Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise, I just use their creations to have my wicked way with them. No copyright infringement is intended.


As always much thanks to my wonderful beta xparawhorextwerdx for fixing my errors.

I hope this chapter will explain a lot about the 'mystery woman' though I'm well aware that it will also create new questions. The chapter is a combination of 'present day' and flashbacks. The flashbacks (in italic) take place during Edward's darker years so, like in chapter 5, we will see a much different Edward in those bits.


Secrets and lies

November 2009/ spring 1999

She turned around the moment I entered the reception area, her large, steel blue eyes dancing with mischief as she walked up to me and placed a kiss on my cheek before I could stop her, her fingers wiping away the stain of her lipstick as she stepped back to take a look at me. When she spoke, that same familiar hint of a Russian accent lent that danger to her voice that had once served to make me go completely crazy.

"Well, hello there Edward," she purred. "How long has it been? Ten years? More?"

"You should know," I growled, back away from her until I felt the hardwood of the counter press against my back. "You left me, remember?"

"Right," she chuckled, stalking closer to me again. "I should have expected that one."

"What are you doing here?" I snarled, silently chastising myself for letting her push me into a corner like that.

"I come in peace," she laughed, no doubt amused by my hostility. "Really, Edward, I just want to talk to you."

I contemplated telling her to leave me the fuck alone and mind her own damn business, but I knew it would only make matters worse. I had seen the way she looked at me when she first recognized me, that same predator look I had seen her use on me before, ten years ago. She wasn't going to let go without an explanation. I knew her too well. She was like me.

Like the old me.

xXx

"So where do you want to go for Spring Break?" Carmen asked one Friday night when we were all sitting down for our 'family' dinner. "It's my last bash before I graduate so we'd better make it good."

I had moved in with them after my first year at Dartmouth and my life had been fucking amazing ever since. Between the easy sex, easy drugs and lots of rock and roll it was every young man's fantasy and I was hell bent on living the life for as long as I could, reproofing stares from Carlisle and Esme be damned.

For as long as the house had been there had been only one tradition (other than the rule about sharing everything): Friday nights were 'family' nights. That meant that every late Friday afternoon our party of seven would dress up to the nines and walk in procession to the dining room to enjoy the finest things the local catering companies were capable of.

"How about Vegas?" Juno suggested, her fingers playing seductively with her knife as she eyed me.

Fucking whore. Always begging for a repeat performance.

"Been there, done that, fucked half the town," I replied disinterested. If I had to sit through another fucking week of her going on and on about 'pretty lights' and celebrities she wanted to lay I'd commit a felony.

"Florida?" Laurent chimed in, looking remarkably sober considering the hour of day.

"Please," James called out, rolling his eyes at the insanity of the mere suggestion. "Florida is so fucking lame even my grandmamma would be bored out of her skull."

"Well your dear 'grandmamma' was a fucking alcoholic nympho who went through more husbands than Liz Taylor," Eleazar snorted fondling Carmen's tits through the fabric of her blouse.

I had to admit I was a bit envious. Carmen's tits were amazing. Round, firm and just big enough to be able to cup them in your hands. Over the last couple of months she and Eleazar had gotten a whole fucking lot more serious than they had been before, meaning Eleazar wasn't willing to share like he used to. I think they were even making plans to get married and shack up together once they were done with university in the summer.

Marriage.

The idea alone revolted me. I mean…who'd want to go and fucking marry a girl when you're perfectly able to get her to give up the goods for free? Marriage was all good and proper in another thirty or so years when I'd start to sport a beer belly and my teeth would start falling out and all that. I mean…I'd have to breed an heir to the Cullen fortune at some point. For now, though, I was reluctant enough as it was to let a girl spend the night with me, let alone stay for seconds.

Do em and dump em.

James had been so right.

"Do you guys, by any chance, have an idea you'd like to share with the class?" Carmen smirked, arching one of her perfectly shaped dark eyebrows as her hand disappeared beneath the white damask of the tablecloth.

"Cabo," James and I both sang.

"Of course," Carmen giggled. "You two don't happen to know who got the brilliant idea of heading off to Cabo for Spring Break as well, did you?"

"No," we both chirped, sounding as innocent as fucking choir boys.


"You're the fucking worst pair of liars I've ever seen!" Eleazar chuckled, pelting us with pieces of cucumber and cherry tomato from his salad while his girlfriend worked him under the table.

"You're cleaning that up!" Carmen scowled. "You're right about them being lousy liars though. I wonder how the hell they manage to convince all those girls to sleep with them."

"Sheer magic," I purred, using my most dazzling smile and watching on bemused as her face got that glassy, lust filled expression proofing my point. "Now please, fair maiden, enlighten us. Who is going to grace us with her presence in picturesque Cabo?"

"Asshat!" she huffed. "And who said it was a woman?"

"I just assumed…" I tried to save, dodging the elbow to my ribs coming from James.

"Irina Romanova," Carmen stated.

"What?" James grinned.

