A Heart's Strangled Cry
DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own InuYasha! He belongs to Rumiko Takahashi! Enjoy!
I DO own Asahi, (Unfortunately) Chiihiro, and all of Kagome and Sesshomaru's children.
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Chapter 11: Sesshomaru's First Nightmare
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Golden, ember eyes slowly opened just as the rays of light pierced through the darkened skies. Closing his eyes for a brief moment, Sesshomaru basked in the shared warmth of him and Kagome as he lied in their large, comfortable bed. Shifting closer to a shivering Kagome, Sesshomaru felt his whole body relax as he felt his mate's steady, but somewhat shallow breaths from her back to his chest. Looking down, his eyes softened when he was met with disheveled black hair. Tightening his arms around her, he brought her closer to his chest for his warmth to transfer to her shivering body from the light chill of the early, October morning.
Placing his chin on top of her head, his eyes flashed to her clock on her nightstand to find it reading 5:00. He had two hours before he usually left to work. Looking down at his mate, he felt both him and his youkai decide on the same thing when eyeing her flushed cheeks and the ever-light perspiration on her forehead. Screw the office, Kagome needs me here. With resolve, he lowered his head until he laid it on Kagome's cheek, both of their faces in line with each other. He nuzzled her cheek with faint guilt and sadness. How could he have POSSIBLY missed her becoming sick? How could he have neglected her for as long as he had? Before another question could be summed up, Sesshomaru felt the drowsiness of his body settling in. He relished in the dark curtains of sleep, allowing himself to be swept away and into the land of dreams.
-.-
The first thing he saw was darkness surrounding him. Peering around with narrowed eyes, he brought up his right hand, allowing the bright whip to glow on his fingertips. What the hell is going on? Was this some kind of sick joke? What was going on? Sesshomaru had the distinct feeling as if he had been swallowed whole…His ears perked up when a distant sound echoing in his sharp ears. Eyebrows furrowing in thought, he lowered his hand and began to listen intently to the sound. He slowly turned his head around, trying to pinpoint its location. When finding the spot in which it was loudest, he set off towards its direction.
As Sesshomaru continued to wander through the darkness, he noticed that the sound began to get louder and more specific. It sounded like…as if someone…was crying? Raising an eyebrow, he stopped for a moment, wondering once again what the hell was going on. He was for once confused and he did NOT like it. Not one bit.
It was as if a magnetic force began to tug at the front of his shirt, causing him to walk forward, despite of all of his attempts to swipe at the source as he continued struggling. When coming to a conclusion that he would be taken to the source of the crying whether he liked it or not, he relaxed and allowed the invisible force to tug at him.
"What did I do?" A woman's voice echoed throughout the dark area, ringing in Sesshomaru's ears. The familiar voice rang a bell in his mind.
"Kagome?" He whispered softly.
His only answer was consistent sobbing and sniffles. He fastened his walking, causing the invisible tug to lessen as he continued to the source of the crying, his mate. A flash of light burned through his eyes, causing Sesshomaru to hiss and to take a step back on instinct; a claw reached up to shield his sensitive eyes. When sensing that the light had toned down enough, he lowered his hand and looked up.
His eyes widened.
A medium-sized mirror floated before him, showing a foggy scene within it. Walking towards the mirror, the image began to grow sharper as he came closer. The image at full view caused his heart to stop momentarily.
"Kagome…" The faint whisper was almost unheard as he pressed his face to the coolness of the mirror, longing to go in there and stop her from what she was doing.
Sitting on her favorite stool, Kagome was alone in the mansion in her favorite pink blouse and comfortable black jeans. On the clean countertop were empty bottles of Golden Light, surrounding her as she continued to drink. He watched as she took a long sip, her eyes quenched shut…causing her crystal tears to fall down her smooth, flushed cheeks. His eyes narrowed in worry as she starting coughing, only to take a longer sip from the bottle before calming down her coughs. He watched as she picked up one after another, indulging herself within the liquor. The clock facing her read 12:34 in the morning.
"Kagome, stop it!" Sesshomaru commanded, feeling uncomfortably helpless as she either ignored him or couldn't hear him before reaching for another bottle.
Her eyes continued to grow cloudier and glazed, looking unfocused and confused. She hiccupped before continuing to drink, engrossed within her thoughts.
"Damn it, Kagome…stop!" Sesshomaru angrily slammed his hand against the mirror in an attempt to gather her attention, but to his dismay…it didn't work.
He watched relieved however, when she unsteadily got up before cleaning away all the bottles of liquor and disposed of them. He watched with alarmed eyes as she swayed heavily as she practically crawled up the large staircase. He watched in confusion as she turned down a hallway away form their master bedroom, only to arrive at Asahi's bedroom. She slowly and silently opened her door to peer inside like a shy little five year old finally going to school. She opened the door fully before walking in, making sure not to get the light to display over her peacefully sleeping face. She shuffled forward to sit by Asahi's bed on the floor. He watched as she reached up to gently swipe her bangs from her face. Kagome stayed there for a few moments, gazing at their daughter before slowly getting up. As she left Asahi's room, she turned around to whisper softly before closing the door gently,
"Good night…my little morning star."
With that said, she walked down the hallway and towards their bedroom. When walking in, he watched as tears began anew and was once again traveling down her face. She walked to their bed and laid down on it eagle-spread, facing the ceiling as tears traveled to the sides of her face and onto the pillows underneath her head. It looked as if she was having a small disagreement within her as she stared up above her. She rolled to her side to grasp his pillow, pulling it to her face and whispered brokenheartedly,
"You already have…"
"I already have? What is it that this Sesshomaru has already done? Kagome!"
