Just about the time your heart breaks like a wheel
Not in a straight line, but all in pieces
Some you'll leave behind on a road you won't revise
No, you won't revisit that dirty compromise.
Now you only dream in peaceful blue
The morning doesn't even scare you anymore.
You are a phoenix with your feathers still a little wet
Baby, the ashes just look pretty on your eyes.
Deb Talan
Time passed and Lyra had to confess she found it pleasant. Though she would refuse to admit it out loud, Legolas was a natural teacher and his patience most often outlasted hers. When she wanted to, Lyra could be a good student.
She had a passion for weapons that Arwen seemed only to have for a certain ranger and Legolas seemed to genuinely enjoy their time together. Sometimes it baffled her. It was true that her family always liked her company but then again, they had to. She had little opportunity to converse with many elves outside the guards in Rivendell so the idea that someone like Legolas, a prince who could have any companionship he wanted, chose to willingly send time with her was perplexing. Especially since she doubted most of his subjects treated him like she did. He had no haughty air like she originally assumed. Most days, after they began practice, she forgot he was royalty at all. He was something different to her, like Aragorn. The ranger in him completely overshadowed the potential king until she forgot he could take the throne of Gondor any time he wished. But both man and elf had gained her respect.
Aragorn she trusted completely. Legolas- she wasn't sure yet. Still, it was nice that their relationship had reached a civil level. There were days when his perfect archery skills would make her want to poke him with a blunt arrow. Or the way she witnessed other elves constantly bowing to him would push her to imagine ruffling his perfect hair. But she reminded herself that these faults were not his doing.
It was one of these days when Lyra found herself perfectly content to blurt out the first thing that entered her mind.
"I'm going with you all to Mordor." She said, ignoring the feel of his eyes on her and released the arrow she had been holding. Although she now could hit the target, she had never managed to hit the center.
"What was that again?" he asked, no doubt wondering what had happened to his perfect hearing.
"I've decided to-tag along." She pretended to tighten the string on the bow, keeping her eyes lowered.
"You've decided to tag along-" he repeated slowly. "To Mordor."
"Yes." She agreed.
"No." He said.
"What?" Her eyes flew up to meet his, green clashing with blue. She brushed her long hair from her eyes with a sigh, as the breeze grew stronger.
His eyes had turned cold again, she realized. In the back of her mind, she wondered how he could do that so quickly. She turned to fully face him and laid her bow down.
"I don't remember asking you. I was simply telling you."
"I'm afraid I can't let you do that." He looked down at her and suddenly she was very angry at the difference in their stature. She tried to draw herself up to her full height but it didn't seem to achieve any intimidation on the other elf. If anything, he seemed oblivious to her attempt.
"What are you going to do? Threaten me again?" she demanded, upset that the news has been taken so badly by the first member of the fellowship she told. Would they all act like this? Perhaps they had only been nice to her because they knew her presence would be temporary.
"I didn't enjoy acting like that before. It's just when I thought you were dangerous." He clenched his fist as his side, as if he was stopping himself from grabbing her or perhaps shaking her.
"I am dangerous." She said, feeling particularly violent at that moment.
"You know what I mean. Dangerous to the quest." They regarded each other in silence for an uncomfortable stretch of time. "I could command you to stay here. I am a prince. I have authority."
"You're not my prince." She tried to ignore the hurt his words caused.
"Yes, you seem to enjoy constantly reminding me of that fact." He growled, tapping his calloused fingers on his leg. She got a jolt of strange pleasure from the knowledge that she was annoying him.
"Besides the Lady would never allow it." She allowed herself a small smile of victory.
"You're one stubborn elleth." He ground out, clenching his jaw.
"You're not responsible or me, no matter what promises you made my father. I don't expect you to protect me." With that she strode off.
He let her go; she almost wished he had tried to stop her.
"Are you two arguing again?" Merry piped up. After storming off, she had literally run into the hobbits who were attempting to catch some of the fish from a nearby stream. She settled herself on the ground next to them and ran her fingers over the green grass, hoping the touch of nature could soothe her anger. It was no use. Just as the hot edge of her temper began to cool, Legolas and three other elves had appeared on the bridge above them. Even though Legolas didn't look their way, Lyra knew he was aware of their presence.
