A/N: As I said on my livejournal account. I had FAR too much fun making Kousei squirm. And Satome is "teh awesomesauce". Which you really see in the next couple chapters, but she gets some attention here.
Be warned, the warm fuzzies are going to go into hiding for a few chapters. This chapter starts the Kouichi-meeting-his-father buildup. Which has to start with Kouji telling his father he knows about the lies...
It was only when the sun had drifted low enough on the horizon to shine directly into his eyes that Kouji noticed how late it was getting. He vaguely remembered Takuya and the others calling their goodbyes some time ago, heading to their own homes and families.
He had been having far too much…fun wasn't the right word, but he felt too happy to want to leave just yet.
"Oh my! Look at the time!"
Kouji watched as his brother looked up from the photo album at their mother's exclamation. Tomoko was staring at her watch in faint shock. Kouichi looked at her and then glanced at the sun before making the connection and his own eyes widened. The elder twin turned towards Kouji, looking concerned.
"Don't you need to be home for dinner?" he asked. Kouji made a face, trying not to resent time itself for intruding on this long-awaited reunion.
"Dinner won't be for another couple hours, but yeah, I should probably head home soon."
Tomoko smiled faintly, some unidentified emotion somewhere between longing and resentment lurking in her eyes. "Then go on home, Kouji. I don't want your father to worry about you."
Kouji shifted, uncomfortable, and stood up. His mother hadn't mentioned his father this entire afternoon. The only times she had come close where when she had come across a photo that depicted not only Kouji at a younger age, but his father as well. She would stare at the picture, momentarily silent, and open her mouth as if to say something, and then close it without a word spoken. It was making him nervous about what had happened to cause his parents to get a divorce. It also made him guiltily glad she had never asked if his father knew where he was today.
It was hard saying goodbye, but Tomoko smiled and hugged him and made him promise to visit as often as he wanted. Then she had backed off, letting the twins say goodbye on their own.
"Well," Kouichi said, "I guess I'll see you later? Tomorrow?"
Kouji shifted his weight from foot to foot, recalling Junpei's words from earlier that day. He'd had his reunion, and even now Kouichi wasn't pushing for his own. That wasn't fair. The younger twin squared his shoulders and gave a slow nod to his brother.
"I'll call if I can't come, but yeah." He glanced away briefly, and then locked gazes with Kouichi. "I'll talk to Dad tonight. You ought to get to meet him, like I did with Mom today."
Kouichi's blue eyes were round and startled. Kouji grinned a little bit. "I mean, I know we can't really surprise him like we did Mom. I don't have any convenient opportunities coming up to get him by himself in a park…"
Kouichi laughed, shoving his brother playfully. "Wise guy. Mom gets off work at seven tomorrow, okay?"
"I'll call, at the very least."
"I know you will." Kouichi hesitated before he continued. "And Kouji…thanks. For…Dad and…I know it makes you nervous-"
Kouji snorted. "Yes, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't ever get to meet him." His eyes lost focus for a moment, pondering. "I don't know when it'll be, but I'll try to make it soon, okay? We might have to wait for a weekend, to make sure he doesn't have work that day."
"That's fine."
There was really nothing more to say after that, and the twins parted ways. Kouji left the park and felt his happy and contented mood evaporate with each step he took away from his twin and his mother.
How was he supposed to even begin talking about this to his father? There was so much about this entire situation that made him mad, and as Junpei had made him see earlier, there was so much that he didn't feel had an explanation. None that would justify the lies anyway. And there was so much that he just didn't know, as well.
Kouji knew his father had lied about his mother and about Kouichi, but what about Satome-san? Had she known? Or had…
Or had Dad lied to her as well? Somehow, Kouji couldn't make himself believe his father wouldn't have lied to his wife too. What was the difference, really? He had gotten rid of most traces of his first wife. If not for the picture on Kouji's nightstand, and a wedding portrait Kouji had found buried in a trunk in the attic when he was ten, he might never have known what his mother actually looked like.
And there was no trace of Kouichi in the house. There were a few suspicious pictures of a dark-haired infant, carefully tucked into corners where they wouldn't be remarked upon, that had initially drawn Kouji's attention in his search for pictures for his mother's present.
They were the only pictures in the house without labels on the back, telling who and where. But Kouji didn't know how to tell the difference between himself and his brother as infants, so he had left the pictures alone, the suspicion ever in the back of his mind.
