A/N: First of all, OH MY GOSH, if you want to see a far superior bit of fanart for this fic, please look up pajasekacka on deviantart! I'm tickled to pieces!

KING KARATHENIA: Thanks! :D I'm honored! ^_^

WarWhales: hehehehehe well... you're about to find out what he says to Raphael... *zips lips, points down to chapter*

Anonymous: LOL I'm glad you had the nice surprise of 3 new chaps :) Here's another!

Guys I can't believe this, but we're actually winding down. Only one more chapter after this one... so please enjoy, and thanks again for how successful you've all made this story. You're wonderful!


Chapter 12 – In Which John Makes a Decision

John's jaw was tight, eyes narrowed and wary. As he understood things, the fact that this Raphael character was an archangel meant that he was much more dangerous than Castiel, and yet John had dropped the angel blade into the hay, hiding it. If he ended up needing it, it'd be too late, anyway. The hunter's eyes flicked briefly to the tarp in the darkened corner of the far stall, satisfying himself that the halo beneath it was completely invisible and holding still.

He wasn't sure how long he should it expect it to take the mega-halo to show up, but the blinding flash of light filled the barn almost immediately, forcing John to hold up a hand to shield his eyes. When it died away, the same figure he'd seen in his dreams was standing before him, another halo at its side subserviently.

"Well," Raphael said with a smile, eyes narrow and cold. "I see you've decided to protect your sons after all. I knew you would make the right decision, John Winchester. You humans may be puny and weak, but at least you're predictable."

"Puny and weak?" John repeated, raising an eyebrow. Though his heart burned with hatred for this thing standing before him, his voice remained mild. "I don't know about that. Seems like it was my boys who managed to stop Lucifer." He grinned recklessly as Raphael's expression contorted with matching hatred. "Bet you didn't see that coming from us predictable humans."

The archangel stepped towards him, stance full of malice and threat. "Mind yourself, boy," it growled. "Don't imagine that you have nothing to lose. You have everything to lose, and I will take it from you without hesitation. Now where is Castiel? Give him to me now."

"And what would you do with him if you had him?" John asked, consciously reminding himself not to look towards the tarp that was hiding the halo. That would only betray Castiel's position, and John still needed some answers from Raphael before he was ready to make a decision. "You told me he was a traitor, that he'd tried to destroy the world."

"Because he is, and he did. What I have planned for him is none of your concern, but you may rest assured that he will suffer dearly for his sins. He won't be bothering your family anymore."

John studied Raphael, noting the expression of glee barely concealed in the archangel's dark features. One thing was certain: whatever Castiel's fate would be, Raphael would take great pleasure in carrying it out.

"Funny thing is," the hunter said slowly, "Sam and Dean seemed to have a different idea of things. Now don't get me wrong, I hate the halo. I hate all of you-"

"And you are not high on our lists either, John Winchester," Raphael interrupted with a smirk, though its words were colored with impatience. "Nor are your sons. But as I said, our business with Castiel is a family matter, none of your affair. Your job was to find your sons and the angel, and deliver him to us. Now where is he?"

"I wasn't finished," John informed the archangel, ice in his voice. The halo standing next to Raphael looked shocked, glancing quickly to its superior for a reaction. There was none, and John barreled on. "I don't like Castiel. But I'm starting to get the impression that you weren't entirely truthful with me. Hey, maybe it's none of my business… but you told me that if I handed Castiel over to you, you'd leave my boys alone." He smiled coolly, finishing, "So if I can't trust you… well, let's just say it kind of takes away my incentive. How do I know you'll honor your side of the deal?"

"You dare question me?!" The archangel drew itself up, the air flickering with a static electricity so powerful that John's hair was standing on end.

It took everything to keep his face carefully neutral, not showing the unease that he couldn't help but feel. John was torn. A huge part of him wanted to rip the tarp back and show Raphael the captured angel, to let it drag Castiel back to Heaven to do whatever it wanted.

