Photograph
Author: Midnyteblue
Pairing: Jack/Daniel - Friendship/Slash
Rating: NC17 (You've been warned!)
Spoilers: Previous Fics, Show and tell & One false Step (Minor)
Summary: Jack confronts his past and Daniel contemplates the future
Disclaimer: Not my characters blah blah. Fic inspired by the wonderful Ed Sheeran
Notes: Thoughts and dreams in *...italics...*
"Wait up guys!"
Jill Anderson pulled her sweater over her head and went to follow her teammates from the change room. She stopped short as she passed the bench seat in the middle of the room where a small object had caught her eye, She picked it up and turned it over,
*Oh what a cutie! I wonder who dropped you.*
The small wallet sized photograph showed a gorgeous blue-eyed boy at about three or four years of age. His sweet smile lit up his eyes.
*Your mum or dad will miss you before too long. Over a hundred people use this change room, I wonder who they are.*
She looked around fruitlessly, knowing full well she was the last one there.
*I don't even know how long it's been here. All the SG teams have been through here today as well as cleaners and medical staff. Talk about a needle in a haystack.*
Pocketing the picture she walked out of the change room to catch up with the rest of her team. She knew she could count them out – none of them had a little boy, at least none with blonde hair. Hallie's kid was the ultimate carrot top and was a few years older anyway.
She joined them in the Com and went to stick the picture up on the Noticeboard. Taking one last look at the sweet little face she turned away and went to get some dinner.
…
"So I'm heading out of town for a few days."
Daniel looked up at Jack who he was using as a pillow,
"Where are you going?"
"Oh nowhere special."
"You're being cryptic."
"I'm heading north for a day. It's the anniversary of Dad's...Well he died three years ago."
"Oh, okay I get it."
"I've had this day blocked out with Hammond since I started, It was a condition of me coming back to the Air Force."
"I don't remember you going last year."
"I did go, It was just after we came back from the Cabin. I took a slight detour to get there but I went."
"Oh yeah, I remember you took off somewhere."
"Anyway, I didn't want to bother you with it it's just well..."
"Jack you don't have to explain."
"I should have mentioned something before."
"Jack stop. Go and take all the time you need, you don't have to worry about me."
"Yeah I do – I mean someone has to."
"I survived for thirty years before you came along, I'm sure I can survive for a few days."
"I'll only be gone two."
"Two, twenty, whatever. Jack I'll be fine."
"I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you." Daniel admitted. For all his bravado he had grown accustomed to having Jack around.
"You can stay here if you want."
"I do have my own place Jack."
"I know." *Why do I hate that place so much!*
"Still, the offer stands."
"I wouldn't take advantage of your home. When do you leave?"
"In the morning. My flight is at midday."
"Do you want a lift?"
"No thanks, I need to do something on the way."
Daniel closed his eyes and within moments he was asleep. Jack lay awake for a bit longer contemplating the few days ahead. Hammond had promised that SG1 would be grounded so he knew Daniel would be safe till he returned but that didn't stop his feeling a little bad that he hadn't let him know earlier.
His Dad's death had hit him hard. He'd only just come from Abydos when he'd received the news and he was still dealing with everything that had happened there, not to mention that Charlie hadn't been gone long either. It had almost sent him into another downward spiral, what stopped it was the memory of a young man with an amazing gift of love and compassion.
Jack rested his lips against Daniel's shaggy head and closed his eyes. Even then Daniel had been an important part of his life and now three years later knowing where he was about to go, it was knowing he was coming home to that man that was sustaining him.
Loving can hurt
Loving can hurt sometimes
But it's the only thing that I know
…
Sam hung up the phone and sighed. Conversations with her brother were never easy and over the last few years she found she got more information from his wife than from him – not that she tried that often. If anything she did it for her mum as well as her niece and nephew. Sam wasn't sure if she was cut out for children but she certainly enjoyed being an Aunt. She reached into her drawer and pulled out a picture of the two children. It was an older photo but she still loved it
The conversation with Mark had been short and brief and in the end she had pretended to have an urgent meeting to attend to get off the line. She had nowhere in particular to be but with SG1 grounded for forty-eight hours whilst Colonel O'Neill was taking a personal day, anything seemed better than the mountain of paperwork.
Ignoring the pile in front of her she reached once again for the phone and made a much nicer call,
"Hey Daniel – want to get coffee?"
She hung up the phone and took the elevator to Daniel's office.
"I couldn't deal with all that paperwork just yet, I thought we could procrastinate together."
"Yeah, that sounds good. Let me just finish this up and I'm all yours."
"I'm sure there are plenty of women who would love to hear you say that."
Daniel rolled his eyes and poked out his tongue at her in a move not to dissimilar to something Jack would do. She wandered around his desk and let her eyes wander, they landed on the picture of Sha're that Daniel had sitting there. She picked it up and examined it,
"You know I still don't know how you got this. I don't see photography being a massive hobby on Abydos."
"It's really not. Kawalsky had a camera with him the first time around."
"It's a beautiful picture."
"Almost as beautiful as the real thing."
Sam smiled and dropped the topic. She reached out for the glowing Orb sitting next to the frame, Daniel's eyes softened as he looked from the photograph to the Orb,
"I love how blue this is."
"Yeah – It's stunning."
Sam looked at Daniel and sighed,
*One day someone will look like that when they think of me.*
She continued to roam around Daniel's office until he'd finished what he was working on and closed the book,
"Okay I'm good. Too bad we can't sneak out for a real coffee." Sam grinned mischievously and Daniel raised an eyebrow, "We can't...can we? It's twenty minutes from here to the nearest coffee shop."
"So we stay back a bit longer tonight. Come on, my shout."
"Well when you put it that way."
Daniel grabbed his wallet from the drawer and followed Sam out the door. They only made it as far as the inspection point before Sam's phone rang,
"Hello? Oh, Good Morning Sir." Daniel cringed and slowed down but Sam indicated for him to keep driving, "Yes Sir, not a problem. Of course!" She hung up the phone, "The General had requested an Extra hot Hazelnut Latte."
"Hazelnut? That's a surprise."
"Everyone has their loves in life."
"And what's yours?" Daniel inquired seriously
"Well I guess it depends on what we're talking about. Coffee? I'm a vanilla girl."
"I figured you would be sweet enough."
"Oh look at you go!" Sam laughed, "Seriously I'm loving this new you."
"I am too."
"Just don't let the old you go too far. I loved him too."
"He's still there. We're co-habitating."
They continued to chat about anything and everything on their way to Starbucks. Instead of running through the Drive-through Daniel stopped the car and they went inside. Sam followed through on her offer and it wasn't long before they were sitting down to their coffee and a pastry,
"So where has the Colonel gone?"
"Somewhere North, I'm not actually sure. I didn't want to pry."
"I think It's nice that he wants to honor his dad, it shows they were close."
"His whole family is."
"I envy that. I can't imagine his family to be honest."
Daniel pulled out his wallet and took out a small photo taken at Christmas,
"This is them. Chelsea and his mum Caitlyn."|
"Oh wow, look how little his mum is compared to the Colonel and his sister."
"Yeah, I think the height came from his dad."
"That's a nice photo."
"Yeah, I like it. It's ...well I mean they're..."
"Family?"
"Yeah. Before I moved to Colorado I didn't have a family. I met Sha're on Abydos and we would have started a family one day I guess and lead the Abydonian people, they loved and accepted me but really I was still an outsider. Then I'm back and all of a sudden I had friends, and you guys...then I had them."
"They were never going to *not* love you Daniel."
"They had every reason not to like me." Daniel reminded her,
"Do they know about..."
"Yeah and they've been so supportive. Chelsea calls me her brother, even her fiance didn't know I wasn't at first."
"That's great Daniel, really it is."
"What about you?"
"Me?"
"I mean I know you have a dad but I don't know anything else about your family."
"Well my mum died when I was younger, not as young as you though."
"I don't think it matters how young or old you are." Daniel said quietly
"I guess not. I also have a brother, sister-in-law and a Niece and Nephew."
"I can see you being the crazy Aunt."
"Well I try. I don't see them that much. Things haven't been great between Mark and I for a long time, not since mum...and he doesn't speak to dad at all."
"Not surprising considering he lives on a different planet every other week."
"Well there is that." Sam grinned
"What caused the estrangement?"
"Mark blames Dad for mum's death, and I think he blames me in a way as well."
"Why you?"
"Because it was me that mum went to pick up."
"Oh, well that's not your fault."
"Oh I know that and I think Mark does too but still. Anyway I get to be an Aunt still so that a plus and I'll keep whatever relationship I can for them. I just wish I could see them more. Do you want kids one day?"
"I don't think that's going to happen."
"That wasn't what I asked."
"Well I haven't really thought about it. I mean I kind of gave up on that idea a long time ago. and now - well it's not possible is it."
"Nothing is impossible Daniel."
"Okay so it's very unlikely. Come on, I'll get the General's coffee and we can head back."
Daniel got up to place the order leaving Sam at the table with the knowledge that he had never really answered her question.
…
Jack drove past the turn off to the Airport, the radio playing quietly in the background. Daniel had left a little after six that morning and although he missed him already, he was glad for the few days alone. This was something he wasn't quite ready to share.
He drove through town and on toward Denver – reaching a T-Junction he wordlessly turned right – away from the city and followed the road all down it's length. Turning into a gate he continued to drive until he reach a small car park. He was grateful it was empty though he wasn't really surprised considering the hour.
He got out and took a deep breath – the mountain air was cool and fresh. He wandered down a path for a quarter mile until he reached a point where he turned off to walk on the grass. There was no discerning marker but Jack was sure he would never forget the way.