"Did you have fun with your friends, Kouji?"
"Huh?" Kouji looked up, startled, to find that his feet had taken him through the necessary steps to get home without conscious thought. How he had managed to go through two bus stops and a subway connection without realizing it, he wasn't quite sure. But it had apparently happened since here he was, standing in the front hall of his home, with his step-mother smiling at him from the connecting doorway to the kitchen. "Oh…um, yeah, I had fun."
"I'm glad, Kouji. You haven't spent much time with your peers lately." Satome smiled again and turned to go back into the kitchen and return to the dinner preparations. Kouji suddenly found himself wanting nothing more than to avoid thinking about what would happen when his father got home. He had to have that conversation, but he didn't know how and he needed to know if Satome-san knew about Kouichi and his mother, but he didn't know how to ask in case she didn't and why did he always get himself into these types of situations lately. This was exactly what had landed him in another world, not thinking before he leapt because he just didn't want to think about his father or his step-mother or…
"Do you want some help?"
Satome turned back to blink at him in astonishment and Kouji flushed and muttered some excuse about being useful. She must have accepted it, because she just smiled again and informed him he could wash the vegetables if he really wanted to help.
Maybe doing something with his hands could help him forget about the pain of knowing his father had lied to him, even if only for a little bit.
He'd think about what to say to his father later.
Hopefully he'd have his emotions sorted out before his father came home. If he didn't…well, Kouji didn't want to think about the argument that would cause.
It was hardly the first time Kouji had helped her in the kitchen, though the last time he had done so willingly he had been nine-years-old and ecstatic about having a "mommy" again, even if she wasn't really Mommy. But now, nearly three years later, it had become so rare for Kouji to spend time in her presence willingly that Satome had stared for a moment when Kouji had offered to help her in preparing dinner. The young boy had flushed and muttered something about being useful and not thinking for a little while.
Satome was certain she hadn't been meant to hear that part. So she pretended she hadn't and set her step-son to the task of cleaning the vegetables she was planning on steaming for dinner. If he needed to talk, he would do it in his own time.
She could be patient.
Patience lasted through two peppers, a cucumber and part of a mushroom. By the time Kouji had moved on to cleaning the dirtied utensils and bowls they wouldn't need later, the young boy had made five aborted attempts at speech and Minamoto Satome finally gave into curiosity and frustration.
She set her knife down suddenly and let the mushroom she had been slicing topple as it liked to the cutting board. Turning, she propped her hands on her hips and fixed Kouji with a stern stare.
"You have never been shy about expressing yourself, Kouji. Just what is bothering you so much you can't decide how to start the conversation?"
Startled blue eyes blinked at her before Kouji glanced away, not quite able to hide the slight scowl on his face in time. Satome felt her heart clench. She had been so sure Kouji was finally coming around to her presence in his life, but the last few days he had been bouncing back and forth from the shyly sweet boy who had offered her flowers last week to the brooding and angry child he had been before then. Satome had no idea what had caused such a conflict in her step-son and she was beginning to be desperately worried.
"It's…I just…" Kouji made a strangled sound in the back of his throat, dropping the bowl he'd been washing back into the sink with a plop and turning away from her completely, fists clenching at his sides. "I have to…talk to Dad about something. And…I don't know how."
That was so far from what she had expected that Satome didn't know what to say for a few moments. It wasn't her he was angry at this time? Kouji seemed to wind himself even tighter as her silence stretched and the woman finally shook her head in a self-admonishing gesture. Kouji needed guidance, and however clumsily he was doing it, he was asking her for help.
What kind of parental figure would she be if she didn't at least try to help him?
"Sit down, Kouji," she told him quietly, already moving to gather what she needed. "Preparing dinner can wait."
Hesitant footsteps and the scrape of a kitchen chair against the tile told her Kouji had obeyed just as she set the tea on to boil. Adjusting the heat to the proper temperature, she nodded and turned to her step-son, feeling her heart constrict further at the way he was staring at the table-top as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.
Kouji had always reacted better to being treated as an equal. Satome pulled out a chair next to the young boy and folded her arms on the table just as his were, forming something like a rectangle with her body and arms.
"What's wrong, Kouji?" she asked quietly. "You've been tense for a few days now." Satome cocked her head, trying to figure out what might possibly be bothering her step-son. "You know your father would never refuse to help you with your problems."
