A/N: I've been on leave of absense because damn, I'm losing my inspiration and confidence. I haven't really had it in me.

So I completely rewrote this chapter, and it's quite a bit better than the last version of this chapter, which was shit. This one also sets up more character development and a new plot device that I've been using.

- DW


Chapter Twelve - Watch

The bell tolls
Loud and clear.
They look up
At the same time
Watching
Waiting
Wondering.


Oh, how the cowards run, always running. Never once do they stop, never once to they dare look back, or they will die.

I do not dare look back.

My mind won't stop working. It's starting to ache, but it will not halt, not for anything. I plan, scrap those plans, come up with contingency strategies that I brush aside as nonsense and start all over again.

Light Yagami is Kira.

The undeniable truth asserts itself and repeats nearly constantly in my mind. It's like a broken record, skipping back to once again declare that name to the empty chaos of my stuffed head.

He wants to kill me, I know it.

He doesn't know my name.

The thought is oddly concerning. I've just disturbed the hornets' nest, poked the sleeping bear, slapped a shark and metaphorically unleashed a fucking demon. I know what he's going to do next. It's my fault, it's my entire fault.

He can't kill me – he won't kill me because he just can't. So he'll kill others. Maybe it'll be innocents, politicians, activists, or those innocent until proven guilty? I can't tell at this point. He's angry, he wants blood, because L could be in his reach by now, with my ability.

I have the eyes, he's aware of my presence, and I am in this for good. It just got all the more personal. Will I rise to the challenge?

He's going to kill them and I can't do a damn thing about it.

I'm going to be sick.

No, no, no, no, no. There has to be a way!

But there isn't. There just fucking isn't. There's no real way to predict who he'll choose. It's chance! Or maybe he won't kill anyone, which I know is a vain hope, but I need to have a little. Maybe he won't kill anyone and laugh in my face because I've been expecting it: an elaborate prank.

That's no good. He's intelligent – naive, but glaringly intelligent. Light Yagami is not an idiot.

I'm going to have to accept this loss. I made a mistake, and people are paying for it. PEOPLE WHO HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS!

That's not good. I'm a little too angry. It's a good thing this is all inside my head, or I'd be locked away by now.

… Inside my head.

I'm not thinking anymore at this point, I'm rambling. Come on Kurai, you can do this.

Kira's just lost something valuable to him: a tool that he'd hoped would become his blind follower. This isn't happening. He'll want to find me. He's going to bide his time, so he won't search for me, but he could very well leave a message.

I have to watch now. I need to retreat and not put myself forward. I have to watch until the time is right.

The entrance ceremony, of course! Ryuzaki is going to reveal that he is L at the ceremony and try to make Light uncomfortable. We'll have him pinned to the wall instead. He'll be sweating under his collar, and then all of a sudden here I come, and he realizes that I am somehow connected to the investigation. It wouldn't be hard to figure out that I'm helping L. Oh that'll really get him going.

And then what? He'll be pissed, that's for sure, but he's going to want to do something. He'll get closer to the investigation through his father. L will have already contacted him and will draw him in with the little test he has planned. That's where I'll find my safe spot. He can't kill me because I've met him and I'm connected to the investigation. He won't have the opportunity to find my name until that time.

I'll be okay.

It still doesn't change the fact that people are going to die because of me.

I slouch a little more and walk hurriedly down the street.


I don't even look at my relatives as I storm inside, slamming the door behind me. They all jump simultaneously as I pass through like a dark storm cloud. My breathing is heavy and my hands are shaking. My stomach is churning because I'm expecting that I'll be sick when I have to look at the autopsies and photographs and reports on the newest killings, the ones that break the pattern.

The ones meant for me.

I slam the door to our shared bedroom too, not even bothering to turn on the lights. Vile's presence doesn't register. I'm not sure when he joined me, but I don't really care (not that I'd noticed at the time in the first place). My body trembles as I sit on the edge of my bed and the acidic taste of bile fills my mouth. I rock back and forth, elbows on knees and hands joined in front of my face, which my head leans on.