Sesshomaru glared at the mirror as it glowed bright once again. Shielding his eyes with a hint of annoyance, Sesshomaru glanced up when the light show was done. He took in the new scene as some of the sun's rays began to filter within their room, setting off a soft glow on their tan-white sheets. Kagome laid sprawled across the top on their pillows, her face hidden away. He noticed that she wore the same clothes as she had in the last 'scene'. He watched as she slowly opened her sapphire eye, only to close it with a snap. She slowly rose up to sit on her heels. With her hair disheveled and her face groggy, Kagome looked around before looking at his side of the bed. Fresh tears built up in her eyes before she allowed herself to fall on the pillows headfirst. She gave a disheartened cry before grasping the pillow more firmly to her face and gave a shrill scream, the pillow muffling it. She allowed herself to relax against the pillows and ever the slightest, looked over her shoulder and to the clock on her bed nightstand. She gave a groan at the time it gave before getting up grudgingly.
Sesshomaru watched as she walked to the long, body mirror and look at herself. After a few moments, he watched alarmed as her eyes flashed red before a punch was directed at the mirror. The shattering of glass met his gaze and ears as Kagome tried to reel her youkai back in. When her eyes became a startling blue once again, she gave a curse at the broken mirror before walking away and into the bathroom, no doubt to patch herself up. She picked out a first aid kit from the glass cabinet before her. Taking out a pair of tweezers, she began to prick out all of the shards out of her bleeding knuckles.
What a way to start the day…Her inner voice echoed around him sourly as she placed the tweezers away to add some gauze before wrapping them with bandages.
She walked out to have her gaze sadden. He watched intently as she eyed the maid that as cleaning the shards of the destroyed mirror with a sad, apologetic gaze. After a few moments, Kagome walked up to her and helped her with picking up the pieces.
"M-Milady!" The maid began to sputter in embarrassment and shock as she just noticed her mistress's appearance. As she began to apologize and ramble, Kagome's soft voice managed to pierce through the tension-filled air like a hot knife through butter,
"Gomen nasai…Onegai, Asumimasen." Wondering what she was talking about, Sesshomaru eyed the maid closely to find dark bruises that were in the form of fingers around the young maid's neck. They were hideous with the welts of raw red and deep purple.
"W-What? Your majesty?" A gentle look entered her eyes as she repeated herself, where as in he would have snapped at the girl for making him repeat himself (Something he hated to do),
"I said that I am sorry, please forgive me. Even if I had a reason to be upset, it did not however, give me a reason to attack the assistants within this mansion and for that…I can't help but to be ashamed for the pain I caused you and some others."
The maid stared at Kagome with a mixed expression, switching through emotions as fast as Kagome before smiling softly at her before picking up the last few shards on the marble floor,
"There is nothing for you to apologize, milady."
They both stood, going opposite directions as Kagome went into the closet to change, only to reappear with a light blue blouse on with tan corduroy jeans with her black hair braided. The maid however, hesitated before grasping the doorknob. Both Sesshomaru and the illusion Kagome before him could sense the trouble within her and Kagome asked after clearing her throat,
"Is there something else you needed?"
The maid turned towards her, biting her lip in uncertainty before asking softly,
"May I ask you a few questions, milady, as long as I am not intruding on anything personal?"
Kagome looked her over, judging on her personality for a few moments before nodding,
"Yes you may."
"Did you truly love him? The master, I mean?"
Sesshomaru glared at the young maid with malice. How dare she question his mate on their love for each other? It was none of her business! This was an insult! His subconscious rose up at the accusations he was mentally firing at the young neko-youkai.
But you are the one that betrayed her…you call that love? I believe its called betrayal.
Shaking his head with a light growl, Sesshomaru turned to the mirror to hear Kagome's answer.
"I stood beside him for five hundred years, young one. I had never once regretted my decision of becoming his mate. Because of that decision, I have many prosperous and loving children, even if only one is still with me. It is the knowledge that Sesshomaru and I have made them has made me so proud in my decision as a woman, as a grown up, had decided. To answer your question, yes, I loved him…with all of my heart."
Instead of feeling flattered and proud at her answer, Sesshomaru surprisingly felt only guilt as her words rang through his mind. He raised a shaky hand to rung through his silver tresses, his golden eyes disappearing as he closed them, his ears perking ever the slightest to show that he was still listening to the discussion before him. He couldn't believe at how sick he thought of himself. Kagome…what am I doing? What is going on, here? What is this before me? Have these events happened? But that couldn't be, that would mean that you have known…you couldn't have known, how would you have founded out? I was so discreet and silent about this…this can't be real…this just HAS to be illusions. Sesshomaru was never one to try and lie to himself, preferring to stick to the truth before him and take it as it came. But this…it was too painful to watch and take in that it was real…that it had happened. She was going through so much pain and he wasn't there to comfort her…when in reality, he was the one harming her. This just HAD to be an illusion.
"And do you still love him? Even if he were to do the unthinkable, even after all he's putting you through – do you still love him?"
Sesshomaru allowed a small growl to escape him. That damn maid was still questioning her about her loyalty to him (When she should actually be questioning him). Kagome had given her, her answer; she should be satisfied! He looked up, his eyes going sadder as tears began to build up in her beautiful eyes. Those eyes were so sad…broken…hurt…it took all of Sesshomaru's power not to howl in anguish at what he was 'doing' to her. Let this be an illusion! God DAMN it let this be an illusion!
"Yes. I will, there is no doubt about it. I had told him once that he has my love and forever he shall have it. I told myself that when I made the decision of becoming his mate that I was throwing in all the cards…double or nothing. I know the consequences of what may come, what the obstacles that were to fall ahead of us. I just hope we'll be able to pull through."
His heart ached at her words. 'I just hope we'll be able to pull through.' She would stay with him…despite all of the things he was putting her through…she would stay with him…because, because she loved him. He closed his eyes tightly before reopening them when the maid continued,
"Can I make one last, bold statement, milady, before you leave with Lady Asahi and take her to school?"