Kouji made a sound that wasn't quite a snort and wasn't quite a sob, but was somewhere in between. "That's…that's the problem. He…he didn't…and he said that she…I don't know how to start the conversation!"
Satome frowned. The problem was that Kousei would do anything for his son? He said that who did what?
"Kouji…" she frowned, a thought coming hesitantly to the front of her mind. There was only one she Kouji ever got this worked up over. "Are you…is this about your mother?"
The sudden stillness next to her was more than answer enough. Satome sighed, running a hand through her hair. The kettle whistled at that moment and Satome gratefully took the excuse to escape the table for a few moments. She needed time to think.
What would Kousei have told his son about Tomoko-san that would make the boy so confused and angry? Or…what he didn't say? Kouji's disjointed sentences had seemed to imply that he wanted to talk about something his father had told him that apparently wasn't quite what Kouji thought it had been.
But what?
Satome loved Kousei deeply. He was everything she'd ever wanted in a husband, even with that attitude he had sometimes, that said he knew best about everything, no matter another's opinion on what was right. It was entirely likely he'd told his son some fact about his birth mother, in one of those moods, that Kouji had found out wasn't quite true. And Kouji idolized his mother. It would be devastating to such a young boy to realize his mother – and his father, for that matter – was human, with all the potential for fault that came with it.
Coming back to the table, she set a cup of tea in front of Kouji and settled back into her seat with her own cup. Kouji seemed to be unable to decide if he should look at her or stare at his tea while he waited for it to cool enough to drink.
"Kouji, please look at me."
It was only a slight tilting of his head, but he was looking up at her. She'd take what she could get.
"You've been very…interested…in something, since last week. And for the past few days, you've been tense. I'm only guessing, but…have you been trying to find more information on your mother?"
Kouji's lips quirked into a sardonic smile. "You could say that."
Satome nodded. "You found something you didn't expect, didn't you?"
"…yeah." Kouji fiddled with his cup, glancing between the swirling liquid and his step-mother's face. "And…Dad never said anything about…this thing I found out. And I want to ask him why he never said anything, but I don't know how to ask. And I shouldn't even be saying this to you…it's him I need to talk to first-"
Kouji's words faded into the background as Satome stared down at her own cup, remembering a conversation she'd had with Kousei, not long before he'd proposed. His words had shocked her to the core and made her desperately want to hold a then seven-nearly-eight-year-old Kouji close and promise nothing would ever hurt him again…
"Satome, I need you to listen, before you say anything, okay?"
"Of course. But what's bothering you so much, Kousei? I've never seen you this nervous before."
Kousei gave her a sickly grin and gripped her hand tightly. She squeezed back, trying to lend him some of her own strength. This was obviously tearing him up, whatever it was.
"It's…You've met Kouji, and he…I mean…you know I was married before. Of course you know that. Kouji wouldn't be here otherwise…It's just…" Kousei gave a strangled laugh and looked back to her curious and worried eyes. "I never thought I'd have to have this conversation with anyone. I guess I've never really thought how to tell someone."
Satome smiled gently at the nervous man, feeling her heart swell with love. This. This bumbling, awkward but sincere man was the one she loved. His calm, put-together public persona…she loved that part of him too, but she truly felt cherished, when Kousei let his masks drop and let her in like this. She scooted as close as she dared to him, trying to walk the thin line between propriety and comfort. "Start at the beginning," she suggested.
"The beginning…" Kousei's eyes lost focus and he glanced almost unconsciously to the hallway that led to his son's room. Kouji had been put to bed not long before. He likely wasn't even asleep yet, stubbornly refusing to admit he was tired, in that way all young children had. They never did seem to realize that morning came faster if they went to sleep. "If things had been different…Satome." Kousei turned back to her, face composed again. "You know I lost Tomoko when Kouji was three."
That had been another conversation that had started with a nervous and uncertain Kousei. Satome had a faint feeling of unease. What else could he tell her that would be as bad as his beloved wife's death?
"What I haven't said…mostly because there are so few times we're together without Kouji around and I don't want to remind him…Satome, when I…lost Tomoko. I also lost a son."
Confusion swirled around Satome. She glanced in her own turn down the hallway that held Kouji's room and then back to Kousei. He shook his head.
"Not Kouji. What I haven't said…it's been painful, nearly as painful as losing Tomoko was, maybe more. Satome, Kouji had a twin."
The young woman reeled backwards, her hand slipping out of Kousei's in shock. "A twin?" she whispered.
