AN: Hi everyone! I hope you're all having a fabulous pre-festive season time. I'm so sorry for the delay in having this part posted, I'm on vacation and have spent a few too many days walking the streets of SF, giving my credit card a workout and snoozing through one very long flight…and ultimately, not enough writing. :-) But the chilly weather you US lot are having has finally sent me inside so here's an update for you.
Thank you so much for all the continued reading and reviews and favourites/alerts etc. Sorry for those that I haven't had a chance to reply to, but thank you so much, I love hearing your thoughts. Thanks.
Chapter Eleven: Comeback Story
Sometimes
We see in others
What we fear
Has become
Our own
Truth
Walking down the street, fingers entwined with someone she craved day and night, felt light to Callie.
As strange as that might sound.
But it seemed to her, as if her steps held more of a bounce and she smiled at people walking past; dropped coins into the occasional unfamiliar busker on the street corner. If she really thought about it, and tried to put a time frame on it, it had been years since she had felt so comfortable.
So happy.
Turning her head, mid-way across an intersection, she pressed a fleeting kiss to Arizona's cheek. It was messy and a little uncoordinated; it was the way they fit together - a bit chaotic and awkward, but somehow full of tenderness and affection.
Arizona smiled at her, leaning into Callie's side as they walked. In a moment of exhaustion, Arizona had decided to employ a manager for the café rather than just the young wait staff. And surprisingly, it was working out well. This was the third complete day off they had both had since he started.
Matthew, they had both decided, was worth is weight in gold. He was youngish, in his early thirties and a New York born but London raised, traveller. He was settling in the city for two years, finishing up a Doctoral degree in a specific type of structural engineering. The blank expressions on both Arizona and Callie's faces were transparent any time he mentioned the specifics, but they politely nodded just the same.
It didn't matter what he was studying, he ran that café like a dream. He's better than me, Arizona had whispered to Callie on day two, and contrary to Callie's generous protests, she was excited about the concept. She wouldn't have ever felt comfortable leaving it in substandard hands.
"Oh," Callie exclaimed suddenly and Arizona's fingers tightened sporadically at the sudden interruption to the daze they were separately in.
"Mmmm?"
"Frozen yogurt…That is exactly what I'm craving."
"You were having cravings?"
"Well, not really, not until I just saw it. Come on," Callie said, grinning, pulling Arizona across the road. "Besides," she added, "I need to butter you up. I have a huge favour to ask which definitely requires some sort of chocolatey topping."
"Ahhh," Arizona laughed, "so not so much a craving as a bribe? Calliope, you're so transparent."
"Maybe," Callie responded teasingly, she playfully wrapped her arms around Arizona's shoulders as they pushed through the doors. She nuzzled into her neck, chin kneading into the muscles whilst they contemplated the menu. "Oreo crumbles? Sprinkles? Tell me you're not thinking fruit."
"You're like a child in a candy store," Arizona murmured and the young girl behind the counter laughed lightly at them.
"Fruit is a bit boring," she chimed in, cheerfully, "so I'm with her, go something really good. Besides, the yogurt is good for you."
"Yeah, so cancels out the toppings, right?" Callie countered, winking at the girl.
"Definitely."
"Okay okay," Arizona conceded, "at no point did I say I was having fruit, can I just point out. You're overestimating me. I'm going with French Vanilla yoghurt and a crap load of white and dark chocolate crumbs please."
"Times two," Callie added, "but I'll have Raspberry yogurt please."
Turning a little in Callie's loose hold, Arizona poked her in the side. "I hope you know you're paying."
"Totally," Callie agreed, jumping back and digging in her pocket before handing over two five-dollar bills.
"And…" Arizona prompted, earning a blank expression; they slowly made their way to a table. "Your favour? I think I need to know before I eat this, I might want to return it."
Callie chuckled lightly. "You have no faith in me. It's nothing really, just that my father is in town tonight and he wants to catch up."