"Something like that." She ground out, shooting glares at the back of his neck.
"Are you trying to hurt him with your eyes?" Pippin giggled at her intense expression.
She sighed. "Sometimes he's just impossible."
"It's odd." Frodo's blue eyes were so large Lyra felt they might swallow her up.
"What is?" she traced the outline of a flower petal that had fallen beside her. The leaves from above had begun to fall and though most of the forest remained green, there were traces of orange and yellow and a crispness that hung in the air that hinted of autumn's approach.
"Well I thought since you were both elves, you'd get along the best." Frodo's brow furrowed in deep thought.
"Yes, you seem more like a hobbit than an elf." Pippin said, sounding pleased. Lyra wasn't sure whether to take that as a compliment or not so she just shrugged.
They laid in the shade for a while, watching the elves above them with a sort of detached attention. It was only when a tall and slender elf in a plunging dress joined the male elves that those below sat up. At least Merry and Pippin did, with a sort of unabashed attention that Lyra felt herself huff in annoyance.
Why, she didn't know. The elf was beautiful with none of the human limitations that Lyra had inherited. While the elf was tall, impossibly slender, with straight blonde hair and perfect grace, Lyra was shorter and stockier, with wavy hair that never seemed to know its mind. She would never have the natural fluidity of elves. She often stumbled or tripped over branches in her bare feet when she wandered in the woods and returned to Rivendell with mud in her hair and scrapes on her knees. The elleth above them didn't look like she had ever bled.
"Close your mouth Pippin." She snapped. The young hobbit laughed apologetically and went back to catching fish, which consisted of staring intently at the water before plunging into the stream only to come up sputtering and emptyhanded. She wondered how long the hobbit could last on their own in the wild. Probably until their second breakfast, she supposed.
"Hey Lyra, why don't you ever wear anything like that?" Merry asked, looking her dusty pants and plain shirt over with something akin to disapproval. Lyra was strangely reminded of the twins 10 years ago. They had tried to persuade her into wearing dresses and after battling her refusal for a month, finally consented for pants to be made for her.
"Dresses aren't exactly comfortable when fighting or hiking or riding or even just sitting." She growled; she hated the things. "Besides, I wore one at Rivendell."
"Yeah but it was just that one time. Otherwise, you just look like a boy." After the others sent him a pointed look, he backtracked. "I mean you dress like a boy."
Their eyes flashed back and forth between the two elleths in comparison until Lyra felt she might pound them each on their curly heads.
"Legolas doesn't seem very interested in her." Sam whispered to her consolingly. Lyra blushed deep red, ignoring the farewell kiss that Legolas bestowed upon a dainty hand above.
"Doesn't matter to me. I don't care. He can do whatever he wants and I'll do whatever I want." She shook her head and wondered how hobbits developed such crazy notions in the first place.
That night, when the fellowship had once again gathered, she chose to break the news. Only Legolas was absent and since he already knew, she saw no benefit in him being there. If anything, his disapproval would only cloud the others' opinions.
"That's great!" Pippin exclaimed. Merry and Sam nodded excitedly as well. Even Frodo offered her a small smile.
Gimli huffed. "Another elf to put up with." Seeing her fallen expression, he hastened to add, "Well, you're decent company and good with a blade. Bah, alright. I suppose I can put up with another elf." In a more serious tone, he added, "It'll be good to have you with us lass."
It was Aragorn's words she feared the most. Out of everyone, it was his respect she craved. He was family and she could not brush off his words as easily as she could Legolas'.
"Lyra, your father-" Aragorn looked torn.
"This is my decision Aragorn." She cut him off before he could finish his thought.
Lyra didn't hear Legolas join the clearing until he murmured a soft greeting to the group.
"Legolas, Lyra is thinking of joining. What do you think?" Lyra wasn't sure if the ranger honestly wanted the elf's opinion or if he was merely hoping for reinforcement to convince her not to go.
The entire fellowship seemed to hold their breath. The disagreements between the two elves had been well known but they also noticed that recently the relationship had softened.