Halos were not to be trusted, after all. But… another part of him just wasn't as sure anymore that it was actually as black and white as he'd always believed. Castiel did seem to be a traitor to these halos, but what had he actually rebelled against? And John couldn't forget what Castiel had said.

Being Dean and Sam's friend is more important than being an angel.

Not for you. I don't like you. But it's what's right.

I gave up everything that I was to save him.

It just didn't jive with what John knew of halos. Castiel spoke as though he'd made his choices of his own free will, choices that a monster wouldn't have made. It made no sense, just as it made no sense for Dean to actually threaten to leave with Sam and Castiel rather than obey a simple order.

"I warn you," Raphael growled when John didn't respond, "my patience is wearing thin. You were given more than enough time to capture Castiel while his attention was on Nimrod. Do you have him or not?"

The hunter paused to cant his head up towards the archangel, eyes betraying nothing. "How do you know about Nimrod?"

"Because I sent him to draw Castiel out! And I will not ask again! Where is he?!" Raphael demanded, voice rising. Its dark eyes flashed with an eerie white-blue light, thunder starting to rumble in the distance.

John could only stare, his mouth dropping open in spite of himself. "So you brought the Nephilim back?! You set that monster loose?! It killed six people-"

"You think I care about six insects?!" Raphael exploded. "I don't care what Nimrod had to do, I don't care if he killed the entire town, your job was to capture Castiel and give him to me!"

"Raphael…" the other halo suddenly murmured, looking oddly uncomfortable. "I… I didn't know you were going to raise Nimrod. Forgive me, but surely it isn't worth putting human lives at risk, to retrieve one fallen brother?"

With a burning glower of brightly lit eyes, the archangel turned on its companion, extending one hand. The halo was slammed down onto the ground, gasping out in pain as its blade clattered from its grip.

"You take orders from me," Raphael hissed. "Don't ever question me again. Not unless you want to find yourself in Castiel's shoes."

John watched as the halo looked away, silently nodding its head in obedience. Pathetic. The hunter felt no pity for it at all, but his heart contracted painfully as his mind flashed to Sam and Dean, who he had beaten down so similarly. This archangel would clearly do anything to accomplish its mission, and damn anything that got in the way. The only thing that mattered was the end result, and John felt cold; why could he relate so fully? He was nothing at all like this monster.

...Nothing like it.

The hunter's fists curled. He'd never laid a hand on his boys before tonight, not more than the usual ass whuppings for discipline's sake, or the endless training. It had killed him, knocking them out like that, leaving them cuffed and unconscious—and unprotected. He could still hear Dean, too, reminding him of all the times he'd left them alone as children, how it had hurt them. John had done what he'd had to; but, god, the cost was so high. Of course it was a hard decision, but this was justice.

Castiel was an angel, and he deserved to be punished for the human blood he'd spilled. And yet, John's conviction had led to his sons getting hurt – by his own hands. How could any ends be justified by such means?

Castiel had been telling the truth, this archangel would have killed Sam and Dean, had it found them. This hadn't just been a trap for the halo; it had been for all of them. And John would have walked straight into it, in the name of justice, to see Castiel gone. What had he done? In trying to protect his sons… he'd nearly gotten them killed, after first betraying them himself. Maybe… maybe he wasn't as fit to watch out for them as he'd thought.

"You, John Winchester," Raphael snarled, pointing at him imperiously. "You will tell me where Castiel is, or you and your sons will pay dearly for your interference!"

The hunter crossed his arms, now all the more relieved that he'd taken pains to hide the halo before calling Raphael. He'd suspected that if Castiel had been telling him the truth, the archangel would make it known. And so it had.

Finally, his decision was clear.

"Yeah, about that," John said easily. "That's what I called you here to tell you. I don't know where they are. They must have figured out what I was doing, because they took the halo and left. It'll take me some time to track them down again, and get Castiel alone. I'll call you as soon as I do."