Resisting the urge to groan heavily, Arizona simply screwed her face up and nodded.
"But I have that set, at the club…"
"Ohhhh, no," Arizona started protesting quickly, shaking her head vehemently. "No, no, no way Callie."
"What? Just babysit him by the bar, refill his whisky and talk about how awesome my music is."
"Nah ah, nope."
"Arizona," Callie whined, spoonful in her mouth.
"Don't use that tone," Arizona moaned back, "I'm not babysitting your father. I don't do parents."
"It'll be for less than hour, he'll be quiet and low maintenance. And besides, you'll be old friends by the time dinner is over."
Arizona almost spat out her mouthful. "Dinner!"
"Did I not mention that?"
"Calliope, stop. Really, I'm not parent meeting material…what the hell am I meant to talk to your father about?"
"He's easy to get along with hun, I promise. And you're amazing…how would he not adore you? What's not to adore? Actually, I think he might end up liking you more than me, you're all mature and have your life together."
Arizona scoffed. "Yeah, completely." She bowed her head and grumbled, "Callie…"
"It'll be fine."
"I really don't want to."
"I can tell."
"Do I have to?" she asked childishly, as if she was being asked to wear pink fluffy dress when she was five.
Callie shrugged but smiled. "I can hardly make you," she conceded, "but I'm serious Arizona, my dad is fine and he does this like once or twice a year. Comes to town for a work meeting and then has dinner with me and then disappears again. It works and it's easy and you, there is not a chance that he won't love you."
Rolling her eyes, Arizona settled into a long stare across the room. "You owe me," she acknowledged.
Beaming, Callie nodded enthusiastically, leaning across the table to grip Arizona's chin and kiss her intensely. "Whatever you like."
"So much more than frozen yogurt."
"Just name it."
Arizona shook her head. "Nope, this one I'm keeping in reserve."
"Okay," Callie murmured; she kissed the tip of Arizona's nose before tapping it with her finger. "Thank you."
"Humph."
"Oh come on, don't be so dramatic."
"I hate you."
"Yep, I'm getting that." Callie's smile was so wide that Arizona eventually shook her head and laughed lightly. She couldn't quite believe Callie had managed to convince her to meet her father, not once had she met a girlfriend's parents.
Not once.
"After all these years, I was concerned that she may have lost her touch. But she still has it, hasn't she?"
Arizona coughed nervously and nodded. "Your daughter is very talented, Sir."
He laughed and the ice in his whiskey glass cluttered together. "Are you always this nervous Arizona, or is it just my presence?"
Blushing, Arizona sipped from her wine glass, after having water with dinner; she was desperate for the calming influence of a beverage or two. Callie's father was just as talkative as Callie had assured her he was, but still, she couldn't quite lose the self-conscious thoughts in her head. She had told herself just too many times that she was not the kind of woman that sat at family dinners and Thanksgiving celebrations. "I'm sorry," she murmured politely, trying to force a smile on her face.
He nodded and smiled, even reaching a hand out to briefly touch her shoulder. "It's been a long time since I've seen Calliope this happy, this…well adjusted. I can only assume it's your influence and I have to admit, the way she speaks about you. You are certainly nothing like that God awful woman she was with a while back."
Arizona swallowed heavily and nodded, taking a few extra sips from her glass. She knew a little about Callie's ex, the one from the band but she hadn't sought the details and Callie certainly hadn't offered them. Still, she pretended to know more than she did; for reasons she wasn't even sure of. "I would hope so."
"I tell you, if I had the chance to lay my hands on the little bitch."
Arizona coughed, and when she looked up, Callie's father was grinning at her. His smile was just like Callie's, wide and expressive. "Father's prerogative, right?"
"That it is," he agreed, "that it is." They quietened for a few minutes, watching Callie perform one of her quieter, slower songs; beautifully soulful. "Mmmm," he said, turning his head to Arizona, "I'm so happy she has her life back on track. This is the little girl I remember."