He stopped near an old Oak, his eyes resting on a lone headstone. Sitting down in front of it he ran his fingers over the name engraved into the marble,
"Hey Charlie. I'm sorry it's been a while."
He sat there for a long time before reaching into the bag he carried and pulled out a toy train,
"Aunt Chelsea asked me to give this to you. She picked it up a few weeks ago and apparently 'Couldn't help herself.' If we're not careful you'll become spoilt."
He looked down at his hands again and sighed,
"Geeze I miss you. I don't think I'll ever stop missing you, please know that."
The wind rustled the trees around him and he smiled,
"Thanks buddy, I doesn't make it any easier but at least I know you're listening. Come and visit soon will you? I need to hear your voice."
Jack spent another hour by his son's grave chatting about life and anything that came to mind. He knew he'd have to leave soon to make his flight but he couldn't bring himself to leave. His heart ached as he eventually stood and walked away. He would always blame himself and he couldn't stop a few tears streaming down his cheek. His throat hurt as he got into his car and his eyes stung as he pulled out of the car park. He exited the gate and headed for the airport. His vision was blurred but his concentration was fixed on the road. Eventually he pulled over and got out. He lent against the side of the car and took a few deep breaths.
His love for his son was huge and it was greater than any other feeling he had within him, even his love for Daniel. He had often thought that the pain he felt with Charlie's death would lessen overtime but every year it only seemed to grow. He was often distracted by work and other things but the tug was always there and he was beginning to accept it always would be.
Glancing at his watch he got back in the car and continued his trip – his mind playing the moment he'd heard the unmistakable sound of a gun firing from inside his home. By the time he got to the Airport he was in a never-ending bubble of hurt and he knew where that would lead. He checked in at the desk and went to sit in the lounge, taking out his phone he stared at the screen without dialing, his fingers wanting to punch in the familiar numbers but at the same time he didn't want to. Eventually he dialed,
"Hey."
"Hey."
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I just...needed to hear your voice."
"Jack, you sound upset."
"I just really needed to hear your voice."
"Okay, well did you know the General likes Hazelnut Latte's?"
"No I didn't." Jack let the beginnings of a smile appear at the corners of his mouth
"I was a bit surprised, I picked him for a straight flat white man."
"Everyone has their vices."
"That's what Sam said."
"I like Archaeologists - extra hot."
"I prefer Pilots - preferably with the rank of Colonel or above."
"I love you Danny."
"I know."
Jack noticed his hesitation and sighed,
"You're not alone are you?"
"Not anymore."
"Okay I'll let you go. Thank you."
"For what?"
"For answering your phone."
"Of course I would. You're not okay are you."
"I'm better now."
"I don't believe that."
"I really am, I just - needed to hear your voice."
"Call me when you land." Daniel whispered
"I will."
"Promise me."
"I promise. I always keep my promises."
"I know."
Jack hung up and turned his phone off, putting his head in his hands. He still didn't feel great but he hadn't lied, talking to Daniel had helped, it always did. His thoughts went backwards again but this time they stopped at the SGC and the first time he'd seen a long haired man look at him.
"Where would I be without you."
Keeping his eyes closed until his plane was called he mentally drew up image after image of both Daniel and his son, by the time his seat was called the images of Daniel outweighed Charlie.
When it gets hard
You know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing that makes us feel alive
Daniel walked in the door of his apartment and went looked around, there were artifacts everywhere and pictures on the wall but to him the space felt empty.
He put his things down and sat on the couch with his Journal but after almost twenty minutes he closed it again, the words not forming.
He stood on his balcony for a while, his eyes scanning the cityscape before he gave up and wandered inside again. Grabbing his keys he got in his car and before he knew it he was pulling up outside Jack's home. He let himself in and stood in the middle of the lounge room – he began to feel better.
He didn't like to admit it but he preferred Jack's home and although he had told Jack he would be fine at the apartment, in truth he didn't want to be there. He wandered into the kitchen and smiled at the sight that greeted him.
He moved the bottle of wine that had been sitting on top of a note on the bench and picked up the paper to read it,
'This is your place too and one day I hope you'll feel like you don't need my permission to be here. Make sure you eat while I'm gone. LY'
Jack had left the Thai menu next to the bottle and within minutes Daniel had dinner on It's way. He poured himself a glass and turned on the CD player whilst he waited. Jack had an eclectic taste in music and Daniel chose a classical piece – the strings quietly filling the room. He took a sip of wine and went to stand by the fireplace.
Jack didn't have many photo's out for a few reasons but in the past few months he had begun to place a few around his home. On the Mantle above the hearth was one of his son, Charlie. Daniel loved to look at him because he could see Jack in the mischievous eyes of the young boy.
He had met Charlie once or twice and even spoken to him – how that happened was enough to keep a therapist happy for a very long time but he knew it had happened and so he refused to question it.
His dinner arrived and he sat down on the couch, the music washing over him. When his phone vibrated in his pocket he let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding,
"Hey Danny."
"Jack – I was getting worried."
"I'm sorry, our flight was delayed because of weather."
"It's not your fault. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, a bit hungry – Domestic flights aren't the best for on-board eating."
"That's not what I meant."
"I know It's not."
Daniel waited expectantly for Jack to continue,
"I went to see Charlie."
"Oh."
"I'm sorry Danny."
"For what?"
"For – I don't know. For not bringing you with me, for not telling you what was going on, for a thousand other things. I had no idea how I'd deal with any of this and I can safely say I'm not dealing well."
"You don't have to deal well Jack, heck you don't have to deal at all."
"I guess I thought I should do this on my own."
"Jack I may be your partner and we share a lot of things but this is your family, If you don't want me with you it's fine. And I most likely wouldn't have got the time off anyway. It would seem very suspicious if we suddenly took off again after only just coming home."
"I guess."
"You know it's true."
Danny put aside his food and lay back against a pillow,
"So I may or may not be sitting on your couch."
Jack let out a small chuckle and Daniel smiled to hear it,
"Oh really. What happened to your wonderful apartment?"
"It's still there but I...I don't know."
"You know it would make life easier if you just moved in with me."
"I can't do that Jack."
"I know – I was only kidding."
Daniel got the distinct impression Jack wasn't joking but he let it slide,
"Anyway, I hope you don't mind."
"You know I don't" Jack spoke quietly.
"I won't stay, I promise I just..."
"Daniel, stay."
"I don't want to intrude."
"You're not an intruder. My house is your house, your home whenever you want it. Whether I'm in town or not. If you never wanted to go back to the apartment again then I'd be fine with that."
"I have fish."
Jack knew it wasn't the time to push the subject but he wished they lived in a world when he could ask his boyfriend to move in and no one would bat an eye.
*One day Danny, One day.* "So apart from the Hazelnut latte, did anything else happen today?"
The pair chatted for over an hour and Daniel got the feeling that Jack didn't want to hang up.
"Jack, you never answered my question, are you okay?"
"I am now."
"You said that earlier and I didn't believe you then either."
"My smart Archaeologist."
"I don't think my degree comes into this jack. I'm worried about you."
"I know, and I am okay, now anyway. This morning I couldn't stop thinking about Charlie and what happened. How it happened...I just...but then I thought of you and for a second I felt better. Every time I thought back to that moment I made sure I also thought about you."
"Why me?"
"Because you love me. And I needed to be reminded that somewhere out there, even knowing what I'd done, that there was someone who loved me."
"I'll always love you." Daniel acknowledged."
"I should let you sleep."
"I don't mind."
Daniel's response was overshadowed by a very large yawn,
"Goodnight beautiful."
"I'm not beautiful Jack."
"You are to me. I love you."
"I love you."
Daniel hung up his phone and took the rest of his meal to the kitchen. He had barely touched it but he found his tiredness outweighed his hunger. Placing it in the fridge he turned off the lights and went upstairs for a shower.
He may not live there but Daniel realised he had quite a few items sitting in the spare room of Jack's home. It had once been his room but he hadn't stayed in there since New Year. Quickly abandoning any thought he had of staying in there he returned to the main room and flipped on the nightlight. Seeing something on the dresser he walked over to it and picked up the item – a picture frame. It hadn't been there the night before, or if it had then he really didn't remember.
It was a picture taken only a few weeks before at the Cabin in Minnesota, of himself and Jack sitting against a tree by the lake. He didn't remember the picture being taken but from the angle he guessed that was the point. Jack had his eyes closed and Daniel was reading a book. Jack's arms were around his waist and Daniel was leaning back into him
He recalled sitting there, it was after Matt had his little blowup. The pair had wanted to spend a bit of time alone so they had gone for a walk and had spent a few hours just sitting and being together. He'd loved it.
Daniel continued to look at the picture for a while before heading out of the room and down the hall into Jack's Study. It was Jack's private sanctuary and Daniel didn't often go in there unless he had some paperwork to do but lately Jack had been insisting he keep his laptop set up in there instead of on the kitchen table.
The one thing that made the study different to every other room in the house was that there were pictures on the wall. Jack had photo's of his parents, sister, Charlie, even Sara had a place. Daniel didn't mind, it was the same as having a picture of Sha're on his desk – Sara was an important part of Jack's life. There were also some photo's of the team including a group shot from well over a year before of them sitting against the Stargate. Daniel had the same picture tucked away in a desk drawer in his apartment.
He walked over to the desk and opened the bottom drawer. Jack had cleared it out a few months before for Daniel's things so he wouldn't have to keep transporting them backwards and forwards between the SGC, the apartment and the house. Under the few pieces of paper he kept in there he pulled out a small book. There was nothing inside apart from a picture taken only weeks before, Jack had insisted they have a photo with Mickey mouse and Daniel loved it. He picked it up and closed the desk drawer. Taking it back to Jack's room he placed it aside the picture already there. He climbed into bed and spent a good long while staring between the two photos. Both moments were only days apart but in both he was happy.