Kousei nodded, fingering the cuff of one of his sleeves, not meeting her eyes. "His name was Kouichi. He was born a few minutes before Kouji was." A nostalgic and pain filled smile crossed his face. "They weren't inseparable, but it was so rare to see either of them more than five feet from his brother. They were like all infants and toddlers. They fought, but it never lasted long." Pained blue eyes slipped closed and Kousei's hands clenched into fists. "But…I lost Kouichi the same day I lost Tomoko."
Oh. Oh. Suddenly everything made so much more sense. She never had known why Kousei always seemed sad on his son's birthday, but for Kouji to have had a twin… Tomoko slipped her arms around Kousei in a supporting hug, propriety be hanged. This sort of pain should never go unanswered. And who had Kousei had to share his grief with? A toddler who wouldn't have been able to understand the meaning of death?
"He…Kouji…he didn't understand. He always asked me. Where's Mama? Where's Kouichi? I…for so long I didn't know how to answer him. And then when he – he stopped asking. I was afraid to bring it up, in case he really had forgotten. He was young enough. Without them here every day, to remind him...At least Kouji could have the mercy of not remembering…"
Blinking back to the present, Satome eyed Kouji, judging his restless movement and the turmoil swirling in his eyes whenever she managed to catch his gaze. Familiar turmoil, slightly different than Kousei's had been, those three long years ago, but still so similar…
"You found out about Kouichi," she stated plainly, slightly amused at the panicked way his eyes zeroed in on her face. "Oh, calm down, Kouji," she told him, trying desperately not to smile. His expression was amusing, but this was not a laughing matter. He'd just found out he'd lost a brother, a twin he didn't even remember and his father had kept that from him. It would be hard for Kouji to understand it had been for the best.
"You knew?"
Kouji's betrayed exclamation made Satome pull back slightly, confused.
"Of course, Kouji. You father told me just before you turned eight." She leaned forward, trying to connect with the suddenly furious looking young boy. "I know you must feel angry with your father, but try to understand. It would have been cruel to tell you of something, of someone, you could never meet again. I'm sure now that you know, your father would be willing to share stories about when you two were little." She reached a tentative hand to rest on her step-son's shoulder, not quite understanding where this incandescent rage was coming from. "But you have to see it would have been pointless to tell you-"
"Pointless to tell me about what?" Kouji snarled, jerking away from her and out of the chair. "Pointless to tell me I have a brother? A twin? What gave him the right to keep that from me? Kouichi is my twin! And Mom! He lied to me and he – he said she was – and she's not-"
Kouji was trembling with anger, and he turned away from her. Satome frowned at him. She hadn't thought finding out about his twin would make him hallucinate. He was old enough to understand what death meant and he was so ruthlessly practical most of the time. "Kouji…I know this is hard. You don't remember him and you don't even have the option of getting to know him, anymore. But you have to accept that it did happen. He's gone, Kouji-"
Kouji turned to look at her, a different sort of anger swirling in his eyes now. His trembling had stopped and for some reason Satome couldn't pin down, her eleven-year-old step-son suddenly seemed dangerous.
"So, he lied to you to."
Before Satome could question this perplexing statement, the sound of the front door opening reached them. Both of them froze in place as Kousei's cheerful "I'm home!" reached them. Footsteps sounded in the front hall, along with Yoshi's ecstatic barks.
"Satome? Kouji? Is anyone home?"
From the moment Kousei had been greeted with a house silent but for Yoshi's delirious barking, he knew something was wrong. Satome at least should be home, and she was usually making dinner at this time.
Stepping out of his shoes, he absently bent to pet Yoshi's head, momentarily quelling the barking. His concern couldn't be held back, however, and he straightened far sooner than Yoshi wanted.
"Satome?" he called, starting towards the kitchen. His wife had said she was going to spend time at her sister's today. Maybe she had extended her visit? Midori-san was only a few weeks away from her wedding. She may have wanted her sister's advice on the realities of marriage. "Kouji?" But then she would have called, so he would know dinner was his responsibility for the night. Satome never forgot things like that. "Is anyone home?"
There was still no answer. Stepping into the kitchen, Kousei wasn't expecting anyone and so was startled when he walked into a tense tableau.
His son stood three or four paces from the kitchen table, the chair he had been using sitting cockeyed in a way that suggested Kouji hadn't paid much attention to where it went as he shoved away from the table. Satome still sat in her own seat, though her arms were tensed on the table as if she had been in the act of standing when he interrupted them.
