A/N: Twilight is Meyer's. No copyright infringement intended.
Thanks for reading, and for reviewing.
I have no idea how I go from thinking, "Oh, this will only be about five pages" to ultimately having ten pages... But I do. Regularly. I guess I'm just wordy. ;)
Anyway, this is five weeks after the last chapter; Bella is nine weeks.
EPOV
I cocked my head and tried another chord. No. Still off. I adjusted a note and tried again. Better. But still off.
I drew in a deep breath and closed my eyes. My right hand played the melody that led into the stubborn chord. My left hand moved into position. Behind my closed eyes, I saw Bella's face. My fingers shifted, a minute change just before I pressed the keys. And I found the perfect sound.
My muse never failed.
With a smile, I opened my eyes and grabbed my pencil and paper to make a quick notation of the chord. I had just returned my hands to the keys when I heard a sound at the door.
My smile widened. My muse was home.
I turned on my piano bench to greet Bella as she opened the door. And I immediately realized that my muse was pissed.
She didn't look at me, but I could see the crease between her brows and the dark flame in her deep brown eyes. Her mouth was set in a hard line. She shoved the door open a little harder than necessary and shot it a glare as it bounced off the wall. She had a grocery bag in each hand, so she gave the door a rough kick to slam it closed behind her. I stood to help her with her bags, but she stalked past me without a word and marched directly to the kitchen.
I got up to trail along behind her. I stopped in the entrance of the kitchen to watch, a little fascinated, as she tossed the grocery bags on the work island and began banging around almost violently. I had never seen her lose her temper so completely before.
The pantry and the cupboards received the majority of her wrath. She muttered angrily under her breath the entire time she worked. Once, she shoved the door of the refrigerator closed so hard that everything inside it rattled. The noise made her frown deepen and her muttering grow more irate. The last few items to be pulled out of the bags were slapped down on the counter with impressive annoyance.
I wasn't sure what to do. I wanted to finish the task for her. I wanted to help her. To calm her down. But I had a feeling I needed to hang back and let her beat the hell out of the groceries without any interference. So I stayed where I was.
Because even if she didn't want me near her, I wasn't leaving her.
The rage didn't make sense. Bella had been in a good mood when she'd left an hour ago. She'd smiled and kissed me and told me to stay home and work on my music while she picked up a few things at the store. I'd wanted to go with her, but she'd insisted that I needed to work and she would be fine.
What the hell could have set her off like this?
I frowned as I watched her smack angrily at the pantry door when it didn't latch properly. There were words mixed in her grumbling that I almost never heard from her mouth. And they all were strung together in a tight rant that didn't seem to have a direct focus.
This was an entirely new side to her. She had a temper, and I had seen it on a few occasions, but this… She never lost it like this.
My mind began to race. Had someone offended her? Had someone hurt her somehow? Did someone need to have a lesson in manners? I felt myself growing tense. I would hunt down whoever had upset her. I would educate them in how to treat my wife.
While I plotted, Bella put away the last of the groceries and turned back to the work island. She balled up the plastic bags and shoved them into the recycle bin. For a minute, she stood in the middle of the kitchen and glowered at the refrigerator. Her muttering had stopped. But her fury hadn't.
Finally she headed for the hall. She pushed past me in silence. I watched her disappear into the bedroom and wondered if maybe she was angry with me. She hadn't looked at me since she'd walked in.
Then I heard the bathroom door close and lock. And suddenly I knew. She wasn't angry with me. She wasn't angry with anyone, really. Not even herself, even though she may think she was.
I smiled affectionately as the apartment went quiet. I made my way to the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, my eyes trained on the bathroom door as I waited for Bella to emerge. She needed a moment. A little space. But I would be here when she was ready to open the door again.
As I waited, I considered this new twist. It was kind of entertaining, in a weird way. And even more than that, it was endearing.
I absolutely adored my wife.
I'd spent quite a bit of time over the last five weeks researching pregnancy. I wanted to know what to expect from Bella and for Bella. I wanted to learn everything I possibly could do to make sure things went smoothly. To make sure she was as well cared for as she could be and she never wanted or needed anything. To be prepared for every potential twist and turn, and to be ready to offer exactly the right response.
So I knew about mood swings. I had anticipated them. But I clearly wasn't prepared for them.
This was totally new, though, I allowed. Unprecedented. Bella's temper only had flared here and there over the time I'd known her. It never had exploded. And it still hadn't; now that I was able to see the past ten minutes more clearly, I was very aware that she hadn't let go entirely. Even now, with her hormones completely haywire, I knew that she'd been able to control herself on some level. The tantrum in the kitchen had been restrained. I wasn't sure how or why she had muffled it, but I was impressed that she had.
