"Better?" Xander asked Mercy as he retrieved errant body parts while hopping around on one leg.
"Yeah," Mercy agreed, "I feel a lot less angry." She watched as Xander chased down his left hand, which was trying to escape by running on its fingers. "So… Plasticman?" She set the grenade launcher on the table.
"Plasticman," Xander agreed, sensing he'd reclaimed all his nearby parts.
"Why Plasticman?" she asked.
"Sexual reasons," he replied, causing her jaw to drop. Xander burst out laughing.
"You really are different," she said, shaking her head.
"I'm not completely joking," Xander admitted. "I mean, the possibilities are endless, but the main reason was immortality and vitality."
"Not overwhelming power?" she asked, sounding lost.
Xander placed his hand on her shoulder. "Your Luthor was an idiot. Look at what the pursuit of power cost not only himself but everyone around him. Meanwhile, I am immortal, rich, handsome… and have two Mercys."
Mercy shook her head, but found a smile growing on her face anyway. "And what if I want to escape you?" she asked.
"Then I will arrange for you to get a large sum of money, a new ID, and a plane ticket to wherever you want to go," Xander said solemnly. "I would suggest spending some time with a qualified shrink and finding something that makes you happy."
Mercy sighed. "Working for you used to make me happy. I knew my place in the world and you were my rock." She shook her head. "The other Luthor was, I mean. I think I need a break. I want to go home."
"Home?" Xander asked.
"Gotham," Mercy replied, "where I grew up."
"I'll arrange it," Xander promised. "If you need a year or five or even a dozen, I will be here when you are ready to talk. Hell, take a century if you need to, we've got nothing but time."
"What name should I use?" Mercy asked.
"What's wrong with your own?" Xander questioned, confused.
"This world already has a Mercy Graves in it," she pointed out.
"It probably has a dozen," Xander replied, unconcerned. "Personal names aren't copyrighted, just look at the number of John Smiths."
"You've got a point," she agreed, a little disappointed she wouldn't get to change her name as she considered trying to reinvent herself, separate from Lex.
"Do you want me to do something about your new coloration before you get to Gotham?" Xander asked.
"No, I doubt anyone will mistake me for the Joker just because I have a similar skin and hair color," she decided.
"Gotham is filled with people that stupid," Xander disagreed, "but it's your choice. Just take some personal weapons and body armor with you, OK?"
"Like I'd say no to weapons and armor," she replied, a bit of cheer in her voice.
"I'll let you take over R&D while they get the paperwork done," Xander said. "Remember you can go to any Lexcorp facility if you need something, alright?"
"Alright," she agreed, a wistful smile on her face as she considered how things could have been different if this has been her Lex.
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Martha Kent sipped her coffee as she considered what to do. Lex Luthor had done something praise worthy, he had saved a young woman who was as good as family, despite her exotic origins.
Normally this would not be a problem, she'd bake the person a pie and drop them a thank you note, however this was Lex Luthor, the man who had spent the better part of a decade trying to kill her son!
Martha sighed and tried to puzzle out what the appropriate response was.
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"How hard do you think it would be to have Luthor give me the same treatment you got?" Supergirl asked Powergirl.
"Being my skin?" she asked, confused as to why Supergirl would want that.
"No!" Supergirl blushed. "The leg thing."
"I don't know," Powergirl replied. "I think the hard part would be getting Clark and Martha… Ma to allow it."
Supergirl deflated. "Like that'll happen."
"He's not exactly the most trustworthy person on Earth," Powergirl noted dryly, an understatement so large that it made Supergirl laugh, "or there'd be a few areas I'd have him hit. I mean, not having to shave my legs is nice, but there are more sensitive areas that are harder to get to that I would have preferred not having to deal with."
Supergirl groaned. "Which means I'll have to deal with them in the future!"
"Oh yeah," Powergirl agreed, amused at Kara's antics, "and let me just say practice your trick shots now, it'll pay off in the future."
"How tricky could it be?" Kara asked.
"Two mirrors, both hands full, and don't flinch," Powergirl warned.
Supergirl froze in midair for a moment, before hurrying to catch up with Powergirl. 'She's probably just messing with me…" she thought hopefully.
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Xander saw Mercy off, fussing over her like a mother hen, much to her amusement. "Remember, I rarely sleep, call anytime."
"I will call if I need something," she promised as she got in the limo.
Xander watched her leave and decided he needed to do something to distract himself, because Lex Luthor did not mope around and listen to country music… No matter how much he might feel like it. "Business is good, not in the mood to mess with Supes, so… invent something?" he mused aloud.