Arizona glanced at him curiously, nodding slowly as she placed her empty glass on the bar. "She's an incredible performer."
"And I have to say," he said slowly, "I appreciate your support of her sobriety."
Arizona raised her eyebrows, glancing to her empty wine and back again. "Ummmm," she hesitantly murmured, confused.
"Oh, I meant at dinner. The times when it's hard for her to stay on track; that's what they always said, that she needed to surround herself with people who supported her rather than enticed her into their lifestyle." Arizona could feel the heat rising to her cheeks and she chewed nervously on her bottom lip. "I don't expect you to be an angel, Arizona; obviously you drink and that's okay. But we both know how drugs and alcohol can get out of control for Calliope; too many times to count I've bundled that girl into rehab."
"She hasn't talked about it a lot," Arizona admitted honestly, and she propped her head up with her hand, elbow on the table. She raised wide blue eyes to curiously peer at Carlos. "But I understand there were some tough times."
"People think they understand addiction," he muttered, finishing his own drink and raising two fingers to the bar staff to refill their drinks, "but until you've sat by the bedside of your daughter in intensive care, seen her bruised and battered, and on life support….well, you don't understand until then. No parent should have to see that and I just thank God that she's found her way now. With you."
Feeling a slow flood of anxiety spread through her body and settle in her stomach, Arizona again nodded slowly as if she had full understanding of the details of Callie's past. She had clearly underestimated the, in and out of rehab, explanation that Callie had offered. She had almost died, at least once, possibly more by the pained look on her father's face. "I understand addiction particularly well," Arizona offered quietly, "my family had some…problems." Whatever made her share that truth, she had no idea.
Carlos slid her refilled wine across the table and eyed her curiously, assessing her. There was something he liked about Arizona; he respected the nervousness she obviously felt around him, as a new partner should in meeting the patriarch. He also appropriately assessed her as a caring, yet considered woman; she had seen some things in her time and it was all still integrating in her mind. She was working things out, slowly and with great deliberation. "I always tried to teach my daughters that they can become someone despite and because of their past, not as victims. Sometimes I have succeeded, at other times, not so much. This one," he said, nodding to the small stage, "she's always gone two steps forward and ten back. All heart, not so much fear."
Looking up, Arizona met Callie's eyes and she smiled weakly, just detecting a slight frown of concern on Callie's forehead. "You should be proud, Callie is an amazing person, Mr Torres."
"She always has been," he agreed with a single, slow nod and raising his index finger between them. "And with you," he continued, "she'll keep her life on track. I'm trusting you with that, Arizona."
Again, a feeling of discomfort settled in Arizona's abdomen and she shifted in her seat as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat. She knew that Callie wasn't as 'sober' as Carlos believed and that was essentially none of her business. As someone who didn't even have contact with her own parents, she wasn't for a second going to criticise Callie for the limitations on her honesty. But, there were aspects of her life that she had exposed Callie to; invited her in to be a part of. And the risk it seemed was so much worse than Callie had ever offered.
"I'll try to protect her," Arizona said quietly and it was barely heard over Callie's singing, yet Carlos heard every hesitant syllable.
He shook his head. "No," he said strongly, staring Arizona in the eyes; she squirmed under the intensity. "You will do more than try."
Exhaling, Arizona could do little more than nod to the man beside her. She kept nodding, as she looked away, absentmindedly continually to affirm her agreement. She didn't feel so confident.
Arizona didn't talk about the conversation she had with Callie's father; she wanted to, but each delay strategy seemed almost too effective. At first, she wanted to wait until the next morning, to sleep on things and let them both get some rest. But then the café was chaotic and it was all hands on deck; later that afternoon a pipe burst and the evening filled with over priced plumbers on horrendous call out fees. The next day, Callie was tired and grumpy, having a headache that pounded at her temples and she still had to do a shift at the bar when they were short staffed.
Somehow, three days passed, yet it gnawed at Arizona like the constant annoying buzz of a mosquito in her ear. She was stressed and worried; tired too from too much thinking and not enough time sleeping.
