Waiting for twilight

Song inspired chapter: Hate That I Love You-Rihanna ft. Neyo


"Tanya!" Edward was the first one to speak. I had no control of my muscles. Tanya broke away from my gaze and looked at Edward.

"I thought I would join you two, since we haven't spent much time together, but I guess I see that it was a bad idea," she choked out and looked back at me.

"You said you would never do this," she breathed and started to run away.

Edward turned toward me. "What did you say to her!" he asked and I shook my head the tears I had in my eyes finally spilling over as I looked at him with watery eyes. "I'm so sorry, I didn't think she would I—" I cut myself off after Edward had turned away from me.

He looked like he was about to run after her. I grabbed his arm and he froze. "Let me talk to her," I whispered and ran the way I had seen her go. I didn't wait for a reply from Edward and I didn't look back to gouge his expression. I just ran.

The problem was I didn't know where she had gone. I saw two guys around there mid teenage years throwing a Frisbee and I ran to the closest one. Normally I would never do such a thing but at this moment I was desperate to find her while she still was close. If she got to faraway I would never find her. Chicago was a big city.

"Excuse me, but did you happen to see a woman run by hear. Um pretty curly blonde hair most likely crying?" I asked in a rush not liking stopping so I was switching my weight from foot to foot as I stared at the boy.

"Um was she wearing a pink summer dress?" the boy asked scratching his light brown hair. "I don't know probably did you see her?" I bit out and he nodded.

"Can you tell me where she went?" I was staring to get annoyed.

"Um yea, I think so" he mumbled looking lost. Oh. My. God. I was going to go to jail for murdering this little boy.

"Like now!" I snapped and his hazel eyes widened just a bit. He pointed his finger in a direction and I nodded. "Thanks," I called back as I ran back toward the side walk. I fell twice in the sand making my jeans filthy but I didn't care.

As I made it onto the pavement I did start to worry about the scraps and bruises I would have if I fell here. I just hoped I wouldn't.

Then I saw her. She was leaning against a tree her face buried in her hands.

"Tanya!" I called and she looked up. She pushed off the tree and looked like she was about to start running again.

"No wait! Please!" I begged and she stopped.

I reached her and she had tears in her eyes.

"I don't want to talk to you, Bella. I thought you were my friend. Not only that I thought you were my only real friend. A friend to both of us. You promised you wouldn't do such a thing," she told me and I was surprised at how little anger came in her tone.

She wasn't mad at all she was hurt. I could deal with anger but hurt was an emotion I wasn't use to. Unless I was feeling it.

"Tanya, I'm not asking you to forgive me. Okay I just want to explain, please," I begged and she looked at me with eyes full of doubt. She closed them and I thought that she would agree but when she opened them her eyes were angry.

"How do I know you just won't backstab me again?" she bit out and then ran away.

"Because you haven't heard me!" I shouted after her and she slowed to a walk. Then she stopped completely as she turned to look at me.

I sighed and walked toward her.

I sat down on a bench a couple feet from where she was and she slowly came to join me.

"I'll listen," she said looking ahead at the view of the lake but not at me. I deserved that I guess.

"Can I ask what you heard?"

"I heard you yell at my fiancé that you love him," she said emotionless. I glanced at her and saw her eyes glazed over not looking at anything. Her face totally calm. Her voice was almost robotic. It was scary, and I felt bad that I brought it on.

"How'd you find us?" I couldn't help but ask that to.

"Edward always tells me where I can find you incase I wanted to join," she said and I was just a little hurt. I hadn't known that Edward did that. I hadn't known he invited her to everything we did.

"I said I couldn't come because I had to study but I decided to have a little fun since I missed you and I wanted to see how you were doing. I drove to the lake and started walking along the beach when I finally noticed you guys. I ran toward you and imagine my surprise when you suddenly shout 'because I love you'. To my fiancé I might add," she said her voice rising and showing just an ounce of emotion at the last part.

"I do love him Tanya. I love him like a friend and—" I started but was cut off when she suddenly stood up her eyes filled with joy and relief. "Wait so you mean that it wasn't like the way I thought. You weren't—of course you weren't. I am so stupid to think that you would hurt me like that," she gushed and my eyes widened. Oh no!

It wasn't suppose to go like that.

"Tanya wait there's—"

"I mean of course you wouldn't. I feel so horrible to think of you as such away. I should have known there was a perfectly fine explanation behind it," she babbled.

"But—"

"Will you ever forgive me?" she asked her eyes bright finally giving me a chance to speak.