He thought about it as he returned to his office and recalled his idea for a time viewing device. He could feel his brain start to shift gears as he contemplated the various ways to approach the problem. His memories of DC Comics pointed him towards Starr Labs in Central City, since Flash had dealt with a fair number of time meddlers and would have deposited their gear there.
Xander tapped his intercom. "Miss Jensen, I need… a motorcycle," he decided. "Think Easy Rider, not the Baja 1000."
"Two wheel or trike, sir?" she inquired.
"Two wheel," he decided.
"Will a Harley Sportster 1200 be acceptable?" Miss Jensen asked.
"That would be perfect," Xander agreed. "Have it brought around front, I feel like taking a road trip."
"It'll be gassed up and ready to go by the time you reach the lobby, sir."
"Thank you, that'll be all," Xander said. There were a number of things he'd always wanted to do that Luthor had never really thought of and since he had the money and time, he might as well do them.
He nodded at the ever-efficient Miss Jensen on the way out of his office and to the elevator. She was an older woman, mid-40's but obviously took care of herself and wore the grey in her temples with pride. Luthor had found that annoying, but the woman's efficiency was too valuable to make a fuss over. Xander found it admirable, but then he didn't have Luthor's deeply hidden fear of growing old, which was ironic since Xander is the one who had made that impossible now.
Xander stepped out into the lobby, nodding politely at the greetings from the lobby staff before striding out of Lex Corp and into the bright Metropolis day.
"Your motorcycle, Mr. Luthor," the doorman said, handing him a set of keys and offering a helmet.
"Thank you," Xander said, accepting the keys and helmet, before mounting the bike. Luthor had learned how to ride a motorcycle when he was younger, but hadn't really developed a taste for it.
As he started the bike up and discovered the heads up display in his helmet, he decided that it was another way in which Luthor was an idiot.
2 Days Later
"Anything?" Flash asked as he entered the monitor room.
"Joker sighting in Gotham turned out to be a woman with similar coloration," Green arrow reported. "Batman is investigating it."
"Most albinos don't dye their hair green, especially in Gotham," Flash replied. "Probably a fan of the Joker."
"Well speaking of Supervillains," Green Arrow said, "Luthor is heading for Central City."
"What?" Flash quickly scanned the monitors. "Why is he heading for my town?"
"Relax, he's at least a day out from it," Green Arrow assured him. "He's taking his time and hitting all the tourist spots along the way."
"Come again?" Flash asked.
"Lexy is riding a motorcycle and hitting every tourist trap between Metropolis and Central City," Green Arrow explained.
The Flash considered that for a moment. "You don't suppose…"
"Suppose what?" Green Arrow asked.
"That Plas infected him," Flash explained. "I mean, since he's gained Plasticman's powers he's become pretty mellow."
The Green Arrow shook his head. "The changes to Luthor predate his gaining powers," he reminded him.
"Yeah, but I'm suggesting gaining Plasticman's powers increased those changes, not caused them," Flash explained. "I mean, the initial change was caused by some mental trauma and then the addition of Plas to his system guided those changes into who he is now."
"Huh," Green Arrow seemed stumped by the thought.
Flash brought up Luthor's current location on the main monitor, tapping into the cameras of the first Savings and Loan… in Central City.
Green Arrow shrugged. "I guess he skipped the last tourist trap, which would have kept him occupied for another day."
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Xander walked into the bank… and right into a hostage situation. "You're kidding, right?" he asked as he took in the nine armed robbers dressed in kevlar and titanium versions of medieval armor.
"Join the others, move!" one of the men ordered, gesturing with his machine gun.
"For one thing, I'm bullet proof and for another," Xander reached up and 'wiped' his hair away, "do you realize who's territory you're operating in?"
"Lex Luthor!" exclaimed a number of people in horror.
"Yours, sir?" one of the robbers asked nervously.
"No," Xander said, shaking his head. "This is The Flash's territory."
"Yes sir, and we're prepared for him," one of them offered, relieved at not stepping on Luthor's toes. "All our weak spots are armored. No matter how many punches he can throw a second, his bones will break before our armor does."
"Yeah, he doesn't have super strength!" another one called out.
Xander nodded. "That's true, he doesn't, but have you seen those pictures of a tornado throwing a piece of straw through an oak tree?" He waited until the robbers all nodded. "That is the wind at three hundred miles per hour."
"H-how fast can The Flash move?" someone asked nervously.
"The Flash has been documented breaking the time barrier, he can move faster than light," Xander said solemnly.
It took a minute for the cursing to die down.
"Then why does he have such a soft Rogue's gallery?" one of the robbers asked.
"Because those are the ones he allows to exist," Xander said. "Anyone who doesn't play by his rules ceases to be."