Hearing Callie's heavy knock on her door, she looked in the mirror and pulled a folded tissue from her left nostril. It was stained with fresh blood and a slow trickle ran from her nose as she watched. "Fuck," she muttered, tears filling her eyes. It was the first time she had used in two weeks and it wasn't having the desired effect; in fact, after thirty minutes, she felt irritated and over alert, as if the walls were closing in on her and each noise amplified. Her eyes darted to the corners of the bathroom and she had awareness that she was being irrational, but she was uncomfortable and strangely fearful. Of nothing; there was nothing to be scared of yet she felt frightened all the same.
And her nose wouldn't stop bleeding; and Callie was at the door.
Grinding her teeth, she walked through her apartment and opened the door, turning quickly away and leaving Callie without a greeting. "Hey," Callie acknowledged automatically, stepping inside and closing the door when Arizona padded away. "Okay," she articulated slowly. "Right," she acknowledged a second later, observing Arizona with a fresh wad of tissues pressed under her nose. "You okay there?"
Arizona glanced sideways at her, pupils so wide that only the smallest sliver of blue rimmed them. "Sorry," she offered, dropping her head and checking the Kleenex.
"Oh God," Callie quickly exclaimed, dropping her bag and rushing forward, "that's a lot of blood." In evidence, a drop of thick crimson fluid pooled and dropped to Arizona's hand, she groaned and swayed. "Shit Arizona, come on before you pass out."
Reacting promptly, Callie grabbed a drying cloth from the kitchen bench with one hand whilst she fisted Arizona's shirt at her back. Supporting her as she pushed Arizona towards a long leather bench seat, Callie kicked at a few stray cushions with her foot and sat Arizona down on the vacated space. She slumped into Callie's side and moaned a few incomprehensible words.
"What are you doing, huh?" Callie asked gently, cloth held to Arizona's face and her other hand smoothing her hair down her back. "It's after eight."
Arizona closed her eyes and looked miserable; her face was pale and blotchy and arms limp at her side. "I've been cutting down," she whispered after a few moments.
"Yeah? Well that probably explains some of this, then."
The energy in her body was conflicting; one part of her was drained of energy and her head felt faint yet she kept flicking her eyes open and closed, convinced there was something or someone moving along the walls of her apartment; hiding in corners.
Callie followed her eyes a few times and shook her head to the vacant room. "It's okay, there's no one here. You're alright, sweetie."
"I know," Arizona muttered back, just short of snapping the reply; she wasn't insane. Resting heavily against Callie, she mumbled occasionally, losing herself in the silence and trying to focus on the rhythmic tender touch running up and down her spine.
"So…" Callie began as time passed and the blood flow reduced to just smudges on the material. Every minute or two, Callie checked it and used a fresh section. "I might just make us something to eat here, hey? Skip the dinner out?"
Dragging her body away from Callie's, Arizona leant on her knees and rubbed at her face, trying to clear her head. Time had lost some significance to her and the air dried hair that fell around her face felt heavy and strange; she had obviously not blow dried it as planned. Her skin was make-up free too, and Callie thought for the first time that she looked weathered; tired and worn out and in need of a holiday. "Sorry Call."
Callie waved the apology away. "You okay?" she asked softly, rubbing Arizona's bare arm, dressed only in a camisole and jeans. "Feeling any better?"
"Yeah," Arizona said through a sigh. "Yeah," she added a moment later, more convincingly.
"I thought your suppliers were more the purist," she observed curiously, pointing out that some side effects were minimised by avoiding the crack dealers.
"If only it was that simple, huh?"
"True." Callie leant in and kissed the curve of Arizona's shoulder. "You scared me a little."
Leaning back to the wall, Arizona offered a sad smile and rested an open palm on Callie's thigh. "I'm so sorry," she murmured, still feeling her heart beat racing and imaginary flashes in the corner of her vision. "You shouldn't be here for this…this isn't something I want you to see."