Kagome nodded.
"The master truly does not understand what he has. I guess the saying is true…you never know what you've got until you've lost it."
Sesshomaru, for once, didn't snap at her. Wrenching himself away from the mirror, Sesshomaru began to walk away from it, despite the invisible tug that became apparent once again, wanting him to continue to watch…to experience…to FEEL the torture that 'Kagome' was going through. It's a dream…He thought viciously as he continued to walk away, his eyes cast down to his moving feet, albeit slower for his taste, thanks to that aggravating tug that clasped itself at the back of his shirt. It's only a bad dream…what the hell?
Sesshomaru turned his head sharply away from a piercing light that flashed before him. Looking up reluctantly and grudgingly, his eyes widened when the mirror reappeared before him, showing Kagome somewhere else, in her room at the chiropractor clinic he had just visited yesterday. Turning around to face the other way, he was inwardly shocked to find the original mirror still there. The mirror projected the same image as the one behind him.
Against her windowsill, Kagome leaned into it, staring sadly, torturously, and longingly at the open air that separated her in her stuffy room to the undestroyed nature that was reserved for a moving company from the U.S. Her wind chimes played sorrowful music behind her, clinging slowly against each other with every stroke and caress the wind gave as it swept over Kagome's slim form, gently moving her long braid over her shoulder to pile down her back and to her waist. She folded her arms on the ledge before planting her beautiful, pain-stricken face on top of them.
Clenching his eyes tight, he tried to get rid of her echoing thoughts around him. Baring his fangs, he growled.
I miss him… What did I do to lose him like I am? Am I not beautiful enough? Am I not loving enough? What's wrong with me to have him turn away? What can I do to get him back? I yearn his touch…his eyes…his smile…his love…I miss him so much that it hurts. I want my heart to stop hurting…when will this ache end? My heart yearns for him…calls and aches for him…to be here, holding me within his strong arms, and that he would whisper in my ear and heart that everything will be okay and go back to the ways things were before…why can't he hear it? What happened? What caused us to drift away? I just want to know…I HAVE to know…"STOP IT!" Giving a roar, Sesshomaru turned away from the heartbreaking picture to walk away and in between the two showing mirrors, causing Kagome's thoughts to come to a screeching halt. He gave a growl when a mirror, in a flash of bright light, appeared before him, mocking him. He stared at the picture, his heart thumping faster as a familiar memory plagued him. It showed the night of when he left after Kagome fell asleep.
"Sesshomaru!"
Her cry caused his heart to quench as her eyes snapped open in fear and desperation. The look was enough to haunt him for days. She blinked her eyes confused as she stared shock at the dampness of her pillow. She slowly got up from lying on her side, almost cautiously as if something were to happen at any moment. She faced the wall before her after straightening her posture. Her whole form shook in fear as her hands shakily clasped against the other, trying to steady them as she stared at her lap. She bit her lip in an effort to stop the tears, but to no avail. The tears continued to flow, un-relinquishing their mistress of the misery. Her voice, soft and scared like a five year old afraid of lightning and thunder, asked silently,
"S-Sesshomaru? Sesshomaru, are you awake?" He winced when she looked to her left where his spot was, only to have her eyes widen in disbelief. Tears escaped from the corner of her eyes as she moved slightly to the side. Tears began to grow heavy as the reality of it started to settle in.
She gave a heart-wrenching cry as she toppled over to his side, her hands grasping the sheets he was once occupying as tears and sobs wracked through her frail body. She moved her body until she was kneeling comfortably and was sitting on her folded ankles before she leaned forward until her forehead brushed against the comforter. She buried her face into the cloth, hoping to disappear within it.
"H-He left again! Why…"
WHY!His eyes narrowed in shock and surprise when she rose to her hands and knees. Her sapphire eyes flickered to red before she threw her head back and gave a long, penetrating, sorrow-filled howl. He clamped his hands over his sensitive ears as her howl echoed around him. A loud banging on their bedroom doors caused him to look up and unclamp his ears as the howl became a disturbed, but distant memory. His eyes widened in recognition as a small, scared voice yelled frantically,
"Mommy! Is Mommy all right? Please tell Asahi, Mommy so Asahi can help!"
He watched as she stood up to open the door. The moment she had, Asahi jumped into her arms with fear in her eyes. Kagome cuddled her against her as Asahi clung to her while still holding her favorite pink bunny in her arms. He watched Asahi calm and comfort her, the one thing he should have been doing…but then again, if he hadn't left, she wouldn't have been in this condition in the first place. Lowering his gaze to the ground, he tried to block out their conversation as Kagome took her to their bed and went to asleep together.
Turning away, he moved to his free exit left and tried running through, only to have the invisible tug to shove him from the front, hard enough to make him skid back a few feet…enough time for another mirror to appear. Looking around, he found that every mirror had the same scene before him. It showed of Kagome and her mother sitting on a park bench, watching the children play – a few bags were littered at their feet.
Kagome looked over at her mother with a look of admiration. When sensing her gaze, Mrs. Higurashi turned to her with a questioning gaze of her own.
"How do you do it?" Both Sesshomaru and Mrs. Higurashi looked at her confused before asking the same question that was going through Sesshomaru's mind,
"How did I do what?"
"Be so happy, carefree…even after dad…"
He listened intently this time as curiosity got the better of him. He had always wondered about her father. This subject was the only one Kagome was unwilling to share, other than 'he wasn't very big in my childhood and early preteen years'. He turned his attention to them, listening.
"You still haven't forgiven him." Mrs. Higurashi's eyes grew soft.
"How can I?" Mrs. Higurashi shook her head amused.