"You heard me," she growled." Irina Romanova is joining some of her friends for a trip to Cabo. Happy now?" Acting like she didn't give a damn she turned away from us and started sucking face with her boyfriend. Nice table wear and crystal chandeliers aside, I had yet to see a Friday night dinner that didn't end in an orgy.

"Very," James mused, hiding his humor behind hid glass of merlot.

Of course we knew this already. It had been the driving force behind our decision to go to Cabo during Spring Break. Cabo, though a little less ordinary than Florida, was still a very popular Spring Break hangout and usually we made a habit of not partying with the masses.

Ever.

We had the masses come to us. That was…until she had come to Dartmouth.

Irina Romanova.

One of the few surviving relatives of the late Russian Czar. For some reason her grandfather had been smart enough to see the danger before the Bolsheviks boots were staining the immaculate floors of the Winter Palace and ran, taking with him a precious portion of the imperial family's riches.

But that wasn't all. Irina was…flawless. Her mother had been some hot piece of arm candy and – thank God – Irina resembled her and not the inbred features of her dad. The most intriguing part about her, however, was the fact that according to Carmen she didn't fuck college boys which, of course, made her all the more interesting to us.

The plan was simple and pretty much the same as our usual mode of attack, though the stakes were infinitely higher this time. Corner her. Bag her. Screw her poor Russian brains out. Dump her.

To make matterst even more interesting James and I had struck a bargain as soon as we'd heard about her idiot 'no screwing college guys' policy. The one to claim victory over that pussy would get eternal bragging rights and – much more important – the deeds to James' vintage Jaguar XK120.

And more than I wanted to fuck that girl, I wanted that car.

It was the kind of car that fucking winked at you from the walls of every twelve year old boy's room. The kind of car you'd jack off to when you imagined screwing a girl on the hood of it. And fuck if it wasn't flawless. The black paint shining like a perfect onyx, the engine purring like the animal it was named after…fuck. I was getting semi-hard just thinking about it.

"You really are a sad bunch of horn dogs," Carmen scolded. "You know as well as I do that the Romanov girl doesn't do university boys." Carmen would know. The fucking whore had struck up a friendship with the girl.

"She might change her mind if she sees what it is she's missing," I interrupted.

"Not likely," she snorted.

"Famous last words," I laughed, sharing a knowing look with James.

The poor girl wouldn't know what fucking hit her.

xXx

"Not here, not now," I hissed under my breath.

"Why not?" she quipped, stalking closer to me again. "You don't look like you're busy right now…."

I looked around me to see if there was something – anything – I could use to distract her with long enough to get the hell away from her. When I spotted Garrett coming at us from the corridor across from me I released a breath I had been holding for far too long and shot him an desperate look. He drew up his eyebrows as if to ask me what the hell was going on but proceeded to walk towards us.

"Doctor Cullen!" he boomed with his usual ease. "been making friends again?"

"More like catching up with old friends," Irina quipped before I could say anything, extending her thin, delicate hand towards him. "Irina Romanova."

"Garrett O'Shea," Garrett answered, pumping her hand up and down as he unabashedly drank in her fine shapes. "Doctor Garrett O'Shea."

"Nice to meet you," she purred, her face flashing to that look I recognized very well from ten years ago: the predator seeking out its next prey.

How stupid had I been for not realizing it? For letting my own arrogance and foolishness blind me? I should have known from the moment I started pursuing this…..female….that she would turn the tables on me, that I was not the hunter – as I had thought myself – but the hunted.

"He's engaged," I barked, warning both of them before she sunk her teeth into him.

"I was only making conversation," she shrugged with faked indignation. "Or perhaps I was just shocked at being received in a civil manner."

"Ouch!" Garrett chuckled, patting me on my back. "You have some spark, lady!"

"Thank you," she smiled, looking very much like the Cheshire Cat.

"We'd best be on our way again," Garrett continued, wrapping his arm around my shoulder in an almost protective manner. "I heard House was patrolling the corridors, looking for idle doctors to put on enema-duty." He turned to Irina again as he started steering us towards the lounge. "It was nice meeting you."

"Edward," her voice drifted after us, low and seductive but also warning and dangerous.

"What?" I growled, breaking out of Garrett's hold and taking a few steps back towards her.

"I came here to talk to you," she stated, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "I'm not leaving before I have what I came for."

"I have nothing to say to you," I barked, turning to leave but almost falling flat on my ass as her hand clamped around my shoulder and yanked me back.

"Funny," she retorted, "because I have plenty to say to you and if you can't give me what I want, I might find someone else to chat to." The glint in her eyes leaving me in no doubt of whom it was that she would talk to.

Bella.

The only person in the world I wanted to keep as far away from my despicable past as I could.

"You wouldn't," I gasped.

"Try me," she purred, swatting some imaginary speck of dust from my shoulder as she leaned in and whispered. "I bet you didn't tell that provincial little wife of yours about what you got up to when you were young, did you?"

"Fuck you," I growled.

"You did, remember?" she giggled. "And anyway….you may remember I'm not some common whore you can bag with a couple of drinks and a nice smile. We won't be doing any fucking…..yet."

I remembered all too well the cat and mouse game we had played right up until that night when I did one of the most stupid things of my life.

