A/N: Hey everyone. Okay, I'm really sorry about the long wait. First of all, it was because of school, but just a few days ago, it was because I had a serious case of writer's block. Ah well, now it's all gone, and I'm semi-happy with the result. Why semi-happy, you ask? Well, I don't know if you guys will like it. This chapter has a lot of emotion and two thirds of it is in Jacob's point of view (which might not be good, because I might be out of character), and I don't know if it's good or not. But, of course, I'm never really happy with my writing results, am I? You don't see me going all, HOOOORAYY I love this chapter ever. (Grin) Thanks for all those reviews guys. I have one more week of term break, so I'll try to squeeze in another chapter for you all! Enjoy!
Disclaimer: I do not own TwilightNew Moon, and/or Eclipse, they all belong to Stephenie Meyer. Okay? Okay.
- -Jacob- -
My hands shook as I left the cafeteria. I could feel Embry's burning eyes on my back as he followed me to wherever I was headed. I walked without seeing anything, not feeling anything. I heard the sounds of people talking and the sounds of lunch time at a high school, but I wasn't paying attention. All I really focused on was the sound of my heart beating faster and faster, and snippets of Kara and the idiot Zack's conversation replaying over and over again in my mind.
What's happened to me?
Somehow, I had this tugging feeling at my heart. I was certain I had felt it before, but, I couldn't place my finger on when I had. I couldn't understand what made me get up from my spot at the table and leave. I couldn't understand why I suddenly felt angry at their encounter. It wasn't any of my business who Kara dated. Was it?
"Jake…"
I twisted around to see Embry, eyes flitting from my face to the wall of lockers behind me. "Yeah?"
"I-I…never mind," he ended abruptly.
We continued walking aimlessly, letting my feet lead the way as I got grumpier by the second. I was frustrated and decided to calm down before attending afternoon classes. Searching for my keys in my backpack, I led the way to the parking lot. "I'm going for a run."
Embry's eyes widened before his face turned to the grass ground. He understood what I meant. "B-but-"
"I'll be back before first bell," I cut in before swinging my legs over the motorcycle and roaring off towards the thick forest. The wind blowing across my face from the speed of the motorcycle made my mind clearer, but thoughts of Kara still flitted into my mind. I growled, feeling my body shake, but knowing that I had to control my feelings before I got into the forest. Nothing really got to me these days except her, but now Kara? What's so different about Kara?
I cut the engine when I was at the edges of the trees, the scent of the forest filling me with sudden calmness. However, I knew that I still needed that run. Shrugging off my clothes and strapping it to the string around my ankle, I let my body take over. The moment I let my mind run free and my eyes close in anticipation for the final release of my wolf spirit, I felt the shudder up my body and the rush of adrenaline coursing through my body. The scents that were so small before were now enhanced to new heights. I could smell the animals close by; smell their fear for the sudden intrusion of a new creature into their boundaries. Even amongst their fear, there was curiosity, and in spite of themselves, they came nearer to investigate. I could just let out a silent roar and they would all scurry away back to their places, yet I was silent, letting them prod their way to me, looking at me.
I got up slowly, not wanting to disrupt the peace in the air. I started with a slight jog and then stopped when I noticed the small presence of another in my head. Jacob? It called to me.
I sighed. Yeah, I answered. Sam, I greeted, not noticing how curt I sounded.
Aren't you supposed to be at sch – oh, I see, he murmured. And of course, he did see. He'd know everything within seconds. I growled and shook myself, scaring the rabbit beside me. Jacob-
I cut him off. I know, Sam. I'll be careful.
Right, he replied. There was a silence before he began fading away. Jacob, I'll leave you-
Sam, I called out, not even realizing what I was about to do. What's happened to me?
He sighed. Jake…
No, what I mean is why is it that what she thinks matter so much to me? My voice rose, louder and louder. Why is it that after that night, in the car when she hit her head, why is it that I care so much about what she – who she's with? I hit my fist against the nearest tree, making it sway violently. "Why is it that I can't stop thinking about her and her feelings? Her stupid feelings?" I shouted aloud both to myself and Sam.
Jacob…
"Why?" I whispered, kneeling down.
You've had this feeling before, haven't you? Sam asked.