And as ridiculous as it was… I was excited. Proud.
It was my wife's first mood swing.
I was grinning to myself when I heard the lock turn. My smile immediately faded as concern overtook my amusement. Slowly, Bella opened the door. She knew that I would be waiting, so her eyes found me before the door was fully open. Her face was dark red as she stepped out into the bedroom and dropped her gaze to the floor.
She was extremely embarrassed.
Her fingers nervously twisted the love knot on her bracelet. "I am so sorry," she mumbled.
"Don't be." When her eyes flashed up to my face, I caught her gaze and held it. "You're okay?"
She nodded. "Yes."
I hesitated, studying her. Then I asked cautiously, "What happened?"
Bella's brows drew together, bringing out the crease between them again. "Hormones… I think," she replied. "I have no idea."
"It's okay," I assured her. "You're entitled to be angry about…" I trailed off, frowning. "What were you angry about?"
Bella shook her head, perplexed. "I'm not really sure." Her eyes changed as she looked at me. They held a strange mix of apology, confusion, and anxiety. "I just knew I couldn't look at you," she explained. "I was afraid I would yell at you if I did."
Ah. So that was why she had avoided my gaze since she had come home. And that was why she had kept her temper in check. I felt pride welling up again. And total amazement.
Even in the middle of her very first mood swing, she had worried about me. About hurting my feelings. She had to have been confused. I knew that she was baffled by her own body and the new reactions it was having. I had seen the bewilderment on her face many times over the last few weeks. She didn't know what to expect anymore. Each new reaction was a surprise.
But even mystified by responses she wasn't used to, even ambushed by irrational anger, she protected me. From herself.
She was watching me. I knew that she could see the awe on my face. And I could see that she thought she didn't deserve it. She was appalled with herself for acting the way she had.
She needed to get over it.
I regarded her for a moment. Her emotions weren't the only reactions that had been taking her by surprise lately. I knew that she still was surprised that she was hungry all the time, so she didn't always keep up with her body's demands. I figured she probably hadn't eaten recently; I hadn't noticed her eating anything before she'd left the apartment, and I doubted she had eaten during her excursion. And as Bella had pointed out to me before, being hungry made me cranky sometimes. I imagined it was the same, if not worse, for her now.
Besides that, she needed to take care of herself. She needed to pay attention to her body. I was determined to make sure she did.
"Did you eat anything while you were out?" I asked. She shook her head. I stood and nodded toward the hall. "C'mon, let's get you something."
Tears suddenly brimmed in Bella's big brown eyes. Her fingers twisted together helplessly. "I can't make the pasta because I forgot the cherry tomatoes!" she wailed.
I stared at her in shock as she started to cry. For a moment, I didn't move, startled by her sobs. Then I understood. All of it.
Bella had wanted to make some kind of Italian dish for dinner. She must have gotten home before she'd realized that she had forgotten one of the ingredients. That was what had set off the fury. And now, her mood had swung from rage to despair. She was devastated that she had messed up. My mistake – of sorts – was reminding her of her own mistake.
I crossed the room in three long strides to pull her into my arms. She burrowed into my chest as she wept. The relief I felt then was immediate. Standing apart from her during her anger had been painful. Giving her space was incredibly hard when all I wanted to do was hold her close to protect her from the world.
Engulfing her in my arms now eased the ache. I wrapped my arms as far around her as they would go and just held on. Gradually, her tears tapered off into sniffles. Finally I felt her let out a long, shaky sigh and squeeze my waist.
"I'm a mess," she mumbled into my damp shirt.
"You're my mess," I teased.
She laughed quietly as I flexed my arms around her. "I'm sorry."
"You need to stop apologizing." I leaned down to kiss the top of her head. "You have every right to cry. And you don't need to hold back. You can swear at me any time you want."
Another soft laugh. I smiled at the sound of it. Then she took me totally by surprise when she returned, "I love you so damn much."
It took me a second to comprehend her words. When I finally did, I immediately broke into laughter. Bella leaned back in my arms to smile up at me. Her tearstained face was absolutely beautiful. "You're perfect," I informed her.
"I'm hungry, actually," she corrected, her expression slightly embarrassed. "And I am sorry. I wanted to make you something special for dinner, and I just…"
I bent down so my eyes were nearly level with hers. "None of that," I reminded her firmly. "No apologies. It doesn't matter."
She nodded slowly. "Right."
