I talk to you as to a friend.
I hope that's what you've come to be
It feels as though we've made amends
Like we found a way eventually
Sway –The Perishers-
.
"So are you finally going to tell me what you decided to do about Matt?" Stefan asked Caroline while they were pretending to watch the movie in front of them. She had insisted on having a Saw marathon and to be truly honest he was bored after the second film.
"Well I haven't decided anything yet." Caroline said while biting her nail as her eyes were glued to the horrible scenes on the screen.
She and Stefan had been going out a lot lately, she wanted him to be comfortable around people again, to be the Stefan who wasn't in so much pain, and apparently she was doing pretty well since he had been sober for the last week and even though his eyes were still sad at moments he was slowly putting himself back together.
"What do you mean you haven't decided? You can't be encouraging both of them, you know." He said while taking the control and pressing pause to the movie, he'd had enough of jigsaw for a lifetime. He turned around on the couch so he was now facing her.
"It's just I really don't know what to do," Caroline said exasperatedly. "I'm really scared."
Caroline had been going out with Matt these last few weeks and it had been so easy to fall back into old patterns, when they were together it was as if all the time they were apart didn't exist, but of course she had a boyfriend named Klaus which made everything so much more difficult, she really liked him and she had no idea what to do about her feelings.
"Scared of what?"
"Of Matt."
"You know he's not a serial killer."
"I know that you dumbass, but what if things don't work out again and we ruin our friendship again?" Caroline said with a frown, that was her greatest fear, taking a chance on them only to have it backfire on her, she'd rather have Matt in her life as a friend than not have him in it at all.
"But what if it does work out?" Stefan said with a small smile.
"Well anyway I still have a boyfriend you know, I can't do this to Klaus."
"Don't you think it's worse if you stay with him without loving him?" he said with a raised brow.
"The thing is… I don't know how I feel." She said honestly. "Klaus is great and I really like spending time with him… you know we have lots of chemistry… but with Matt-"
"You have history."
"Yeah."
"Look Caroline, make your decision based on what you feel, don't let fear overrule you." He took her hand and squeezed it softly. "You deserve to be happy, if I could have another chance with-" He looked down not being able to say her name out loud. "I wouldn't doubt it."
"I know." Caroline said closing her eyes briefly. "God, my dramas are so superficial, let's stop talking about me, how are you?"
"I don't think your dramas are superficial Care, we have what we have and your life is important to me." He said with a smile. "And I have to say that thanks to you I'm doing pretty well lately, it's become easier to breathe."
"I'm glad to know I'm helping you." She squeezed his hand like he did to her seconds ago.
"Now the thing that is worrying me is Damon." He said with a concerned expression on his face.
"Don't talk to me about that asshole."
"Caroline-"
"No, I don't want to hear anything about him again." She released her hand from Stefan's grasp. "He has done nothing more than hurt us, look at what he did with that April bitch!"
"He's confused Caroline; you have no idea about all the things that happen in Damon's mind."
"And you do?" she asked him sardonically.
"Maybe we just need to give him a chance." He said apologetically.
"We've done nothing more than give him chances." She huffed.
"But you still care about him?"
"Of course, I'm always gonna care about him… he was my friend." Caroline said with sad eyes. "It's just- can we stop talking about him, I want to keep watching the movie."
"Okay, as you wish." He smiled sadly before pressing play again.
He was really hating this movie.
I look at you and see a friend
I hope that's what you wanna be
Are we back now where it all began?
Have you finally forgiven me?
.
"We need to talk." He said, his poker face not giving her a clue about what he wanted to say to her, but she knew that if he said 'last night was a mistake' she was surely going to lose it right there.
"Okay." She said softly and sat in front of him at his small kitchen table. "About what?"
She was only wearing one of his shirts and her hair fell curly and disheveled around her shoulders and there was no sexier sight than that one, which made everything so much more difficult for him.
"It's about Katherine." Elena felt his stomach constrict the minute the words left his mouth, was he going to tell her that he was still in love with Katherine?
"What about her?" she tried to sound as nonchalant as she could.
"She came to me because she had some info on my father." Damon took a deep breath.
"Info about what?" Elena asked, genuinely interested now.
"She handed me some documents that proved that my father has been committing fraud in the company for a very very long time." Even as he said the words he still couldn't believe it, he never thought his father could be this kind of a monster.
"Oh my God Damon, are you sure? How do you know it's not something she orchestrated?" It wasn't crazy to think that Katherine was setting everything up, after all she did everything for her own enjoyment.
"I don't think so Lena, I checked the papers myself… no matter how much I wish it wasn't true - it is." Damon took a deep breath. "But I also have my doubts which is why Alaric is coming this afternoon to go through everything."
