his fists curled and uncurled, both of them silent for the moment. Jacky* crossed her arms over her bosom, raising an eyebrow. That signaled that she wasn't going to leave them alone until they confessed what was bothering them. "I have time," she confirmed.
Double D looked meekly at the ground, not wishing to be near this boy anymore than he already had to, goosebumps rising on his arm from just being so near. There was no doubt his feelings had not dissipated, but that didn't mean he couldn't be mad at him. Kevin felt equally torn, but he kept most of it inside, defiantly staring at anything but Double D. Jacky looked at both of them and sighed, hopping off of her perch on her desk.
"Boys...I'm trying to understand here. You two seemed like such good friends, and now suddenly it's as if you can't stand each other. What happened?"
Double D peered up gradually at her, nervously sliding his tongue between his two front teeth. It had been some time since he'd done that, so busy being nervous that he forgot to be nervous. That sentence didn't even make sense in his own mind, and he chose not to dwell on it.
"You see Mrs. Jackson("Jacky, please.")...Kevin and I...well had a disagreement. We're still working things out right now and it would certainly make it easier if you left it as it is thank you for your time goodbye!" The worst run-on sentence he'd uttered was over and he scrambled away, not able to stand another second with the other boy.
Jacky looked shocked, pure and simple. Double D didn't usually have outbursts, and she was struck for a moment, letting Kevin leave without so much as a 'goodbye'.
Agonizing. That was how Double D would describe the next couple of days. It wasn't the rumors that began, or the way he had to see Kevin every single day-whether that be good or bad-or the way he couldn't talk to him for fear of making things worse. What really hurt was seeing him with Nazz. Despite having that fight over the subject of the girl, it wounded him deeply to see the other so casual and seemingly content around her. He longed to wrap his arms around Kevin, to apologize and start over.
Then he would remember his words and become angry all over again. It was a continuous cycle, one that left him exhausted by the end of it.
Kevin, on his end, was not having an easy time with it either, much as Double D thought. Despite looking as calm as he did, his insides held waves of his emotions. At times he wanted to cry, to scream, to shout out at the world. Why did they have to be so cruel? Why did he have to fall in love with another boy?
He momentarily froze as he'd thought the words. Did he really...love Double D? After so little time, after all they had gone through, was it possible that he was in love with the other? Touching his lips, he was momentarily distracted, missing the way Double D pressed shyly against him, bringing out a primal urge he'd never known until then.
Kevin groaned.
It seemed as if every waking moment was spent thinking of the nerd and the way he had looked at him when he said what he did. God, did he feel like a douche. Not to mention that being in his science class also made it so he had to see the other at least once a day. Each day he looked more and more stricken, the air around them almost tangible.
With each passing day, Kevin was falling deeper and deeper into despair. Was there any way he could salvage this? It never crossed his mind to talk to the other, because it seemed silly. Would he even listen to him? He didn't feel like finding out. So usually he hung out with Nazz and the team, trying to forget about the boy, even if for a little while.
Yet...he still had his Christmas gift. Back to that weekend, he remembered buying the gift that he thought was so perfect for Double D, only now he couldn't give it to him. Well, that would be stretching the truth. Hecould give it to him, but he didn't think he could work up the courage. What if Double D refused?
Christmas was approaching, fast, and both of them were having shitty times. How silly, to get so mad over such a stupid, impulsive comment. He frowned, gears turning. Well, if he wanted to be back with him (if they were even apart) he needed to talk. They needed to talk. Tomorrow, he promised himself, even if he didn't want to.
Christmas was in a couple days.
Double D realized this as he looked at the calendar, blinking up at it. Christmas morning was marked in a cheerful circle, most likely by his mother. Oh, did he forget to mention? His parents were actually going to be here for Christmas, claiming they wanted to spend more time with their son rather than work. He was flattered and happy-don't get him wrong!-it was just...Kevin. It was always Kevin, wasn't it? He couldn't stay happy with him in mind.