"Kagome, you have got to be the only girl I know to hold a grudge for over five hundred years. I accepted what he decided in a time span of twenty years and yet you with you being immortal can not. It simply amazes me seeing as you are the most forgiving girl I ever known."
Kagome looked away uncomfortably.
"It's different."
"How? Tell me."
Kagome looked up at the sky with a thoughtful gaze.
"He was my role model…the person I always dreamed to become, I suppose. He was honest, kind, funny, somewhat naïve, yet he was always respected by others…he always told me to follow my dreams, that every dream has a chance of happening." Mrs. Higurashi nodded.
"And he was right; you got your dream job, the one thing you wanted to become despite of the shortages we had on money for you to go for eight years of college."
"I know, but still…my whole perspective of him changed when I found out what he did, when I was old enough to understand. He lied mama…to you, to me – to us. You did nothing but love him and cherish him and look what he did, he went for a woman four years his junior."
There must have been a connection that he hadn't seen because a knowing light came into his in-law's eyes and she smiled secretly at Kagome,
"Yes, I still love him." Kagome almost looked desperate,
"Why?"
"I love him, Kagome, because I know him better and longer than you ever had and probably ever will. The decision he made was his own and I should respect that, despite of the way he did it." A small scowl glanced upon her face before disappearing altogether with a soft, gentle look, "Remember the last thing he said to you?"
Kagome looked at her shocked,
"Were you…?"
"Just answer the question, Kagome." Kagome nodded,
"Yes, he said something about him not loving you anymore, or at least not in the way you wanted him to."
Mrs. Higurashi nodded before gazing up at the sky, Kagome following her,
"It took me years to understand it and even still I can hardly believe how stupid I really was. Kagome, he still loved me…but not in the way I had wanted him to when he left me. I wanted him to love me like a father to a mother and a husband to a wife when truthfully, he still loved me…but in a brother-sister way. It took me a while, but I finally loved him the way HE wanted ME to and when I did, I spent most of my time in trying to find him and his new wife. Let's just say that he was the happiest I had ever seen him when I told him I finally understood what he meant…he was after all always the most cryptic one in his generation."
Kagome looked away when a crick in her neck began to become a PAIN in the neck.
"But…he never made a notion to contact us."
"Wrong again, Kagome. From what I remember, I saw every gift or tuition money he gave you went to your friend or to Souta. If there was something you couldn't give to any of your friends, you gave it to charity. He wasn't exactly happy, hurt would be the right word."
Kagome shook her head stubbornly,
"It wasn't the same – "
"As him coming in person?" Mrs. Higurashi finished. When Kagome nodded, Mrs. Higurashi gave a sigh,
"Kagome, even though he knew what he did was right, he was afraid…afraid of you."
"Of me? Why be afraid of me?"
Mrs. Higurashi looked at her and said firmly,
"Because he loved you very much and he knew what he did had hurt you badly. You wanted a happy family, but he knew he couldn't give it to you. If he tried to do so, he would only be pretending and he was never one to hide or lie, unlike you. If something big happened to you, you always kept it to yourself, not wanting to burden the people around you, but your father wasn't like that. Just know Kagome, that he did it what was best for everyone – especially for us two, because if he had tried to fulfill your dream, he would have only hurt us even more so than we could ever imagine. Just know that he sacrificed a lot for us."
Sesshomaru turned away, his fists tightening. So that was it, that was the reason why she never talked about her father…because he was unfaithful to the one person she looked up to, cared for and loved the most…her mother. He thought about the scene as it continued to play as Mrs. Higurashi told her to think about what she said and to give him a second chance. Her past was so frighteningly close into relation with what was happening now. Asahi being her when she was five (Except her being six and all) and him and her being Mr. and Mrs. Higurashi…it was like the events in her childhood were happening all over again.
Did he want Asahi to hate him for as long as Kagome had hated her father before finding out the truth? Did he want one of his precious little girls to hate him with a passion? Did he want Kagome to be miserable and raising Asahi by herself? Did he want them to just turn friends after five hundred years of marriage?
No…NO. Looking up, Sesshomaru found his last exit and made a leap for it, only to have the invisible tug wrap around his ankles, pulling him back to where he once stood. Landing on his back painfully on the glass floor, Sesshomaru glared up at the mocking mirror as it glowed before him. They all glowed simultaneously before settling on one picture.
Kagome wore a nice, form-fitting white blouse that contrasted sharply against her black, obsidian hair that was put into a small ponytail in the back by a three pearl clip. She wore a black skirt with it, ending to just below her knees elegantly. Walking to her favorite blue corvette (He still wondered why she bought a car for herself), she started the engine and began to drive on a familiar route. Sesshomaru turned to a different mirror than the one above him and narrowed his eyes when turning a familiar corner. Why is she heading to Asahi's school? It's getting dark out and she's going to the school? Never less, he watched as she walked up to the school with her small, hand purse. The banner that was held outside caused Sesshomaru to groan in realization: Parent-Teacher's Conferences!
He watched as she collected herself before Asahi's class room to finally realize something. This was the first time that both were unable to come to Asahi's conferences. He shook his head roughly. This is a dream! It never happened! This Sesshomaru refuses to believe that he has missed a conference! He turned back to the mirror to find Kagome already inside and inspecting the place since registration.
"Mrs. Taisho?" Both Kagome and Sesshomaru turned to the voice; Sesshomaru's eyes narrowed.
The teacher's a guy?Sesshomaru was having the same reaction, but at the same time, a different one, he angrily eyed the man. His Kagome was with a man…alone…in a room with no one else…and he wasn't there. A growl started to rise in his throat. His eyes nearly turned crimson right away when Kagome stared at the teacher longer than needed and blushed a pretty shade…a shade that was only supposed to be reserved for him. That was it, once he woke up, he was going to find this teacher guy's name and his social security number and he was going to kill him, dream or not. He couldn't quite remember the man's name and for that, the man should be gracious.