I reached up to cradle her face between my palms. Gently, I used my thumbs to wipe away the remnants of her tears. Her eyes drifted closed under my ministrations. I leaned down to kiss each of her eyelids, then I trailed light kisses down each of her cheeks, following the paths of her tears. When I finally reached her mouth, she was smiling.
Her top-heavy mouth always had been a fascination of mine. I allowed myself a moment to focus on the imbalance, on the upper lip too full to match the bottom, before I carefully eased back. Her eyes remained closed as she continued to smile. My heart pounded at the sight. I'd made her smile after the anger and the tears. I'd been able to do that for her.
Mood swings had nothing on us.
"So," I began. I paused until Bella opened her eyes to look up at me expectantly. "I believe my wife is hungry."
"Starving." Bella looked rueful as she slipped one hand from my waist to press it over her stomach.
"We can't have that." I took her hand from her belly and gave it a light tug. She fell into step behind me as I headed for the kitchen. There, I let go of her hand by the work island and moved to the refrigerator. It had to be something quick. But healthy and fulfilling…
I had no idea.
I stared blankly at the shelves. Everything my eyes landed on would take too long. And the list of things I was able to cook on my own was pathetically short. Spaghetti, maybe… But I was not going to remind her of the special Italian dish she had planned. So maybe I could grill something? We had steaks….
Suddenly I felt a little hand on my arm. I closed my eyes briefly in defeat before looking back at Bella. She was smiling up at me, her brown eyes shining. "Hand me an apple?" she requested.
My answering smile was huge and goofy and ridiculous, but I didn't care as I let her see every embarrassing bit of it. She was letting me take care of her. She knew how badly I wanted to, and she was willing to wait until I figured it out on my own. She wasn't going to interfere.
She just wanted to snack while she waited.
I grabbed an apple and offered it to her. She took it, but before I could pull my hand away, she caught my wrist and pressed her lips to the center of my palm. "Thank you," she murmured against my skin.
Then she turned and moved back to the work island to lean against the counter and watch me while she ate.
My heart felt too big for my chest. I grinned like an idiot at the contents of the refrigerator. Steaks, I decided. And baked potatoes. I could handle that. We had some frozen vegetables that I could microwave, too….
Bella's eyes followed my every move. But it didn't bother me. She wasn't scrutinizing. She was entertained. Her smile never faltered.
As I moved around the kitchen and back and forth to the grill on our balcony, I stopped occasionally to offer Bella another snack. She accepted a banana on one of my trips past, then a bag of chips on another. My chips – barbecue. She still had cravings for foods she normally hated.
So cute.
Each time I passed her, I couldn't resist touching her. A stroke of her hair, a glide of my fingers down her arm, a kiss on her cheek or her forehead… I never passed without contact.
She lit up every time.
When the meal finally was ready, we carried our plates into the living room and sat close together on the couch. Bella's hip and leg were pressed against mine. The electricity of her touch buzzed along my side and sparked intermittently when she shifted her weight to accommodate the dish in her lap.
"This is really good," she commented as she cut off her second bite of steak.
"Thanks." I speared a piece of broccoli and contemplated it. Then I stuck it in my mouth and chewed as my mind wandered.
Bella glanced at me over the rim of her glass. She took a quick sip of her milk and set it back on the coffee table. But she didn't speak. She focused on her meal as she let me think.
I finished eating before she did. I put my plate on the coffee table and sat back against the sofa cushions. My hand drifted to her hair, and she hummed and turned toward my touch as I trailed my fingers through the thick waves. I kept my eyes on the motions of my hand while she hurried through the last of her meal.
As soon as she was done, she set her plate next to mine and turned on the couch to face me. She drew one leg up under her and cocked her head at me. "Thank you for dinner," she said quietly.
"You're welcome."
She hesitated. Then her hand reached up to grab mine where it still toyed with her hair. She brought our joined hands down to her lap and squeezed my fingers. "What's up?"
I smiled slightly and shook my head. "Nothing," I replied.
"Hm." She lifted her free hand to smooth the lines on my forehead. "You're worrying about tomorrow."
She always knew. No matter what was bothering me, she always knew exactly what it was. This time, she was aware that I was thinking about the trip I had planned for the weekend. And she knew that I was thinking about cancelling.
The college baseball team had arranged to attend a home game for the New Hampshire Fisher Cats, the local minor league team, to celebrate the end of our own season – my final season. One of the guys from our team who had graduated last year was on the Fisher Cats, so it was a show of support for him, too. I would be gone all day Saturday and most of Sunday. Only a day and a half.
But thinking about leaving Bella the next morning was difficult. It had been hard to leave her each time I'd had an away game, harder after I'd found out she was pregnant. This was just a celebration. It was optional. And after what she'd been through today… I wasn't sure I could leave. "I don't have to go," I said.