"What is it you want?" I asked.

"Talk," she smiled, placing her hand on my arm. "Just talk."

"Meet me at Joe's diner in an hour," I barked, checking my watch before storming off, hoping she would forget about our meeting or fail to find Joe's diner.

When I walked into the diner about an hour and a half after our first meeting I felt more prepared for who was waiting for me. After all, this could turn out okay. If all she wanted to do was talk and reminisce we'd share a couple of memories over a drink and that would be it. Somehow I doubted that she had gone through the trouble of finding me just to wander down memory lane with me, though.

"I haven't got a lot of time," I announced, sitting down across from her at the small table down the back. "I need to pick up my daughter from school in an hour and a half." At least this would give her no chance of going into longwinded conversations or side programs.

"I read about that," she snickered. "I couldn't believe it though……Who would have thought that ten years down the line Dirty Eddie would have become a boring old family man!"

Part of me wanted to hit her for sitting across from me at that table, passing judgment over me as if she hadn't been acting every bit as revolting as I had and if I were the kind of man that could willingly hurt a woman I don't know what I might have done….

But then the other side of my brain intervened, telling me I had been that kind of man once. Just because I never hit a woman or hurt her in any other physical way didn't mean I didn't hurt them emotionally. Hell, I had used women as nothing more than disposable items, good only for a quick lay and some pressure relief.

I had been nothing more than an animal back then.

A monster.

"What's the matter, Eddie?" she asked, flashing me her coy smile. "Cat got your tongue?"

"It's Edward," I corrected her, "And no….I just didn't think you would use your first words in ten years to insult me. I thought maybe with time you had picked up some social skills along the way. I must have been mistaken."

"Touché," she giggled, her fake amusement cackling through the diner, "though you know as well as I do that it was never a question of bad manners, more like bad company I guess."

"If you thought me and James were such bad company then what the hell are you doing here?" I spat back. "You'd better stay the hell away from me if you think I'm going to drag you down. And what's with the return of the whole 'Miss Innocent'-act anyway? I seem to remember you were every bit as bad as me and James."

"Hush!" she laughed. "I was in town for a job interview and I saw you on the television. You're hard to miss nowadays! I always knew you'd be a hero some day."

"I was just doing my job," I groaned, slamming my fist on the table, "why can't people just get to grip with that and leave me in peace!"

"I'm sorry," she sighed. "I didn't know it was such a touchy subject for you."

"You couldn't have known," I sighed. As much as I disliked the woman it wouldn't be proper to take out my frustrations on her.

"I can imagine why you reacted like that," she smiled, patting my hand. "I must have given you quite a surprise, popping up out of nowhere like that."

"Yeah, you could say that," I replied, reluctantly smiling at her words. "I kind of thought that when you left, you left for good."

"So did I," she snickered. "I guess some things change."

"Why did you leave?"

"Next question."

"No," I insisted. "I want to know and I think you owe me an explanation."

"We were drunk, we did a stupid thing and then we fucked," she shrugged. "I guess I got kind of spooked."

"You could have left me a note."

"I could have," she shrugged, apparently not thinking she made such a big mistake. "But I didn't. So you got married….."

"I did."

"Good for you."

"Thanks."

"And kids too," she snickered, that evil glint back in her eye. "Who would have known? I, for one, always thought you'd end up some flashy LA doctor like James."

"We grew apart, not long after Cabo," I explained. "I grew up, he didn't. I'm not that guy any more, Irina. I've got a career that satisfies every intellectual need I have and a family that gives me more joy any party or random lay ever could. I'll never go back to my old ways."

"You didn't use to be this boring," she mused, trailing her finger around the rim of her glass before taking another small sip of her drink. "I remember the days when you were much more fun."

xXx

"Are you going to finish that?" I purred, sneaking up on her from behind.

She squeaked, almost dropping her glass on the tiled floor of the terrace. "You scared the shit out of me!" she scolded, her Russian accent lending a sexy air to every fucking word she uttered. Every aspect of her being was perfected to drive men insane. Even her accent which, as I had learned, was just another fabricated part of the 'sexy, unavailable minx'-act.

"I'm sorry," I replied, somehow managing to make my voice sound sincere as I placed my hand on my heart. I would play the part…for now. "I thought you'd heard me coming up behind you."

"No," she smiled, still trying to catch her breath. "I didn't hear you coming."

Well, that sure as hell was something I had every intention of remedying tonight.

This was my chance – my one chance – to get into the girls pants and fuck if I wasn't desperate to take it.

We had been here for four days – FOUR FUCKING DAYS – and so far there had been no progress. None. At all. She was constantly surrounded by her friends and they had made it pretty fucking clear that they didn't really care for outsiders, especially not if those outsiders happened to be in possession of a dick. I swear that girl was better protected than Fort fucking Knox.

What I had found during those brief moments her friends had allowed us to talk, was that the girl herself wasn't actually half bad. She had stunning looks with tits just begging to be touched and full, pouty lips that were made to be wrapped around my cock. But that wasn't what struck me about this girl, at least, not in a way that set her apart from all of the other sluts I had fucked.