But it was their expressions that really arrested his movement and stilled his tongue.
Kouji's expression was such a mix of anger, betrayal and confusion that it was painful to look at. Satome was confused and apprehensive, eyeing his son as if she didn't recognize him anymore.
What had happened while he had been at work?
From somewhere, he managed to recover his ability for speech. "Satome, Kouji," he greeted cautiously. "Is something wrong?"
Kouji started laughing, but it wasn't a pleasant sound. It was bitter and pained and Kousei winced to hear it. Satome shot him a pleading look. I don't know what's wrong, her eyes said. He moved to stand by her at the table and she stood to lean into him briefly.
"He knows about Kouichi now, dear," she whispered before meeting his eyes. "But...he doesn't seem to understand what really happened. He thinks Kouichi is alive."
Kousei felt his heart freeze. His son's bitter laughter suddenly completely understandable: to him anyway, even if not to his wife. He closed his eyes and tried not to hyperventilate. How this had happened would have to wait. Right now, he had to control the damage.
Starting with his son.
"Kouji," he said firmly, gently squeezing his wife's shoulders in reassurance before moving away from her. "Kouji, son, you need to calm down. Breathe, please-"
"Calm down?" Kouji managed to get out, slowly stilling his laughter. "Calm down?" As the laughter disappeared, a grim young man stood in his son's place and Kousei found himself wishing for the laughter again. "You…you…after everything you've ever told me. Everything you've lied about to me. Why should I calm down?"
The truly frightening thing was that Kouji said all of that without yelling, Kousei reflected distantly. Most of his attention was trying to split itself between his furious son and his confused wife. Kousei took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"I can explain, Kouji-"
The snort was welcome because it was a normal reaction from his son. The grimly focused young man couldn't be Kouji. There was no way he could have missed his own son growing up that much.
"Then explain it. I can't promise I'll believe any of it." Kouji's eyes tracked to his step-mother and some of the stiffness drained from his stance. "I…M – I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pull you into my problems."
Kousei heard Satome blow out an exasperated breath behind him and suddenly wondered if the best place to be right now was between his son and his wife. If there was anything more guaranteed to anger Satome, it was implying she didn't care about her family, by blood or otherwise.
"Kouji, I'm your step-mother. I care about you. Even if you weren't my husband's son, I would care about you. So I don't want to hear anything else about being sorry for "dragging" me into "your" problems. This is a family and members of any family do not deal with problems alone."
Kouji's expression didn't soften in understanding. If anything, it got harder. He shook his head at his step-mother and Kousei couldn't help tensing slightly when Kouji turned back to him. "I don't agree with you. We aren't a family, because families don't keep secrets from each other. And from what you've said, Dad has been lying to you as much as he has to me." Hard blue eyes glared straight at Kousei, and the father knew he had been caught right in his own tangle of lies and half-truths.
He hadn't imagined it would ever hurt this much.
"We need to talk, Dad."
A/N2: I originally started this with Satome's POV, wondering just what's gotten into Kouji while they make dinner. And then I realized that as fun as the "outsider's" POV was, I'd skipped a rather crucial transition. Kouji was happy and content at the end of the last chapter. And now he's three words away from the same anger he had at the beginning of DF? So, I backed up and took the oportunity to explore his thoughts a little and had him realize some things. Most importantly, though, was the revelation that he might not have been the only one Kousei lied to. THEN I could go back to Satome and Kouji's conversation, and Kousei's interruption.
As for Satome being there when Kouji starts this conversation with his father...well, there really was never going to be a good way for her to find out. And with Kouji as confused and frustrated as he was when he got home, he needed someone to talk to that wasn't his father and she was there and maybe possibly also tangled in the same web of lies as he was. And she is. Just not the same web, exactly.
Do I sympathize with Kousei? Oh yes. He lost a woman he loved to divorce and his son to the court's decision. Do I agree with his lies and half-truths? Absolutely not. Is this the entirety of his reasons for lying to Kouji and Satome? XD Of course not. Why should all of it come out now?
Next chapter will likely be Kouji and Kousei attempting to have a productive conversation, while Satome realizes some of what Kouji's already put together. Possibly we will see some of Kouichi and Tomoko, but probably only a little snippet if they do show up next chapter.
So? What'd you guys think?
