Fang: -wandering aimlessly through the snow- Saint? Where'd ya go? Gosh, she's in a black cloak, she shouldn't be that hard to find...

-jingling noises-

Fang: What's that?

Woman: -appears on a sleigh- I am the Queen of Narnia!!

Fang: That's....nice.

Queen: Is that how you address a Queen?!

Fang: -shrugs-

Queen: No matter. What is your name, boy?

Fang: None-ya.

Queen: None-ya?

Fang: None-ya Business.

Queen: -glares- How dare you?!

Fang: Sorry, I don't give my name out to potential pedophiles.

Queen: That's it, get in my sleigh!

Fang: See? You're already acting like a pedophile!

Queen: -sighs, trying to calm down- I'm sorry, I lost my temper. Oh, I bet your cold out here! You can get into my sleigh and warm up a bit! We can get something for you to drink and eat!

Fang: I'm not getting in your sleigh, not even for food. You probably drugged it, you pedophile.

Queen: I'm not a pedophile.

Fang: Ok......pedophile.

Queen: That's it! Get into my sleigh, Son of Adam!!

Fang: Who? Hey, whatever happened to good old son of a-

Me: -bursts out of bushes- Don't touch Fang! Hey, everyone! I found the White Witch!!!

-little talking mouse appears out of nowhere-

Mouse: Attack!!!!!!!!

-random animals come flying out of woods and attack-

Witch: AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -runs away-

Me: -huggles Fang- We saved you from the evil White Witch! She would've taken you away to her castle!!

Fang: I knew she was a pedophile!!


Access is Denied for the Uber-Director in These Areas:

1. Supermodel: How would that even work?

2. Aquarium Worker: U.D.-And in my lower box, we have a very rare tropical fish...

Visitors- Ewwww....

3. Wal-Mart People Greeter: U.D.- Welcome to Wal-Mart!

Shoppers- Ewww!!! -run away-

4. Working Anywhere Near a Baseball Park: U.D.- Peanuts! Get your peanuts!

-fly ball hits organ box- -box breaks-

U.D.- Oh, crap! -dies-

Fang- -goes and picks up his fly ball- Mwahahahaha....

5. A Dancer: Just no. No, no, no....

6. Matchmaker: I just had this random thought.....

Fang- I can't believe some random person set me up on a blind date...

Gozen- -waves from nearby table-

Fang- Shit.

7. Musical Actor: U.D.- -singing on a hill- The hills are aliiiiiiiiive with the sound of-

-wild animals attack and begin to eat organs-

U.D.- Ahhhh!!!!!! -dies-

Flock- -watching and eating popcorn-

Fang- I like musicals.

8. McDonald's Worker: U.D.- Welcome to McDonald's! What would you like to order?

Customer 1- I think I lost my appetite...

Customer 2- This place just keeps getting more and more disgusting...

9. Opera Singer: U.D.- -singing off key-

Opera goers- -throw rotten veggies- -break organ boxes-

U.D.- Nooo!!!!! -dies-

Fang- This is better than the musical!

10. Ella's Partner in Crime to Destroy the World!: (As continued from Ella's Job Listings.)

Ella- Mwahahahaha!! Now that the Flock is under my control, the world is mine!!!

U.D.- I shall call China and see if they're still interested in an alliance, Mistress.

Iggy- Hey, I thought he was the Director!

Ella- Well, he failed epically, so now I am!

U.D.- -goes and cries incorner of the School-

Ella- U.D.! Stop being Zac Efron!!

Iggy- Hey, can the maids in my mansion wear bikinis?

Ella- Whatever.

Iggy- Sweet!!


-later...-

Fang: Saint? What are we doing, again?

Me: Aslan wants to meet with us, Fang!!!

Fang: Who's he?

Me: -smacks forehead- Only the greatest and most powerful living thing in Narnia!

Fang: -shrugs- Whatever...

Aslan: -appears- -roars-

Fang: WTF! Lion!

Me: -elbows Fang in ribs- -forces him into a bow-

Aslan: Thank you for helping to stop the White Witch, Son of Adam and Daughter of Eve.

Fang: -rolls eyes- Here we go again...

Me: Hey, it was no problem Aslan, my man. Lion. Buddy.

Fang: Yeah, she was a pedophile.

Me: -whacks Fang-

Aslan: Your help here has been greatly appreciated. Now, Saint, there is a messenger here for you.

Me: Ok....

Spiffy: St. Fang of Boredom! Queen of Canadia!! -bows-

Me: Spiffy!! -huggles- What's about my hobbity little friend?

Spiffy: You must come to Middle Earth immediately!! Sauron has escaped the void and is attacking Gondor! Mt. Doom is on fire again! Middle Earth may be doomed without your help! And I'm out of jello!

Me: -gasp- Come, Fang! We must save Gondor and all of Middle Earth!!

Fang: But I kinda wanted to go home....

Me: Bye, Aslan!

Fang: Yeah, and watch out for pedophiles!!

Me: Shut up!!

-Spiffy, Fang, and I disappear in a cloud of smoke-

Aslan: Humans are confusing...