Yeah.
And you can't recall when you had this, he stated, talking aloud as he thought. A series of images fluttered in his head until a picture of Bella appeared in his mind, and stayed there.
I froze.
Jacob, I don't know if you know this, but, ever since I met Kara… I've thought that she looked a lot like Bella. He paused, surveying my emotions before going on. I was careful to keep that thought away every time we talked like this, but- he broke off. Look, Jake, I'll come to you, okay? Jake?
I took off running. I didn't care where I was going; I knew I just needed to run. Soon, I heard Sam sigh and then his presence slowly fade away. Usually, when I ran, I would be free of everything, but this time, pictures of Kara and Bella flooded my mind. How could I have not noticed? Was it because of this that I became fond of her?
Shaking my head, I pushed myself to go faster, dodging trees and dodging my thoughts. I went around the forest seventeen times before Embry prodded me to get to school since first bell was going to ring in two minutes. I shuddered back into my human form when I neared the motorcycle, dressing at the same time. As I started the engine, I looked back into the dense trees and asked aloud the question that had been forming in my head as I ran. "Have I fallen for Kara?"
I didn't have answer.
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- -Kara- -
I was relieved to see Jacob in home room and fourth period English. And when he sat in his usual seat beside me for class, I was smiling; ready for conversation. I guess I thought he would do something scary to himself. When he didn't turn to me or anyone during the class, however, my smile was ripped off my face. I attempted to speak to him, but his bowed head over his desk attacked my courage to do anything.
I stared forlornly at him all through class, willing him with all my might for him to look up from his notebook and give me a brilliant smile. Needless to say, I didn't pay attention to what the teacher was saying. The bell ringing loudly made me confused for a second and it wasn't until almost everyone had gotten their books and were piling out the door that I finally brought about enough nerve to speak to him.
"Jacob, I-" He pushed himself up from his seat and gathered his things before following his classmates through the door, all the while not giving any sign that he'd heard me. I trailed after him, fiddling with my messenger bag zipper. The halls were slowly emptying out and it wouldn't be long until Jacob and I would be the last ones in the hall. Taking a deep breath, I quickened my pace so that I could stop in front of him. "Jacob," I started, scaring myself when I said his name in such a high-pitched tone. My heart was racing, and my mind in a black hole of confusion and anxiety. I continued taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself. He waited, keeping his head down and his hair in front of his face so I couldn't read his expression. "Wh-what's wrong?"
He didn't answer, except just continued to stare at the tiled ground. By then, the bell had rung again, and we were deserted in the hallway. The silence of it all made my eyes wander over Jacob, catching his slouch, his dirty sneakers and the way his hair hung limp instead of away from his face as it was that morning. My heart pound harder, echoing in my body, my lips were dry but I couldn't look away. "J-Jacob, pl-"
I stopped. My heart stopped, my eyes latched fixedly on his. I was caught like a deer in a car's headlights. Jacob had looked up so that I could see his face, so that I could see what was wrong. Even as my eyes traveled away, I would find myself staring into his eyes yet again. "Oh, god," I whispered.
His eyes seemed tired, and out of focus. They stared at me in a haunted blank way, yet I could see that he really wasn't looking at me. His face held no emotion and was terrifyingly blank, as if he didn't feel anything, as if no one was in there. At the sound of my voice, his eyes flickered down to my face. And his face immediately changed. He was suddenly angry, confused and scared at the same time.
His eyes narrowing, he looked at me with hard eyes before stepping the side and continuing down the hall. I was frozen there, half-turned, feeling sick to my stomache. I stared at the locker in front of me, studying its shadows, desperately holding onto my tears, not letting them run free. It was when I heard his sneakers stop at the foot of the hallway instead of moving that I looked up, daring to be hopeful.
My eyes met his dark ones and all hope vanished. His eyes weren't a mixture of emotions, instead they held a clear feeling; anger. "Don't talk to me," he said in a rigid tone just loud enough for me to hear. My head snapped down as his words slapped me hard across my face, and until I heard his footsteps fade away, I stayed where I was, slowly sliding to the ground. Feeling the silent tears roll down my cheeks, I wondered what had happened and why he had reverted back to how he was at the start of school. Except, he wasn't like how he was before…he was even worse.