The pictures were moments in a year of chaos that time had turned un-chaotic. He had never been big on pictures before, not since Amy, but there was something about seeing that small snapshot that made him feel good, like being able to relive those moments was the key to looking ahead for more moments in the future.
Daniel didn't think much about the future but he knew Jack did and lying there, staring at the pictures made him want to look ahead and want more photo's to be added to the dresser.
He turned off the night light and settled down under the familiar comforter, glad he decided to go Jack's.
…
Jack closed his phone and lay back on the bed. He wasn't a fan of motel rooms but he couldn't justify spending more on a few days away. He knew his back would protest later but for now it would have to do.
He pulled out his laptop and replied to a few emails before beginning on the backlog of mission reports he had to file. He had promised the General he would get at least two done whilst he was away – he was aiming to get one at least started.
He opened a file on his computer but his eye was caught by the 'Pictures' tab. He wasn't sure what was in it so he clicked it open. In seconds images of his son came up in tile form across the screen.
*What? How are these here?*
He had a vague recollection of Chelsea doing something on there a few weeks before when they were at the cabin but he had never asked what and she had never volunteered the information.
He opened the first one and tears automatically sprung to his eyes. It was Charlie all wrapped up in a blanket, from the date stamp he must have only been a few hours old.
His family had a thing for photographs, a camera was always lying around so they could get 'the moment'. Chelsea must have taken the picture, or maybe his mum.
He slowly clicked through the pictures, for over an hour he watched his son grow up – each picture a brief moment of time forever locked away – frozen so that they could be re-lived. One of the final pictures was of Charlie, Jack and Jack's father – Pop. Jack's breath caught and he moved his hand away from the keyboard. He didn't remember the picture being taken but he did remember that it was the last time they had all been together.
He had no idea how Chelsea had put the photos onto his laptop but knowing she had was enough for him.
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
Times forever frozen still
Daniel sat in front of the coffee machine, waiting for it to work it's magic. He'd slept well, better than he would have in his apartment but not as good as he usually would.
*Double-shot day.*
His phone vibrated on the bench, the loud noise startling him in the quiet of the morning. He looked down to see a message from Sam,
'Want a lift?'
He hesitated before replying. Although Sam was very aware of his relationship with Jack she wasn't aware just how involved they were. He felt a bit funny telling her he had stayed at Jack's without Jack being there.
'No it's okay, I can drive.'
The response came quickly,
'Make me a coffee in that machine of yours and I'll be at the Colonels in twenty.'
Daniel chuckled and shook his head in amusement,
*Boy they love pulling rank don't they.*
He pulled out a second travel mug and went back upstairs to change. As he was pulling on a clean pair of socks he sat looking again at the pictures on the dresser. He vowed to pick up a frame for the latest addition before Jack came home.
Over their year long relationship Daniel had made many personal advancements. A year ago he wouldn't have imagined sitting alone comfortably in Jack's home. Heck a year ago he was still worried Jack was going to kick him out.
Jack had always been understanding of his needs and had never pushed their relationship any further than Daniel was willing to go, because of that Daniel was usually the one to push the next step.
There were many aspects of their relationship that were un-conventional and because of that, things other couples took for granted they wouldn't be able to experience. Sam had touched on kids the day before and he hated to admit how much it upset him that he would never be able to hold his own child in his arms. Even living together was out of the question, at least while they still worked for the Air Force. And getting married...well at least they had both already experienced that.
Daniel pulled his shoes on and stood up, grabbing his watch off the dresser he glanced at it before heading back downstairs. Passing the study he paused briefly when he realised he'd left the desk open the night before.
Going in to close it he sat briefly at the desk, Jack's note-pad was sitting to one side. He picked it up with a pen and began to write.
…
Sam knocked on the door to the Colonel's home, when she didn't get a response she wandered around the back and let herself in via the back door. She usually wouldn't have dared such a thing but with jack out of town she felt a little better about taking the risk. Walking inside she could smell the freshly brewed coffee but couldn't see Daniel,
"Daniel?!"
"Up here!" came the reply.
She walked over to the coffee machine and began to fill the mugs,
"One shot or two?!"
"Two please!"
Sam smiled as she went about making the requested order. A few moments later Daniel appeared,
"Hey – how did you get in?"
"I have my ways. Ready to go?"
"Yeah I think so."
He took the offered flask and together they walked out the front door,
"Did you want me to drive or...?" Daniel queried
"My offer, I'll drive."
"Sounds good." Daniel agreed as he walked to Sam's car,
"So do you even live at your apartment anymore?"
Same asked as they headed out of the main town toward the SGC,
"Yes I live there...maybe one night a week. I did go there yesterday but..."
"It's okay Daniel, you don't need to explain."
"I know you probably think It's strange for me to be there even though Jack isn't home."
"Well it didn't surprise me."
"Really?"
"No, I mean not really. When I offered the lift I had a feeling you'd be here."
"Oh – I should really be more careful."
"I don't think it matters, how many people are going to offer you a lift? Everyone knows you usually go in with the Colonel or vice versa, and if you ever do entertain it's always at the apartment. The other night Janet wouldn't have known if you actually lived there or not."
"I guess."
"Seriously, don't let it bother you. I wish I had a nice home I could stay at whenever I wanted."
"It's pretty nice."
"And then some."
When they reached the SGC Daniel got out on 18 and Sam continued down to the Commissary. Unlike the day before she actually wanted to get stuck into some work she was doing on Wormhole Theory and she knew that once she started she most likely wouldn't stop until Daniel came to get her that afternoon. She re-filled her coffee mug and grabbed a few sandwiches before heading back out.
She walked past the notice board and glanced quickly over it, a small photo caught her eye. She stopped and took a closer look,
"Cute isn't he." Sam looked around to the voice that spoke, a young marine was eating breakfast at the table closest to her,
"Yeah he is."
"The photo was found in the locker room, no one is sure who it belongs to."
Sam turned back to the photo, the bright blue eyes sparkling at her, eyes she'd seen before on many occasions,
"I'm sure someone will claim him." Sam reasoned, "There are a few teams Off-World."
"I hope so, I don't know why, something about him seems...I don't know. Charismatic? Like you can't help but adore that face."
*Some of us still can't.*
"Id love to meet him. I mean I know kids can be painful sometimes and he may be the biggest brat but still."
"Maybe you will." Sam smiled before walking away. *How on earth did that picture get into the SGC?*
...
Jack sat in the car not moving. It wasn't like it was the first time he'd been to the cemetery but it didn't make it any easier.
He and his dad had been very close. Not as close as he was to Chelsea but that was a Daddy/Daughter thing, and he knew he had the same connection with his mum but that didn't stop him having a close relationship with his dad.
Jonathan O'Neill had been a firm man yet a kind one with a sense of Mischief and a loyalty streak that stretched a long way. His children knew when he was having fun and also when he wasn't. He taught love and respect in the same sentence and people who knew his son all agreed that the apple didn't fall far from the tree
So many people had left him in his life and he couldn't help but fear for the ones he had left. His mum was no spring chicken and Daniel always seemed to be getting into some sort of mess. If something happened to either of them Jack wasn't sure what he would do.
He continued to sit in the car, the sun warming the interior nicely. He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there when his phone range. He answered without looking at the screen,
"Hey." He spoke quietly
"Hi Jack." Came the equally quiet voice, Jack started as the voice wasn't the one he was expecting.
"Sara?"
"Yeah...How are you?"
"I'm good, how are you? I haven't heard from you in..."
"I know, I could say the same."
"Yeah I guess you can."|
"I didn't want to bother you but I know that today was...well...I know what today is."
"Yeah."
"I tried calling you a few months back...on that day...but I couldn't go through with it."
"I um, wasn't in the country anyway."
"Oh right. So you're back to that then?"
"Kind of."
"Are you being safe?"
"As much as I can be."
"Right."
Neither spoke for a few moments and Jack realised that for all they had been through, he no longer knew his wife.
*Ex-wife*
"I'm sorry Jack."
"I know."
"Are you alone up there?"
"Yeah I am. Chelsea couldn't get the time and mum came a few weeks ago."
"I'll come up if you need."
Jack smiled at the gesture,
"I'll be okay. I'm going to head home in the morning anyway."
"Alright then. Well stay safe and please call me If you want to talk."
"I will. Maybe when I come back we could catch up."
"I'd like that." Jack could hear the smile in her voice and he felt a little bad. "Jack?"
"Yeah?"
"When I rang and you answered...you thought I was someone else didn't you."
Jack hesitated but decided against lying,
"Yeah I did."
Jack grimaced at the pause on the other end of the line. Daniel had told him that Sara had been seeing someone, he wondered if that was still happening,
"Are you happy?"
"Yes I am. Very happy."
"Okay, well I really would like to catch up."
"I'll call you next week."
"Bye Jack."
"Sara, Thank you for calling. I means so much that you remembered."
Jack hung up the phone and sunk back in his seat.
*Wasn't expecting that.*
He shook his head to clear it and went to step out of the car. His phone vibrated again and this time he looked at it but saw only a message,
'I love you.'
Jack held the phone to his chest, attempting to draw whatever comfort he could from the three words and the man who sent them from over a thousand miles away
He walked toward the part of the cemetery where his father was buried feeling a sense of deja' vu. Standing in front of his grave he sunk down onto the grass,
"Hey dad."
Jack wasn't a self-conscious person but speaking to his day like this never came easy. He had a feeling Chelsea had purposely not been able to get the time off – last year they had come together but Chelsea hadn't been able to be there long. Jack had stayed for over an hour while she sat in the car.
"I can't really ask how you've been – Oh man why did I just say that."