I don't even blink, because I'm still thinking a mile a minute and I wonder about how many are going to die, and how they're going to die, and what message is Kira going to leave me. Light had the eyes of a sadistic killer. They're all puppets to him, so murdering them in cold blood in as many painful ways possible is nothing for a motherfucker like him! Absolutely nothing!

"Kurai, tell me what happened," a voice says firmly, shaking me out of my spiraling. My gaze flicks over to the person in the doorway, light framing their form as it streams in from the hallway. Yae didn't ask a question.

"Why would you care," I sneer, and she flinches at my tone.

"You're family."

She enters the room to stand in front of me. I look up, glaring white hot fury right at her, silently willing her to turn to ash. "This isn't something you can just lock away, Kurai."

"And why not?!" My voice is a little harsher than I intended, and I know she's hurt. I feel a small twinge of guilt – I crush it ruthlessly.

"You'll break! This isn't something you can handle alone, for god's sake, you're only human!"

Only human …

I'm crying.

She takes my hands and kneels on the ground before me as I somehow communicate my panic. I keep repeating 'my fault' and 'they're dead'. Oh, I know that she doesn't understand the scope of the situation. I let her believe that I'm talking about my parents.

I cry until I can't any longer.


"Oh God, Kakushin, he's Kira, and I've done something stupid …" I start to ramble at an almost incomprehensible pace. Kakushin gives me a blank look before gripping my shoulders and shaking me until I shut up.

"Better?"

"Yeah," I breathe.

"Alright, you need to calm down. Start from the beginning. Nice and slow this time," she says, and I close my eyes. She has no idea how reassuring that is. I take a deep breath.

"L was right. Light Yagami is Kira," I croak, sitting down in a chair in her living room. There's no one here besides us.

"Great! Now we know where to go from here, all we need –"

"That's not all K. There's more, much more."

"Sorry, please continue," Kakushin shortly apologizes before taking another seat. I have endless amounts of gratitude for her right now.

"When I walked into the exams, I had this odd feeling. The hairs on the back of my neck were standing up and I felt as though I was being watched. You know the feeling. So I look around, and of course, he's staring right at me. I then do the single most stupid thing I've ever done in my entire life."

"This doesn't sound good."

"I looked right at his lifespan, K. It wasn't there, and he noticed me looking. He knows. He knows about me and the eyes. And afterwards, when I got out of there, he confronted me and I made him mad, really mad."

Kakushin watches me with wide eyes, her mouth open in surprise and horror. I've wound myself up into a frenzy again. "Kakushin he's going to kill someone because he can't kill me. I don't know how many, I don't know who but it won't be his regular pattern. He's going to send a message to me, in blood."

"Oh my God," she whispers.

"It's all my fault, Kakushin. They're going to die because of me."

"Shut up."

I startle and stare dumbfounded at her.

"Don't you dare say that this is your fault, ever, do you understand? He's killing them, not you! Never for one moment think that you are the cause of this!"

"I am –"

"NO! Kurai, you're my best friend. You're not a murderer. They won't die in vain if we can put Kira down, alright? Their lives are beyond our reach, but we can prevent a global disaster if we take him down. You decided to help when you picked up that notebook, so don't you fucking dare back out on us now!"

People's lives are at stake, and not just ours.

I'd almost forgotten.

"Alright," I whisper hoarsely.


A month and a half passes.

I'd been called in for an emergency meeting. I hadn't expected it, honestly. I'd almost convinced myself that it wouldn't happen.

When I see what he's left me, I cannot even move in my terror and disgust.

Oh god, he fucking didn't.

There are photographs and reports, just like I knew there would be, but there's also a recorded video of Ukita going through the crime scene, and reports from the news. It was in a public place, where everyone could see. People got above in helicopters and filmed it in action, and in aftermath.

They were criminals that had been recently released, were on parole or had cooperated with the police to reduce their sentence. Each and every one of them was dead, of course by a heart attack, but that's not all that happened.