The day's daily routine was broken as he heard a crash coming from down the stairway, the boy immediately shooting up from his spot in bed. Stumbling somewhat blindly from sleep, he peered over the stairs and into the kitchen, blinking away sleep. His eyes widened with what he saw. His parents were attempting to make breakfast by the looks of it. His mother had on an apron, cookbook in hand as she had some kind of mass in a bowl.
"I just need a bit more milk...honey, will you please help!" She snapped at her husband who was over to the side, reading the paper. He looked up with a scowl, eyes widened when he noticed Double D.
"Good morning son," he grunted, flicking the paper back up. His mother scowled and slapped the spoon down, mixing the mixture. What a mess...Still, despite the mess, he found himself elated by the simple fact that his parents cared enough to try and act like a family.
"Good morning," he greeted politely, awkwardly settling into a chair across from his father. His mother smiled, walked over, and kissed him on the cheek. Instantly he blushed, not sure he could handle such attention from his usually impassive parents. His mother merely smiled somewhat nervously, going back to her cooking. Double D, flustered, looked at his father, surprised to see him looking back. Seemingly embarrassed. He pulled the paper up and tried to appear nonchalant.
Maybe not such a bad start...
Now at school, he was feeling a little bit better about his life, seeing his parents attempting something that resembled caring for him as their son. With the soggy pancakes and his grunting father, it made a good picture in his mind. Double D couldn't remember the last time he'd had such a time with his parents, which could have been years ago. His somewhat good mood evaporated when he noticed Kevin.
He was looking miserable himself, standing alone by the water fountain. Double D felt a familiar tug at his heart, a sinking feeling. Seeing him dampened his mood and he trudged on by, keeping his eyes low. He was no longer angry, really, just disappointed. For some reason...well for some reason he thought he might heroically declare his love for Double D to the world or something of the sort. Not hide it with a girlfriend ruse.
Perhaps that was it. It wasn't just the fact that he had called their romance 'silly', it was that he still wanted to hide it. Double D was denying the fact, still unable to find way around it though. He knew Kevin had a reputation and he couldn't just suddenly come out, but a little more compassion might have been nice.
Sighing, he leaned against his locker for a moment, just thinking. He missed him. Missed him badly. Double D missed him so much he spent entire nights just dreaming about him. Still leaning there, he was surprised when he saw a shadow pass over him. Looking up, he was even further surprised to see it was Kevin, looking sheepishly at him.
"Hey...," Kevin started slowly, playing with his cap. Double D was frozen, staring at him in what seemed to be terror, fingers trembling as he leaned against the locker. Deep breaths, he reminded himself.
"Look, I think we need to talk."
The words seemed to snap Double D out of his terrified daze, anger beginning to boil again. "Is that so? Or would it be too much to be seen with me?" Double D couldn't help that one, still a bit ticked off about the whole thing. Kevin had to admit that it hurt, but he deserved it. With a deep breath, he trudged on.
"About yesterday...I'm sorry, alright?" He was standing awkwardly, one hand rubbing the back of his head. Double D looked skeptically at him, but didn't say anything as he continued.
"I was just stressed about everything...and you...what if people found out? I-I just want you to know that you aren't silly to me. I care about you," he spoke in a low voice. Double D found his heart fluttering-he didn't even check to see who was watching!-but he steeled himself, refusing to give in.
"Kevin...it is not just what you said. It is about us," he spread his arms as if showing him the problem. Kevin still looked perturbed, almost pouting. Was he not going to allow him to say he was sorry and make up?
"You don't want to break up...do you?" he practically whispered. Double D responded with a shocked look, shaking his head with a heavy gulp.
"No! I just feel like...it's the hiding. Hiding from all the other students inside the school is really tasking on me. I...I'm just upset that you won't adhere to the fact that there is an us."
