TWELVE

'What we are today comes from our thoughts of yesterday, and our present thoughts build our life of tomorrow: Our life is the creation of our mind'

- The Buddha

Martin sipped his coffee slowly and stared out at the expanse in front of him. The Sun was starting to go down now and its majestic beauty radiated through the landscape with every colour of the rainbow.

The ancient city below him looked solemn yet peaceful with the dwelling's walls a cascade of browns and creams. Mixed with the bright golds and reds shining from the taller buildings, the city almost shone with calm reflection.

On closer inspection Martin could see a hive of activity as tiny silhouettes rushed around to get the last chores of the day done before the darkness came. Animals crazed contently, exotic birds flew in the twilight sky and children played and laughed in the golden green fields surrounding the city. Parents shouted their children's names, calling them home to the warmth of family.

The sound of bells, song and chants could be heard emanating from the tallest buildings in the city: The places of worship. Inside faithful believers were giving praise to their 'One True God'. Their hypnotic tones rose out of the city and seemed to mingle with the dust and smoke, creating an elaborate dance as they made their way to the heavens…

Martin shook his head slowly

How could he be seeing all this? Why was he still here? If all of the events that had happened over the last few hours were just a figment of his 'imagination'… then why was he still 'imaging' he was in 29AD and sat staring out over ancient Nazareth? Why had the Doctor not taken him home?

Why hadn't he woken up yet?

He would ask The Doctor but he wasn't there. Shortly after Martin's 'experience' The Doctor had returned to his TARDIS muttering something about 'stabilizing the ships Elysian nodes'.

"You just sit down, Marty. Have a coffee and get your breath back," He had said comfortingly. "You've had a busy day. It's not like everyday you get to see your worst fears realised as a terrifying reality and then get touched by God before you can say 'Whoops... there go my trousers!'… You'll need at least a coffee and a good ten minutes to get your head back in shape"

The Doctor had grinned one of his usual grins and then stepped in the TARDIS whistling the 'Star Wars' theme as he did so before vanishing quickly inside the dark.

Martin had sat alone in one of the deckchairs now for what seemed like about twenty minutes. He'd found a steaming hot sweet coffee and a chocolate hob-nob on a plate outside of the TARDIS' doors. The Doctor must have put them there but he had said nothing and made no sound at all when leaving them.

The coffee was the best Martin had ever tasted. It felt rich and invigorating running down his tired throat. It had certainly picked him up and his mind was now racing faster than ever as he took in the events of the last few hours.

And he had started to remember his own memories again too:

The hours he spent as a child locked away in his bedroom, his eyes full of monsters and aliens as he devoured comic after comic. That sense of escapism… He loved it.

The nights he sat transfixed to the television screen travelling with time defying heroes and Jedi knights. How the Universe had seemed so vast… and so full of 'evil' aliens that wanted to control through fear and order and lots and lots of death.

And then, as he got older, his own fascination with the idea that maybe, just maybe, the 'gods' of ancient religions were really aliens. I mean, that all made sense right?

As he approach 28 his own spiritual awakening had begun. A deep inner longing for 'something more' ate away at him. The quest for a personal, spiritual God had begun.

He'd found little comfort in his Nan's religion. Which, if he was been honest, he'd never really understood. He'd always sort of 'played along' with it, more for his Nan than anybody.

He'd read a few 'New Age' books and mostly liked what he read. But the slightly 'wishy-washy' philosophy and 'love everybody' mentality had rarely rang true alongside the harshness of reality and the human experience.

And the angry, punishing God he learnt of through his doorstep encounters with Jehovah's Witnesses was too much like one of the aliens in his childhood books and movies: All terrifying and vengeful. This God seemed to promise a physical, resurrected Heaven through order and discipline. A tyrannical, dictator-like deity that demanded blind faith at all times and to question was to be put to death.

Truly a 'God of fear'.

But his own understanding of 'God' in the 'spiritual' sense was 'Love'. His Nan had always echoed Aunty Mary's simple truth: 'God is Love'. A Truth that seemed to be echoed also in every religion and every spiritual path, or at least, according to what Martin had always been told...

'God is Love'

And now Martin had experienced that. In a truth that went to the very core of Who He Was.

He had experienced love… A blissful connection with an energy that seemed to bind every living thing. A sense of realisation of an existence beyond this reality. A touch of the divine in an awakening of the soul…

A gift from… 'God'

But what did it all mean?

If all he had seen before his 'experience' were nothing more than his own thoughts made manifest, then what does that actually mean? That the events he witnessed around Mount Sinai didn't really happen? Or that they did but not the way that he saw it? That he wasn't really there now but just inside his own imagination? And if he was inside his own imagination, then where was he? Where was his body? Was he... dead?

Martin shook his head at this thought and banished it to the back of his mind.

And who was The Doctor in all this? The Doctor had said that he and Martin had 'made a deal' before they had met. Suggesting that Martin had agreed to 'lose his memory' so that he could have this whole experience. But Martin still couldn't remember that part yet even though other parts of his True memory were falling back into place like melting glaciers returning to the warmth of the sea.

And what about the spiritual experience? That had happened through The Doctor. Martin had made the connection to that blissful energy via The Doctor's eyes. The Doctor was the catalyst in this whole thing.

Who was he?

What was he?

He'd basically lied to Martin all this time, hadn't he? He had told him he would show him 'The Truth' but all he'd shown him so far was Martin's own imaginings in terrifying 3D reality.

'All he'd shown him so far…'

Martin looked over at the mound of soft grass where The Doctor had placed his latest 'book'. It was lying there facing upwards; it's soft red cover reflecting the dying sun, creating every shade of red imaginable. The writing on the front was elegant yet bold: 'The Book of Life'

What was all thatgoing to be about? More lies? Or Truth at last?