Jack picked at a tuft of grass, his mind working through his thoughts,
"So dad, I have to tell you something. I haven't meant to keep it from you for so long it's just that last time I saw you I still wasn't sure there was anything to tell. I mean there was but I didn't know how...Dad I've been seeing someone."
Jack cringed as he said it. He wasn't ashamed to say anything but he was ashamed he'd kept it quiet for so long. There was a time he would have told his dad anything, distance would never have stopped him.
"Look you may not understand, heck I didn't understand at first, anyway I've been seeing someone for a year now. His name is Daniel."
Jack waited for the bolt of lightning, the tree branch to come crashing down on him, something. After a minute when nothing happened he continued,
"I don't know how it happened, I mean I didn't break up with Sara in the hopes that I'd find a young man to spend the rest of my life with but that's kind of what happened."
The air around him was still and Jack got the sense that someone was listening,
"I wish you could meet him dad. He's so smart – I mean he can speak so many languages and he has so many degrees, I have no idea what he's doing with a guy like me. I uh, I don't know how you feel about the guy part. Mum loves him, so does Chelsea, I wish you could love him too. I have a feeling you wouldn't be a fan of the situation, but I wish you would be. He really is amazing dad."
Jack continued to play with the grass before brightening a little,
"I can show him to you!"
He pulled out a photo from his wallet. He knew it was dangerous to keep a picture of him there, what if his wallet was stolen or if he lost it – but he hadn't wanted to make the trip without Daniel, no matter what he'd said.
"This is him, I know right, definitely not military but he seems to make it work for him."
Jack looked at the photo fondly before putting it away again,
"I love him dad. I really do, I doubt you would approve but it's not going to stop me loving him. Maybe one day I'll bring him to meet you."
He shifted positions and continued talking about everything else on his mind. He spoke about the Stargate program and the places he'd seen. He told him all about Chelsea's engagement and what he knew about the upcoming wedding. He spoke about the cabin and some of the repairs he was going to have to make. After a while he trailed off and after glancing at his watch he realised he'd been talking for a few hours.
"Dad – I miss you."
He got up and brushed off his pants before walking away. After everything he'd put himself through over the last two days he wanted a drink.
It was mid afternoon before he made it back to his motel room. Deciding to wait a little longer and have an early dinner he ran the shower and sat himself down in the tub. He pulled out a book and began to read. Daniel had been encouraging him to read more beyond his monthly Nat Geo subscription and apparently this book was funny so he figured he'd give it a go.
Opening up the first page a folded note fell out and into the water. Retrieving it he waved it about lightly to dry it and opened it out, there were a few lines of handwritten print,
'Our dead are never dead to us until we have forgotten them.'
'Never forget!'
Jack frowned at the words that were written in Daniel's careful print, Jack wasn't sure that the words were written directly for him as Daniel wouldn't have known he was going to take the book but that didn't stop the words being right on target.
He placed the paper carefully on the floor next to the tub to dry and picked up his phone,
"Daniel Jackson."
"Hey Danny."
"Hey, are you okay?"
"I'll be fine."
"That's not what I asked." Daniel pointed out
"I know it's not, and I am okay, or I will be when I can see you again."
"Do you want me to come up?"
"You know I almost wish you would."
"I can be there in seven hours." Daniel pointed out
"It would be almost 2200 hours before you got here, I'm fine Danny, really, It's just been a long two days. and let's face it, I put it on myself. I didn't have to come and see dad and I definitely didn't need to see Charlie."
"Of course you did. Jack if we forget the ones we've lost - that's when they are really dead. As long as we remember them they are alive."
"You know I think I've heard that somewhere very recently." Jack acknowledged with a glance at the note paper on the ground."
"Don't be sorry for wanting to remember your family, and never feel bad about it."
"I won't. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry, just don't forget - they aren't worth forgetting."
"No they aren't. Thank you Danny."
"Are you sure you don't want me to come up?"
"I'm sure, just do me a favor."
"What's that?"
"Be there when I get home tomorrow."
"I will be."
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Wait for me to come home
Jack was on a late flight home which put him into Colorado after 9pm. When he landed his phone began to beep loudly, seeing four missed calls from the General he dialed automatically fearing something bad had happened,
"Good Evening Jack – I trust your trip was okay."
"It went fine general, what's with all the missed calls?"
"Well I hoped to catch you before you left so you could be re-routed but that's okay. I need you to go to Washington in my stead."
"The Joint Chiefs Sir?"
"I'm meant to give my quarterly briefing but I'm not feeling so great."
"I don't think I've ever seen you unwell Sir."
"It happens to the best of us Jack."
"When is this joyous meeting to take place?"
"0800."
"Oh...I don't have my uniform Sir."
"I am aware Colonel. I've had it brought to the Airport. There should be someone there waiting for you."
"Sir SG1?"
"Will remain grounded till your return. You will only be gone for a day."
"Understood Sir."
"Have fun Jack."
"Oh you too Sir."
Jack hung up and went to see who the Colonel had sent. Walking through the terminal to head back toward the Departure Lounge he spotted a familiar head of shaggy brown hair and His heart soared.
Daniel stood with a small overnight bag and a suit bag,
"I guess that the overnight bag isn't for you." Jack said by way of greeting,
"No it's yours. One bag, your uniform and one return ticket."
Daniel handed off the items as he spoke. Their hands brushed throughout the exchange leaving both men wishing they were in a less public space.
"When do I fly out?"
"Pretty much now. The plane is being held for you."
"Well It was nice to be home for the two seconds I was here."
"You're not home yet." Daniel pointed out
"Maybe, but I think my head already was."
"Well who knew you would have to fly out again."
Daniel turned and they walked outside and down the path toward the opposite end of the airport.
"Is the General okay?"
"He seemed fine, why?"
"Well he told me he wasn't feeling great."
"He may not be but he did look okay."
"Hmm. So when am I coming home?"
"I haven't looked at your ticket so I'm not sure."
"Hold these?"
Jack handed over the bags once again to Daniel making sure to bush his arm as he did,
"I'll be back the same time tomorrow."
"That's not too bad."
"It could have been better."
"It could have been worse."
"Mr Positive." Jack smiled at him.
They entered the departure lounge and headed straight for the gate. Jack presented his ticket and once more took the items back from Daniel,
"Thank you for bringing these. Tell the General I hope he gets better."
"Not a problem Colonel."
Daniel flicked his eyes deliberately toward Jacks bag before raising a hand in farewell.
Jack walked toward the gate and through the checkpoint. He turned back just before walking through to see Daniel had done the same before leaving. Taking one last look he once again boarded a flight bound for Washington DC.
He opened his bag before stowing it in the overhead cabins and found his notes for the meeting as well as an envelope. He took everything out to review them and sat down for takeoff.
Opening the envelope he took out a letter filled with Daniel's neat print.
'I hope you don't mind that I'm using your desk to write this, I was getting something from the drawer and I saw the paper.
I was sitting on the bed last night when I saw the picture on the dresser. I hope you don't mind but I added a second one. I know you don't like photographs around because you're worried people will gain too much information that they could then use against you but I think we should be able to display our relationship somewhere, and if not our own bedroom then where?
Yes I said Our Bedroom. Jack I know you think about our future all the time and I love that about you, It gives me hope that we actually have a future. You tell me we have forever and I believe that. We will never be able to have a future like a normal couple, not without telling people about us and we can't do that, but that shouldn't stop us having pockets – places where we can be ourselves without fear. The Cabin is one of those places, Disneyland and Our bedroom.
So I've put out another photo of us, a frozen moment of time that we were happy, and I'd love it if we could add to it over time.
…
The General asked me to get your suit and take it to the Airport for you because you're going to Washington. I love this suit, I'll never forget the first time I saw you in it after we started our relationship.
You came to New York remember – you walked into the conference and told everyone the President wanted to see me. I could barely take it in because you were in that damn suit.
I know by the time you read this you will be on your way to Washington but don't worry, I made you a promise that I would be here when you got home and I will be.
I love Jack, more than you know.'
Jack saw more than felt the tear stains on the paper before he realised they had come from him. He read back over the letter a dozen times, each time he was struck anew at Daniel's profession of love.
"Our bedroom." He spoke the words aloud.
Loving can heal
Loving can mend your soul
And it's the only thing that I know (know)
Daniel spent his down time at the SGC going over some translations that other SG teams had brought back as well as cataloging a few of the artifacts he had brought back from Egypt. He didn't want to admit it but after a few days he was kind of looking forward to getting back out into the universe. As much as he loved doing what he did but there was always a pull to explore.
Finishing up for the day he packed up and headed out. He'd taken his own car that day so he could head to the mall straight after work.
He usually avoided the place at all costs, the crowds weren't really his thing but he'd made a decision to get a photo frame before Jack came home and the change of plans yesterday meant he'd had an extra day.
Browsing through the various options his mind was taken back to a similar experience he'd had with Amy, except on that occasion he had been making the decision under sufferance. Amy had been putting on a show, this time he wanted it.
Choosing a basic white frame he also picked up a few spares. He'd meant what he'd told Jack – he wanted more memories.
Paying for his purchases he also picked up a few groceries before heading back to Jack's. He hadn't heard from him but he was sure everything was okay and he'd made a promise, he wanted to be there when Jack got home.
Placing the picture into it's frame he placed it next to it's friend and he once again reflected on his experience with Amy.
She had been hell-bent on showing the world that she was in a relationship with the one and only Dr Daniel Jackson that she felt the need to parade the fact at any and every opportunity which meant she had a wall lined with pictures.
To this day Daniel had no idea what became of the pictures but in saying that he had no idea what had become of Amy. He had never told Jack about Amy, he'd barely even mentioned Sarah but Jack did know of them. Sarah was a mistake on his part, Amy he was embarrassed about.