The way Kevin was looking at him answered his question. He wasn't ready. Double D sighed and left him there, mumbling a goodbye. Things didn't seem to be looking up (...yet)
It was after school, and Kevin was thinking intensely on his bedspread about what Double D had said. Double D was angry at him for not coming out about the two of them, but he still couldn't believe the hat-clad boy wanted to go through with it. Did he not understand the kind of shit the two of them would get if they came out? Did he realize that his team might possibly turn against him? He'd heard them sometimes tease each other with words like 'fag' and 'homo', but until now he'd never really thought about it.
They didn't have any gay kids at their school as far as he knew, and he couldn't go on any bias that they would be picked on, so it was completely unknown territory. Kevin shuddered just thinking about admitting to the whole friggin' school he was a homo.
Still...Double D had a point. All this hiding, all these secret kisses really got to him sometimes. At times he just wanted to wrap his arms around the boy and declare him his own, kissing him senseless. It hurt that no one knew how special he was.
But.
There was always that but. But what if it turned out to be the wrong decision? What if he was kicked off the team? What if he lost all his friends?
If he came out, would he be accepted?
Maybe it wasn't his reputation at all. Maybe it was he was afraid. Just thinking about coming out, saying he was outright bisexual (most likely), maybe it would bring people the chance to change their mind. He would stop being Kevin the jock, and might even be despised. The truth was, he was afraid he would be rejected. He glanced down and remembered his homework, sitting in front of him for-he glanced at the clock-the last hour! Man, had he been thinking. With furrowed brows the boy went uneasily to sleep, feeling his heart waver with different feelings.
Waking up for Kevin was just about the same as it had always been, except a little more frantic. WithChristmas around, and Kevin being an only child, they often went out shopping to find things and hide somewhere. Most morning he had to himself, but this morning was like a normal Christmas morning. There were bells and wreaths and things all over the place, the snow outside piling onto the windowsill. Kevin got dressed and shivered, finding he liked summer a lot better.
His parents, always up bright and early, were bustling around, ordering him to eat his special Christmas pancakes and to bring an extra sweater to school and blah blah blah. He tuned them out after a while, plopping into a seat to eat. He felt better from last night, but still torn. Glancing up at his happy parents, it confused him even more. Surely, if it they learned he was, well gay, then what would they think?
Already he felt like he was getting a headache and couldn't eat anymore, excusing himself. They loved him...but would they keep loving him? Would everyone abandon him?
To skewl**
With thoughts still in a jumble, he walked into the school's commons area, glancing around to see if he could spot Double D or even Nazz. So far, no such luck. He walked to his locker and began to spin the dial, mind drifting off as he did it out of pure habit. Mechanically pulling out books and putting them in, he thought about the boy who was taking over his mind.
Double D was smart, funny (in that adorkable way), and definitely cute. He was sensitive about his looks more than people thought, and he was a lot more caring than he thought he was, back when they were what one called 'enemies'. He never liked to fight or argue, but he wasn't one to back down. He'd shown Kevin that. He definitely had guts.
But was it worth risking all this for him? Just as he thought that a loud bang was heard throughout the hallway.
Double D had been minding his own business. Really! He was just walking down the hallway, ignoring Kevin's locker as he went on his merry way to his own. While he began to turn the lock, he heard a noise behind him. Some of the football team was walking down the hallway, making a lot of noise. He ignored it, but something must have drawn one of the football team members to him, because he turned just as a shadow fell over him.
"What's up? Not hanging out with Kevin anymore? You two were so tight." Bob, we'll call him, gave him a cocky grin shoved Double D against the locker. The poor boy was stunned, not sure if he should respond for fear of making what was turning out to be a bad situation worse.
"N-no," he answered honestly, looking down meekly. He didn't like being bullied around, but Bob was pretty big...
"What? You two not together anymore," he mocked, chuckled darkly. Double D looked up, glaring at him.
"We weren't 'together', as you so put it, and even if we were, what would it matter to you?" he practically snapped, getting a guffaw from Bob.
