A/N: Sorry this chapter took a bit longer, guys. Work really isn't giving me much free brain space these days.

It was great reading so many responses to the last chapter, I really enjoyed that, so thank you. I hope this chapter won't be a letdown but we'll see how we go, hmm? Hope you enjoy...

Chapter TWELVE

"Information can be such a double-edged sword."

~Jessiqua Wittman

A Memoir of Love

Debra watched on listlessly as Vogel poured out two cups of tea. What was it about hot, flavoured water which convinced some people that was all that was needed to solve the woes of the world? Debra knew this problem wasn't going to be solved with fucking tea. Her lips tightened as she felt a fresh wave of hopeless tears threaten to overwhelm her but she fought them back valiantly. Vogel handed Debra a cup of tea in fine bone china, smiling pleasantly. Debra just stared at it like she'd never seen one before in her life. "I'm pregnant," she blurted out through numb lips. The words hung between them in the silence of the room. It was the first time Debra had said the words aloud and they still weren't real to her. When that doctor had told her she was pregnant, Debra hadn't believed her. She'd actually gone home and done a home pregnancy test, four of them, just to prove the woman wrong. But she'd been the one to be proven wrong.

Vogel lowered the tea cup back onto the coffee table when it became clear Debra wasn't going to take it. "I see," she said evenly. Vogel settled back down in the sofa beside Debra. "I can see you were caught off guard by such news. You never suspected?"

"No, I never fucking even thought of it," said Debra harshly. "I always use birth control, always!"

"It's not always a hundred percent reliable," noted Vogel calmly.

"Fuck me, you don't say," snapped Debra bitterly.

"When did you find out?"

"A couple of hours ago." Debra closed her eyes and shook her head. "I thought the doctor was going to tell me I had cancer or something. I fucking wish she had now, it'd be better than this."

"A child isn't a death sentence, Debra," Vogel corrected her. "Have you considered the possibility that this might be a positive thing for you?"

Debra looked at her like she was crazy. "I'm a fucking mess," she said in horror. "In what way am I fit to be a mother? I'm a murderer and a liar and I fuck up everything I touch. I hurt anyone who is stupid enough to try and get close to me and you think that me being a mom would somehow magically fix all of that?"

"I'm saying a child gives you a bigger priority than yourself," she said mildly. "Another person who relies solely on you can alter your perspective. It changes everything, Debra."

"Yeah, for the worse," muttered Debra darkly. The horror of knowing she was pregnant was all she could think about. This really was a nightmare except now there was a true innocent at stake. What had she done?

"Is this about Dexter?" asked Vogel intently. "Do you have reservations because of him and what this will do to your relationship?"

Debra froze, her heart beating wildly. "What the fuck does Dexter have to do with this?"

"You've found your footing with each other again," observed Vogel. "This pregnancy could easily undo that if you're not careful. I know he's the most important relationship in your life."

"Why-why would this affect my relationship with Dexter?" asked Debra, fearful Vogel had somehow worked out about her and Dexter's moment of insanity.

"Because Dexter killed the father of your unborn child," pointed out Vogel. "You must have a lot of conflicted emotions about that."

Debra blinked. "What?"

"Andrew Briggs," prompted Vogel. "He's the father of this child, isn't he?"

"Y-yes, of course he is," agreed Debra hastily, heart in her mouth. It was a logical assumption to make because Debra had told the older woman about that involvement and how it ended as part of her therapy sessions. Briggs had been a welcome distraction, a source of sex and drugs where Debra didn't have to think about what she'd done when she was with him. Of course, Dexter had killed him but then her brother always did seem to have a way of taking away all of her pain killing activities. Since Briggs' death Debra had been too busy having a complete mental breakdown for any other man. Any other man except one but there was no way in hell she was going to share that little detail.

Vogel crossed her legs and cocked her head, eyeing Debra with interest. "It would be completely understandable if you viewed this pregnancy as a destabilising force in your life-"

"What else could it fucking be?" broke in Debra in agitation. "A baby would fuck up everything completely. I don't want this."

"So," said Vogel quietly, "you're going to terminate the pregnancy?"

"Fuck yes," bit out Debra. It was the only way out she could see. Vogel frowned and Debra welcomed the surge of outraged anger which flashed through her. "What, you're pro-life?" she sneered. "You don't think a woman should have a choice when it comes to her own body? This isn't the fucking 1950's anymore."