The hunter turned to leave, ready to make his escape. He would come back to get Castiel out as soon as these two had left, then he'd go get Sam and Dean, and… well, he'd be lucky if they ever spoke to him again.

"Will you?"

Raphael's ice cold voice stopped John in his tracks, and the barn door blew closed so ferociously that it nearly snapped off. The hunter turned back with a raised eyebrow.

"What?"

The archangel's gaze narrowed on him, suspicious and furious. "Will you call, indeed? Or… is this your ruse to escape?"

John frowned. "Of course I'll call, I want it gone."

There was a long stretch of silence. The other halo stood in the background, uselessly looking between the two, but Raphael's mouth tightened more and more, until it sighed and rubbed its forehead with slender fingers. "You know," Raphael said, "I can tell when I'm being lied to. You have no intention of handing him over. Which makes you… well, useless, really."

Shit. The hunter felt a shiver race down his spine with dread. He held as still as possible, as Raphael took one more step towards him. The archangel's hand raised, its expression thunderous.

"Last chance, Winchester. You will track them down. You will capture Castiel. You will bring him to me, no matter what the cost."

To hell with it. John had hoped to get out of this alive, but if that wasn't an option, then his last act would not be kissing the ass of some archangel. He grinned, reckless and defiant.

"Actually… I don't think I will."

"I will kill your sons if you do not!"

This time, John laughed outright. "You'll have to find them, first," he pointed out, spreading his arms invitingly. "And if you could find them, you wouldn't have needed me. You were never actually going to let us live, were you? You played me, archangel. Shove it up your ass, I'm not going to be your pawn, so you might as well send me back to Heaven and be done with it."

Raphael moved towards him with a face of wrath and vengeance, but John stood his ground. His first duty was to protect his sons, not to choose to worry about the monster instead. And as for Castiel… well, as much as he'd thought the halo deserved death, he was certain now that Castiel didn't deserve whatever Raphael was going to do to him.

They regarded each other for a moment, each gauging the other, and John could see his own death in Raphael's eyes. But for Sam and Dean's sake, that was the choice he would make every single time. The archangel's expression tightened, and it shrugged.

"So be it."

Sorry, Sam… John thought, raising his chin. Sorry, Dean…

The archangel snapped its fingers, and John Winchester disintegrated into nothingness.

SPN SPN SPN

Castiel held absolutely still, even after the terrible presence of Raphael had disappeared. He was in a state of complete shock. John Winchester hadn't given him up to the archangel… he'd died himself instead. Only a Winchester would have dared speak to Raphael like that. Though Castiel thought Dean and Sam were far better men than John, he could certainly see some of the shared traits.

Dean… Sam… he had to find them, which meant getting himself loose somehow. Unfortunately, John tied a good knot, and Castiel's human strength wasn't enough to break free. Dean and Sam were quite talented at getting themselves out of these situations, but Castiel had no experience in this whatsoever. The angel struggled, managing to shrug the tarp off of him.

The gag had been pulled out and pushed back in enough times that the rag had loosened, allowing him to work it out of his mouth without too much difficulty. Disgustedly, the angel spat and coughed, trying to rid himself of the vile taste. He desperately wanted to clean himself off, feeling sticky and dirty from the oil and the dust he'd been sitting in.

Castiel eyed his bound wrists, connected to the gate. He tried to stand, but couldn't get up very far, and even the additional leverage wasn't enough for him to physically pull free. Perhaps he could undo the knot himself, but the angel couldn't feel his fingers anymore, hands numb from how tightly John had restrained him. His angel blade would have worked, had it been close enough for him to reach instead of on the other side of the stall.

Sitting back down with a heavy breath, Castiel shook his head. Great. How was he supposed to get free?

"You just going to sit there all night, or think about escaping?"

Castiel twisted around, eyebrow raised, to see the faintly glowing outline of John Winchester standing close by, watching him. The angel's eyes flicked towards the open barn door, where another dark figure stood by waiting passively. John's reaper.

