I just want to get to the dolphins, but they offered breakfast and it smells like heaven. Way to tear wants and needs into a clear line. I mean it is very difficult to argue that you're not hungry when your stomach is growling like a dragon. No one believes you when your body is making its point louder than you. Elliot and Kate had a riot when I tried to argue and my own stomach would interrupt me.

Here we are, sat in Laguna Grill, far from the windows so I can't see the dolphins, with security and staff. Everyone has plates of food, various drinks, and talking animatedly with each other. Christian and Elliot get along great, I get that they're different but if they were oil and water doesn't that mean that they wouldn't. I excuse myself from out table and go over to Taylor who is sitting with Sawyer, I actually learned his name and chose to remember it now.

They stop eating and look at me, then over at Christian who looks confused. I look at Taylor, pleading him with my eyes that I need to talk to him alone without Christian and Sawyer hearing what we are talking about. I need this. If today is to be the best day ever I need to let some of the fear and anger go, only to make room for different fear and anger but it's a step I think. Taylor is quick, dismissing Sawyer to tell Christian not disrupt us.

"What would my dad think of me?" I whisper.

"You think I'd now?" He looks kind of confused.

"You knew my dad longer, at least when he was not sick. After he had his first stroke he lost his ability to really talk, to do anything. After his second he lost control of emotions, his body, he'd have seizures. I just… my mom would tell me about the incredible things he did but I wasn't there and he couldn't tell me. I just remember how he'd either be mellow or erupting in a rage. Tell me about him, what he would think of me, something good."

He nods towards my plate and I eat a bit, as does he. Maybe he is thinking about something to tell. Tell me how my father would hate who I am today, how he would be disappointed and how he would have disowned me years ago. How my dad would have done anything to claim I wasn't his. It wouldn't be the first time, he used to spew hateful things all the time. My best friend's mother used to tell me that he didn't actually mean any of it, that he couldn't control what he said or how he acted and while it hurts we had to act like it didn't because for all we knew he was trying to say something else.

When we eat half our plates Taylor leans back, ready to talk I hope. I nervously look up at him and hope that this isn't going to end horribly. This can't be a bad idea, it needs to be a good one. It needs to help like I think it will.

"When I met your dad he was my lieutenant, we were just on a base on homeland over California. He complained about the sun, which I found entertaining. It's California, glorious weather, beaches, views of the Pacific from the barracks. I grew up in Wyoming, good weather but the ocean. We didn't talk for a couple months, the first time we did was when we had time off at the same time and both wound up at the same bar. He told me how he grew up around Seattle, that he liked the rain how it made everything smell fresh. I'd never been, but it was on my list of places to go. Back then we were just army men, but both of us wanted to do something better so at the same time we transferred to the Navy and worked our way up to be SEAL's."

"I thought my dad was a Marine," I interrupt.

"No, we were SEAL's. Took a lot of work, painful training where it felt as if you wanted to rip your limbs off after. Not once did he want to give up. Your dad grew up with a single mom who worked three jobs, he took care of his younger brother and when he could work he did it to the best of his ability. He was stubborn, just like you. He would work as hard has possible at everything even if it would break him. We had just finished training, about to head out to our first assignment when his mother and brother were killed in a drunk driving accident. I doubt he told you about it, nor your mother. That night he had left messages for them, telling him about graduating the program and how he would make it to his brothers graduation before we flew out.

"What could have ruined him helped him. He was more focused and never wanted to look back at that day. He wanted to protect everyone. He tried to make it so that no one had to feel that pain and hurt that he did. We worked on a variety of tasks, operations and stations. On days off he would work at orphanages, refuges, or anywhere he could give back where we were stationed. You dad was strong, but if you fucked with him or something that he cared for he would make sure you'd regret it.

"I don't think you could ever call us friends, more of acquaintances. He never wanted to get close to someone he served with in case something happened."

"I'm guessing something happened?"

"Our worst hostage negotiation out at sea, it was the first time innocents were injured or killed and it destroyed him. You see, us military guys are supposed to hold everything close to us and not let the fear, pain or emotions show. He lost it, he was granted a four month leave. Hell we all were. It was a blood bath and after the debrief they realized that there was no other option."

I can't imagine doing anything military, and while Taylor isn't exactly giving much on what their operations were I can guess. None of this, the bravery or strength or determination reminds me of the man I knew to be my dad. I mean, after his strokes he really was only half a man or less. Someone always falling apart.