Vogel remained unfazed by Debra's outburst. "I'm in complete agreement that women should be allowed a choice in their decisions when it comes to bearing children," she said mildly. "My main concern when it comes to you, Debra, is that you don't feel like you have a choice." Her face became sympathetic. "You recently faced down a situation where you felt like you had no choice. It was Dexter or LaGuerta. You felt trapped and backed into a corner and ever since you've been having a lot of difficulty resolving your ultimate decision, and a big part of that was because you felt like you had no other choice. You only had a split second to weigh up the consequences of your actions. This time, it doesn't have to be that way."

Debra shook her head and looked away, not wanting to see the validity of Vogel's argument.

"I just want you to take some time, Debra," counselled Vogel. "Time to weigh up the implications of your decision, whatever that decision may end up being. Time for you to truly own your actions and come to terms with them."

Debra blinked back tears as she stared unseeingly out of the window. "Time won't change what has to be done. I can't be a mother. I don't have it in me."

"I think you've spent your whole life underestimating what you are capable of, Debra Morgan," said Vogel wisely. "This is your life we're talking about here, not Dexter's. You two will always impact on one another but at some point, you have to take care of your life first and not Dexter's."

Debra grimaced. Easier said than done.

"Just promise me you'll give yourself some time to really think about this situation, Debra," Vogel urged her. "You owe that to yourself."

Debra didn't answer, just continued staring out of the window and wishing this was all just some kind of horrible dream she was about to wake up from.

oooOOOOoooo

"Aunt Deb!" Harrison's excited calling out of her name had an automatic smile on Debra's lips as she moved through the crowd of parents and children. Small arms flung themselves around her legs as Harrison gave her an enthusiastic hug. He looked up at her, a huge grin on his face. "You're here!" he said in delight. "Daddy said you mightn't come cause you've been feeling sick." Harrison looked pleased with himself. "I told him you'd be here."

Debra ruffled her young nephews' blonde hair affectionately. "Like I'd miss out on the Wiggles," she said in amusement. "I've been waiting all week for this." Debra took in the long green, stuffed dinosaur tail Harrison was currently sporting. "Nice tail, bud."

Harrison grinned and wiggled his bottom, making the tail swish back and forth for good effect. "I look like Dorothy!" He became suddenly serious. "A boy Dorothy," he pointed out, lest there should be any confusion on the matter.

"You sure do," agreed Debra with an affectionate smile.

Dexter suddenly appeared from the crowd. "Harrison, what did I tell you about running off by yourself?" he asked in exasperation.

"I'm not by myself," reasoned the boy, "I'm with Aunt Deb."

"So I see." Dexter smiled at Debra, looking almost relieved. "You're here."

"I said I would be," Debra reminded him. Although, truth be told, in the three days since she'd found about this unwanted pregnancy, Debra hadn't been sure she was going to turn up. But not turning up would have had Dexter on her doorstep, checking up on her. This way Debra could at least try and control their contact.

Harrison grabbed both of their hands and dragged them towards the stage which was set up in the middle of the outdoor stadium. "Come on," he ordered them, "we have to get closer."

The two adults let themselves be dragged along by the child until they'd found a spot at the front which met with his approval. The area was rapidly filling up with more and more adults and children as the time for the concert to start drew closer.

"I'm glad you're here," said Dexter in her ear as they jostled for position at the front of the stage.

"Yeah, well, who's going to pass on seeing the Wiggles live," said Debra wryly.

"Harrison has been so excited, he didn't sleep at all last night," said Dexter. "I predict a major crash this afternoon." He gave Debra a sideways look. "Maybe you and I can hang out at my place after?"

Debra wanted to scream no in his face, scared of what time alone with Dexter might cause her to say. But then saying no to Dexter was always something she'd never really gotten the hang of. "Sure, okay."

Harrison gave a little squeal, distracting them from further conversation as a man dressed in theatrical pirate garb appeared on stage. "It's Captain Feathersword!" exclaimed Harrison, jumping up and down on the spot in his excitement. The show was underway now and soon all four Wiggles were on stage, along with Dorothy the Dinosaur, Wags the dog and all the backup dancers. The children in the audience were all well into the spectacle, singing and dancing along, as the entertainers held their attention with ease. It was just the distraction Debra needed from her thoughts chasing their way around each other in her head. About halfway through though, she needed to eat something. The doctor told her to eat regularly to combat the morning sickness and that was helping a lot. She grabbed Dexter's arm and yelled in his ear over the noise of children and adults alike singing the 'Big Red Car'. "I'm getting food, you want anything?"