"I told him he could give me a minute," John explained. Somehow, it didn't surprise Castiel that John would start giving orders to his own reaper before crossing over fully. The angel turned back to John with a frown.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why did you protect me?" Castiel asked, suspicious and unsure. "You would stand up to Raphael for me?"

"No, not for you," John retorted, echoing Castiel's own words. "I don't like you. But it's what's right." John's spirit looked up, seeming to be gathering his strength, before he finally grumbled, "Look, I don't say this very often but… maybe I was wrong about you. Maybe you're not such a monster after all."

Coming from John Winchester, that was high praise for an angel. Castiel looked at the ground, though, still able to hear Lucifer:

Let me show you every ounce of pain you have caused others in your lifetime, and you tell me who is the monster.

"I'm not innocent, John," the angel admitted. "I have killed humans. My kind have caused a great deal of pain and suffering-"

"Yeah, including what happened to Mary. I'll never forgive you," John snapped as he crossed his arms. Castiel closed his eyes, but the hunter paused before going on, "But apparently that's what you turned your back on. You know, I tried to convince Dean to leave you behind, and he wouldn't have it. I wanted to blame you for that. Sam, of course, wanted to fight me about you from the beginning, no real surprise there…"

John's spirit shrugged, and Castiel felt another flare of warmth infuse his being with healing light, to hear of his friends' loyalty. But what would they say when they discovered that John had been killed because of him, that they'd lost their father yet again?

"I didn't want this to happen to you," the angel murmured out loud, watching John with pain in his eyes. "I… I wanted this to work out. John, you should have left me here. This isn't what Dean and Sam wanted."

"Sam and Dean won't forgive me for taking you," John replied. "Look, let's not make it a thing. You saved Sammy's life. I saved yours. That makes us even, and any debt they have to you is paid off. So if they stick with you now… well, that's their choice."

"Oh." Honestly, Castiel hadn't seen it as a debt before, he hadn't thought they owed him anything. Was that the only reason they'd fought so hard? If he hadn't saved Sam from the Cage, would they have still held on as tightly as they had? Had he perhaps mistaken loyalty for mere obligation, in his desperation to find a family to take him in?

"I can't stay long," John reminded the angel now, glancing over his shoulder at the reaper still waiting. "The way I see it, I wasn't supposed to be here anyway, so it doesn't matter if I get sent back. If you were willing to sacrifice everything to protect my sons, then I'm leaving them in better hands than mine. I wasn't... always the best father." He paused, then finished softly, "You were right. They did deserve better."

It was so rare to hear John Winchester sound so uncertain that Castiel couldn't respond immediately. The angel frowned, then sighed. "John, I shouldn't have said that. It's true, of course, but I probably wasn't supposed to say so. They both know you did the best you could. Even if I don't agree with everything you did, they turned out fine. They're good men."

"Yes, they are." John's ghost stepped towards Castiel now, pointing a finger at him warningly. "Don't make me regret this, halo. Take care of my sons."

Castiel nodded, though that had never been in question. "I always will."

There was nothing more to say between them; the reaper in the background stepped forward now, tapping his wristwatch pointedly, and John shot him a glare.

"Hold your damn horses, I'm coming." He gave the angel one last look, half smiling. "Make sure they know I love them… Castiel."

Again, Castiel nodded, watching as the reaper took John's hand, and they faded away. The barn was empty and dark, and the angel leaned back against the side of the stall he was still trapped in. He had expected tonight to go very differently, and couldn't quite wrap his head around it all.

Of course, there was still the most pressing problem of being tied up in a barn in the middle of nowhere. Castiel remembered that he still had his phone in his pocket – John never had taken it away from him – and briefly contemplated trying to get his hands on it to call Dean.

He never had to. The angel jumped slightly when the barn door slammed open again. Two pairs of footsteps came pounding through the doorway, two figures silhouetted against a gradually lightening sky.