He hadn't thought about Amy in a long time and even now as he did he realised that he wasn't actually upset – and that was new. Every time he thought about Amy he would feel bitter and wonder if it was going to happen again but this time he didn't get the same feeling. He smiled widely as the realisation hit home.
When Jack walked through the door an hour later Daniel barely had time to register that he was still wearing his Dress Blues before he had him pressed against the wall,
"Woah, missed me did you?"
"I love you Jack."
Jack blinked in surprise and looked deep into Daniels eyes, seeing nothing there except happiness Jack gave in to the younger man and allowed himself to be maneuvered upstairs,
He carefully undid the buttons of his jacket but Daniel had other ideas. He pulled at Jack's shirt and as a button went flying he pushed Jack onto the bed,
"Danny, what's got into you?"
"Nothing yet but I'm working on it."
"Oh my God."
Jack's eyes glazed as Daniel slid up over him making sure he had as much contact as possible. He pressed himself against Jack and felt Jack harden inside his pants,
"Danny you're going to have to help me out here, It's getting a bit uncomfortable."
"Only a bit? I'm not working hard enough." Daniel smirked
"Oh believe me it's hard."
Daniel obliged and pulled the zipper of Jack's pants down and shifted the waistband of his boxers so he sprang free. Jack sighed in relief but it was short lived as Daniel's lips closed around him.
"Danny...I...yeah that..."
He ran his fingers through Daniel's hair and a part of his registered that this was one of the many reasons he preferred Daniel's longer hair. He bucked his hips involuntarily as he fought to hold on,
"Geeze Daniel...Keep that up and this won't last much longer."
"Don't care."
"I do."
Jack managed to push Daniel off and remove his trousers completely in record time, his mind briefly running over the fact he would need to find a new dry-cleaner. There's no way he could use his usual guy.
He sat back on the bed and pulled Daniel back to him none to gently. Daniel kept a tight hold of Jack as the older man worked to remove as much of Daniel's clothing as possible in the shortest amount of time.
He almost came undone when Daniel began to fondle his balls but he quickly removed his hand and moved so Daniel was underneath him,
"I think you need to be caught up."
Jack began to mirror Daniel's previous ministrations and it wasn't long before he had Daniel writhing under him.
*That's better.*
Jack instinctively reached out for the bedside table but found he wasn't close enough to reach. Rolling his eyes he let go of Daniel and quickly made his way up the bed. He reached out again only to be thrown off balance when Daniel took the opportunity to once again take Jack into his mouth, the angle enabling him to take Jack all the way to the root.
Jack collapsed back onto the bed, his search forgotten as Daniel once again took control.
"Daniel!"
*I love him saying my name like that.*
He rolled Jack over and took up his search, a practiced hand finding the tube. Squeezing a bit out he wrapped his hand around himself matching his movements with his mouth. He wasn't sure how much longer he would hold on, he'd been wanting Jack for hours. Inserting 2 fingers inside Jack to prepare him he kissed his way up his body till he was lying over him,
"Jack?"
"Hmm?"
Jack was very confused as to why they were speaking, his brain was no longer capable of conscious thought,
"I love you."
Daniel rolled Jack over again and taking hold of his hips he positioned himself against Jack and slowly pushed his tip inside him. Jack hissed at the familiar pressure and pushed back against Daniel taking his whole length.
Daniel groaned and pulled out slightly before pressing in again. The men matched their movements gradually building up speed,
"Geeze Daniel, harder."
"Jack I..."
"Harder!"
Daniel shifted slightly and slammed back into Jack, the new angle meant he hit his prostate with surprising accuracy. Jack let out a shout and grabbed Daniel's hand, wrapping it around his shaft. Daniel gave a small squeeze and felt Jack come in his hand. His mind went blank as he joined him.
Daniel collapsed on top of Jack, his breathing heavy, sweat dripped from both men. They lay together for a long time, neither speaking, as they caught their breath. Jack held onto Daniel's hand and didn't let go.
Finally Daniel went to move off Jack which caused Jack to stir,
"Don't move."
"We have to." Daniel whispered quietly
"Please, I want you here – like this."
"We need to get cleaned up, we'll come back."
"I honestly don't think I have the energy."
"Me neither, but we have to."
"Spare room?"
"Not our bed."
Jack turned his head to look at his partner – the aftermath of their love making was evident from the look of exhaustion in his eyes.
"Come on."
Jack ran the shower and they had a quick wash before heading back towards the room. Daniel sighed and kept walking toward the spare room but Jack stopped him,
"Our bed."
Jack pulled him into the main room and between the two of them they changed the sheets in record time. Daniel climbed between the sheets and Jack pulled the covers up over them. He pulled Daniel back against him and slipped one arm underneath him, the other draped low over his hips. Daniel turned more onto his stomach which caused Jack to be partially on top of him. Daniel wriggled slightly and moved Jack's hand a little more till it was resting against his groin. Instinctively Jack cupped his balls and Daniel let out a contented breath
"I should go away more often."
"Hmm."
Jack kissed Daniel's shoulder and rested his head back on the pillow,
"You okay?"
"Very – just tired."
"What was that about?"
"Complaints?"
"Not a one, just a bit confused."
"I love you."
"Come on Danny."
Daniel groaned but shifted again so he could look at his partner,
"I love you – that's it. Pure and simple, I love you."
"That's really it? Danny you've never been *that* forward before, now I'm not complaining, I'm really not but it just seems like it should be more than "I love you."
"That really is it Jack. I love you. I have loved people before but nothing like what I feel for you. You help me forget the past, you're giving me a future. I love you and I wanted you to know it."
"Danny I know it, believe me I know it. You don't need to prove yourself to me, or to yourself."
"I wasn't. I was expressing how you make me feel. Jack there was a moment for me tonight that made me realise that the parts of me that are damaged are starting to mend and that's your doing."
"I wasn't even here."
"Yes you were, you're with me everywhere Jack and you're slowly stitching me back together."
"You're mending me too." Jack acknowledged, "When I was away, every time I went to the dark place you were there."
Daniel cupped Jack's cheek and kissed him before settling back again against the pillows in the same position they were previously in. It wasn't long before his breathing became deep and even. Jack lay awake for a while longer, his mind processing his evening, when he did eventually fall asleep it was with Daniel still held tightly in his arms.
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of ya
And it's the only thing we take with us when we die
Daniel woke up to his alarm to find the bed empty beside him. Rolling over he felt for Jack but finding nothing he got up, pulled on a robe and walked toward the smell of brewing coffee,
"Now that's a sight I've missed the past few days." Jack smiled at Daniel's bleary eyes
"You're up early?"
"I wanted to make you breakfast, I'm sure you've barely eaten the last few days."
"I've eaten Jack."
"Okay, but I still made you breakfast."
Daniel shook his head but sat down to the plate of waffles and the large cup of coffee Jack had laid out,
"You know this will probably make us late."
"Breakfast doesn't make people late. Traffic makes people late."
"the non-existent type that usually lies between here and the SGC?"
"Exactly, now eat up."
Daniel bit into a waffle and chewed thoughtfully,
"So um...hey."
"Hey what?"
"Hey as in hello. I don't think I ever actually said hello last night."
"No I don't think you did either, you seemed to have something else on your mind."
"yeah...sorry."
"Oh don't be, believe me I was fine with it."
"Still, I should have said hello."
"Well hello." Jack acknowledged as he sat down opposite him, "So about last night."
"I'm sorry." Daniel looked down at his waffles, his cheeks starting to glow a light pink,
"There he is."
"Huh?" Daniel looked at Jack, confusion outweighing the embarrassment
"That's my Daniel. I thought I'd lost you for a bit."
"What are you talking about?"
"My Daniel, the one I fell madly in love with. The one who couldn't touch me without getting embarrassed. The one who couldn't believe that someone could like him let alone love him. Don't get me wrong the Daniel that's been around the past few weeks has been great and last night...well to say I wouldn't mind a repeat performance would be an understatement but this, the quieter Daniel, the man I fell in love with, I've missed him – I won't lie I was worried he'd gone."
"He hasn't gone. He's just not weak anymore."
"Daniel you were never weak – you were, sorry *are* the strongest person I know. Having a gentler side is not a show of weakness."
"I know."
"Well don't be afraid to show it. Just because you decide to move forward with your life doesn't mean you need to forget the past."
Daniel continued to eat his waffles and when he at last drained his coffee he sat back and Jack noticed he had wrapped his arms around himself in a hug,
"You actually liked the old me?"
"I *love* all of you. And I don't think it's an old vs new thing Danny. It's just you – all of you. Your personality before and now is still the same you're just letting the different parts of it shine through. I love you Daniel, I was just worried that you were going to repress the gentler part of you. Sometimes it's a necessity but not all the time
"Last night was a part of you that I have never seen before but that doesn't mean I didn't like it, just like the part of you that gets embarrassed when you catch me looking at you in the locker room is a part of you and I like that too. Just be you Danny, that's all I ask – no more or less."
Daniel nodded and stretched,
"Come on, we have to go or we'll be late."
"Traffic!"
"I'm sure he'll believe that as much as when I told everyone you'd gone camping."
"Yeah that wasn't your best line."
"I don't think traffic will fly either." Daniel mumbled as he walked up the stairs. He walked into the spare room and removed clothes from the dresser before heading into the main room to grab his shoes, he paused as a pair of arms encircled his waist,
"I love this idea Danny." Jack looked at the photo's on the dresser
"You started it. You put a photo out."
"But you continued it. We need to go shopping on our next day off."
"What for?"
"A bigger dresser, something we can fit a lot more photo's on. Maybe also something you can fit some clothes into."