The thing that made her special was her mind. She could actually hold a conversation without giggling after every other word or trying to deflect attention from the void where her brain was supposed to be by grabbing my dick. She held her own and – what's more – she didn't seem to be too fazed by who I was.

These feelings – because I guessed that was what they were – I was starting to develop for the girl were fucking confusing to say the least. I knew I had to fuck her out of my system soon before she would really start to screw with my mind and trap me into something I didn't want to.

That was why I had been ready to fucking kill the frigid protection squad last night when they thwarted my umpteenth attempt to get myself laid. They were playing with me, just like I was playing with them. You only had to take one look at the 'I'm so holy and virginal I wouldn't know a penis if I sat on one'-act to see it for what it was: an act.

At least I could comfort myself with the thought that James had made about as much progress as I had.

"You're awfully silent today Edward," she giggled, startling me from my thoughts and I looked on, my dick stirring in my pants, as she folded her lips around the olive in her Martini. "Or do you prefer Eddie?"

"Eddie is okay," I shrugged. "And I was just admiring the view."

"It is wonderful out here," she mused, her eyes drifting over the sea view in front of us, the blue of the ocean distorted by the drunks drifting on the waves in all sorts of floating devices.

"Nah," I shrugged, "there's too much stuff drifting in the ocean to really appreciate it. You should see the view from the terrace at our place. Pure heaven if you'd ask me."

"Is that so?" she mused.

"Don't you think a view is better appreciated without some drunk fuck barfing in the distance?" I smirked, flashing her my panty dropping smile.

"Perhaps," she replied, still seeming hesitant. "But don't go thinking you're going to get lucky."

"Is this because of my reputation?" I chuckled, still playing along with the 'like a virgin' act. Hey! If it was going to get me some pussy I'd be willing to jump onto the bow of a ship and yell 'I'm the king of the world'...

"It might be," she smiled.

"Don't worry," I laughed. "Carmen's there as well. You trust Carmen, don't you?"

"Hmm," she pondered, her eyes scrutinizing me.

"What can I do to ease your worries, fair maiden?" I asked with a smirk that let her know I was on to her.

"I can think of something that will proof your worth to me," she replied with a mischievous grin. "Let's see how far you're willing to take this."

And that was how the lion closed in on the lamb.

xXx

"So where do you keep up?" she asked as we crept along the busy roads.

"Casa De Encanto, over in Palmilla," I answered, happy to break the uncomfortable silence that had settled as soon as we got on the road.

I didn't know what it was that had made me say yes to her ridiculous proposal. Was it the José still lingering in my body after last night's booze out or the lines I did this morning? All I knew – even in my current state – was that it was one of the stupidest things I had done to date, and that was saying something. If Carlisle and Esme ever found out it would be yet another blow to their already heavily dented image of me.

Fuck! How was I even to tell them?

God! I needed a drink!

I stepped on the accelerator, knowing that back at the house there was a bottle of José with my name on it.

"Nice," Irina whistled as soon as she spotted the house.

"Thanks."

Carmen had taken it upon herself to secure a place for us during our stay and I had to admit, she had done a good job. Between the space inside the large Hacienda Style villa, the ocean views, the swimming pool and the large, partly covered outside seating and the modern technology that was scattered all over the house like fucking candy I doubt if I would have even left the place if it wasn't for this girl.

It had enough space for all of us, the Dartmouth pussy that was tagging along (though they had to share a room like some kind of fucked up harem, which was interesting to say the least) and any parties we wanted to throw. The added bonus of the complimentary staff meaning we'd always wake up to a clean house afterwards.

Fuck I loved Cabo!

If I wasn't as messed up and horny as I was right now I might have actually been happy.

Usually on trips like these I was all about tasting the flavors of the land. I mean, when in Mexico, fuck Mexican pussy, right? But unlike James I had realized even before we landed that fucking around wasn't going to get me inside Irina. She had more spies than the KGB so I had no fucking doubt in my mind that any shenanigans I might engage in would be reported back to her within the hour and , knowing what I knew about her, that would not reflect well on my chances of bedding her.

Not that it made me feel any fucking better when I rubbed one out to the sound of my friends fucking like bunnies in the rooms surrounding me.

Fuck, if it wasn't for this girl I would have gotten all the pussy I wanted just by leaving the door slightly ajar.

I had to admit I was getting a little frustrated at this point. I mean, it had been four days, four days filled with chicks throwing themselves at me, practically begging to take me into their mouths and here I was, turning them all down for a girl who hadn't even given me a glimpse of her tits yet.

A girl who had made me go against every fucking principle I ever had.

The blow and scotch must have finally taken their toll on my brain.

"It's beautiful," she whispered as I parked the car in front of our place and helped her out, her large steel blue eyes glued to the front façade.

"Would you like a tour?" I offered, taking her hand and guiding her into the house.

Step one. Check.

"I'd love one," she gushed, taking in her surroundings. "I knew we should have gotten a house for ourselves. I don't know why I let Eve talk me into settling for a hotel."

"Perhaps your friends thought it would be better to be close to the center of town?" I offered.