"Yes, you do. It's your last chance to hang out with those goofballs as part of the team," Bella said affectionately.
I grinned a little at her expression. She knew most of my teammates pretty well by now. During my first season, they had adopted her as their "team sister," to her amusement, and she thought of them as a big group of brothers. It had been entertaining to watch their interactions with her.
Especially when she cooked celebration dinners for them. I'd never seen so many grown men act like five-year-old boys as I had when Bella had arranged that first meal. They already had decided that they liked her by then, but after that, they practically worshipped her. They genuinely thought of her as a sister. And they were on their best behavior around her. Most of the time. But when they slipped up…
Seeing my shy, quiet wife chastise an entire team of men with a single look had been one of the best moments of my entire life. She truly was something to behold when she turned on her maternal.
She was going to be such a great mother.
I sighed. Gently, I slipped one finger free of her hand where she held mine in her lap so I could trail my fingertip back and forth over her stomach. "I could come home tomorrow night," I suggested.
Bella shook her head. "I'll be fine. Take your trip." Her eyes glinted with sudden amusement. "I promise I won't kill any of the neighbors while you're gone."
I chuckled. "Okay," I surrendered. "I'll take the whole trip."
She smiled. "Good." She leaned forward to kiss me quickly, then she sat back again. Her expression turned apologetic. "I'm, um… I'm going to go ahead and get ready for bed. I'm kind of wiped out."
I wasn't surprised, after the rage and the tears. I also was aware of what she wouldn't say: She had a hard time sleeping without me. She wanted to go to bed early tonight to rest up for tomorrow night, when I would be away from her.
She started to grab her plate, but I stopped her. "No. Go ahead. I'll take care of this."
"You're sure?"
"Yes."
She stared at me for a second. Then she stood. Before she left, she leaned down to kiss the top of my head. Her fingertips skimmed down my cheek as she straightened and started to back away. She maintained the contact until she couldn't reach me anymore.
I watched her until she disappeared down the hall. When she was gone, I grabbed our plates and glasses and headed into the kitchen to clean up.
The shower had just shut off when I finished the dishes. I dried my hands and made my way to our bedroom. Quickly, I changed into my pajamas and gathered my things for my departure in the morning. I set my bag by the front door and headed back to the bedroom.
I could hear water running in the sink, so I knew that Bella was brushing her teeth. She would be out in a minute. I glanced toward her side of the bed and moved to the nightstand. Her iPod was peeking out from behind the lamp. Carefully, I positioned the player on the corner of the stand nearest her side of the bed so it would be within her reach.
She would need it while I was away. She never had told me so, but I knew that every night I was gone, she listened to the music I'd recorded for her as she curled up under the covers wearing one of my shirts. It was the only way she could sleep at all without me.
Just like how listening to "Clair de Lune" or Bella's lullaby was the only way I could fall asleep without her.
The bathroom door opened a minute later. I headed in to brush my teeth. Bella was putting on lotion when I walked in. She moved aside to sit on the edge of the tub so I could stand at the sink. When I finished, she was scrubbing a towel through her damp hair. I wandered out to fold down the covers on the bed and wait for her.
It only took her a moment to follow me out. She rounded the bed to her side. I saw her pause as her eyes landed on her iPod. A small smile pulled at the corners of her lips. But she slid into bed without a word.
When the light was out, Bella immediately nestled into my side. She pressed so close it was like she wanted to burrow inside of me. But I just flexed my arm around her to hold her even closer.
We both knew that it wouldn't be long before she wasn't able to sleep tucked against me like this. So we were enjoying every second of it now.
"Edward?" Bella began after a long, comfortable silence.
I opened my eyes to stare up at the dark ceiling as my fingertips lightly traced up and down her bare arm. "Hm?"
"Thank you for today. It was nice."
"Nice," I snorted. The majority of it couldn't have been nice for her. Not from what I'd seen.
But Bella disagreed. "Yes," she insisted. "Because of you. So thank you. For everything."
"You know you don't have to thank me."
"I know." She turned her head. I felt her press a gentle kiss over my heart, then she rested her cheek on my chest again. "Thank you."
I chuckled quietly. "Anytime."
After a lengthy pause, Bella yawned and snuggled deeper into me. "Not bad for my first mood swing," she remarked casually. And a little proudly.
I tightened my arm around her and buried my smile in her hair, pretty proud myself. Because as I felt her slowly drifting off to sleep, relaxed and peaceful against me, I knew that we'd be okay. Mood swings definitely had nothing on us. And beyond that…
There was nothing we couldn't handle. Together.
