Shira's Cryin'
Chapter 12
'I love you. More than life itself.'
Her words kept on repeating inside of Diego's mind throughout her time of absence. He kept himself warm by wrapping his arms around himself and laying on the cold cavern floor. So much he wanted her to be with him right now. As every minute passed by, he became more and more worrisome and anxious.
'Something doesn't seem right. I'm almost sure she would have found something by now.'
His eyes looked at nothing else except for the entrance of the cave as he peered at every detail that existed outside his den. His heart kept beating faster and faster, knowing that the longer this takes, the more likely it'll be for him to never see her again.
His tears have been flowing down nonstop for the past hour and a half. He knew that it was going to be this way, and that's why he never wanted her to leave.
'But I have to eat. That much is obvious.' He thought as he drew circles in the snow with his claws to keep him busy. He could only imagine what she was doing right now. So much he wanted to just run out and find her. He wanted to help her so badly. But something refrained him from doing so.
'Last time I tried searching for her, I ended up close to dead. I can't risk that. I have to risk everything it seems.'
He began cradling himself. Any form of comfort and easing down was worth looking for.
'I'm so insane. I'm sure she thinks that. I still can't help but feel that she doesn't understand me completely.'
"Shira... please come back... please." He said, resulting in more tears to stream down his face.
What did he have to do to make things right? To him, it seems like he's screwed up everything in his life.
'Not her. She keeps me alive. Look at how far I've gotten since the beginning. I'm not just gonna give up and break down in all sanity right now. I'm sitting in this darkness and I can't forget. Even though the time we spent together, I was never able to submit. It's just another bitter story of a twisted tale of fate. I can't go back again. I can never go back again. She asked me to love me and I did. All these dead memories in my head. This other me that's inside me is dead. I can still hear his voice inside my head.'
More so, he began to lose it. He could smell his own sweat, hear his own heart beat pumping up, and he gripped his paws with absolute rage, hatred, and anger building their way inside of him. His muscles began to tighten up as he was at peaks strength, ready to release his rage once again.
"Soto, you son of a bitch! I swear to God if you even lay one claw on her, I'll kill you! You hear me?! You son of a bitch! I'LL KILL YOU!" He released his rage as he yelled outside of the cave entrance as if Soto were right there.
It was there that he was hoping that she didn't hear that. For all he knew, she could have been right around the corner of the cave.
'It would have scared her to death.' He thought as he ignored his pain as he lifted himself off the ground for the first time in what felt like ages. He slowly limped his way to the entrance and peered out, instantly feeling the light flakes of snow that covered the land. He looked in every direction his eyes could see.
'She's not here.' It was both a good thing and a bad thing.
'If she had heard that...' He thought, remembering how scared her eyes were. He knew that she was afraid of him whenever he did that.
"I just can't help it. There's just so much hatred and sickness enveloping me. God, I only feel like this when she's not here. That's why..." The sickness grew more stronger the more he thought about it.
"That's why I need her."
'She knows that already.' The familiar voice came back into his mind.
'My other self.'
"You seem to show up at the best times, you know?"
'Not really.'
Diego sighed as he lowered his head and focused on the entrance of the cave once again.
"You probably know what's on my mind. It's always obvious, isn't it?"
'That's in your world. But let me ask you something. Have you ever heard the phrase: You only want what you can't have?'
"That sure as hell seems to sum up my situation right now."
'Yes it does. And why is that?'
Diego grew more and more tired as his impatience grew stronger throughout the day.
"I need her."
'Most who need something tend to only want them. What you need right now is food. That's why you're so eager for her return.'
Just hearing the mentioning of her gave his eyes a puddle of tears.
"No. I absolutely need her. Without her, I'm not gonna make it."
'You can't bet your life on it.'
"I'll bet the devil himself on it."
'What do you mean by that?'
Diego sighed as he was so close to just collapsing and giving up right there.
"You know what I mean, Shulk." He said and instantly realized what he really said.
His voice didn't answer back. Diego figured that his voice left just like it did last time.
'…Shulk?'
Diego still didn't say anything.
'…Who is Shulk?'
"…A friend of mine."
'And what would this friend do if he were put in your situation?'
"He'd understand." Diego found this whole conversation to be going completely off topic. Yet, he just went with it.
"He'd understand that some must live and some must die. He understood that."
'And that is why…'
"What?"
'That is why he chose that path. He chose to die.'
"No." Diego's eyes widened.
'He chose foolishly.'
Diego didn't know how to respond.
'And that's the reason why I'm still not sure...'
"Not sure of what?"
'Why is life so bad?'
Diego felt as though life's giant puzzle had pieced itself together. As if he had a great epiphany and a sudden realization about all of his problems and how to fix them. But why would that happen?
"Shulk...I'm sorry." He said as he could feel his presence leaving him as he once again found himself alone both mentally and literally.
'Shira... I'm sorry. All of these misfortunes are my fault. For Shulk. For you. Even for Soto. I'm just getting in the way of everything. Sometimes it seems as though the world would be better off without me.'