"I bet you don't miss it," she snorted.

"Not really," I nodded as I wrapped my arm around her small waist, starting our tour in the main room.

I couldn't help but flash a victorious smirk in James' direction when we walked out onto the terrace, my hand firmly wrapped around Irina's waist. He knew he was going to loose his precious car.

Fuck, this felt so good.

"Fucking dick," he mouthed at me, downing his Jack, slamming the empty glass on the table and walking off with a scowl etched deeply into his face.

"What's all that about?" Irina asked, though the knowing look she and Carmen shared didn't escape my notice.

"Nothing," I shrugged, dragging my fingers along her side and feeling how she was already starting to warm up to me.

So close. So fucking close.

"What do you want to go see next?" I thought, weighing my chances of getting her into my bed after another hour or so of sweetening her up. "We could hang out here for a bit, if you'd like. Have a few drinks…maybe dive in for a swim..."

She looked at me with that coy look a girl gets when she's going to say something that might be inappropriate, the batting of her lashes going straight to my dick. "How about your room?" she purred, closing the distance and placing her hand on my chest, right above my heart.

I leaned in, making sure she felt my breath as it ghosted over the skin of her cheeks before moving to her ear. "Have I ever been known to let a lady down?" I purred, taking her lobe between my lips and gently putting some pressure on it. "And I did make a promise to you, a couple of hours ago…"

That car was mine.

xXx

"I grew out of it," I growled, wanting to remember as little of it as possible. "Really, Irina, if all you wanted was to indulge in a trip down memory lane I could have spared you the trouble of waiting for me to finish my shift. I've changed. I'm not the person you knew anymore." I watched her face contort into an artificial pout. "In fact," I continued, "I loathe the person I used to be."

"That's a pity," she smiled. "You used to be so much fun. I remember you and James running around me for days, using every trick in the book to catch my attention. You were so….carefree back then."

"Try childish and stupid," I grunted.

"We were young," she shrugged. "We were allowed to have a little selfish fun."

"I would hardly classify the things I did as a little selfish fun," I snorted. "We used people, chased them until we got what we wanted from them and threw them away like an old shoe the moment we were done with them." She shot me a dissatisfied look. "And don't look at me like that," I growled, "you were as guilty as I was. At least I know I was a worthless jackass back then."

"Look at you Eddie!" she giggled. "you didn't change a bit. Still trying to take the weight of the world on your shoulders."

"It's Edward," I snarled, knowing she had used that name on purpose. "Eddie is dead and buried and he isn't coming back."

"That's a shame," she mused, twirling a lock of her smooth blond hair around her finger. "I would have loved to have had a repeat performance with him, but I guess Edward will do me just fine as well."

"I did mention the fact that I am happily married, right?" I snarled.

"Things can change," she shrugged.

"Some things never change."

"You say that now….." her eyes searched out mine with that same look of determination I had seen before. I had just become her main target. By placing myself out of her reach I had moved from hapless prey to interesting challenge and if anything Irina loved a challenge.

"Stay away from me," I growled.

"Edward," she smiled, dragging the letters out to make it sound like this was all just some sort of joke to her.

"I mean it, Irina," I yelled, jumping up from my chair. "You stay away from me, my wife and my family or I'll see you in court." I didn't wait for her to answer or follow me but stormed out of the restaurant as fast as my cast would let me.

Fuck.

Why was this happening to me? Why now? Why her? Was it really that impossible to mend your ways and keep your past in the past?

xXx

"Fuck I groaned, shielding my face from the light penetrating though the windows as I felt around for the girl.

Empty.

Strange.

With my head still pounding from the insane amounts of tequila consumed last night I felt around the bed, looking for the warm female body sharing it.

A morning fuck always did wonders for a hangover.

After our little round of afternoon delight we had joined the rest of the gang for another night of drinking and having fun around the pool, all events leading up to the most magnificent fuckfest I had ever experienced temporarily forgotten. But now, in the harsh light of morning they all came crashing back to me.

Fuck.

Fuck no…we didn't…

Fuck. We did.

I opened my eyes, all fears of what the brightness of the morning might do to my poor intoxicated brain gone as I searched the room for signs of Irina.

Nothing.

The bathroom.

Nothing.

I walked out of the room, searching the corridor. Perhaps she needed something from the kitchen and got lost along the way…perhaps she woke up early and decided to go for a swim…perhaps she wanted to watch a movie…

Perhaps the player has been played…

It all came crashing back to me. The way she had seemed to know more about me than any of her friends could have told her. The look she shared with Carmen last night…

Fuck.

The door to Carmen and Eleazar's room stood open, the inside looking like it had never been used before.

Fuck.

I scrambled back out, looking for someone – anyone – who could explain to me what had been going on while I had been asleep but apart from Juno, who was sitting in the main room, her tiny body carefully splayed out on a sofa, everyone seemed to be sleeping or…gone.

"June love," I asked, trying to keep my panic out of my throat. "Have you seen Irina?"

"The Russian girl?" she scowled.

"Yes."