"Cas?!" a panicked voice shouted. "Cas!"

"Over here, Dean."

"Sammy!"

"Got it."

A powerful light flicked on, and Castiel squinted into the blinding beam as it landed on him. More footsteps, racing towards him now as two bodies thudded down next to him, talking over each other anxiously.

"Cas, are you alright?!"

"Where's Raphael?! Where's Dad? Are you hurt, did he hurt you?"

"We got here as soon as we could, we had to follow the tire tracks-"

"Son of a bitch, talk to me, Cas, what happened?!"

Castiel held still as Dean took the angel's face and turned it this way and that, the way he always did to Sam when checking for injuries. Sam had already pulled his knife out, hacking at the thick rope that kept Castiel lashed to the stall gate. The angel sighed with relief as his hands finally came free, blood flow starting to return painfully.

"That bastard!" Dean snarled, now working on the handcuffs. "I'm going to beat him to a pulp for this, that-" He followed with a string of curses, each angrier than the last, while Sam jumped to his feet and grabbed Cas's angel blade from where it sat nearby, then stood over the two in wary protection.

"I don't understand!" Sam snapped over his shoulder to the angel. "Where's Raphael? I thought Dad was turning you over to them, Cas! Where did he go?"

"Either way," growled Dean, "we gotta get out of here, now!"

The handcuffs finally came free, and Castiel exhaled slowly, rubbing his bruised wrists and wincing. He'd never realized such things hurt so badly. Dean was trying to haul him up, but the hunter only had one good arm and the angel's feet took some convincing before they would support him fully.

"Cas, talk to me!" Dean shouted, apparently seeing that the angel was having a hard time. "What did he do to you?!"

"Dean, calm down," Castiel finally replied, rubbing his forehead. "I'm not hurt. But… Dean, Sam… your dad…"

"-is gonna pay!" Dean snapped.

Castiel shook his head, holding his hand out towards Sam for his angel blade. The younger Winchester handed it over, seeming unhappy when Castiel stowed it away in his sleeve instead of keeping it out. It was a relief to have his weapon once more. At least his wrists were already starting to heal themselves. Turning to his two friends, the angel bit his lip.

"No, Dean," he said. "Raphael killed your father and left." The angel closed his eyes. "He's gone."

The two Winchesters fell into shocked silence, no sound but the lonely wind brushing through the barn and scattering dusty hay gently across the floor. Castiel hesitated to say any more, knowing that it was because of him, but the boys deserved to know what had happened.

"John changed his mind," he explained quietly. "Raphael is the one who put him back on Earth, in order to find you, and therefore me. I can only imagine the things he told John to help stir up his hatred, but in the end, John couldn't go through with it. He refused, so... Raphael sent him back to Heaven."

Dean hadn't said anything yet, but traded a quick look with Sam, neither face readable. The angel was certain that they would need some time to process this, as he would himself, but this was their father. He released his breath in a shuddering exhale, turning away.

"I didn't want this," he whispered. "I'm so sorry. This is my fault-"

"No, Cas, it's not," Dean interrupted, grabbing the angel's arm and turning him back around. "Cas, listen to me. It's not your fault. That… that's Dad."

"We're just glad you're okay. God, when Dean told me what Dad was doing… where he was taking you… Cas, we were afraid that you were dead."

Sam's voice sounded sincere, his face white and tense, but it didn't change how guilty Castiel himself felt over this. He could feel both Winchesters on either side of him, still steadfast and loyal in a way that the angels had forgotten to be. There was still a great deal to be explained, a great deal to be told, but all Castiel wanted to do right now was rest and eat.

"Come on," Dean said firmly, propelling the group towards the barn door. "I say we blow this popsicle stand."

With a nod, Castiel moved to join them, then stopped. "But, Dean," he said in confusion. "There's no popsicles here. Wait… Dean?"