"I can't move in Jack – I just can't. I'm not ready."
"That's fine Danny, But you do have some things here. If we move them into this room then we can convert the spare room into an office for you or we could even renovate and make this one bigger...I don't know but that's not the point, this dresser will only be able to fit a handful of pictures on it."
"And we'll have more than that." Daniel smiled
"Exactly."
"Okay – we'll get a bigger dresser."
"And some more frames."
"I got some spares." Daniel admitted
"Good thinking Doctor!"
"Come on Jack, we have to get going. Not even traffic is going to make us this late."
"Multi car pile up?"
"Good luck with that."
We keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Our hearts were never broken
Times forever frozen still
They arrived at the SGC with a few minutes to spare and headed straight into a briefing. Neither man had spoken again about the night before but the events played over like a film for both of them meaning at one point or another Jack would get a mischievous look or Daniel would blush. Sam looked between them and although neither looked at the other she could tell they were both on the same page.
*How is this fair that they're looking like that and I'm not getting any!*
The General gave the green light and within thirty minutes SG1 were walking the halls toward the Gate room. Jack checked to make sure his jacket was done up before sticking his fingers into his breast pocket. He frowned and Sam saw his eyes narrow as he felt a little more incessantly,
"Jack? Everything okay?" Daniel questioned,
"Yeah...I guess."
"You look like you lost something."
"Oh, nothing important. Okay kids let's move out."
…
Three hours later they returned unscathed and after a short de-brief it was determined that a UAV would be launched to determine if the planet was worth further study for scientific purposes.
The General determined they would go out again one more time that day to check on the people of a planet they had visited the previous year. Jack asked for a short period to grab a snack which was given and he left quickly without another word. Sam looked at Danile who shrugged and commented that he was getting some coffee. Sam followed after a moment but instead of going to the com she went to her lab to grab something before heading to Jack's office.
She walked in to find paperwork everywhere and jack on his hands and knees looking under his desk,
"Sir?"
"We ship out again in ten Carter."
"yes Sir, I think I have something of yours."
He looked up as Sam held out the photo of the young boy,
"How did you get that?" Jack asked getting up
"It was dropped in the main locker room, I'm not sure when but someone found it and put it on the noticeboard."
"You recognised it? How?"
"Because I see those eyes daily. They might be older and a little sadder but anyone who cared would know it was Daniel.
"Thanks, I was worried I'd lost it."
"How do you have this photo? Does Daniel know you have it?"
"No, I have managed to track down a few people from his past and one of them had this picture."
"That's lovely that people out there obviously cared enough to keep things of his."
"Yeah. Anyway thanks Sam, I don't like going Off-World without it."
"I figured that's what you were looking for."
Sam went to leave but turned back at the door,
"Sir, why that picture? I mean if it was a current picture I'd understand but a children's picture?"
"Two reasons; first if something happened and I was caught with a picture of Daniel in my jacket...at least I could say this was a picture of my son."
"Okay that I get, and the second?"
Jack looked at the young boy in the picture, his cheeks on the cusp between baby fat and boyhood,
"The second is that I like a reminder that *this* is Daniel – it's who he was meant to be before life screwed him over. This happy boy is still inside Daniel and I plan to spend my life making sure he doesn't disappear."
Sam nodded and left to prepare for their departure. Jack sat on his desk and looked at the picture again,
*And thirdly because I never want to be without him.*
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket
Of your ripped jeans
Holdin' me closer
'Til our eyes meet
You won't ever be alone
Daniel opened the door to his apartment and for once he embraced the cold feeling it gave off. He sat down on his couch and automatically picked up his journal which he had left there earlier in the week.
He put pen to paper and held it there – once again the words not coming out. He had no idea why they were blocked up inside but knowing he couldn't journal it left him even more frustrated than when he walked through the door. He got up and made a decision that was so unusual for him that he almost thought about it – but didn't. He pulled a beer out of the fridge. He took three mouthfuls before he registered that he wasn't a fan,
*Oh well it could be worse.*
"Got another one of those?"
Daniel jumped as Jack's voice appeared behind him
"Geeze! Jack you scared me."
Jack managed to look a bit guilty as he shrugged slightly,
"Sorry."
"And yeah, in the fridge."
"Why do you have these anyway?" Jack asked as he opened the door,
"For you."
Jack opened the bottle and both men stood at opposite ends of the small kitchen. Jack opened his mouth to speak but hesitated and took a mouthful of beer instead. Daniel looked at his shoes and pursed his lips,
"What the heck!" Jack finally asked
"I have no idea."
"We were sick."
"Were we?" Daniel asked finally, "Okay yeah sure we snapped every time we came in contact with the noise but that doesn't mean it wasn't there to come out in the first place."
"I know."
Jack took another mouthful of beer and shrugged again,
"I don't know Danny, I just don't know."
"Well it's obvious we have an issue."
"Do we?"
"Oh come on Jack, there's obviously things we're not telling the other and we're pretending everything is okay when it's clearly not."
"Danny I didn't realise there was an issue till today."
"Me neither!"
"Why are we yelling?!" Jack inquired loudly
"I have no idea!" Daniel threw back.
They both looked at each other and Jack took a very deep breath,
"I guess sometimes I get irritated that you're always right. I know that's petty!" Jack interrupted as Daniel opened his mouth to speak, "I don't know what it is. I'm not the smartest kid in town and I definitely didn't do great at school and occasionally it gets to me that I'm not as helpful in the ideas department. I mean look at you, there's no way I'm living up to that."
"You manage to hold your own. And I'm not always right"
"Yeah but still, one day I'd love you to be wrong."
"So you can throw it in my face?"
"No so that I can feel a little less intimidated."
"Intimidated...by me?"
"More than you know."
"How can you be intimidated by me and my 'Flakey' mind?"
"Ouch, I said that didn't I. I didn't mean it in a bad way...okay maybe on the planet I did but I just meant that you're brain goes in a thousand directions at once, I'm sure one day it's going to implode."
"That's how my brain works jack, If I look at something I see tangents, and those tangents have tangents but if follow them I seem to get where I need to go."
"I know it's just frustrating not being as smart as you."
"You are smart Jack. You graduated at the top of your class! Yes I know about that, and you don't lead black ops teams if you're stupid."
"Yeah but still. Ignorant and Condescending?"
"Well you have to admit you can be."
"I'm not ignorant - I just have no idea."
"Then ask!"
"And that makes me look like more of an idiot."
"And I just don't get how complacent you are about everything. I mean if something goes wrong you're all like 'oh well.'"
"I'm not complacent Daniel, I just get that we can't have it all."
"I'm very well aware of that Jack."
"I mean we can't go to all these other places and not expect to have an impact. It would have sucked if we'd done something irreversible but one day it's going to happen - we won't be able to stop it, we *will* be the cause and that's something I've already dealt with so that when it does happen I'll still be able to think clearly and lead my team to the best of my ability."
The two men looked at each other without blinking, neither wanting to be the first to give in
"That makes you way smarter than me." Daniel spoke finally
"How so?"
"Because when the time comes, I'm going to need someone to tell me I'm not to blame."
"And I'll be there to tell you."
The two men walked toward each other and into the others arms,
"Jack I'm sorry. I didn't realise these things were sitting there."
"Neither did I, but they were and they came out and now we know about it we can work on it."
"I love you."
"I love you."
"I'm glad you came over."
"I wasn't letting you get away that easy."
Daniel pulled away and picked up his beer again,
"You want this? I'm not really a fan."
"Leave it and we'll go out for something better."
Daniel brightened and went to get his Jacket.
"O'Malley's?"
"Sure."
"You know one day I wouldn't mind going back to that Italian place."
"It's a date."
…
"Jack would you mind if I stayed at the apartment tonight?"
"Whatever you like Danny, are we...okay?"
"Yeah, I just haven't written in my journal in a while and I kind of want to. I need to."
"No probs."
Jack dropped Daniel off outside his apartment, grabbing his hand as he opened the door,
"Are you okay?"
"Yeah I am. Thank you Jack - Dinner was great. you know you need to stop paying when we go out."
"You cook all the time - this is me cooking."
Daniel rolled his eyes and Jack lent in for a kiss,
"Will you drive tomorrow?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, well I'll see you in there."
"I love you Jack."
"I know Danny, I love you."
He watched Daniel walk inside before heading back to his place. It had been a long time since he had been in his house without Daniel and he was quick to notice how empty it felt.
He headed straight upstairs but instead of heading to bed he sat for a while at his desk. A part of him still couldn't believe how quickly he and Daniel had jumped down each others throats. They rarely fought but it seemed that when they did it was usually with some pent up feelings.
*Isn't that usually the reason people argue.*
Jack played his Game Boy for a while but it wasn't long before his eyes were drooping,
*Come on Jack – go to bed.*
He put it away again and got up to stretch. He dawdled by the bookcase as he was leaving, his mind not wanting to relax. He sat down on the floor and pulled out an old photo album. In it were pictures of his family, times he'd spent with Sara and Charlie on vacations, times before Charlie when it had just been himself and Sara. There was even a photo taken with Ellie. He laughed at that one and pulled it out to show her when he next saw her.
Looking at the pictures he began to wonder if Daniel's idea of chronicling their relationship was really a good idea.
His life wasn't as complex as when he had been married to Sara but there was still a lot to hide. He flipped through the remaining pictures eventually coming to the end. He put the album back and yawned again. Getting up he wandered into his room and collapsed on his bed, rolling over to maneuver his way under the covers he looked over at the dresser, the two pictures sitting there gave him a warm feeling. He got up again and went to the study where his phone was charging, he sent a quick message to Daniel and returned to bed. He woke up to the loud beeping of an incoming text a few hours later, instead of ignoring it he got up and stumbled into the study. The message was simple,
'I like it.'