"Gomen ne." Kagome flushed in embarrassment, causing Sesshomaru to growl at the oblivious teacher.
"Don't worry about it, Mrs. Taisho; I get it all the time." They both chuckled.
"So…you must be Zuko-sensei?" Sesshomaru frowned at the name. Got the name, just need the social security number now…They went to his desk where he picked up a basket with Asahi's name on it. As Kagome shuffled the papers, Sesshomaru found that she was positioned in a way to hide Asahi's grades on them from his view. He scowled to himself, only to have Kagome's thoughts be spoken once again around him.
Sesshomaru would be so proud…He stopped and hoped for Kagome to stop. The guilt was starting to eat him alive.
If only he'd give her time to show him how smart and talented she is, just like the rest of our children…I just wish he would not neglect Asahi. If he neglected me alone, I would be content, but no…he's neglecting Asahi…
Why?
Clamping his hands over his ears, he willed for her thoughts to disappear as he watched her thank Zuko before leaving, still looking at all of her papers. As she walked across the playground, she looked up to find kids playing on the equipment with their parents watching over them with smiles on their faces.
Parents…as in both are there instead of one…
Sesshomaru looked down ashamed, feebly trying to still think that this was all a dream. Stop…stop it…
After sitting on the swing set for about a good ten minutes, Kagome stood up, only to have a folded piece of paper fall out of her grasp. She blinked at it a few times in curiosity and confusion.
"That's strange…" She whispered as she bent down to pick it up. Standing up, she placed the other papers underneath her left arm with her purse. When unfolding it, her heart successfully stopped a few beats, her face going ashen and pale.
She…she knows.
The piece of paper within her hands loosely fell down to the pile of scattered papers that had fallen out from underneath her left arm when it loosened after seeing the picture. Looking closely, Sesshomaru caught a glance of the picture before Kagome stooped down, choking on her tears as she began to pick them up. His heart stopped as well. The picture that Asahi drew was of them in a yet to be perfected heart, but instead of them happy as she would usually draw them, there was a scribbled line in between them, their faces sad and confused. He started to back away, only to have his back hit against the mirror behind him, causing the scene to change just as she was walking hurriedly to her car as she tried to control her tears.
He looked away at the sight before him. A small amount of moist gathered behind his eyes, just enough to glaze over them. Clenching his fists at his sides, he felt the invisible tug force his head up, making him open his eyes to stare at the scene before him. Empty, Golden Light beer bottles once again surrounded Kagome; all were emptied into the garbage can she put beside her as she started on another one. Her eyes were heavily glazed and unfocused as she stared before her.
How ironic that my favorite beverage would be the color of his eyes. Is there no escaping him?
She tilted the bottle above her, causing the golden liquid in the bottle to glint beautifully. After a few agonizing minutes of watching her consume another bottle, only to start with another, she stood up unsteadily. She walked to the hutch, giggling when catching a snag on the rug while on her journey. By watching her, Sesshomaru could see that she was rather tipsy as she giggled for no apparent reason and how she had tried to open the hutch with the key flipped upside down. She took out a familiar black box and when she reached her seat, she opened it…showing the rosary that InuYasha used to wear all the time. She stared at it in sad contemplation.
'Are you sure?' Huh…that was the one thing InuYasha, Sango, and Miroku had asked me before I mated Sesshomaru…hmm…
He watched as she placed the rosary aside to take off her wedding ring. Her eyes grew sadder if possible, tears unwillingly building up in her sapphire gaze. After a few moments of silently thinking, she placed the ring by the rosary and began to drink once again from the Golden Light.
"Time to push my limit."
His eyes narrowed yet widened at the same time when she muttered that.
"No, Kagome!" Sesshomaru ran to the mirror before him and placed his hands on it, wanting nothing more than to go in there and take the new bottle from her. His eyes widened when she started to violently cough.
"KAGOME!"
She tried beating on her chest to stop the coughing as she tried placing the Golden Light on the counter top, only in having it tip over, spilling out all of its contents. Sesshomaru watched with shocked, concerned eyes as she began to dangerously sway on the stool underneath her. She grabbed out blindly, trying to find the rosary and the wedding band when she toppled off the chair.
"Kagome!"
He watched helplessly when she landed hard on her left side, on the cold tile floor of the kitchen. The wooden stool fell opposite her, causing a loud ruckus to echo among the high walls of the mansion. The wedding band and the rosary slid across the floor until reaching her gaze, having just have snagged them when she fell off. Kagome's tears slipped down one side of her face and onto the tile as she had no energy to get up.
Sesshomaru fisted his hands in his hair as he backpedaled away from the scene as Jaken and the cook ran (Jaken walked hurriedly) into the kitchen, helping her and calling out her name, trying to wake her up from her dead gaze.
Why do I feel so pathetic and worthless?
Sesshomaru shook his head. No, you're not, Kagome!
I feel as if I have no purpose to live…or to exist.
Sesshomaru glared down at the floor beneath him, the moist in his eyes increasing. Live, live for us, Kagome! Please, give me a chance!
I feel so ashamed and foolish, how could I have allowed things to escalate this far?
It's my fault, Kagome! I shouldn't have let things gone too far!
I feel so lonely and isolated…as if I'm all alone and no one can reach me…
Please…onegai…I'm so sorry, Kagome. Please, let me reach you…
No one understands me or the pain I'm going through…
I understand now, Kagome! Let me in! The thought of this being a dream slipped from his brain.
Why do I feel as if I'm to blame when he was the one doing the betraying?
I'm to blame! This Sesshomaru admits that he is at fault! Now let me in, Kagome! Sesshomaru began to pound at the mirror before him.
I feel so torn and sad that I can't explain it in words…does this make me weak?
Don't ever think that! You're not weak!