"Well, I know you use Arizona and I'm kind of around a lot."
"You shouldn't be."
Callie laughed and squeezed Arizona's hand. "Yes honey, whatever you say."
Arizona reached for her though when she went to stand up, grabbing awkwardly at her wrist and tugging her back. A deathly serious expression stared back at her and Callie let the laugh fade. "This isn't good for you."
"I think you have that confused, it isn't good for you."
"No," Arizona insisted, raking her hands through her hair. "I'm not good for you."
"To the contrary, you're very good for me," Callie retaliated, leaning forward as if to kiss Arizona, in evidence. A hand centred on her chest and pushed her away. "Arizona, you're talking crazy."
"Your dad told me some stuff Callie, and you shouldn't be exposed to my lifestyle."
"Ahhh," Callie murmured in realisation, sighing. "Firstly, how very formal of you…exposed to my lifestyle." Arizona narrowed her eyes in response; she wasn't joking. "Secondly, the choices I make are mine. Not Dad's, mine. I can only imagine what he's told you."
"You never told me, Callie."
"What? That I've been to rehab? I did actually, it's not something I hide."
"No, how bad it was. You never told me that you almost died, that's about as bad as it gets."
"And did he tell you I was nineteen when that happened? Fucking hell, as much as I love my family, they're still telling the same stories like it happened last week." Callie shook her head, she was annoyed but not fazed; her family had been amazingly supportive over the years but there was a reason she only saw them a couple of times a year.
"Nineteen?"
"Yup, a teenager."
"And what about rehab?" Arizona asked, glancing over her shoulder; she was struggling to dismiss the edge from her high.
"What about it? When?"
"Yeah."
"Seriously hun, you want to talk about this now? 'Cause I just came in to find you about to pass out with blood pouring from your nose after snorting cocaine. Are you genuinely going to lecture me tonight?"
Arizona closed her eyes and when she opened them, they glistened with a film of tears. "I'm a bad influence Callie, really bad. I don't want to be responsible for you going back to that place."
"Wow, my father really did guilt you, didn't he? Look, hey, hey," Callie insisted, palming Arizona's face when she dropped her gaze. "I haven't been in rehab since my early twenties, honestly, no matter what Dad said. That's the truth. He wants me to be sober Arizona, completely, because he still sees me as that nineteen year old in an ICU bed. And fair enough, but the reality is that I'm not that stupid kid anymore."
"He thinks you completely abstain, even from alcohol."
Callie sighed and tucked pieces of hair behind Arizona's ears. She smoothed it down. "Because I let him think that, it's easier. Gutless, but easier. I promise you, I know my limits. And yes, every nutter with an addiction will say that, but have you at any point been worried about me?"
Smiling for the first time, Arizona shrugged. "I'm always worried about you."
"I have to admit, I kind of like that," Callie teased, hand coming to rest at the back of Arizona's neck. "You can tell me you know, if you think I'm too close to the line. That I'm losing control, you can tell me. It's been a long time since I have, but I trust you; you can tell me."
Arizona slowly shook her head. "No," she murmured, "I haven't thought that. It was just everything that your father said."
"Well, I'm kind of sorry he ranted at you. I guess you were new to him and he was in a bit of a, don't fuck with my kid, mode."
"He's nice, protective."
"Him and I, we have that in common."
"Yeah?"
Callie smiled and nodded. "Yeah." She stroked her thumb along skin of Arizona's neck, running up the muscles and to the base of her skull, amongst her hair. "What if I turned this conversation around?" Callie asked softly, and Arizona glanced sideways at her. "'Cause Arizona, I think you're too close to the line," she whispered.
Immediately, Arizona's eyes filled with tears again and she hastily blinked them away before nodding slowly. "Maybe," she scraped out through a constricted throat.
"Too close," Callie repeated, kissing her temple and cheek. "Tonight, was too close to the line."
TBC…