"It will be good to have another elf along." Was all he said. Shocked, Lyra didn't even hear Aragorn and Boromir's continue to list reasons she should not go.
Eventually, Legolas glanced down to meet her eyes.
"Thank you." She said, albeit rather stiffly.
"I have a meeting of my kin to attend." He announced to the group in general. "I will see everyone in the morning for our parting." She watched him until his silent footsteps carried him away, wondering if she would ever understand males. No matter their race, they always seemed to act in cryptic ways.
When the group had dissipated and only she and Aragorn were left, she readied herself against the conversation that was sure to come. He didn't disappoint.
"Lyra, I can't let you go."
"What is it with everyone telling me they can't let me like they have some sort of control over it?" she couldn't help but smirk at the ranger. It was easier with him- unlike a certain elf prince who felt the need to make everything difficult.
"Lyra, I don't doubt your heart or your skill but nothing is certain for any of us now." His eyes fixed her with a serious stare.
"I know that. I've accepted it." She threw a stick into the fire and watched the sparks that lit up and faded just as quickly.
"Lyra, what am I supposed to tell Arwen?" He asked, barely a whisper. All at once, Lyra understood.
"You? What about me? That's my sister and you're the person she loves most of all. What kind of sister would I be if I let you get killed?" She turned the question back on him since she didn't have any answer at all. She could only imagine returning home without Aragorn and facing the pain of telling her sister.
"It's not your responsibility to protect me." He tapped on his pipe absentmindedly. The scent of burnt pipe weed filled the air.
"Just as it's not your to protect me." He contented himself with a glare, albeit a weak one and sighed heavily. The night swallowed up and hid his features from her. But the moon was bright enough that she could catch the worry lining his face. The sight pulled at something deep within her.
"Aragorn, I love you. I really do. In my eyes, you're already a brother. Of course I hope to call you on officially in the future but you're not my father. My father wants to keep me hidden away from anything bad in this world. But evil is spreading. You know this. I would rather fight than wait for it to reach me and do nothing."
"You could sail." He said in a last ditch effort. She knew how much that must have cost him for if she sailed, so would Arwen.
"I can't do that Aragorn. Neither of us can when we still love so much in this world." She said, gentle as she was able. The unsaid words were pulled taunt until he broke it with a confession- one that she knew he had carried from Rivendell.
"She will sail Lyra. She won't wait for me."
Lyra wasn't sure how to react or even how she was supposed to feel. Of course her sister would live with her family across the sea. Across the water, she had the opportunity of eternity. But there would be no Aragorn beside her. In the end, she chose the most honest words she knew- ones that spoke of her faith in her sister. "Love always waits. And Arwen loves you. I'm going to help keep you safe until I can return you to her."
"So young with so much hope." He smiled at that, giving her an affectionate pat.
"Estel, you may be old but I think we both may live up to your namesake."
"Your brothers are a thousand years and you call me old?" He raised an eyebrow.
"So is my sister Aragorn." She reminded him.
"How beautiful she is for her age." He grinned. Their laughter rose into the night, as pure as the air above them.
One day passed. And then another. Or maybe it was only the seconds falling by them. Lyra had given up trying to keep track of something that seemed not to exist within the borders. Her wounds were now completely healed as was the fear in her heart. She didn't constantly worry about killing another like she had in the mines. The feeling of peace and safety had Lyra in a hazy grasp.
And then one night, it was broken. Lyra was torn from sleep with horrors that her waking mind could not seem to grasp. A mass of pain and loss whose faces were forgotten as soon as she bolted awake. Only the feelings lingered. Feelings of fear and anger. Wrongness. The bedroom she slept in became suffocating in a matter of seconds. She was out the door and among the towering trees before she could breath again. She walked, not sure where her feet were taking her, only feeling the need to be away from where she was. She walked until she met two figures, both familiar. One was tall and fair- the other small and solemn. Frodo didn't even seem to see her as he disappeared from the clearing. But Lady Galadriel beckoned her forward, towards a dais with still dark water atop it.
With no small amount of trepidation, she mounted the steps.
"I offer this to you and to the ring bearer." She gazed down at the water, like it held countless secrets just below the surface. Her father used to describe skin like that- so misleading and deceiving.