"Tanya I—"

"Or I mean I guess I shouldn't have come to such a wrong conclusion of the situation. I should have found out and if you knew—"

I stood up and grabbed her shoulder cutting off speech from her instantly.

"I do love him Tanya! Like a friend and more!" I said and she backed away from my touch like I had electrocuted her. She stared at me without saying a word.

"Tanya I'm so sorry but—"

Slap!

Her hand came toward my cheek so fast I didn't see it. My cheek burned and I stared at her wide eyed. I deserved that. My fingers slowly touched my burning cheek and I just stared at her while tears spilled down my cheek.

"You were supposed to be a friend!" she shouted attracting attention to us. Well she had already with the slap.

"I am a friend!" I shouted back.

"No you're a back stabber!" she snapped and my anger flared. This I could deal with. I could handle anger so much better than hurt.

"No I'm not! If I was I wouldn't have gone through all the freaking pain that you caused me! If I was I wouldn't have fainted when you told me you were freaking pregnant! If I was I wouldn't be moving away from my friends and home just so that I could save you and me and Edward from this stupid freaking love triangle!" I snapped back and her eyes widened.

She opened her mouth to say something but I lifted a hand to cut her off.

"You know what Tanya I do love Edward! More than anything in the world but I'm not going to fight you for him. I'm not even going to try. He's yours and I understand that! I can't help loving him trust me I tried! I can't help the way he makes me feel. I hate that but it's true,

"I hate the way he causes butterflies in my stomach and I hate the way his eyes make me dazed. I hate that eveytime I stare at him I have the sudden urge to kiss him. I hate everything he does to me and I hate that I am in love with him but. I. Can't. Help. It!" I finished tears spilling over my cheeks.

"Why?"

"Why what!" I asked.

"Why won't you try to fight for him?" she asked and I stared at her.

"Because I won't put you through the pain I had to suffer for two whole months," I whispered.

"But you're his soul mate. You have tons of things in common and you guys click. You don't think you were destined to be," she asked tears in her eyes.

"I do. But I was too late. He fell in love with you. He gave his heart to you and I believe that sometimes not everyone has a happily ever after," I said my throat choked up.

Tanya bit her bottom lip and I swallowed hard. She wrapped her arms around me and slowly I wrapped mine around her. "Thank you," she whispered and began to sob. I buried my face in the crook of her neck and I let her cry on me while holding back my own tears.

She pulled away and laughed.

"I found an angel here on earth," she whispered and wiped away the tears that manage to slip my control.

I smiled knowing that her words were somewhat true. I had to be an angel to go through the things I was doing.

o.0.o.0.o.0

"You can't leave!" Alice said not letting go of my waist. I continued to back my clothes in my suitcase. "It's not forever Alice! I'll comeback I will. I mean I'm still paying rent on this apartment and stuff," I said.

She released herself from my hold and went to the bed. She plopped herself down while mumbling in the pillow.

"You're only paying rent here until your lease is up then your going to move everything out! I can't live without you Bella. What if Jasper's mom gets sick again and he has to go back to Texas," she mumbled.

"Then go to Texas with him. Jasper's parents adore you," I said while placing a pair of jeans into the suitcase.

"I'm not going to that farm! There are way too many bugs and it smells like animals."

"You don't say! Why on earth would a dairy farm smell like animals!" I gushed and she stared at me with an evil look.

"Then go to Emmett's and Rose's place," I said and I heard her gag. "Please those two are disgusting . Emmett and his innuendos and Rose with her flirty grins. Did you know they like to role play?" she said and I held back a laugh.

"How would you find such a thing out?" I asked and her cheeks went red.

"Um well they…I sort of…well…"

"You walked in on them?" I asked eyes wide and Alice's cheeks only grew more and more red. "They were still fully dress but I guess I sorta came in at a bad time. Not everyday I see Emmett in a suit though," she mused.

I laughed. It was just too funny.

"Not funny!" she seethed and I held back my laughter and walked to my closet to get some more clothes.

"Who am I suppose to stay with?" she asked and I shrugged.

"Stay with Edward," I said out of ideas.

It was surprising how well Edward and Alice had clicked. Almost like they were siblings. I was surprised she didn't along with Emmett the same way.

"True," she mumbled.

"Everything's settled then," I said stuffing more stuff into my suitcase

"But Bella I can't live without you," she said tears in her eyes.

"Alice I'm still going to visit and we have phones and computers okay. Email is a lovely way of communication," I argued.

"What if we have a comet pass us by and all our electrical stuff goes off for like a month and Jasper proposes or Rosalie get's pregnant?" she said.

"I resent that. I am on the pill," I heard a musical voice and looked up to see Rose with two bags in her hands.