"Anastasia, you and your dad are near identical when it comes to handling emotions and feelings. Three of those four months that we got to have a break he drank his face off. I ran into him up in Boston, it wasn't even noon and he was plastered and while his demeanour was defensive he was carrying too much weight and responsibility. He felt responsible for the whole fall out of that operation. We stayed together that last month, he got cleaned up and we prepped for our next station. When we got to Lebanon you'd think he never went through the months of drinking. He was that good at hiding everything and holding everything close to his chest. During a hostile incursion where Ray was the boss we lost almost everyone. We went from around one hundred good men and women to thirteen, seven of which were really injured. It was a successful mission, but after that and after Lebanon he didn't want to be a front line soldier. He couldn't handle it, he wanted to still be a military man but no more killing."

"Is that how he met my mom?"

"I believe so. We never really saw each other after that, but we wrote. He would be stationed more in peacekeeping missions. I still have the letters if you'd like, I remember the one when he had first met your mom because it was a disaster. He asked what to do after you mess up talking to a women and if there was a way of telling if the shock of meeting someone could mean he was in love. He never admitted feelings for her in any letter, but I knew he loved her because all he wanted to do was protect her. He asked for a permanent station which is how you ended up in France, which is where you were born. The last time I saw your dad was right after you were born, you were only a couple days old. He was freaking out, all men do when they have kids, but he said that he would give up everything to make sure you were always safe and taken care of."

I roll my eyes, cause that idea of his went over so well. I remember what they said in the hospital the first time. That there was weeks of warning signs and that the first one and all the ones after wouldn't have happened if he got his head out of his ass and actually went to the doctor as instructed. Idiot.

I can feel the tears now, I don't know how long I've been crying. I don't understand how smart and brave and strong could turn into the one I knew. I don't get it. I don't think that Taylor understands how different he was after everything.

"Your father, he wouldn't hate you or be disappointed in you," Taylor makes sure I'm looking in his eyes. "Understand that your father would never feel that towards you. He would be mad and disappointed in himself. The man who wants to protect everyone, to make sure that his family never got hurt, and he couldn't protect you from himself. How you're acting now, yes it is incredibly childish and irresponsible and you could do irrevocable damage to your body, but he would blame himself for your actions. His rage that you've mentioned when you were a kid, it would have been meant for him but radiated out to you. He would jump in front of a bus to protect you."

"Then why didn't he?" I cry. "He skipped six doctors appointments before his first one. He was sent home from work twice because they thought something was wrong. He could have done something. He could have done something to save himself for me! It's not fair! I was left with no one. With nothing. I was the one who had to take care of him. I had to take care of my depressed and anxiety ridden mother. I was seven Taylor, seven! Seven isn't old enough to understand everything. Here there were military men and shit visiting and telling me how honoured I should feel for having the great Ray Steele as my dad and all I felt was I wish they could actually help. It's not fair. You got years knowing him, seeing him, talking to him. I got nothing. I did everything I could to take care of him and mom but it was never enough. I'm never enough. What if this day is not enough?"

"Did he ever stop fighting?"

"No."

"That's right, cause we don't quit. He mad mistakes, and I'm sure he regretted it all but there's no changing that. He couldn't change what happened in Lebanon or in negotiations. He couldn't and you can't change the past either."

"You said he was a decorated military officer or whatever. I've never seen his medals."

"He is, and it doesn't surprise me you haven't. He hated getting them, said there were people more deserving. I bet that they're locked somewhere in a safe, out of sight. Without your father, I wouldn't be here today and neither would Sawyer. I wouldn't have a daughter. Things happen."

I suck in all my tears and look back up at him. Pretty much everyone has cleared out except for Christian, Kate and Elliot. No staff or security are seated at the tables, thank God, cause I have definitely made a spectacle of myself.

"Do you know why Christian and Kate decided to bring you here, now?" He asks.

"Cause I mentioned dolphins when I was high?" I'm curious now.

"No, well it could have been a factor," He cracks a smile. "No, because I told them it would help. I did the same thing with your father but I took him to Mexico. Dolphins are proven to help with depression. People who have been suicidal have moments of enlightenment when interacting with dolphins. Some say it's because they're friendly mammals, others the waves or something from the echolocation. It has stopped people from hitting rock bottom, turning them back in the right direction. Dolphins saved your dad, in turn, ensuring your very existence. You'll feel it, that moment of clarity where you discover your path, what you need and where you want to go from here."

"So it is rehab," I smirk.

"Sure, but it will be good for you."

"Will it make my dad proud?"

"Do you think it will?"

"I want it too."

"Then that's your answer."

We both look over at Christian, who taking that our conversation is over races to us and checks me over as if I just came back from war. He holds my face in his hands and searches my eyes for the answers to the questions that swim in his. I chew on my lip, waiting to see what will happened if he doesn't like whatever answers he gets.

"Are you okay?" He finally asks.

"Can we see the dolphins now?" I mumble.

"Of course," He pecks my lips. "We just have to change first, Kate has your stuff."