"What? You and Kevin? Are you some kind of fag?" he accused, momentarily stopping Double D's glare. This was going into bad territory. Bob's face lit up at his expression and a grin rose on his face, sweat beginning to build up on Double D's brow. Oh dear..that didn't seem promising.
As he contemplated this, his eyes searched frantically for Kevin, wondering if he was noticing the ruckus. Scanning the area, he noticed him glance over from his locker, shock registering on his face. Double D gulped. This was going to get messy.
Kevin hadn't expected the noise he heard to be one of the jocks pushing his boyfriend against the lockers, declaring him a fag later. Sure, sometimes they said mean things like that in the locker room, but the usually ignored, teasing word took on a new meaning for him. Rage boiled under his skin and he met Double D's pleading gaze, not sure what it was he wanted.
"Well?" Bob grinned at him, looming over the boy. He pressed himself back, cowering slightly under his gaze.
"W-what exactly would you want me to say?" he snapped up at the bulking teen. Despite the terrible idea it was to snap at this jock, he really didn't like how he said such an offending thing so easily. Bob lowered his eyelids and looked like he was about to strike at him, when a voice spoke out.
"Hey, leave him alone." Kevin sauntered up to them both, the crowd that was beginning to gather holding most of their friends, considering class had yet to start. Double D gave him a worried look, discreetly scooting closer to Kevin. The urge to protect Double D and wrap his arms around the other was strong, but he had to resist. In front of all these people, there was just no way.
"Kevin?" Bob sounded amused. "What, are you a fag now too?" he joked, receiving a glare from Double D. Said boy glanced at Kevin and then the bully, biting his lip softly.
"You don't have to do this," he spoke in a low voice, touching his arm. "I-It's alright. I know how much this team is to you." His mind was screaming for him that it was wrong, that he wanted him to admit who he was. But that was...impossible. He let his fingers uncurl and drop from his arm, stepping back as if allowing him passage. This was his chance to get out of it, to leave Double D to fend for himself. Other people would help, right? All that mattered was getting out.
Yet..as he stood there, staring at Bob, he couldn't help but feel a weariness come over him. The whispers, the voices, the stares, it was all too much. He was...he was done pretending. How could he even think of leaving Double D? Hell, he loved him! Leaving him now would mean the end of them.
"So what if I am?" he retorted to Bob, voice echoing in the silence. He received getting a blink of surprise, but soon he was again laughing as if that was the funniest thing in the world. Kevin scowled, not really expecting such a reaction. The crowd, hushed, awaited what Kevin would do, eyes turning to his direction. Kevin gulped and glanced at Double D who looked horrified, reasoning in his mind this was probably a terrible idea. Which it was.
But Kevin didn't care.
He spun on all of them, turning his back on everything they had once thought, reaching for Double D. Time to create a new image with someone he could share it with...
Double D's mind was being blown, for all that went on was something he imagined in a nightmare. A bully had randomly picked on him, Kevin came to the rescue, but it was jeopardizing his "image". Much as he liked the idea of coming out, it seemed all too soon for it. That is, until Kevin practically declared it. His eyes widened as Bob laughed, the people beginning to quiet. Even Double D barely dared to breath, heart hammering in his chest.
Then their eyes met. Everything faded to gray and all he could see was Kevin. His arm was gripped tightly, warm hands caressing his cheeks as his lips met the others. Double D closed his eyes and leaned back, allowing his mind to drift and cloud with the kiss. It was the most elating thing he had experienced. Kevin just kissed him in front of the whole school. And you know what?
Neither of them gave a damn.
CLIFFHANGER?
*Yeah, I realized in earlier chapters I switched from Jacky and Jackie, but I'm too lazy to go fix it.
**my little joke. I know some trolls out there might get on me for that. Just making it clear; I CAN SPEEEELLL~ ^3^
And, on the whole "school's out" and "winter break"...well we'll get there. Obviously this scene was important, so I'm bending the rules XD. This is a fanfiction for Christ's sake! My logic is flawed~ but I rule the story so go with it ^-^.
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