"God I cannot believe this, I always thought your father took his job very seriously."
"He does," Damon said sardonically. "But that's not all…"
"What is it Damon?" Elena asked with a frown, she saw all the blood run out of his face and was really concerned about the next words that would come out of his mouth.
"There was someone who found out about what my father was doing… and they were going to out him." Damon gripped the table hard until the point where his knuckles were turning white, how could he say this to her? This would break her.
"Who?"
"Your father Elena." He wasn't able to meet her eyes, he couldn't see the rejection and disgust on her face. "He knew which is why my father had to stop him."
"What are you saying Damon?"
"I'm saying that Giuseppe Salvatore was responsible for your parents death."
"No, no, that's not possible." She got up from the chair and started pacing around the kitchen. "Tell me that isn't true Damon."
"I'm sorry Elena."
"And you didn't tell me! Yesterday you didn't-"
"I was trying to but you didn't let me-"
"Oh so now it's my fault!" she let out a sardonic laugh.
"No that's not what I mean-"
"Oh my God." She covered her mouth with her hand as the tears started to stream down her face. "Maybe she's lying, Katherine is lying."
"No, Elena, she was really scared."
"Scared of what?! That woman doesn't have any feelings!" she said between sobs.
"He hurt her too, Katherine was pregnant."
"What?" Her eyes almost bulged out of their sockets. "Was the baby-?"
"Not mine, it was my father's… he hurt her… he made her lose the baby." If someone told him two weeks ago that he would be saying those words he wouldn't have believed it, no matter how many times he'd hurt him or how angry he'd gotten with him, Giuseppe was his father and he loved him. But not today, today he couldn't love him.
"No, no. Oh God, this can't be true!" Elena said gripping her hair with despair. "It's like something coming out of a movie."
"I know, but it's the truth."
"I need to leave, I need to." She started looking around for her clothes like a mad woman.
"No, please." Damon got up and gripped her shoulders tightly, forcing her to stay still. "Please, don't be mad at me."
"Oh Damon." Her watery eyes stared at him with compassion. "Why would I be mad at you? None of this is your fault." She sobbed and he held her tightly, her cries muffled against his bare chest while her hands gripped him tightly.
"I'm so sorry Lena." He murmured against her hair.
"I can't believe this, I can't."
"I know, I know." He whispered softly while stroking her hair.
"Why do bad things keep happening to us?"
"I don't know." He stated honestly, maybe he wasn't meant to be happy.
"What are we gonna do now?" Her voice was barely audible.
"Now we're gonna put him in prison." His voice was hard and full of determination.
"But he's your father." Her broken brown eyes stared at him. "I can't ask you to-"
"And he's a murderer; he has to pay for his crimes." He stroked her cheek softly. "I owe this to you."
She nodded while another torrent of sobs took hold of her body and he held her just like he did the night her parents died.
I don't wanna hurt you
I don't wanna make you sway
Like I know, I've done before
I will not do it anymore
.
Elena looked around and had a sense of claustrophobia she couldn't explain, she wanted to go to Paris she really did but she couldn't help that feeling in the pit of her stomach that kept telling her she was leaving something important behind, because of course she was.
"Promise you'll call the minute you arrive." Jenna said anxiously.
"Even if it's late here, we don't mind." Jeremy said before giving her a strong hug. "I'll miss you a lot sis."
"Me too Jer." Elena said in a broken voice. "Gosh you guys are making me cry!"
"And please shower, I heard French people don't shower." Matt said with worry on his face which made everyone around start to laugh, leave it to him to lighten the mood.
All of the people she loved were here to say goodbye to her, Jeremy, Jenna, Bonnie and Tyler, Caroline and Matt, Stefan and Rebekah, everyone except one. Her best friend.
"I'm gonna miss you guys so much!" Elena whined.
"We're gonna miss you too Lena." Bonnie said wiping a tear from her eye.
"Promise to call us often please," Caroline said with tears down her face. "I don't know what we're gonna do without you."
"Things won't be the same." Rebekah said with her eyes full of tears.
"You guys!" Elena said between sobs.
"Here come the waterworks." Tyler said with a small smile.
This goodbye had a bitter taste to it, it's not the way she had wanted it but she couldn't help but feel grateful for all of the amazing people in her life, she had been blessed with friends like this. One by one they started to say goodbye, giving her hugs and things to remember them by, telling her encouraging words, that everything would be okay and that they would miss her dearly.
It was only when Stefan held her that she felt like her heart was breaking. "I'm so sorry Lena." He whispered in her ear. "He still loves you, I know." And she wanted to believe him, she really did but after everything she just couldn't fathom that idea. She had to let go of him even though it hurt her.