I drag Kate into the girls bathroom to change into the bikini she picked out for me, this one has a halter neck tie ensuring that I won't accidentally flash anyone. It's a light grey, almost like Christian's eyes. Kate's is the same style, a gorgeous violet colour. I tug a pink cotton sundress over my head, and we go out to the restaurant again. Kate keeps her hair pulled into a pony tail but she deftly braids mine into two french braids. Christian and Elliot take longer then us, coming out in swim shorts and t-shirts.

"I could have braided your hair," Christian says.

"You can braid?" I laugh.

"Yeah, it's weird but he's decent at it," Kate says.

"Can we do this now or what?" Elliot interrupts.

We go out to the pools, security is stationed all over the property, by the different pools, and the staff here wait by the pool. They offer wet suits but all of us decline them and the life jackets which are apparently suppose to be enforced. Christian shut that idea down quick, we all know how to swim and swim well anyway.

This is real, this is actually going to happen. I am going to swim with dolphins today, I'm going to see things differently and be free. Everything feels light right now, like nothing is weighing me down. Hell, we haven't started yet and I feel high when I know I'm not. This is going to mean everything, it's the fracture point to see where I split.

Kate and Elliot are up to their stomachs in the water and I've yet to step in, the water washes up inches from my toes. Christian's barely in the water, his hand held out waiting for me.

"You coming?" He smirks.

"I'm nervous," I admit.

"It's going to be okay, now lets see what all the fuss is about."

I take his hand as we wade out to Kate, Elliot and the four instructors that are out there. They introduce themselves quick: brunette girl, Rowan; dark blonde girl, Zoe; bald guy, Grant; and black haired guy Bryant. Each of them are in wet suits and have whistles around their necks. My cheeks ache from the permanent smile that is plastered on it, the nausea is present but not severe from the non-stop butterflies that flutter about. I have never dreamed about being this close to dolphins before, now I'm standing in their pool.

Zoe works one on one with me when Elliot, Kate and Christian go out to tan and get ready for lunch. I don't want to get out yet, today is a day of late lunch.

There are six dolphins that are swimming freely in the pool as we do, there's five staff that constantly circle and supervise the pool just in case anything happens. They're wild animals, we need to remember that. There's one dolphin, Lux, she hovers around me all the time since they let her out of the holding pool.

"Here, I brought you goggles," Zoe holds out a pair for me. "Lux really seems to like you, it's sweet."

"This is single handedly the greatest experience of my life," I sigh.

"I can tell. You hold yourself differently from when you were standing at the edge of the pool. You seem lighter, clearer."

"I feel it."

I slip the goggles over my eyes and adjust them to fit then dive under the water and swim further out. I hold myself underwater, spinning to watch the different dolphins swim and move around. I can't believe I'm here, I can't believe that everything seems irrelevant in comparison. The world is nothing compared to right now. Present. Supported. Alive.

I let go and kick up to the surface to breathe, Christian is at the edge of the water watching me closely. As not to worry him more I wave over at him, easing him into a comfortable smile as he waves back. I quickly dive back under.

I've been in the pool nearing two hours and still nothing. No moment of clarity, no epiphany, no anything. I love this experience, but I thought it would have happened by now. I though I would have felt something. I allow my lungs to burn for air longer than I should, hoping for anything, before Lux swim under me and I grab hold of her dorsal fin.

Christian is standing and waiting for me in the shallow water, he holds me on my feet and in his warm arms. Lux stays at my feet constantly bumping me into him. I think it's time for lunch, sun, and then more dolphins.

We're sitting out in one of the cabana's with people setting out our meal. Kate and Elliot can't take their eyes off each other which is cute, Christian can't keep his eyes off me.

I don't want to lose this, I don't want to go back to who I was yesterday, or last week, or last year. I can't be that person again, all of it has to be gone. It's now. It's tomorrow. It's five years from now. Maybe that means no more school.

"Blue? You okay?" Christian's brow furrows.

"Yeah. I'm good. Fantastic actually," I smile. "Never felt better."

Kate looks at me, analyzes me with that journalist look and breaks into a smile. Christian, he looks at me like it's the last but first time he's seen me. This is good, I feel so light. So why does it feel like I am about to be ripped in two from my chest out?


AN: Thank you guys. Those of you who have voiced your opinions on my options I am ever grateful for I now have a great plan on where this is going and how everything is going to work out. Now, of course Elena will be mention because she is in the histories, but she is not in the future.

I didn't want to delve too far into the dolphins but I thought that some insight for Ana before them was a good idea. To be honest it was a hard chapter for me to write, some of it very personal and close to my heart. I hope you all enjoyed, see you tomorrow.

-Mouse