"She left at the ass crack of dawn," Juno grumbled. "Fucking woke me up when she slammed the door on her way out too. I don't know what you see in that girl, Eddie. You should hang out with a girl who appreciates you for what you are and who won't run out on you like that."

"We're not discussing this now," I hissed. "Do you know where she went?"

"I don't know," she mused. "But I think I overheard her barking something at the cab driver about taking her to the airport."

"Fuck," I yelled, dragging my hands though my hair. "And Carmen and Eleazar?"

"They headed out last night," she stated. "Remember? Eleazar had a paper he needed to work on and Carmen decided to join him?"

"Yes," I groaned. "Dammit!"

"What is it?" Juno asked, walking up to me and enveloping me in her arms, her hands trailing up and down my body.

"Not now Juno," I growled, pushing her away and putting some distance between us. "I need to think."

"Not fair," she pouted. "You fucked her."

"And look where that got me!" I yelled. "Look…I need some space right now. Maybe later. I don't know…Fuck!"

I walked out on the terrace, pulling at my hair.

What the fuck had happened here?

I had spend most of last night, and a significant portion of the day too, I might add, being on the receiving end of the best sex of my life, winning a fucking amazing classic sport car in the bargain too, but somehow I didn't feel the sense of victory I should have been feeling right now. In fact…I didn't even feel that sense of satisfaction that usual drowned out everything else after a good fuck.

In fact…

I felt……confused?

xXx

I managed to keep myself outwardly composed until I reached the locker room but the moment I left the door click into its lock behind me everything fell apart.

Literally.

I had long feared that my sins would come back to haunt me. Ever since that day nine years ago when Esme had called me out on my behavior and made me see sense I had fought to be a better man. I had fought for redemption, knowing full well that some things could never be forgiven or redeemed. I guess now was the time for retribution but the thought of what it would do to my family was more than I could bear.

What if she went and talked to Bella? How would my wife react when she found out what kind of man – if you could call me a man back then – I had been before we met? Would she be disgusted? I would. In fact…..if I were in her shoes I would want nothing to do with me.

She would leave me. I would lose her. She would take the children and run as fast and as far away from me as she could. I deserved it. I deserved to be punished, put to shame and left alone and destitute.

She would leave me…….

The thought alone was enough to bring my insides to turmoil and I scrambled into the bathroom right on time to reach the toilet and empty my stomach, my whole body shaking in panic as I clutched the cool porcelain.

Even if she didn't leave me it would hurt her. She would try to understand but in the end I had no doubt that it would break her heart. I couldn't do that. I couldn't hurt her on top of everything I was putting her though as it was. I couldn't make her life even harder when she was already struggling to make it through the day.

I would not do that to her. I would keep her save, protect her from this……protect her from me.

Time passed, though it couldn't have been long because I was still alone in a normally quite busy locker room, as I lay there, thinking about my messed up life when I was shaken out of my thoughts by a piercing beeping sound.

Libby.

I had set the alarm on my watch before I left the hospital to remind me of the time I needed to leave to pick her up from school. I dragged my hand through my hair, feeling how the clammy locks stuck to my hand. I must have looked like death warmed up.

I defied the ache in my muscles and pulled myself up into a standing position, groaning the moment my face appeared in one of the large mirrors.

I did look like death warmed up. My hair was sticking out even more than it did on a regular day and my whole face looked ghostly pale and sweaty, not to mention the stains of I didn't want to know what sticking to my shirt.

I probably smelled like death warmed up too.

I couldn't go pick my child up like this. Her teacher would probably shoo me away thinking I was some hobo coming to abduct a child for ransom or something. I knew I had to shower first but I didn't have time to.

Plan B it was.

I fished my phone out of the pocket of my pants and pressed the buttons on speed dial. She picked up on the second ring.

"Alice?"

"Edward!" my sister squealed on the other end. "To what do I owe this honor?"

"Something happened at work and I'm kind of stuck here for a while," I sighed. "Are you free to pick Libby up from school? I wouldn't have asked otherwise but…."

"No problem," she chuckled. "But does Bella know you're staying behind for extra credit?"

"What she doesn't know won't hurt her," I replied, trying to put a smile to my words.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Alice scolded. "You've only been married for what…..two years now and already you're starting with dishonesty?"

If only she knew just how dishonest I was planning to be……

"Are you going to keep Libby waiting while you're nagging me on unimportant things?"

"Don't get your panties in a bunch! I'm already in my car," she huffed. "There's this new gem of modern technology called a 'headset' which means I can drive and yell at you at the same time. Ain't that cool?"

"Great, Ally," I snorted, rolling my eyes as I scrambled to my feet.

"Anyway……I'm pulling up in front of the school. Meet you back at the house in a few?"

"See you there," I nodded, hanging up and shoving the tiny device back into my pants pocket.

I grabbed a change of clothing from my locker and took a quick wash at the sink, lamenting the bulky cast on my leg that was keeping me from a proper shower. It would just have to wait until I got home, where the plastic cover up Bella had made for me out of bin bags was waiting on the shower seat.