"No way!" one of the robbers said, shaking his head. "If he was killing villains, we'd have heard about it."
Xander nodded. "He doesn't kill, that would be far less horrifying than what he does."
"What? What does he do?" one of the hostages asked as the criminals seemed too nervous to ask themselves.
"The Flash can travel in time," Xander repeated. "I'm not being poetic when I say they cease to be. There are no villains in Flash's Rogue's gallery who break the rules… and exist."
"Are you saying he goes back in time and prevents them from being born?" one of the security guards demanded.
"Picture this," Xander said. "You're The Flash, a genuinely nice guy doing the right thing and pretty happy doing it. Then, out of nowhere, Bullseye draws a bead on you and fires. The bullet is precisely on target, going through a young girl's head to hit you. Naturally you shift to the side so the bullet just misses you… and you are splattered with the blood and brains of an eight year old girl."
"Oh god!" someone mutters, horrified at the mental image.
"If you were the Batman, you'd be less than gentle taking them in; a couple of months physical therapy would be in their future. If you were Wonder Woman, you might actually cripple them in your rage and no one would blame you. If you were Superman… You would make sure not to leave a single mark on them, because you trust the justice system more than your own temper."
Xander paused and sighed. "But you aren't any of these people, you are The Flash and you are covered in the remains of Amy Jeffers, an eight-year-old girl who you know personally. You are The Flash!" Xander yells, causing everyone to back away from him. "Someone has taken one of your people from you and you feel a rage that would shake the very heavens themselves."
Half the robbers pointed their guns nervously in Xander's direction.
"But, then you realize… you can fix this, you can make the person who dared kill one of your precious children… go away. You can save little Amy Jeffers. So, you start running and time itself comes apart around you. You follow Bullseye's entire life in reverse, until the moment of conception and then you make one tiny little change, not hurting anyone, you have Amy's blood on your hands, you don't need anyone else's, and that tiny change prevents his parents from having sex that night so he's never conceived and little Amy is playing in the park once more," Xander finishes in a whisper that they all lean in to hear, despite desperately wanting to escape his story time.
"But that would cause a paradox!" someone exclaimed.
"I've studied The Flash's powers," Xander said with an exaggerated shiver, "he's partially immune to paradox, just like he can ignore friction and gravity. The Flash in the past would cease to be as soon as he made the change, squeezed by time until he popped like a bubble, only to reappear in the present as if the events did not occur, because for him they hadn't and with absolutely no memory of them."
One of the robbers whimpered, "What do we do?!"
"Relax," Xander ordered, "you haven't killed any women or children, I know because you still exist."
"Oh god!" another moaned before he started crying.
"Just drop your guns and immediately leave so you are in no way a threat to anyone The Flash cares about," Xander suggested.
"But what if we run into him?" one of the robbers begged while he removed anything that could remotely be considered a weapon and dropped them on the floor.
"Try not to shit yourself," Xander suggested, "then realize you have shit yourself and be happy about it, because you have to exist to do so."
Weapons and armor were quickly tossed to the floor.
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Green Arrow stared at Flash in horror.
"Dude, I'd never…" Flash trailed off. "If time kept erasing me, how would I know?" he realized, feeling more than a little horrified himself.
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Stripped down to their underwear, the robbers ran towards the sound of the police sirens outside the bank, several of them crying tears of joy at the thought of being arrested and being safely behind bars.
"I will never look at The Flash the same way again," one of the security guards muttered.
"What? Why?" Xander asked, pretending to be confused.
"The whole erasing people from time thing!" someone yelled.
"I made that up," Xander said, waving it off.
"Then why is The Flash's Rogue's gallery so nice?" a young man asked.
"Because The Flash is a super nice guy," Xander replied. "The Flash is so nice he tries his best to help his villains with their problems. His Rogue's Gallery, most supervillains in fact, have deep psychological issues that drive them to commit crimes, but exposure to The Flash has actually caused them to become better people."
"Then why hasn't exposure to Superman done the same to you?" one of the tellers asked as everyone straightened their clothes and checked each other to make sure they were unharmed.
"Who's to say it hasn't?" Xander replied with a shrug, as the police entered the bank to take statements and insure everyone was alright.
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"Oh, thank god!" Green Arrow and Flash chorused.
"Even while being a good guy Lex Luthor is terrifying," Flash complained.
Typing By: Abyssal Angel
TN: *Snorts* I guess only Batman would be paranoid enough to realize that just because Luthor made it up doesn't mean The Flash can't do exactly as Luthor described… and also realize that Luthor twisted the truth again to ease the minds of Flash's adoring public so they wouldn't vilify him.