"Why only Frodo and I?" She asked, torn between her two choices. Not for the first time, she wished Lord Elrond were here. He always seemed to have the wisdom to see beyond what baffled Lyra. At Rivendell, she had always pushed to be as independent as possible but now she wanted nothing more than for him to tell her what to do.
"The others already know who they are. They have no need for me to tell them." Even in the middle of the night, the Lady was regal in her demeanor.
"Aragorn too?"
"He knows who he could become and now it has come time for him to choose which path to take. Just as it has fallen to you to be the great unknown in the quest." The words cut to her core with their weight. The quest to save the world and she was a possible tipping point. She wondered what she had done to deserve such a burden. Maybe she teased her brothers one time too many.
"My Lady, will my presence be a hindrance? If I will not help them, it would be better to know it." She forced herself to speak the words even though they tasted bitter.
"You would stay in Lothlorien?" The Lady asked with something in her voice Lyra couldn't identify as being good or bad.
"If it will help them. I don't wish to stay. It's strange. I know the dangers. Even with that knowledge, I can't imagine being anywhere else except with them." She muttered, half to herself.
"Knowledge is not good or bad. It is power and it can be turned either way. That is what I am offering you." The Lady said instead, in her usual cryptic way.
Lyra studied the dark calm water in the bowl. "I'm stronger now. I will look." She decided with more bravado than she felt.
"Very well." The lady stepped aside as she climbed the steps. "But remember Lyra that power fades as quickly as our thoughts do."
Lyra nodded and took a deep breath before forcing herself to look down at the water. The trees above blocked out the stars but her reflection still glimmered with some hidden light. For several long moments nothing happened. Then the water began to ripple in waves. When Lyra blinked, she was gone. The forest was gone, as was Galadriel. But there was someone else. Aragorn. His familiar face lighted up in a smile and Lyra could have sworn he looked right at her before his grunt of pain. He fell, further and further, disappearing beyond her sight even as she struggled to scream. Her throat burned with the bonds that kept her silent.
Then, there was another. Only a voice and one strangely familiar.
"You have the tainted blood." It didn't speak with words. Instead she felt them echo inside her head, not gentle like the Lady's had been but brutal and piercing, with pain that was almost physical. Its voice ripped through her body with every breath, tearing her skin apart until she was left with gaping wounds. She could feel the sting of each one being applied with a branding iron- scarring her thoughts until they were as wounded as the rest of her.
"You will join him." The fire screamed inside her and she was back in the caves. They were all dead and the shadows moved around her. She sobbed openly, looking for a way out. There was none. The light was gone. Everywhere, it was gone. She crumbled to the ground as it all closed in around her. The heat consumed her. It was killing her from the inside out. Her blood boiled and the floor beneath her began to melt.
"Join your father." It whispered, leaving her alone and dying. She lay there, unable to move or even think. All she could do was feel. And everything she felt was horrendous pain.
She came to awareness slowly. Instead of melted stone and fire, she laid on cool green grass. Instead of the screams that had filled her mind, the sound of a brook babbling reached her ears. The bodies were gone and the only blood dotted Lyra's lip from biting it too hard. Only Lady Galadriel stood above her, looking away, tracing the outline of the water in her mirror. Lyra managed to stand, her arms shaking with shock. It took her several seconds studying her body to assure there was no damage. She had never felt so unhinged before- like everything that washer had been played with and rearranged in all the wrong places.
"What you have seen has not come to past. It may never. Do not let it darken your days while there is still light." Lyra almost blanched at the lady's words.
"How can I not? The things I saw-" she broke off, feeling sick. "My father…" she shuddered at the taste of blood in her mouth. Tainted. "Lord Elrond is fine, safe. My father is a great warrior." She said, not sure who she was trying to convince more.
Lady Galadriel merely looked at her, "Seeing is a great responsibility. It may help you if you allow it. But if you give into fear, it can drive you to insanity."
Lyra nodded weakly, her body shivering as her stomach fought to keep down what was in her stomach.
"We all play a part in this world. We try to spread light and destroy the darkness. Some do it by choosing love over hate, by healing others, by sacrifice. And others force the darkness away at has taken physical form. I know you have a part in this though I cannot see to which end. Perhaps you have yet to decide."