I hailed a cab on my way out and spend the ride home trying – but failing – not to think about what happened. I needed to revert back into daddy-mode if I didn't want to scare the shit out of Libby when I got back home but with everything reminding me of the threat made to the peace and quiet of my family life today I was finding the switch harder than it had ever been.

The combined enthusiasm of Libby and Alice hit me as soon as I opened the front door. Both of them were giggling about something, the high pitched voices cackling through the silence, stilling some of my fears.

It wasn't long before the pounding of footsteps rushing down a wooden staircase alerted me to the fact that Libby was on her way and sure enough a few seconds later her brown curls, shining green eyes and matching dress came bounding down the stairs.

"Hi daddy," she giggled, running up to me and planting a firm kiss on my cheek while I prayed she wouldn't notice the clammy sweat, the reminder of my panic attack.

"Hi sweetheart," I replied, trying to make my voice sound as light as I could, "how was your day?"

"Okay," she shrugged. "We started reading Matilda today but when I told the teacher that I already knew the book and that it was my favorite Benjamin called me a showoff."

"That wasn't very nice of him," I replied, trying to keep my anger out of my voice.

"I know," she nodded, her eyes huge before an evil little smirk settled on her features. "But he won't be doing that again."

"What did you do?" I asked.

"I punched him in the face when teacher wasn't looking," she shrugged, a glint of mischief shimmering in her yes.

"That wasn't very nice either, sweetheart," I scolded, inwardly beaming with pride that my daughter had learned to defend herself.

"I know," she sighed, That's what Miss Milano told me. I think she's going to call mommy and you later….."

"You shouldn't have hit the boy, peanut," I breathed. "Remember what mommy always told you?"

"Yeah, yeah," she huffed, rolling her eyes before she dutifully pounded out one of Bella's elementary lessons in ladylike behavior, "I should always fight with words and never with my hands." She paused, biting her lip before she broke out in a grin. "But what if I kicked him? Would mommy be mad then?"

"What do you think?" I chuckled.

"Can I go upstairs and play with my dolls for a bit before we go to Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett?"

"Sure, sweetheart," I said as I spotted Alice coming down the stairs. "I'll come get you when we're leaving."

"You haven't been leaving presents for Bella in the closet, have you?" I smirked as I followed Alice into the living room.

"Maybe," she grinned.

"You know how she feels about that," I groaned, knowing it would be me that would have to listen to Bella's tirade when she found the stuff Alice had left. Or – even worse – thrown away.

I contemplated telling Alice about what happened today. She knew to some extend about my past which would make it easier to open up to her. If anyone, she would understand how I felt about all of this and not press me to tell Bella when I wasn't ready for it.

She was quiet though……too quiet.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on or are you waiting for me to start guessing?" I frowned, after another couple of minutes of laden silence had passed.

"It's nothing…." she sighed.

"It's something," I disagreed. I haven't seen you this quiet in…well forever."

"It's nothing," she repeated, holding up her hand to keep me from interrupting her. "Just some boy trouble."

"Is Jasper not treating you right?" I asked, my anger rising in my chest. I liked Jasper. Hell, I would even go as far as to call him a good friend, but if he hurt my sister he was going down.

"It's not that," she huffed, rolling her eyes at my 'protective brother' attitude. "Jeez! It's not like he's violating me or something! Things have just been a little…tense."

"In what way?" I demanded, my head filling with all kinds of scenario's of how I would kill Jasper and dump his lanky ass in the Hudson.

"We're just….I don't know….in an impasse right now," she explained. "I kind of want to get married to him. I mean, it's been two years and all…."

"And he doesn't?" I interrupted; trying desperately to keep calm for her while the voices in my head were demanding an answer to the question why the fucker didn't want to marry the pixie. She was perfectly maritable. Nothing wrong with her.

"His feet are frostier than the North Pole in the winter, yes," she smirked.

"Give him time," I suggested, suddenly remembering how Jasper had a past of being a 'one night man' as well. "His feet may defrost."

"That's what everybody keeps saying," she yelled exasperated. "Give him time, let him come to you, allow him to get ready for this step in his own time……Well I did that but now I'm sick of it. I'm tired of waiting."

"Alice….."

"Shut up!" she barked at me. "I know I'm not known for my patience or empathy but I've been waiting for two years now – you hear that Edward: Two. Fucking. Years – and I'm fucking tired of waiting around for him to catch up."

"I didn't mean it like that sis," I sighed, pulling her into my lap and wrapping my arms around her in comfort. "You know I've got your back, pixie, whatever you decide. I just want you to be absolutely sure before you decide on any step."

"That's what's so hard about all of this," she sniffed. "My head and my heart aren't actually agreeing on what's the right thing to do."

"Speak to me," I urged her.

"We used to be so close…." she started. "It was like he knew exactly how I felt and what I needed. We didn't even need to speak half of the time, which I always thought kind of freaky to be honest because you know how much I like to talk..." My snort was welcomed with a fist to the gut. "Nowadays we use the silence almost as a weapon. It's almost like there's this huge space between us and it just keep filling up with all the things we don't say to each other and the longer we stay silent the more likely it is that if one of us gives in and speaks it will be the end of us…."