Martin suddenly felt the urge to go over and pick up the book and look to see what was really inside it. But what if it filled him with fear again like the last time he'd done that? Did he really want to risk that again? Now that he had experienced love he didn't want fear to play any part in what was coming next. He didn't want to open the book on his own. He needed someone with him...

He needed The Doctor.

'The Doctor would know… does know what to do'. Despite the fact that The Doctor had taken him on such a fearful journey, he still trusted him. He still knew that The Doctor was really there to help him and had literally been a 'spirit guide' to him through this whole experience. He had felt no malice from him at any time and, deep inside, he knew that The Doctor was there to teach him… at last… The Truth.

But who was he? What was he?

"Missed me?" The Doctor's voice suddenly whispered in Martin's left ear.

Martin spun around sharply and gazed up at the Doctor's beaming face. He was now wearing a bright white casual shirt with short sleeves yet his stripy trousers were still tight to his legs.

"Doctor… Do you have to creep up like that?" Martin said, half laughing and half genuinely annoyed.

"Sorry, Marty, Sorry… I'm just pleased for you, that's all" The Doctor winked at Martin smiling happily. "All these years of planning and scheming just so that we could get to this point"

"What 'point' is that, Doctor?" Martin looked directly into The Doctor eyes.

The Doctor leaned forward so his face was inches away from Martin's. He stared into the man's bloodshot eyes smiling warmly and nodding happily. When he spoke his voice was rich and excitable...

"This point now… Right here… Where you finally discover the Truth of your very being… The moment of your greatest awakening… The Truth you've been looking for all of your life…"

He patted Martin on the shoulder and spun around sharply, marched over to the book, picked it up slowly and clutched it tight to his chest. His smile was the best 'Cat that got the cream' smile Martin had ever seen.

The Doctor grabbed the deck chair next to Martin and spun it around so it was now in front and opposite to Martin's own chair. He sat down heavily breathing out a long appreciative breath as he did so, his back facing the ancient city below.

"Ahhh… I love a good book." He tapped the red cover gently, "And this is a great book… A brilliant book…. One of the best, actually. Well, the best if we're been honest and…"

"Doctor…" Martin interrupted. "I've got a million questions I really need to ask you… A billion, really… Can I just…"

"Ah, ah, ah…" The Doctor held up the palm of his hand, "I understand your frustration, Marty, I really do. But let's not go too fast shall we? You need to take a deep breath and forget everything you thought you knew. All your questions will be answered eventually. Please trust me on this… I wouldn't take you on this journey and then leave you hanging. I promise you will know soon, ok?"

He smiled a gentle reassuring smile at Martin who then returned the smile nodding slowly. "I do trust you, Doctor…" Martin leaned forward slightly a tear was welling in the corner of his right eye. "…I trust you with my life"

The Doctor seemed genuinely taken aback. "Blimey" he said, "I must have done something right then! I'd best not let you down now, had I?" He reached out to shake Martin's hand who then took it gratefully and shook it firmly. Both men smiled warmly at each other. The Doctor sat back down in his seat. "Nice hand shake you've got there, Marty. You can always tell a man from his handshake…" He breathed out "Right then. Shall we have a look at this book? Shall we see what wonders are inside? Because if it's answers you want this book is full of them. Brimming with them, in fact…"

The Doctor leant forward on the book looking more like a presenter from Jacknory than a time traveller come spirit guide. He kept smiling calmly at Martin whilst taping the book gently with the palm of his hand.

"All that you have experienced so far has been a journey into the mind. A putting together of clues that you found through years and years of reading or watching sci-fi and letting it expand your mind... And that's good. There's nothing wrong with a bit of mind expansion, Marty." The Doctor lean forward slightly. "But you were never going to find God in your mind. To find God you have to be out if your mind."

The Doctor gave Martin a reassuring grin. It was as if, Martin thought, that he didn't have to be told that The Doctor was 'out of his mind'. His voice was hypnotically smooth and mingled with the hymns been sung solemnly in the city below.

"So the next part of our journey is an inner journey. This is a journey into the heart... into the soul. And in this journey we will find out Who You Really Are... And Who... and what... 'God' is..." The Doctor sat back slowly and raised his left eyebrow. His voice was suddenly back to it's light and breezy tone. "There... have I built it up enough yet?" He said grinning heartily again.

Martin let out a laugh which was followed by a cough and a generally nodding of the head. He then lent back in his seat trying to look comfortable and at 'home'. The sun was setting behind The Doctor now but it was still humid and the slow, rhythmical chants coming from the city below created a perfect soundtrack to the moment.

"I'm ready when you are, Doctor" Martin said confidently.

"Oh, are you sure you are?" The Doctor sounded almost disappointed. He then winked at Martin and the grin returned to his face. "Yeah, I know you're ready. I just wanted to pause for dramatic effect"

He cleared his throat, sat upright with the book on his knees and held the top of each of each corner between his thumb and forefinger and then opened the book slowly. Pure white light streamed from the pages lighting up The Doctor's grinning expression as he winked knowingly at Martin. He then looked down at the book and blinked annoyingly.

"I'll just turn the glare down a bit…" The Doctor said rubbing his hand up and down the back of the book and squinting as he did so. "I wont be able to see a thing with all that light in my eyes" The glare from the book dimmed slowly until it seemed to have disappeared entirely. "It was a bit dramatic that, wasn't it? A bit OTT…"

The Doctor smiled contently again and looked down into the book. One eyebrow raised sharply as if was surprised by what he saw. He then looked up at Martin questioningly.

"Are you ready?"

Martin nodded gently.

"Then I'll begin…."

'However many holy words you read, however many you speak,

what good will they do you if you do not act upon them?'

- The Dhammapapa