What had I done?
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- -Jacob- -
I managed to slide into home room just as the bell rang. Thankfully, Monsieur Dubois was a few minutes late as well, so when I slid into the seat in front of Embry's I was not late. I didn't want to look over to the other side of the room to see Kara, as I usually did. Embry and Quil appeared beside me, when the whole school shuffled to their fourth period class.
Quil's eyes widened when he saw me, telling me that I looked as bad as I felt. "Hey," he greeted, tilting his head slightly, silently asking if I was alright. But, when he caught the quick shake of Embry's head, he stopped saying what he was going to say except walked on the left of me with Embry on the right. They both knew that I was in a bad mood, and they kept quiet of which I was thankful for. Instead, my two best friends stood by me and seemed almost to protect me from other people. However, when we stopped in front of my English classroom, they had to leave for their Spanish class. And I was alone walking into class, not noticing who was walking right behind me.
I slumped down onto my chair and got out my notebook. I stared at it, feeling everything but taking notes and going to school. I let my mind wander and immediately Sam's words filled the space. Jacob, I don't know if you know this, but, ever since I met Kara… I've thought that she looked a lot like Bella. I let my hair hang limp hiding my face from my classmates on either side of me. Did she? Did Kara look like Bella?
Sure, they both have brown hair, but their eyes are a different colour. Is it just because of their hair? It can't be. Is it possible for me to love her? It's true that I've thought about her often these past weeks. But it was only because she hadn't sat with us for a week. An image of Bella flashed by; I clenched my hands into fists. No, Kara couldn't remind me of her. Kara wasn't with a bloodsucker. Kara wasn't going to get herself killed because of a damn bloodsucker. My hands started shaking but I clenched them tighter.
She was afraid of hurting you, Edward's letter had said, and she didn't want to make you feel obligated in any way. But I know that if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice. She was afraid of hurting me, well; it wasn't like she didn't hurt me. He got her, he should just be happy, no need to apologize.
I wasn't angry at Bella, I was sure. I was just angry at what she'd chosen for herself. It's her choice, after all, if she wants to be with the bloodsucker. But then again, it's her choice if she wants to kill herself. What power did I have over her? What power did I have over Kara?
Why was it that I suddenly hated Zack Connors just because he asked Kara out? It's not like…like I like her. I mean, I like her as a friend. That's it, right? But, my heart protested just as soon as I asked myself the real question as I had right after the run. Did I love her? Another flash of the Cullen's stupid letter brought my attention back to an image of Bella in my head.
The bell suddenly rang, and I slowly stood up, packing my things. I walked through the door as if I were in a trance. I was confused and I couldn't solve any of the problems, questions my mind presented me with. I hated it. I hated the fact that I couldn't do anything for myself. I found myself shaking again, and I wanted, just for a minute, to let it take over me. But I couldn't, I knew it, as I stomped out my anger and replaced it with the cold control that I'd stored away from the past months of practice. I was almost in control of everything when a person slid in front of me, making me have to stop. The bell rang again signaling that fifth period had started.
My control was slipping when she spoke. "Jacob, pl-" My head snapped up at her voice, so tight with worry that I hated myself even more. I was shaking even more violently, my temper rising with the frustration within myself. I stepped to the side and continued down the hall, focusing on calming myself, because I knew that if I'd tried to speak, I might have growled instead, scaring her and creating more anger in myself.
Even as I walked away I could hear Kara's breathing, fast and raspy. I stopped at the end of the corridor and turned, watching her twist to face me as well. My eyes fastened on her lighter ones and saw her own confusion and anguish. Her eyes were filled with tears that were attempting to spill over and I wanted to reach over to comfort her. However, instead, I told her, in a stiff voice, "Don't talk to me," and let my feet lead me away from Kara, feeling my heart break when I finally stopped in the middle of another deserted hallway. I looked out the window on the left wall and finally knew the answer within myself.
I loved Kara, whether she reminded me of Bella or not, I loved her, and I had just broken her heart.
A/N: That was long… How was it? (Fiddles with a pen in nervous anticipation) Did you like it? Was it too much? Oh, I get so nervous over these things. Was it out of character? Reviews and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated.