Everything I see is darkness, no matter where I turn. It is like I hear everyone laughing and talking around me, but I can't see them…and when I do, I can't reach them in fear of the ground beneath him shattering and I'll be once again in the darkness.
Just like I am right now…forgive me…
Whenever I try to reach out for comfort…I'm turned away, even from my friends. Why is that? Is it because they are disgusted with me?
No, they're not! Why couldn't you turn to me for comfort, Kagome? I would have listened…
Why am I always left behind? It is as if somebody is closing the door to my salvation, locking it, and throwing away the key. Will I ever escape this hell?
Let me bring you back, Kagome…
Growling when Jaken got her to sleep, he slammed his fist against the mirror.
Surprisingly…the mirror slowly cracked before suddenly…it shattered into millions of pieces.
-.-
His golden eyes snapped open. Lifting his head, he looked around him to find himself back in his and Kagome's bedroom. Relaxing his somewhat labored breaths, he gathered Kagome closer to him for contact, his heart still racing. That dream…Looking down at Kagome, he was relieved to find her still asleep. She still looked flush, but better from earlier this morning and yesterday when he got home. Speaking of which…looking up, he saw that the clock read 9:43. Hmm, he was two hours and forty-three minutes late. Glancing down at the still sick Kagome, he immediately decided to stay home and take care of her until she was better.
As he got up slowly as to not disturb her, he moved to the bathroom to take a shower and get dressed for the day. Today, he was going to take care of Kagome; whatever she needed, he would provide. As he showered, the dream involuntarily made presence in his mind.
-
He was going to kick some major whoop-ass; that was what he was going to do. Fidgeting in his seat on the airplane, Shippo continued to claw at the armrests. After finding out what happened between Kagome and Sesshomaru, Shippo had thanked Jaken for telling him before the mark sent signals to the rest of his siblings. Immediately, he went to find Rin, whom was playing with their five year old and their eight year old in the pool behind their house. The moment he told Rin what was happening, she had broken down into tears, sobbing at the discovery. The kids didn't know what was going on because Shippo had whispered it to Rin low enough so they wouldn't hear, but when their mother began to cry, they had scrambled to her and hugged her. When asking what was making Mommy cry, she had replied,
"Grandma and Grandpa are having problems." The five year old still didn't understand, but nodded all the same, knowing that he would find out sooner or later. Their eight-year-old daughter started crying with her mother, crying out 'no' over and over again, getting the hidden message.
After telling their nanny of what was happening, Rin and Shippo got their tickets for the closest flight to Tokyo, which was where they were at the moment. Rin, beside Shippo, placed her illusion-human hand over his own and gave it a comforting squeeze with a watery smile for comfort. Shippo looked at her with sad eyes before wrapping an arm over her shoulders, bringing her to his side despite of the armrest between them. Rin laid her head on his strong shoulder and allowed a few treacherous tears to escape.
She just couldn't believe what was happening…they both couldn't. Shippo stared out of the window over Rin's head and glared out at the white, puffy clouds.
He couldn't believe how pissed he was. When they got there, his 'father' was going to get it for once. He had always dreamed of doing so after being reprimanded and beaten in a fair fight against Sesshomaru, his adoptive father…he just wished the occasion wasn't serious like this.
Hey guys! Another fast update! Yippee! Now, I was kind of disappointed at the lack of rise to the challenge, but I'm grateful for the ones that tried! You guys were so close! Okay, here they are: 1) The first spoiler was when Chiihiro kissed him, Sesshomaru thought that the feel of her lips against his didn't feel right anymore. 2) When Sesshomaru leaves the building, Chiihiro takes out the picture of Kagome and Asahi and thinks: He still loves HER. This shows that Sesshomaru is going to try and stay with Kagome. 3) During the second memory with the wishing bridge when Sesshomaru wondered if Asahi's coin was still at the top showed that he was becoming homesick. 4) When Sesshomaru goes to try and surprise Kagome at the clinic shows that Sesshomaru still deeply cares for her to try and surprise her with a visit (Since his appearance HAS been less). 5) The last clue was Sesshomaru's youkai whispering 'Go back…home' this means that his youkai is telling him to go back to Kagome, their mate.
Reviewers:
Royal blueKitsune: Yeah, Shippo made a small entrance near the end! He'll be showing up pretty soon with Rin! Haha, glad you like '…It was Satan's cat.' I could just imagine him saying that about a feline. And I know, it seems kind of weird that dog youkai would keep a cat as pet…I wonder if that would be an insult to neko youkai out there…Heh heh. Hope you like!
fluffykags: yeah, thanks for the review! No harm done!
BrokenSouledPoetess: Yeah, glad you love it! I think Sesshomaru's going to get his head out of his ass sooner than I and everyone thought as things keep going. Thanks for the reviewer!
Sesshomarugrl: Thanks! Hope yours was awesome! (Mine was okay, just a little boring) Thanks for the review!
Leunra: Yeah, glad you loved it! I KNEW somebody was going to love him being rude and indifferent with Chiihiro! Haha. Thanks for trying out the challenge! (You're one of the few people that did do it.) I must say that you were close on number two! Sorry, pony won out. (Lol – coughdamnitcough) Yeah, glad Jaken's your hero! Although I like to bash on him at times, I like to give a message to others that he's a good guy on the inside, whether he likes Rin or not, he protects her on his choice (Even if he will die by Sesshomaru's hand if he did), so that just shows that he cares. Thanks for the long review!