He's always seen it that way. As far back as he could remember. Not once has someone ever told him, "I'm glad you're here, Diego." And even then, if someone were to tell him that, it'd be a cold day in hell before that were the truth.
'What truth is there in this world, anyways?'
His thoughts interrupted him as he began to hear a sound outside in the distance. He didn't move a muscle, he just remained where he was. So many debates took place in his mind at the moment, as it did for nearly anything. Should he go see what it is? Should he quietly leave and hope that what ever it is doesn't see him?
'What if it's Soto?'
Too much fear ran through his blood to take that risk. He saw it better off to just pray that it isn't Soto.
'Even if it is, what difference would it make? I'm better off dead anyways.' He thinks as he realized that Shira has been gone for almost the entire day.
'She can't be dead. She can't be. It seems so sudden. All the time that we spent together, and what it would lead up to. This can't possibly happen. She can't possibly die.'
"Shira. Please." He trembled her name as he lowered his head and buried it in the snow.
'I want her warmth by my side. I'm so cold. It's so cold. I'm sure she's cold too. Why did I let her go?' He started gritting his daggers together as he felt his heart feel like it was going to explode at any second now.
He was heartbroken.
'Why isn't she coming back? Was it something I did? Did she really love me?' He thought for a second, but knew that it wasn't true.
'She does. Everything we did. That much is obvious.' He still couldn't stop thinking about her.
"Shira, please come back."
There wasn't much more he could hope for. With nothing left to say to himself or think to himself, he laid his head down and slowly drifted off into sleep.
"I can't take this anymore, Diego! I've given you so many chances!" She screamed at him, absolute hatred and regret flowing through her. Veins on her beautiful fur coat were suddenly popping out. Most of her right rib cage was snapped out as she laid on the floor dying.
'No, Shira. I'll change. I promise.'
"Everything we've been through. Was that all suppose to be enough?" She kept screaming at him in the dead of night den. Her words were getting weaker and weaker as her pain grew stronger and stronger. Diego could hardly recognize her silver coat which was now covered in blood. Somehow, he knew that the blood was not her own.
He looked down at his paws which were now caked in blood as well. The sticky substance attempted to keep his paws together as he tried stretching them out.
"I'm... sorry." Was all that his trembling mouth could pathetically release as he bent down to taste his mate's blood.
"Sorry?!" She yelled out, causing Diego to jump back a bit. "Look at what you've done to me! Look at what you've done to him!" She said as she buried her head in the bloodied corpse below her.
"I had to do it."
Shira looked up at him with tears of anger around her eyes. Sorrow. Hopelessness. An elegy of emptiness could be heard throughout the cave as she continued to cry more and more. The smell of blood in the cave became stronger than any amount of dead animal corpses could make.
"You could have prevented all of this!"
"You know me damn well enough. I could never amount to anything! What makes you think I can help anyone? Especially you!"
It was there that she knew that his mate had betrayed her. Just like Soto had betrayed her. Just hearing her mate talk to her that way completely broke her as she started screaming her head off and cussing at Diego until he finally put an end to it as he jumped onto Shira and lifted his claws up, ready to begin his messy work.
The power that you seek is within you. Your obsession that you possess so dearly will do nothing but stand in the way. You know of this power. It is the very thing that lies within your darkest desires and feelings. By obtaining this power, you will see the suffering that all of your desires will endure.
Only hatred and fear was seen in her eyes before the blood strolled down.
Diego woke up, sweat dripping from every pore of his body. Feeling a bit light headed as well, he took a couple deep breaths before finally seeing his fuzzy vision adjust to the world of reality.
What he dreamed of. Just what he saw.
'Were they reflections of my life staring back at me? What I saw in my own dreams . Their always there. Those evil images that twist my mind and bring me into despair.'
But was it just a dream?
"It couldn't have been..." He thought as he began to get up, firstly noticing the hideously disgusting stench from the puddle of sweat below him.
"My nightmares are just getting worse and worse."
Secondly, he noticed that his wounds were not hurting as much as they use to. It all seemed just way too sudden for him. The other day he was nearly dead, if anything. But it's all too typical.
'Life is moving way too fast for me.'
He still couldn't believe his dream, if he could even call it that. Was it just a dream?
"What if it was a vision? It felt more like a prediction. Like it'll actually happen. But it can't. It was only just a dream. It had to have been."
Whether it was a dream or not, it scared the hell out of him. It made him want her back in his warmth that much more. It was as if he could feel her delicate pelt brush up against his own. He felt such a strong connection that he could almost feel like she was there with him.
What still made him confused was the meaning of the nightmare. He couldn't seem to interpret it.
'Nightmares are everywhere these days, it seems.' He thought as he sighed and rested his head back down.
'If she isn't back within another hour, I'm going out to look for her.'
What worried him was that it might already be too late. It could have been several hours ago that something may have happened.
'I am in better condition than what I use to be in.' He thought to himself as he made his decision.
'I'm gonna go look for her.'
As he got up to go search for her, he could have sworn that his eyes were playing tricks on him.
Outside the trenched in cave, he saw that picture of absolute heaven. He saw his savior. His very answer he's been praying for since he was left in this cave. He couldn't help but smile as she did the same.