Quickly sending a reply, Jack returned to bed and sunk into a deep sleep – infinitely glad he had followed Daniel home that evening.
And if you hurt me
That's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
Daniel walked back into his apartment, there was still a lonely feeling but it wasn't as cold as earlier in the evening. He couldn't believe what a difference a night out with Jack had made.
He fed his fish and watched them swim a little before pouring himself a glass of wine, opened his balcony door and settled back on the couch. He once again picked up his journal and for the first time in weeks the words flowed,
He took a break after a few hours for a shower before returning to his writing. He filled pages with words – alternating between his work Journal, his personal journal as well as a third he had only pulled out occasionally over the years. Writing for him was cathartic, everything about the written word appealed to him and he loved that there was still a need for it.
*I hope we never reach a day where it becomes obsolete.*
He reached for the 3rd journal, opening it he read back over his last entry – over a year ago. Daniel flicked briefly through the previous pages, he'd first started this one when he was nine and it was one of only a few to have survived the constant moves of those first few years.
As he flicked he noticed a page coming out. He went to the page in question and found that it wasn't a page but a photograph. His mind began to think about how often photographs had come up over the past week but he dismissed the thought and concentrated on the item in his hands, It was a picture of himself as a child with his parents in front of the Great Pyramid.
He had forgotten about the photograph and seeing it reminded him of the other pictures throughout this particular journal. He browsed the pages and pulled out three other pictures, One of him on his 1st Graduation day, another with Amy and one with Sarah. He only briefly glanced at the picture of Amy, happy to have finally put that chapter to rest.
The one of him graduating was nice. He wasn't even sure who had taken it or who had given it to him but there it was.
The one of him and Sarah was a solid reminder that as much as the world had failed him, he had also failed her. By the time she had left him he had sunk so far into himself that the poor girl didn't stand a chance.
Laying the images to the side he once again picked up the one of his parents. It was such an old picture, all grainy and unclear. His parents faces may have been unclear but in his head they were as sharp as if they were standing before him. He put away the pictures but kept the one of his parents out. He went and placed it on the bookshelf next to a locket that had belonged to his mother.
Inside the locket had once been a picture of himself and his father but he had long ago replaced it with an image of his mother. There was a time he wouldn't have been caught dead without the it but to keep it safe he'd decided to keep it at the apartment, he couldn't afford to lose it on some strange planet he may not have access to if he did for some reason lose it.
He'd had it with him the whole time he had been on Abydos, Sha're had been fascinated with it and would ask him to recall stories from his childhood. He didn't have many but the ones he did have he told her again and again.
He put the chain around his neck and felt the familiar weight of the locket hang against his chest, the cold metal quickly warming against his skin,
*I miss you guys."
A cool breeze blew into the apartment and Daniel went to shut the balcony door, faltering for a moment he went instead to stand outside. It was well after midnight – actually it was closer to 2am but he wasn't tired. The lights of Colorado Springs were laid out before him and in the distance was Cheyenne Mountain – invisible among the mountain range.
He stood there for a few minutes gazing up at the sky, the lights of the city meant that any stars were barely visible and he wished he was sitting on Jack's Deck.
*Or the look out.*
Daniel hadn't been up to the space near the mountain in a long time but he remembered it well. He went back inside, grabbed his jacket, phone and keys and went to walk out the door. Checking his phone he saw a message from Jack from a few hours earlier,
'A thought – what if we added a photo of Charlie? I know it's our space but he's special to me as well. Maybe one of your parents? – Or not – I don't know.'
Daniel couldn't help but smile at Jack's message. The whole idea of putting out photos was a big step for him, it was a big step for them both and they were taking it together. For once it wasn't one trying to catch up to the other.
Daniel replied as he headed down the stairs to his car. Getting in he drove the thirty minutes to the hidden turn off and a few minutes later he pulled up where the track ended. He got out of the car and walked the few minutes to the lookout spot. It wasn't an official lookout – it was more a rocky outcrop that overlooked Colorado Springs. If you didn't know it was there you would never find it. Jack had taken him there a few times and Daniel liked the solitude of the space.
He sat with his legs dangling over the edge of the outlay and briefly heard Jack's voice in the back of his mind telling him to be careful. He looked up and finally was able to see the mass of stars above him,
*that's much better.*
His eyes instinctively sought out Abydos – a bare patch in the sky that he knew held the planet he once called home. He reached inside his shirt and pulled out the locket, holding it firmly against his chest he closed his eyes
"I love you mum and dad, I hope you guys are okay – haven't seen you in a while. I hope I'm doing the right thing moving forwards with Jack. I just don't know how far we'll actually be able to go. Is it worth it in the end?"
"It's always worth it sweetheart."
Daniel opened his eyes and looked at his mum,
"I'm going to fall."
"I would never let that happen."
"How does this happen?"
"We always taught you to question what you know so you could better understand. this - don't try to question sweetheart."
"Is it just my imagination?"
"Maybe, but I don't think there's any harm in it. We are only limited by our imaginations."
Daniel sighed and looked back out over the town. Clair took his hand and held it tightly,
"We are always here for you Daniel, we will never leave you."
"I know."
"And you know you can ask us anything. We may not be able to answer you straight away but we do hear you."
Daniel remained quiet and Clair squeezed his hand tightly,
"Sweetheart don't be afraid."
"I'm not afraid, I'm just worried it will all be for nothing."
"Love is never nothing."
"But relationships are meant to expand, they're meant to grow. I wont be able to grow with Jack."
"Say's who?"
"Society."
"And since when do you listen to what the social norm says is right?"
"I don't know."
Daniel looked at their entwined hands, taking what comfort he could from their hold,
"Daniel do you love Jack?"
"Very much."
"And he loves you - we hear him tell you everyday. The rest is just details."
"I pay attention to details."
"yes you do, sometimes too much. Danny please don't worry about the future, just experience it for what it is, an adventure!"
"But mum I want it all, I want what I can't have. I always want what I can't have."
"That's human nature, everyone does. We can't have everything we want but we can have what we need. You needed me tonight and i came. You need Jack to show you your future and he can if you let him."
"But what kind of future can we have?" Daniel was becoming exasperated.
"Whatever kind of future you like. Daniel you can either close off and live your life sheltered or you can take the time you've been given and open your mind to the possibilities it has to offer."
"I just can't seem to see the possibilities in our relationship."
"You have only been together for a year Danny - relationships take time to evolve."
"I know, I just can't see the next step."
"Maybe the next step is a long way off and it's not visible yet. That doesn't mean it's not there."
Daniel lent his head on Clair's shoulder and she hugged him to her,
"Just let it happen sweetheart. It will be alright, I promised I wouldn't let you fall remember."
"I wish you were here all the time."
"I am with you all the time and so is your dad."
"I really miss you."
"And we miss you. You need to wake up now Danny."
"I don't want to."
"Well that hasn't changed."
"Mum, can you see my next step?"
"I can. It's not a big one - not yet."
"Are there big ones?"
"There are mountains. Wake up now Danny, It will be worth it"
Daniel opened his eyes and blinked as he realised the sky was lightening. In the distance the sun peaked over a ridge and Daniel watched it rise. He was still sitting on the ledge but something in him felt anchored and he knew he was secure. It was a bit chilly in the early morning but he felt warm.
He opened the locket and looked at the pictures of his parents in the growing light. He replaced the locket under his shirt and continued to look down on the town,
*There will be mountains. Mountains? Plural – as in more than one.*
Knowing there would be mountains actually made him feel better because that meant the future would be long – well longer than he thought.
He thought again over what Clair had said and inside he knew what the small step was. Pushing himself back from the ledge he got up and walked back to his car – his mum and dad held close to his heart.
Oh you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were 16
Next to your heartbeat
Where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
"Charlie. Why the hell do they always want to be called Charlie?!"
"Well to be fair, one of them *was* Charlie." Daniel pointed out. Jack glared at him and Daniel bowed his head slightly in apology, "Maybe because they know that anyone going by that name you will instinctively look after."
"He was a child Daniel, I would have looked after him anyway."
"But with a name like Charlie you felt more."
"So you think he manipulated me."
"No I don't think that's possible because I don't think he was able to grasp the concept of loss – not at that stage anyway."
"Well it sucks."
Jack threw his beer bottle off the deck onto the grass. Daniel watched it land knowing one of them would have to pick it up.
"And the freaking Tokr'a have shoved a snake in his head."
"Would you have preferred the alternative?"
"I would have preferred he never came at all. I mean geeze the kid was created to die."
"he was created to help us – the organ failure was an unforeseeable byproduct of his accelerated growth."
"Because that makes it so much better." Jack snapped.
Daniel took a deep breath and remained impassive. He knew jack wasn't mad at him, just at the situation. Having another child running around the base using the name Charlie was always bound to send him over the edge.
Jack turned and kicked the edge of the deck, Daniel cringed but he wasn't sure what he felt more sorry for, Jack's foot or the deck. Jack had been ranting for over an hour and Daniel had taken every comment and every jibe peacefully, the memory of the conversation with his mother helping him to think past that one night.
He was completely sympathetic to Jack's pain but with no way to help his only option was to sit and listen. Jack looked down at Daniel and groaned
"Danny I'm sorry."
"What for?"
"For going on like this. I'm being an idiot."
"That's the last thing you're being Jack. It hasn't been and easy couple of days for you. Heck it hasn't been a easy week for any of us, but you've not had the best time."
"Still, You don't deserve me taking it out on you."
"I'm here to listen Jack, you listen to me all the time, It's about time I returned the favor. Besides I know you're not really mad at me."
"I'm really not." Jack agreed, "Come here Space Monkey."