"I just want to know the truth. But it stays hidden from me." Lyra felt bone tired, like she had already trekked to the fires of Mordor.
"You will discover many truths on this journey. That at least I see. Some you can control. Others are no fault or choice of your own. You must decide how important each decision is, how much of your worth it will take." The Lady looked at her with kindness before running her finger over Lyra's jaw. "Go find your friends. They will lend you their strength. Rest tonight." Lyra closed her eyes as the gentle hand brushed her hair away.
When she opened her eyes, she was all alone.
Under the towering trees of Lothlorien, with its trained elven guards and the Lady watching over, Lyra had felt almost untouchable. It was all too easy to forget that evil waited just outside the borders, evil they would have to face soon. Tonight had been a rude reminder of the world that waited for them to re-enter it. She had sat in the forest for hours, trying to calm her raging thoughts. Eventually, the need for sleep claimed her and she picked herself up and headed back to camp. To her surprise, there was one person who was still awake.
"We leave tomorrow." Aragorn announced, as she took a seat beside him, soaking up his smell. It was a strange comfort- leather and horse and steel. He paused in his fletching of arrowheads to regard her.
"Alright." She leaned back, shoulder to shoulder. The night although pleasant, now seemed cold. "I will miss this place."
"You don't have to." He suggested, giving a playful tug on one of her braids.
"Nice try." She stared up at the sky. The stars were shadowed but the moon shone brightly through the canopy. "You're not getting rid of my that easily." She fell asleep next to the warmth of the fire and didn't dream once.
The fellowship woke with the sun their last morning. It was just as beautiful and peaceful as every other day in Lothlorien but Lyra could feel both impatience and hesitance. They had all recovered and were excited to get back on course. For so long, danger had remained outside the borders but now it was impossible to ignore they were running straight at it again. Still, for now that was all right. Those in their group weren't designed for peace. War it seemed suited their talents best. Lyra trailed behind the others. Legolas was talking with Aragorn and per usual, Lyra was situated somewhere between the four hobbits. Three sleek boats bobbed up and down on the river, waiting for them.
They paused beside the still water and looked towards the Lady emerging from the mist.
"I have parting gifts for each that may prove beneficial on your journey." She announced as two elves came forward, their arms filled with lembas and green cloaks.
The hobbits hurried forward, eager for presents. The others followed with a bit more restraint. She gave Pippin a distrusting look as he went straight for the bread.
First was Legolas who was presented with a regal looking bow from the Galadhrim with a string of elf hair. She wondered how many orc lives would be claimed by that one bow. Despite her dark thoughts, she couldn't help but smile at the look of wonder on Legolas' face as he tested the strength of the bow. A child with a toy, she smirked. She doubted any rare jewel or amount of gold could bring the same reaction from him.
Pippin and Merry also received weapons- small sheathed daggers, thought they did not provoke the same excited reaction as Legolas' had. The two hobbits took them carefully and Pippin looked especially worried. Galadriel must have whispered something in his thoughts because the glint of worry faded from his face as he strapped it to his side.
Sam was next and gratefully took the elven rope that was offered. As he blushed and softly inquired about the bright shiny daggers, Lyra also wondered of what use the rope could be. Gimli blushed even redder than Sam, though his beard hid much of it. When he asked for 3 hairs from the Lady, Lyra couldn't help the snort of surprised laughter. Legolas glanced towards her, whether to reprimand her or share in her amusement, she didn't know.
Boromir was presented with a golden belt which he just as soon fastened around his waist. Aragorn looked almost apprehensive as he waited. The Lady's words to him were too soft for even Lyra to catch. But from the way the Lady's eyes wandered to the chain around his neck, Lyra guessed what it must be about.
Frodo was given a phial of light and a kiss on top of his curly head. He looked so much older now- nothing like the hobbit who ran underfoot with Pippin in Rivendell. She wondered what Frodo had seen in the mirror. Still, if his experience was anything like hers, she'd rather not know.
And lastly, when Lyra 's thoughts still lingered on the night before, the Lady paused before her.