"Au revoir." She said to her friends before crossing the gate, the tears were now streaming freely down her face. She was leaving so much behind, her friends, her life, her love, her heart.
Unknown to her there was a pair of blue eyes looking at her in the distance; they had been watching her since the moment she arrived at the airport. He watched her cry, laugh and say goodbye all while trying to be strong and not run to her, tell her to stay, that he loved her. But she deserved better, she deserved to reach her dreams, he wasn't going to stop her from doing it. He could never forgive himself if her dreams crumbled down because of him.
So he watched her leave, watched the love of his life disappear behind the gates while a silent tear fell from his eye, he had to do the right thing by her, and that was letting her go.
.
I've always been a dreamer
I've had my head among the clouds
But now that I'm coming down
Won't you be my solid ground?
.
She sat on her couch with her knees propped up against her chest in an attempt to keep herself whole, she felt like at any minute she would crumble down into the floor.
"Ric said he'll be here in an hour." Damon said walking into the living room. They called Ric and told him to meet with them at her apartment instead of Damon's because she needed a shower and some new clothes, he hadn't wanted to get her involved in all of this but she insisted, it was her parents death after all.
"That's okay." She whispered softly.
"Are you all right?" he sat down next to her and stroked softly at her damp hair.
"Why did you leave me Damon? Why did you do all those cruel things to me?" she never looked so tiny and fragile as she did in that moment and Damon hated himself for doing that to her.
"I don't know."
"You don't know?" she gave him a hard glare.
"I guess I was trying to push you away, I wanted you to leave me… because I was never going to be strong enough to do it… I wanted you to hate me." His blue eyes stared deeply into hers and for a moment Elena saw the fragile boy he really was.
"But why? What did I do to make you want that?" Elena asked.
"Don't you get it Lena? It was never about you… it was always about me." He looked down and stroked her knee softly. "I didn't want you to be my mother, doomed to spend forever with a man like me."
"But Damon you are nothing like your father, haven't you realized that?" Elena told him softly.
"But I am Elena, even she knew that." He gripped her knee tightly as if to make her understand. "Days before she died, she told me that I was just like him… that I hurt people." Elena shook her head in disbelief, she couldn't imagine Alessandra saying something like that to her own child. "And well she must be really proud… because that's exactly what I am, I'm just like him."
"No, you're not. Your mother was wrong Damon. You are nothing like him." She said in a hard voice, she couldn't stand him saying those words, to underestimate himself so much.
"And I thought that if I pushed you enough, you would leave just like everyone did." He said choosing to ignore her early comment. "Stefan had Rebekah, my dad wasn't ever really there and my mom left us, I thought that you would leave too."
"Damon your mother didn't leave you, she died. It wasn't her decision." She leaned forward to be closer to him.
"But it was Elena." His voice broke down and she felt his chest constrict at the sound. "My mother killed herself, she didn't want to stay with us."
"No, your mother had a heart attack." Elena said confused.
"That's what my father and the doctors agreed to say, Giuseppe Salvatore couldn't be involved in a scandal like that." Damon said with bitterness. "I was the one who found her."
"Oh God Damon," Elena took his hands between hers and squeezed them softly. "Does Stefan know about this?"
"No, no. And he can't know, especially now." Elena could see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes, the last time she saw him cry was after his mother's death.
"You have been carrying with you that secret for all these years." Elena shook her head softly, she didn't think that anyone could have known all the things going on inside Damon's head.
"I had to; I couldn't hurt my brother by telling him the truth," he said firmly. "I had to protect him."
"And who was protecting you?" Elena said softly before leaning down and placing a soft kiss onto his cheek. He took the chance and wrapped his arms around her, forcing her to sit on his lap.
"But you didn't leave me." He whispered absently and Elena forgot for a moment what they were discussing before his revelation. "You stayed with me even after all the things I did to you… and the more you loved me in spite of that the more angry I got, and then I saw the letter from Elle."
"And you saw a way out."
"I knew that going was going to make you happy but you wouldn't go if you knew I still loved you." Elena closed her eyes and breathed in his scent, could they move past this? Was there something to save in this relationship? "So I lied, I told you all those things… and you left."
"Damon-"
"I knew you would be better without me."
"But I wasn't." She admitted and lifted her head to stare into his blue eyes.
He let out a breath and kissed her on the lips, she was everything to him. And right now he could feel a big weight being lifted off from his shoulders, they had no secrets anymore, and she knew about his mom, he wasn't alone anymore.
And in that moment he wondered if maybe he could be better, better than his father. Could he be what she needed? What she deserved?