Seryu (Anonymous): Well, he thinks Chiihiro doesn't know that he has a wife and daughter while she secretly DOES know about them, but remains looking innocent for her benefit so Sesshomaru doesn't figure her out. I hope this chapter answers your question if his other part loves her. I thought this answered it nicely. Hmm…the last question though I'm a little stuck…um, maybe he forgot? (laughs sheepishly) Hope you like this chapter!
kagomes pup: Yeah, I reread it and I have to say…I FRICKIN' HATE IT! Not the idea of the chapter, no. But all of those spelling mistakes…Grr…DOUBLE grr…It was so frustrating to just leave it there posted like that. Thankfully I read this thoroughly for spelling mistakes. Thanks for telling me:D Haha, I know how you feel. I get too lazy at times. Thanks for the review!
ADSV (Anonymous): Yeah, glad you like it! (Claps her hands together excitedly while doing a London Tipton from 'The Suite Life of Zach and Cody': Yeah me!) Glad you liked the flashback! I pride myself one those, those were the hardest to write on because I was trying to catch his playful side while still having him as himself. I'm so glad and happy about your comments on that last chapter, it's just that…I worked hard on that one and I'm very happy someone appreciated it. (Smiles happily) Hope you liked this chapter!
Demonic Angelz: Haha, glad you liked Satan's cat…I think I should mention him in later chapters…that would be fun to write on…Sesshomaru sneering at the cat and the cat sneering at him, having a stare down with each other until one of them is distracted. Glad you like last chapter!
guynh2: Yeah, glad you like the memories!
Eternityoftears: Yeah, another person who likes Jaken position! (Punches her fist in the air happily) Hell ya! Thanks for the review!
im so sad (Anonymous): That 'Go back…' was referring to him going back home with Kagome, Asahi, and everyone because at the end I added: 'Go back…home.' Hm, that question on Sesshomaru not sniffing Chiihiro for a lie (Because he was vamped on trying to find that picture) while he tried to find deceit in Jaken, that one stumped me. I guess I missed up on that part – thanks for pointing that out! Well, 'Ace Venture: When Nature Calls'…I just watched that hilarious movie because I was sick of sitting in my room, staring at the chapter wishing for it to be typed on its own because my brain was dead at the moment. That movie only helped in getting my imagination up and going. (Laughs sheepishly) Don't worry about Kagome! I'm working out a plan to get her back to her usual ass-kicking self. (Hell ya!) Thanks for the review!
Wolfpup333 (Anonymous): Hey, you are one of the few with Leunra that has tried to figure out the spoilers! Good guess on the secretary, I think I may have forgotten to add that to the list of spoilers above before going on to the reviews, but…at least YOU know! (Laughs) Thanks for the review! (P.S. – The mark is only acting up, it's supposed to burn in the first place…I'll explain why she got sick later. She isn't turning human yet, you know this because of the spoilers I gave up above. :D
mistress yume: Thanks! Hope you like this chapter!
Angel2005399 (Anonymous): (Laughs at the insult names that Angel2005399 made up) Oh, those were RICH! Never thought of that! Hey, glad you're a loyal reader, that always brightens my day to hear that someone always happens to check my stories! (Excuse me, feeling warm and fuzzy at the moment – lol) Haha, yeah the story would go further, but I'm not firing Chiihiro yet. (Oops, wasn't supposed to say that…) Thanks for the review!
SesshomaruCrazy: Sorry, I'm not classified to tell if Chiihiro knows about Sesshomaru being a demon, it would give away part of the plot. (Smiles apologetically) I'll just say that she knows about a few things more than a human should. (Just to get you guessing) And the question about Kagome and Sesshomaru's marriage of five hundred years and their love, I can't tell ya because it interlaces with the plot. (Sheesh, I can barely answer questions anymore, you guys are starting to catch the subtle spoilers I'm giving in here (I just don't tell anyone there are spoilers in there, but I do plant some in). :D Thanks for the review!
kimbie-animegal-saskanechi-sakyan4ever: YES! You got one of the spoilers! (Throws confetti around happily) You're one of the few people with Wolfpup333 and Leunra that have tried to solve the spoilers! You've got one! And no problem, I like to talk to people. Hope you review!
NorgePrincess Alexandra Noel: (Pouts) I was wondering why there wasn't a long reply. (Sighs sadly) I was looking forward to it, but I understand when that happens. There's a risk any moment when you try to get on the computer when you aren't supposed to. (Got caught a few times I will grudgingly admit) Hoebeast? I wonder how she got that? What does that mean? (I never heard of that before, just curious:D) And yes, I did get the image of Achika Tanomi from McGonagall! (Laughs) I was just like, I need to create a character that's strict like Sesshomaru and is straight to business and then when I glanced at my bookshelf, I saw my Harry Potter books I was just like: McGonagall! She's PERFECT! Sorry I hadn't added you on (I'm trying to, believe me…it's just that I've been swamped with getting ready for my last soccer tournament -that's this weekend- which is why I updated so quickly.) yet, I'll try to before I leave for my last soccer tournament! (FINALLY!) Hope you had a great Fourth of July!
(P.S. – Oh, and when are you going to update 'Only a Best Friend Knows How to Comfort You'? I'm kind of itching to continue with it. (Laughs sheepishly)
Kohana: Oh…well, that's strange. (Not to be insulting, it's just, I never encountered that. Hm, it's a first! Haha) Yeah, glad you liked the flashbacks! I worked hard on those. Thanks for the review! Man, you sound busy with your tests! Hope you do all right!
kar00: Yeah! Glad you like last chapter! Hope this one was good!
Megumi-san: Aw, don't cry! (Gives tissues) Haha, you're right. Maybe we should disfigure her face so she looks like what she is on the inside? (Laughs diabolically) Thanks for the review!
? (Anonymous): I have to agree, Sesshomaru deserves every bit of guilt and sadness, sees how Kagome felt! Thanks for the review!
