Chapter 12
Elizabeth wouldn't deny feeling apprehensive and scared and yet curious as the two lawyers left the room, leaving her alone with Teddy. Up until five minutes ago, they had been married, but this wasn't the man she'd known once. She didn't know who that was sitting across from her now. That was why when the door shut behind them, she felt a chill, no one between them, as they looked into each other's eyes.
" What do I do now?" the question caught him off guard then as he looked at her, not fully prepared for this moment, he wanted everything he had been thinking a moment ago to spill out before him, but it didn't, the truth was he hadn't expected this moment to even be made a reality.
He felt almost stunned into silence. Stunned in the way he had been when she entered the room for the first time a few moments ago. There were so many things he could say. So many words to say it and yet, it would all mean the same. Maybe that's why the words wouldn't come. When he asked his lawyer to see about a private moment with her, he had expected to get a very direct no, but she hadn't said that. Her lawyer had been about to do that, but she had intervened with a yes that warmed him as much as it stunned him. She had been hesitant, he had heard it in her voice, but to him that wasn't what mattered. All he cared about was that something inside her made her agree to give him just one moment alone with her. Teddy was overjoyed even as he tried to find the words he wanted.
" Well, what are you waiting for? I thought you had nothing to say, but there must be something if you wanted me here" she broke the silence around them so suddenly that it startled him from his thoughts her hands folded one over the other atop the table.
Teddy found himself watching her then, his eyes intent on her as he heard her voice shiver. She was filled with nerves just like him and he frowned. He had truly shattered her. The woman he had known didn't need to gather her courage to speak in front of people this way, let alone speak in front of him, but he could see her courage dwindling in the way she shook. In the way, she looked at him, and the way she could barely speak in front of him anymore. It saddened him because he had done that, destroyed a woman who had been so strong before he came along. Teddy felt ashamed again. Like he didn't deserve to explain himself to her as he witnessed the damage he had done. And yet, he knew he had to try anyway. He was never a man to give up on anything especially the woman he loved. Some part of him knew the Lizzy he had known was in there somewhere. Buried beneath the pain he had caused. He remembered that woman now, the one who would scream and yell without a care, who threw grown men on the ground when they gave her too much trouble. The Lizzy he saw now wasn't that woman. She looked so small as she sat in her chair and he could tell she was on guard. And he wanted to make every wall she had fall in that moment.
" I didn't think anything I said would be good enough" when he said it, he could tell that she was surprised. She had the same stunned look in her eyes he'd worn only a moment ago.
" Now, I have to do it now" his mind suddenly screamed at him and suddenly Teddy knew, if he wanted to have any affect on her at all, he had to speak now.
" Lizzy, darling" she stopped him before he could finish though something in her eyes that he couldn't place as he placed his hands on the table.
" Elizabeth" she wouldn't deny it sounded good to hear him call her that again, but she also knew she couldn't let him.
" My name is Elizabeth, you will address me as such" she knew it was petty, but she couldn't allow him to call her that, somehow, it felt like it would be giving him power over her if she did.
" No darling, you're my Lizzy, and my Lizzy you will always be. I'll never call you anything else" his voice laced with his signature chuckle as he got brave in that moment. He reached a hand across the table as their eyes were locked, hers in astonishment, his in love, and he touched her. It was a simple touch, he simply ran a finger across the back of her hand, but it was enough. They both found themselves affected by it.
She quickly pulled away, but in that moment, they both felt it. A shock that buzzed within them when they met skin to skin.
" Don't touch me" the words stumbled from her mouth then and she shook, it was like in all the movies she'd seen, a shock of electricity only felt by two lovers meeting again under strained circumstances, she couldn't deny that described them perfectly. At first, she wouldn't look at him. She couldn't until suddenly she realized she had to. She had to be strong she told herself. That's what made her finally look across the table at him, finding him smiling back at her. He knew what that spark meant too.
" Please, just hurry up with whatever you have to say. I want to go home" she snapped the words at him, her hands clasped tightly together on the table. She felt shaken, like a string pulled taunt. After a moment, Teddy watched her take a deep breath to calm herself her eyes closing. After another moment, they opened again, her hands clenched and unclenched, and she laid her hands flat across the table. She looked at him then and Teddy saw a hint of the strength he knew she had buried inside come to the surface.
" I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Two little words that I know aren't good enough, but that you deserve to hear. You deserved better then that" Teddy knew his words were having an affect on her as her hands suddenly balled into fists.
" I was a fool to leave you, Lizzy, I might not be here now if I'd stayed with you that morning. I was never gonna find what I was looking for because I'd already found it. That's why I've been writing to you, to tell you what a fool I've been" a year slid down her cheek as he spoke. Elizabeth didn't feel it though. She found herself moved by his words in every way she could be. Because he'd just said the words she'd been thinking since he left. Teddy saw the tears as they left her eyes, they pained him as he looked at her wanting to reach out to touch her, but not daring to. He didn't deserve to, he wouldn't then, not until the time was right.