"I still don't get that one." Daniel commented as he moved closer to his partner. Jack put his arm around Daniel and pulled him over so he was sitting between his legs, lying against his chest. Daniel yawned widely and jack glanced at his watch,
"Tired? I guess it has been a long few days."
"And I honestly didn't sleep well the other night...like at all."
"Danny! Why not?"
"I decided to go up to the lookout."
"In the dark? You found it okay?"
"Yeah I did."
"That's why you were at the SGC so early. Why did you go up there?"
"To think – and I wanted to see the stars."
"Did you find what you were looking for?"
"I think I did." Daniel smiled before yawning again.
"Come on, let's go to bed."
"Are you propositioning me Colonel?"
"I can if you want me to."
"We'll see." Daniel yawned again causing Jack to chuckle.
They headed upstairs and as they were getting undressed Daniel removed the locket from around his neck and placed it on the dresser. Jack raised an eyebrow and walked over to have a look,
"Mum and Dad." Daniel explained, "I don't usually wear it anymore but..."
"I get it." He opened the clasp and stared at the people responsible for bringing Daniel into the world
*Thanks for that by the way.*
The men climbed into bed and Jack expected Daniel to be out within seconds so he was surprised when he spoke again a few minutes later,
"Mum says hi."
"How's she doing?"
"Okay I guess."
"Did she help you?"
"Yeah she did. She told me I'd have to climb mountains."
"Oh." Jack was a bit confused but put it down to Daniel's sleep deprived brain, "And do you want to climb mountains?"
"I think I do." Daniel spoke softly.
Jack kissed his shoulder and felt his breathing become deep and even. Jack was sure Daniel had seen Clair and a part of him became angry that Daniel had seen his mum but he hadn't see Charlie in months. fighting down the emotions Jack cleared his mind as he once again reminded himself that it wasn't really Daniel he was angry at. he certainly couldn't help who they saw in their dreams especially when there was a good chance they were both imagining it
He closed his eyes and whispered another apology to his lover before falling asleep.
…
Jack woke up and immediately became annoyed for two reasons – first it was sunny and he'd forgotten to close the curtains and the second, he'd kind of been hoping that Charlie would have come to him in his dreams.
*Can't always get what you want I guess.*
He stretched and tried to get out of bed as quietly as possible so he didn't disturb Daniel who needed the rest. He closed the curtains and padded down the hall to his study. He sat at his desk and put his head in his hands.
He knew it was insane to be upset that his son hadn't 'appeared' to him – a therapist could have a field day with him, but that didn't make it any easier.
"Even just a moment?" He asked the empty room *Would that even be enough?* Jack wondered, *It would never be enough.*
Jack opened up his computer and once again flicked through the photo's Chelsea had loaded on there. He paused on one that captured himself with Sara and Charlie. They could have been a typical American family celebrating Charlie's 9th birthday. None of them knew what would happen barely a month later. All the hurt and anger that came afterwards was nothing compared to what he put himself though in those months – and it was nothing compared to what he put Sara through.
He remembered the phone conversation he'd had with Sara only a few days before. The bits of information he had managed to gleane over the last few years was minimal. Heck Daniel had had more contact with her than he had. It wasn't surprising considering how they'd ended. Neither had been kind to the other.
He picked up the phone to dial her number but thought better of it when he saw the time, instead he opened an email.
*where were we even a few years ago without email. How far will technology go.*
Not too sure where to start or what the point even was he decided to keep it simple.
'Hey Sara. Thanks for the call the other day – It really was great to hear from you. I meant what I said, I'd be happy to catch up with you. I think we have a lot to talk about. Maybe we could have dinner or something in a few weeks. My schedule is pretty crazy and can change pretty quickly but let's try and sort something out. - Jack.'
He hit the send button before he could think too much about it. A movement made him look up and he saw Daniel standing in the doorway,
"Hey – you okay?"
"Maybe. I guess."
"No."
"Okay no - come here."
Daniel walked over and sat on the edge of the desk. Jack sighed and lay his head in his lap,
"It's been a long week Danny. I just want it to be over."
"It is Jack, We have today off and we can start again tomorrow."
"Do you wish things were different?"
Daniel was quiet and Jack mentally kicked himself.
"God Danny I'm so sorry."
"No it's okay. Of course I wish things were different, I wish mum and dad were still alive and if they were maybe I wouldn't have had to go through...everything. But I also want things to stay the same. I mean I'm here with you, I don't want to change that."
"I don't want to change that either."
"What were you doing in here?"
"Looking at something Chelsea sent me."
He de-activated his screensaver and the photo of Jack, Charlie and Sara come up on the screen,
"That's a nice photo."
"Yeah it is. Sara contacted me earlier in the week."
"Oh."
Daniel wasn't too sure how he was supposed to respond. He'd never been worried about someone else sneaking in on a relationship until Amy – now he had every reason in the world to be worried.
"She want's to catch up. I offered dinner and told her there were some things we needed to discuss."
Daniel remained quiet, letting jack sort through his thoughts at his own pace,
"I don't know yet how I'm going to tell her about you but I'll definitely be letting her know that I'm happy."
"Do you think she will be bothered by that?" Daniel finally spoke.
"I'm not sure, and you know what, I don't really care. She was a part of my life that happened but that part is over, you're my life now."
Daniel's mouth tugged upwards slightly at Jack's declaration and he gently ran his fingers through his hair, massaging the spot at the nape of his neck
"I just think we have a lot to talk about – we said some things and we left other stuff unsaid."
"Time to clear the air."
"I think it's time. I never want to lose Charlie but I need to lay my time with Sara to rest and focus on what's in front of me."
"I didn't know there was an issue."
"Neither did I until she rang. I do owe her that much."
"You don't need to explain it to me Jack."
"Yes I do Danny, I never want to go through with you what I did with Sara."
*Well that won't happen - I mean first there would have to be kids.* Daniel thought bitterly, even as he thought it his mums voice came back to him, "Mountains."
"What was that?"
Jack sat up but kept his hands resting on Daniel's pajama clad thighs,
"Mountain climbing." Daniel smiled
"What's with the mountains? you brought it up last night."
"It's nothing. Come on we have things to do today."
"What things do we have to do?"
"We need to buy a bigger dresser." Daniel reminded him. Jack's eyes lit up ,
"Really?"
"Yeah, we need some more space and let's face it - I can't fit much in the dresser here can I."
"You want to fit more in?"
"Maybe a few more things wont hurt." Daniel spoke softly.
Jack stood up quickly and kissed Daniel hard. Daniel responded in kind and as Jack pushed him back onto the desk he reached out to close the laptop to shield Charlie from anything he wasn't meant to see.
And if you hurt me
Well, that's OK, baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won't ever let you go
Sara sat at her desk with a cup of tea and opened her emails. Seeing one from Jack her eyes widened in surprise. She wasn't sure he had her email address – she wasn't even sure he knew how to send an email. That little thought alone proved how much things had changed in the last few years
Opening the email she read over the few lines and breathed a sigh of relief. When she had called Jack she had hung up twice before letting the call connect. It wasn't that she was afraid to talk to him but she was a little nervous at how he would react.
The last she had heard anything about Jack had been when his friends had shown up at her home asking for a Christmas ornament. She wasn't sure who the guy was except that he worked with Jack and he was obviously close enough to know about Charlie – there were few in Jack's life who could have claimed such a privilege.
She quickly checked her calendar before sending a reply. She wasn't sure what she expected out of a meeting with Jack but she knew she wanted to see him. You don't marry a man and have a child without forming an attachment, healthy or otherwise.
Completing the work she'd sat down to do Sara closed down her computer and sat back in her chair,
"Are you okay sweetheart?" Sara looked up as her dad came toward her,
"Yeah dad I'm fine."
"What's going on? You seem sad."
"Not sad, nostalgic. I contacted Jack."
Bill raised an eyebrow and folded his arms,
"You did?"
"Yeah – earlier in the week. We're going to have dinner sometime soon."
"That's new. What happened to never wanting to see him again?"
"I guess I want to see how he's going."
"I'm not opposed sar-bear, I thought you should have seen him before now – but why now?"
Sara looked around the room at the pictures on the wall, the memories they contained, the things of Charlie's she couldn't bear to part with,
"Because it's Jack. Because once upon a time he talked to me in a bar. Because he surprised me by taking me to Paris on our honeymoon and kissed my on the top level of the Eiffel tower. Because he was the father of my baby and because once upon a time he was my best friend and I lost him – he lost me."
Bill watched her daughter go into the kitchen with a sad expression. No matter how optimistic Sara was he wasn't so sure that Jack O'Neill would feel the same.
"Be careful sweetheart – things are different now. You haven't been together for a long time. You have changed and I can guarantee he has too"
"I know dad, but he was my husband, I'd like to think that a part of the man I married is still in there."
"And if he isn't?"
"I don't know, maybe I can help him to find that man again." Sara shrugged as she got up from the desk and gave her dad a quick hug, "It's okay dad. I know things can't go back to the way they were – but maybe it could be something new."
He'd had his own reservations when Sara had first said that she was dating an Air Force officer and those misgivings were heightened when he found out exactly what division of the Air Force he worked in. In the end he'd come to like Jack. He was a funny man who he knew would do anything for his family
When that family had been destroyed Jack was destroyed also. He'd seen him a handful of times since – the last time had been in Denver. He'd been having a meal with a friend, the same friend who had shown up at his home just before Christmas. Bill had been glad to see his Son-in-Law smile but he wasn't so sure that Sara would like the reason why.
"I don't think Jack is the man you married." Bill re-iterated to the empty room, a host of lost memories the only ones to hear his words.
When I'm away
I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street
Hearing you whisper through the phone,
"Wait for me to come home."
The End...For Now