When they collapsed the bodies were aligned to spell out a single word:

Watch.

"Who could he be addressing? Is he addressing me, or the world as a whole?" L wonders out loud, but I don't even hear him at this point.

It means: Watch as I change the world.

It's addressed to everyone, really, but I guess it's also me in particular. He wants us to watch as he uproots society and becomes a god, but this is also his way to say to me 'fuck you, I didn't need your help so you'll die like a dog and there's nothing you can do about it'.

I hadn't even realized that I'd spaced out and dropped my lunch until L shook me back into reality. I was staring right at the small TV in the room, sitting in a chair, while the others passed by me, reading the reports and studying the photographs and such things, completely out of it.

L is observing me, studying my actions closely, very closely. His eyes are stone, and he can feel my trembling from his grip on my upper arm. His voice is commanding and leaves no room for argument as he dismisses the Task Force. They are confused and surprised, but they follow his orders without question. He lets go and waits until everything is silent again before speaking.

"Tell me," two words, so simple in meaning. He wants to know why I've reacted in such a way, and there's no way that I could come up with a reasonable excuse. There's just no way.

"I can't," I say weakly after a few moments of trying to pull myself together. I won't look at the grisly picture on the television anymore.

He closes his eyes for a few moments before once again focusing on me. His eyes are a little more open than before. "Can I trust you?"

"Where did that come from?" I rumble, getting out of the chair to stand and challenge him. I'm a head shorter than him, even when he slouches, so the effect is basically ruined. We stare off, and I practically dare him to take it back, I dare him to say that I should leave, but most of all I dare him to demand that I tell him what I know. Yes, he knows that I'm hiding something big, something important.

His voice is cold when he speaks next and it shocks me to my core. "I need you to look me in the eyes, right now, and tell me that I can trust you, understand?" I gape at him, before swallowing and glancing off to the side. "Niiro, this is important. I need you to do this."

Swallowing thickly, I scowl and look up. Yae and Kakushin's words came back to me. This has happened, and it's my job to fix it. "You can trust me," I say, completely honestly and sincerely.

His severe expression softens, and he frowns. I'm nervous for a moment. "Alright."

Just like that.

It's so obvious that I'm lying right to his face half the time, and I'm sure he knows it, but he still trusts me so easily. Of course this could just be an elaborate ruse and I'm totally walking into a trap (he does these sorts of things), but I don't think it is.

Oh, I hope I'm right on that one.

I cry.

I embrace the taller man in a hug as I let out the last of my shame. This is a scar that will last forever. He's awkward, Ryuzaki, but he has a good heart. He lets me cry and hug him, rubbing small circles in my back.

After a while I separate us, chuckling dryly in embarrassment. He returns with a small, hardly noticeably smile.

"So, what do you think?"

He's good. He knows that I have to distract myself with this. I shake myself out of my little funk and focus on the small TV.

"It's obviously a message, as you know. It was very deliberate and meticulously planned, down to the smallest details, so I don't think there will be any more. It would take too long. It's a single word message, and it could be directed at anyone, but it's probably someone specific. Could be you, you know. There were three-hundred and sixty of them, which is as many days as there are in year. So it wouldn't be much of a jump to assume that this is a message to you to watch as he changes the world (he works internationally, so that bit's obvious) in one year."

"He'll obviously infuriate many people with this," L comments.

I silently thank him. Breaking this down logically with another person, to detract from the whole, awful truth, and to come to terms with it, will help in the long run.

"It's an intimidation tactic," I continue, "He's daring us to try and stop him, because he doesn't believe that we can stop him. It's his ego speaking right there. 'Look at me; I'm Kira and I can do this, what can you do?' There isn't a timeline that we can know of, so either he's bored or something happened on his end. –"

And so on and so forth.

The talking is good. It helps. We'll catch him.

He may have won the battle … again … but like L said, he will not, under any circumstance, win the war.

I'll make sure of that, even if it's the last thing I do.