IMACOWARD (Anonymous): What I meant by Kagome saying 'how can you be so sure' it was like she was asking how do you know you'll be able to resist leaving her and going back to HER. Confusing, but yes. Yeah, I thought some people would think Kagome was the one saying 'go back', but truthfully, it was Sesshomaru's youkai doing that. And you're right, Kagome needs to get back on her feet. Luckily, thanks to you and some others for helping me, I have come up with a plan to get her back up on her feet. It's just not the way you'd think it would be. (Smiles wickedly) Well…(puts on a thoughtful look) I know that Sesshomaru is probably a couple centuries older than Kagome, but I think he is probably in human years 24 where as she's twenty. Not mid-life crisis yet. (I'm telling ya, just insult the guy and call him he's only jealous that he 's old and your more beautiful, he'll be insulted cause no guy likes to admit they're getting old. (I should know) Heh heh, thanks for the long review!
Doll (Anonymous): Thanks for the review! I think I may have her go through the stages, but it won't be for a while. (Sorry) Hope you like this chapter!
abc (Anonymous): Hope you like this chapter!
AMBER (Anonymous): Hey, don't think that! I love replying to those who enjoy my stories! Who cares if I have to read them over? I'm just happy you did review and WOW, you're mom is SesshomaruCrazy? Cool, wish my mom shared a same interest as in anime wise, but sadly…(Sniffs dramatically for effect) we're two worlds apart…I must agree, I hated myself at first for starting this because just thinking of Sesshomaru cheating on Kagome did not very well appeal to me, but the story wouldn't leave my mind so I just started writing it. You're no nuisance! Hope you review! Thanks for this! Hope you like this chapter!
ME (Anonymous): (Laughs) Sugar rush? If so, where can I get it? I want to be that happy for once. (Sighs) Whenever I'M happy my friends look at me as if I'm crazy. (Pft) Hey, thanks for the review for 'Work that Razor'! Glad you like it! Humor is not my forte, but I like to dab into it, especially if it's something I know how to work with (Example: Kakashi and his pervertedness). Thanks for the LONG review! Hope you review again!
Strawberrylover: Oh well, sorry you didn't at least try. I would never laugh at an attempt to find something, there's a lot of spoilers in there, I only just named some of the most important ones. Chiihiro knows he's married, but she's keeping him from knowing that she knows that he has a family of his own. (Confusing, but yes) Thanks for the long review! I DO feel privileged. I mean, you reviewed before and they were never this long! (Laughs, not meaning to sound rude or anything, just a surprise is all) Hope you like this chapter!
The-redwolf42: Well, here's the spoilers. And no, that wasn't Kagome's mom (I think her actual name in the series is Kun-loon, but I'm not sure), that was just another one of my millions of OC's that applied for the job and 'I think we have a winner' Sesshomaru means: I think we have a replacement for the job, although he has Chiihiro as a secretary already. Well, Shippo is on his way with Rin (They're going to kick some ass, hell ya!). They're confrontation will come within a few chapters. Thanks for the review!
Lanowen: Haha, glad you liked Mio! She's another one of my favorite OCs (She's in my other story, 'Scars' near the beginning after the prologue) I couldn't resist in putting her in. And just so if other people read your review, just know that when Kielo thought that they may be related, they've known each other for a few centuries because Mio is one of Miroku and Sango's children. (Hence where she was unaffected at being caught dirty talking by Sesshomaru). Miroku rubbed off on her…Thanks for the review!
Not Easy (Anonymous): I see where you're getting at, you're right. Sesshomaru can be hated more because of what he said about Kagome and Asahi (I could only weep in despair if poor Asahi was ever to find out he said that to someone else…oh god, I will break down crying if I had to write that…) And I'm already thinking about having Sesshomaru see Asahi's picture (He saw it in a dream, hence he thought it was just made up and the picture doesn't exist) by accident. Thanks for the review!
Inuyasha'sChic: (Miss Artemis laughs her head off at the comments as Sesshomaru, peering over her shoulder, narrows his eyes at them dangerously) Hahaha, thanks for the two reviews! (Turns to Sesshomaru) Maybe you will be singing: I'm half the man I used to be! HAHA!
Togu: I don't think I'll let him see the mark yet, he would know instantly what was going on (Our Sesshomaru is sharp, have to remember that). Haha, thanks for the review!
REDWOLF (Anonymous): Wow, a lot of questions…but that's okay! I like answering questions, as long as I can answer them without revealing the plot. Okay…I'll start from top to bottom: Yes, that was Kagome thinking 'how can you be so sure?' she meant that how do you know you'll be leaving him once again when I least expect it? Yes, sadly, Sesshomaru thinks it's a flu. (Dumb butt, that's what he is at times). Yeah, another person pointed that out about why he didn't try to catch a lie in her scent as he did with Jaken and I must admit I missed up on that, thank you and that other person for pointing that out:D Hmm…true, that guy could work (But it seems Mio has her claws sunk into him, anyone else in mind as a backup?). Surprised that their children don't work there? Are you talking about Tenseiga and Tokijin Enterprises or living in Tokyo? I'm a little confused. For Sesshomaru, time has past by quickly, so he would think that he hadn't been gone for that long. (Stupid dumb butt…) And no, Kagome wasn't telling his youkai to go away or Sesshomaru himself, that was Sesshomaru's youkai telling him to go back to Kagome, to their mate, to go back HOME. Well, thanks for the long review! Hope I answered most of your questions! If not, just tell me and I'll answer them! Hope you like this chapter!
-.-.-.-
Phew ,that took a while. Anyways, I apologize DEEP time to you guys, but I updated quickly because I will be gone for a few days at a soccer tournament and I did this as a 'sorry' gift. Again, I apologize! (This is my last tournament just to let you know, so after the tournament, I'll be dedicated to this as much as I can)
-Miss Artemis
P.S. – See that tiny blue-purple button in the left corner? Yeah, that one…PUSH IT AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK DAMN IT! (LAUGHS)
Ja ne!