"For you, Lyra of Rivendell and my granddaughter, if not by blood, then by my heart- I offer this" she held out a delicate looking vial on a silver chain that glimmered with a faint green light. There was a small amount of liquid inside that sparkled like diamonds in the sunlight. Lyra brought it close to her eyes to study it. She could almost sense something inside it- something living, pulsing.
"I hope you never have to use it but should you ever find yourself in the darkest shadow, it will give you the strength to do whatever must be done."
Lyra hung it around her neck with a feeling of trepidation. The lady gave all her gifts wisely and Lyra knew she chose her gifts by need. The hobbits had wandered off to the edge of the water to test its temperature. Gimli and Aragorn began packing. Only Legolas lingered beside her. Lyra wasn't sure it the Lady wished him to stay or it was mere curiosity that kept him rooted beside her.
"And perhaps just as valuable as what is in that vial is advice I would offer to you."
Lyra looked up and met the Lady's eyes. She wasn't sure if the words were spoken or if they only echoed inside her mind.
"We are not only our appearance. You are both elf and other. Sometimes, appearance is only a disguise. We all hold something else. Sometimes we are made for more than we can see."
She combed back a strand of hair so that Lyra's pointed ears showed.
"Accept others' strength. Do not scorn it. Stay with the ones who would keep you safe as you would them. Sometimes the mere act of being together creates bonds of strength even I cannot see." She felt Legolas stiffed beside her at this but he didn't speak.
And then after Lyra had thanked the Lady with words that felt inadequate, there was one last gift. A familiar elf with broad shoulders and perfect posture. Haldir raised a hand in greeting as she hurried to his side.
"The Lady knew I wanted to say goodbye." To her great surprise, he took her hands in his and kissed her on the cheek, lingering for a moment to whisper in her ear. "Stay safe. I wish to see you again."
She pulled back, with a blush staining her cheek. "You too Haldir. I fear evil will spread, even to your borders."
"When you return, perhaps we will see about that guard position." He glanced at something behind her and his hand tightened around hers.
She smiled, feeling lighter than she had minutes ago. "Perhaps."
"I have my own gift to give- if you would have it." Lyra grinned in anticipation, her excitement causing her to bounce on the ball of her feet.
"What is it? An arrow that never misses? A bowstring?" she asked in a single breath. "I've been getting better you know."
He shook his head and pulled something from his pocket. Only when he opened his fist did Lyra catch a glimpse of a ring. It looked so strange- the delicate silver almost disappeared in his hand. She reached out to take it gingerly, like she was afraid a single touch might shatter it. Although Lyra had never been overly fond of jewelry, the ring was perfect- delicate, simple, and elegant. A silver band twirled around white stones.
"Haldir- this looks expensive." She paused, uncertain. "This is too much."
"It didn't cost me anything. It's been in my family for many generations and has come all the way from across the sea." Before she knew it, he had pushed the ring onto her finger. "I would like to think that it can survive in the best and worst places of Middle Earth."
"That's a beautiful thought but it's a family heirloom-" she bit her lip, even as she wriggled her finger to watch it shine and sparkle.
"Lyra." Her name on his tongue gave her pause. "I would like you to have it. Please."
She nodded and brushed her finger over it, touched. "Thank you. I'll take good care of it."
She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. "Come Lyra. We must go." Legolas gave a sharp nod to Haldir and with his hand lingering on her back, gently pressed her towards the shore and the boats that waited.
"I thought you were angry at me." She said, taking his hand and clambering into the boat. She didn't notice the way his eyes lingered on her finger.
"You seem to do things whether I wish it or not so I merely shall pretend I wish it." He climbed in behind her and picked up the oar.
"Perhaps in time you will." She murmured as he pushed them into the current.
Lyra looked back towards the bank of the river as they floated off. Water lapped at the boat, soft and gentle. The Lady stood still, one arm raised in farewell shrouded in mist. Lyra wondered if she would ever see her again. Haldir stood several feet behind her, tall and proud. She glanced down at her ring and hoped she would one day have the opportunity to see it returned to him. She watched until they grew smaller and smaller in the distance and then the boats followed a bend in the river and they were gone.