"Anything with sugar," yelled back Dexter. "I need the hit to keep up."

Debra smiled and nodded, leaving them to it while she went to seek out some food. After buying a couple of hot dogs, a big bag of caramelised popcorn and two sodas, she went to head back into the audience. Debra stopped on the outskirts of the large group, food in hand, her eyes seeking out Dexter and Harrison. They were both dancing along to the Hot Potato song and Debra's heart constricted at the unbearably cute sight. Looking at Dexter indulge his son's excitement and playing along with it, all you could see was a loving father. Debra knew that wasn't all Dexter was though. As easily as he could fall into playing with his son, Dexter could also kill with no remorse or empathy. Debra's hand tightened on the soda tray, trying to reconcile those two facts. Harrison was laughing and dancing with his father, blissfully unaware his father was in anyway different from any of his friends' fathers. How long would that idyllic ignorance last? Debra bit her bottom lip. Her own blissful ignorance when it came to Harry had lasted up until just last year. Was it conceivable Harrison would never find out his father was a serial killer? In what way could it be right to introduce another child into such a precarious future? It was bad enough she was going through all of this shit, did some innocent child have to be forced into it as well?

"It's like being at a Rolling Stones concert, isn't it?"

Debra started at the amused question and turned her head to see a woman standing beside her.

The woman winked at her. "Just less drugs and sex, huh?"

"Ah, yeah," said Debra uncertainly, not really up for small talk right then.

"Is that your family?" The woman inclined her head towards where Dexter and Harrison were still dancing away.

"Yeah," responded Debra without thinking.

"It's so nice you could get your husband to come along to something like this."

"It was his idea and he isn't-"

"His idea?" repeated the woman in surprise, interrupting Debra's attempt at clarifying the situation. "Wow, that's a keeper you've got there. Any time a man gets that involved in child rearing and doesn't mind being silly in public just to make them happy, that's a man you hang onto tight." The woman gave a little laugh as she watched their antics. "Those two are just adorable together and they look so much alike." She looked Debra up and down. "You didn't get much of a look in this time, maybe with this next one."

Debra froze. "What?"

The woman was smiling at her pleasantly. "You know, with this next baby, he or she might look more like you. I always think that it's so unfair when babies don't have at least some of their mother in them, seeing as we're the ones who do all the hard work." The woman was talking a mile a minute. "So, when are you due?"

"How do you know I'm pregnant?" asked Debra in distress. Her stomach was still flat and Debra didn't know of any other signs she should be hiding from the world. The last thing she wanted was anyone else finding out about this huge mistake.

"You've got that glow," said the woman knowingly.

Debra wrinkled her brow. "That's a real thing?"

"Absolutely, pregnancy affects your skin, plus, I can tell you're at the stage where you've just gotten over the morning sickness thing and that brings its own kind of glow, being able to eat again."

Debra gnawed away on her inner lip anxiously. A glow. Was there anyone in her life who'd notice such a subtle thing? Only Dexter really. He was the one who always noticed the little things, he'd always been incredibly observant.

"Haven't told him yet, huh?"

Debra looked at the woman almost fearfully. Was she some kind of fucking psychic mind reader? Whatever it was, the bitch was freaking her right out.

The woman put a comforting hand on her arm. "My third child was unplanned as well. I was worried about telling Pete, that's my husband, cause his job wasn't that stable at the time but it was fine. Pete's a good dad and I can see yours is too. Men might stress over the details of more children, but ultimately, as soon as they hold them in their arms for the first time, they're just undone. It's all going to be fine, honey, trust me."

Debra blinked back emotional tears. She was getting fucking sick of tearing up at every little thing but her body didn't seem to be listening to her anymore. If all she and Dexter had to worry about were financial issues then this would be a fucking walk in the park. But it wasn't. Debra was pregnant with her foster brother's baby and that foster brother just happened to be a serial killer who she'd murdered an innocent woman to protect. They weren't the simple family unit this woman was seeing. They were fucking warped and to bring a baby into their morally ambiguous shit holes of existence couldn't be anything other than an act of cruelty. Debra swallowed hard, knowing there could only be one ending to this story and she was the one who was going to have to end it. She'd done as she promised Vogel and thought about what she was going to do next but there really had only ever been one choice to make and Debra knew she had to make it.

A/N: I know, I know, I tried a bit of misdirection with the cancer thing... I didn't want it to be too painfully obvious as to what comes next. LOL Next chapter will be Dexter's POV, so I hope you'll tune in to see that. :D