"There's always writing letters. Rose what are you doing here?" I asked and she smiled holding up the bags.

"Snail mail," Alice mumbled but I ignored her.

"Well since tonight's you last night here I though we have a girls night out. I brought chocolate bars and marsh mellows and graham crackers. I love smores so were making them and then I brought some ice cream and extra butter popcorn and I went and rented the funniest saddest and weirdest romance movies. And few thrillers and a couple scary movies…um…action ones and comedy's," she said and I smiled.

"What sort of romance movie's?" I asked and she laughed.

"I made sure to get you your Romeo and Juliet. And I rented the Titanic and The Notebook and um I have no idea what else I just sort of grabbed everything," she said leaving to go put the stuff away.

"I thought you were on a diet!" Alice called.

"I want to eat Junk food! Besides I'll go to the gym tomorrow," she called from the kitchen and I laughed.

"Well this should be fun," I said and Alice looked at me with her sad hazel eyes. "I'm going to miss you," she said looking down.

"I know but tonight is not the time for good byes. It's just us," I said and she nodded as she left to go help Rose.

This was for the best.

It would save me from pain and I was happy for that. But before I left I was hoping to see him again yet somehow I new he wouldn't be at airport tomorrow to see me off. Things had become awkward between us. The last time I had seen him was a graduation and that was a week ago.

One week!

I had to see him before I left though I just had to. I zipped up my suitcase and grabbed my Alice's car keys from the nightstand.

"Alice, Rose I'll back in twenty minutes. I'm going somewhere," I said and they looked at me when I passed the kitchen.

They didn't try to stop me or asked where I was going and I grateful because if they did I wouldn't do it.

--

I had to been to Edward's house all of one time but I remembered where he lived. I never really went inside but stood outside of his condo while he went to get something.

I shouldn't do this but I was leaving tomorrow and I just had to see him. Just once, I needed to see him.

I walked to his door and knocked.

I heard the chains being undone and then the door flew open. I stared at my feet because if it was Tanya who answered I would just go back.

"Bella?" I heard his smooth voice ask and I felt relief wash threw me. I looked up and met his glowing green eyes.

They were confused and a bit shocked but not a hint of hostility toward me. I was glad.

I threw myself at him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He stumbled a few steps back into his apartment but he didn't push me away. He slowly wrapped his arms around me and laughed.

"Why are you here?" he asked and I smiled as I looked up at him.

"I missed you," I replied.

"I can see that." he said and I felt giddy as I held him tighter. I laid my head on his chest and felt him run his fingers through my hair.

I suddenly ached. If one week felt like torture to be without him how would I survive living without him for the rest of…my…life? I couldn't, but I would have to. It wasn't fair.

I should hate him! But I couldn't either, I was too deep in love and I hated that!

"I'm leaving tomorrow," I whispered and felt him stiffened.

"That's soon," he said and I nodded.

I pulled away and looked at him.

"But before I leave I need to know something. When I told you that I love you, you never had a chance to reply and I want to know if you still love me like you said you did," I said over the lump of cotton in my throat.

He looked stunned.

"Bella I do love you but—"

"But," I whispered and looked away from him.

"Bella I—"

"No it's okay. I understand completely but um…I have to go now. Alice and Rose are waiting for me, at home. So I guess this is goodbye," I whispered and held my hand out to him.

He ignored it and brought me in for a hug.

I pulled away and looked at him. He looked like he was going to say something but I wasn't strong enough to keep this up for long.

"Bye," I whispered one last time before reaching up and kissing his cheek. Then I ran out and toward the car.

Tears spilled down my cheeks and wiped them away. I didn't expect anything more anyway so it shouldn't have hurt so much but it did. Rejection always hurt.

I didn't hate him though. I didn't hate Tanya either. I hated myself for being so vulnerable. I hated myself for coming here. I hated myself for thinking that I should have come here, but most of all…

I hated loving him.


Whoa this chapter was fun! Okay don't be mad at me or Tanya for slapping Bella. Personally I think I would have done the same and all you little ones in the back going (I wouldn't have) don't lie because I know you would.

WOW! You guys actually beat 41 reviews! That was amazing. The last chapter got 44! Reviews and that is the most I have had on a chapter so thank you soooo much.

I stuck to my promise and updated. Now if you want a quicker update I hope you review for me! The same drill Reviews equal Faster updates!

IMPORTANT: Anyway tell me what you think I would love to hear your thoughts and I'm sorta thinking of doing Epov in the next chapter but 'm not sure so let me know what you think I should do.

Lots of Love Twilightholic-Tanya