" I wish you'd stop writing...all it does is remind me how stupid I was" Elizabeth couldn't stop the quiver in her voice as the words burst forth.
" Because you're convinced I never loved you" the words came out and suddenly, the Lizzy he had known crawled to the surface.
" Don't" the word came with a burst of energy as her hands suddenly slammed on the table that fire he remembered erupting in her eyes.
" Don't you dare say you loved me. That you ever did because you didn't. You don't love me now because you don't do the things you've done to someone you love. You don't marry someone unless you plan to stay with them, but you didn't stay, you left one morning, and never came back. You don't pursue another woman, another woman who turned you into the cops, when you have a wife who loves you and stands by you if you love that person. I don't think you even know what love is" she was screaming now, the words pained and laced with despair that he felt down to his very soul as she said them and looking at her, he couldn't say she was wrong because she was damn right.
" You're right" Teddy found her couldn't look at her as he said it and when he finally did, he saw she hadn't been expecting that.
" I wasn't thinking. I thought you'd be better off without me and when I met Mrs. Hollander, it was a moment of blind faulty" Teddy knew he had no right to defend himself, so when she leaned across the table, close enough so he could smell her perfume, Teddy knew he'd have no decent defense that there would never be an excuse good enough to make up for the things he'd done.
" You should have known what you were doing to me. That I loved you and that I was the one. Nothing should have ever made you walk away if you loved me the way I loved you. I loved you so much that I didn't care if you were a criminal, I just loved you, but you didn't love me back. I wouldn't have married you if I didn't love you and yet, you can't say the same or else you never would have left. I was prepared to do what your precious Susan Hollander wouldn't. I was going to stand by you no matter what, but you didn't give me the chance. You chose to leave without a word or a goodbye or anything. You made that decision and I don't care to hear all your excuses because none of them will be good enough" what she said then truly shook him because she was right. He knew it and had known it all this time. In that moment, he doubted there would ever be a chance of getting her back as he looked at her, tears covering her face, ruining her makeup, and yet even then, she looked beautiful to him. Her hands were planted firmly across the table then as she leaned across it, tears fell from her face onto the table, and he thought then that to him, she would always be beautiful.
As she leaned across the table, staring him down, Teddy made it to his feet, just managing to do the same. It took all his courage to make him touch her again. His movements were slow then, his eyes looking directly into hers, and slowly, he let his chained hands cover hers in the table. When he did, she didn't move. They only stared each other down and looking at her, Teddy could swear he saw her shiver under his gaze. He waited then, for it to happen, but it didn't. Teddy had expected her to flinch away, like she'd done before, but she didn't move. She only stood there looking at him as if waiting to see what he'd do next. In that moment, Elizabeth found she couldn't move, something kept her firmly in place as she looked into his eyes, part of her eager to see what he would say.
" Nothing's changed, darling. You were always the one, the problem was you married a fool who didn't realize how good he had it until he'd lost it. No matter what happens today, I'll always love you, as I always have, and I will spend all the time I have left making up to you all the wrong I've done. You're my Lizzy, the love of my life. I love you" the tears started once more as he spoke and Teddy smiled, he was getting to her. He wanted to bring his hands to her face to wipe them away, but he didn't. His chains wouldn't allow it, so he merely kept his hands overs hers managing only to intertwine his fingers with hers. He stayed right there in front of her. Teddy wanted nothing more then to kiss her in that moment, but he hesitated. He wasn't sure he had the right to do that anymore. He wasn't sure if she wouldn't leave the room immediately if he even tried it. In the end, the temptation proved too much.
" I meant what I said...you are so beautiful" Teddy whispered it his breath fanning out around her face. He saw her try to smile then, but she stopped herself. She felt so vulnerable in that moment, standing there with him, it shook her. She felt so confused. She didn't know what to expect from him anymore and she certainly hadn't been expecting this as she looked at him. She felt her emotions overflowing inside of her. She had spent so much time trying to get over him and now, it was like that all went out the window. Everything she had ever felt for him came roiling back and she couldn't shake it off. Part of her didn't want to, but she couldn't, she was sinking right back into him.
" I love you" Teddy said it then and maybe that was why she let him when he drew her into a kiss like all the ones they'd shared before. The kiss took her by surprise, her body shaking as his hands held hers. As he kissed her though, Teddy shook himself, his dreams hadn't done the memory of their kisses justice. They kissed like not a day had passed between them. One second, they were staring each other down then in one movement, he was kissing her. His lips were just as she remembered, soft, urgent in just the right way, and leaning in close, Elizabeth found herself kissing him back after a moment. She wanted to say she hadn't missed him that she hadn't missed his kisses, but she had.
She knew that the second she started to return his kiss. It all happened so quickly and ended that quickly too. Something inside her seemed to scream and suddenly, Elizabeth wrenched herself away.
" I promised myself I wouldn't ever let you hurt me again and I meant that. I'm going home" Teddy watched her leave as quickly as she'd entered the room.