"It doesn't have to be," I tried to reassure her.

"That's what Bella said as well," she pouted, "but you try living in my house for a day. See if you still think the same."

"As much as I like Jasper, he doesn't quite do it for me on a romantic level," I deadpanned; slightly hurt that both Alice and Bella knew about this but never told me. I was her brother, dammit; I had a right to know if my sister was hurting.

"And what if somewhere down the line he decides he's not done with his old life after all?" she continued. "What if he runs into one of his old buddies one night at the pub and they convince him to have one last hurrah?"

I cringed, remembering my own history.

"What?" Alice turned around, her eyes tightening to slits as she scrutinized my face.

"Nothing," I said. "Go on."

"I just…..I don't know…..Him having so much doubt about our future makes me all kinds of uncertain about that as well," she sighed. "I used to be so sure of it. I thought I saw it all in front of me…..a nice place on the West Side with lots of closet space and a library for him, kids running around the place with his eyes and hair and my sense of fashion…….you know, the whole package. Kind of like I saw it with you only your kids looked like Libby and Masen and didn't have that great a fashion sense to be honest."

"And now you don't?"

"I don't know what the future holds anymore……" she huffed, her nose scrunching up in frustration. "It's all sorts of messed up."

"So what are you going to do?" I asked.

"I don't know," she replied, rubbing her eyes as she slipped out of my embrace. "I wish I did though."

"I wish I could help," I sighed.

"You just did," she smiled, ruffling my hair. "Just…..don't treat him any different than you used to do."

"Alice," I groaned, seeing all my plans for drowning Jasper in his bowl of Miso Soup blow out the window.

"Please?" she pouted. "For me….."

"Fine," I huffed. "I'll see what I can do. I'm not making any promises though. If he hurts you again that pretty face is going to be a whole less pretty if you know what I mean."

"You've been spending too much time with Emmett and Garrett," she huffed, shaking her head. "Come on…let's get Libby and head over to Rose's."

The drive over to Emmett and Rose's apartment passed mostly in silence. Alice was no doubt still preoccupied with our talk, her face a little pale and contemplative as she stared out at the window without really seeing anything.

Poor Alice.

I really wanted her to have her happily ever after, even if it was with Jasper. She had done so much for me over the years. Looking back on it, it was her who saved me that disastrous summer when I thought that Bella had left my life for good. I used to hate her for hovering over me like some mother goose, but in hindsight she had kept me from God knows what.

Later on, when we had moved to New York, she made sure I was properly fed on takeout and didn't wear myself out too much at the hospital. She had always been my guardian angel, my protector when it seemed like the whole world was gearing up against me.

But even she didn't know the worst of what I had done. That I had never told a living soul.

I could still feel the panic starting to rise in my throat whenever I thought back on my meeting with Irina earlier in the day. Even though the rational part of my brain told me that I was being particularly arrogant by thinking she would turn into some scary, Glenn Close kind of stalker because she never got over me, there was always that nagging little voice that remembered me what she had been like when we met, ten years ago. She was like a Pit-bull. Whenever she took hold of you, she'd never let you go.

I had to protect Bella, Libby and Masen from all of this. I couldn't loose them and I couldn't hurt them. If that meant lying to them to keep them save and happy, then so be it.

"How do I look?" I asked Alice as we waited in front of the elevator, Libby still busy playing a game of twenty questions with the poor doorman.

"Why Edwina," she cooed in an artificial voice, "you look simply ravishing!"

"You know what I mean," I growled, giving her a playful slap upside the head.

"Ouch," she complained. "And you look like an extra in a horror flick by the way."

"Thanks," I snorted, before calling Libby over to me and helping her press the button to Rose and Emmett's floor.

Bella was already there, watching on bemused as Emmett was feeding Masen his bottle. My heart swelled when I spotted that happy glow to her eyes the minute she had spotted me across the room but when her expression turned to worry as her eyes lingered from mine to the rest of my face I knew I wasn't as good an actor as I thought I was.

I should have known she would notice. She knew me too well.

"What's wrong Edward?" she asked, concern mixing in with the fatigue on her face as she walked up to me.

"Nothing," I sighed, pulling her towards me and burying my head in her hair. "I just had a long day….Lots of sick people to cure….You know?"

"Poor baby," she sighed, wrapping her arms around my body and offering me her strength.

I took it, though I didn't deserve it and though it made me feel like a worse kind of human being than I ever felt before.

I had lied to her when she had done nothing but love me and be completely honest with me, even though I knew she was struggling sometimes when she shared things with me that she knew I was going to hate.

Now it was my turn, but I couldn't bring myself to talk to her. I couldn't find the courage to be honest, not when she might run away screaming if she ever found out the truth about me.

I was a monster.

Always had been, always would be.

At least by keeping this from her and striving to be a better man for her every day she wouldn't be hurt by the realization that she had married the worst of men.

No.

She must never know.


So the intruder has a name now.....Will we have seen the last of her?

This was a difficult chapter for me to write, thought it's also a very important one. I think you'll all agree with me that, though his intentions were good and very 'Edward', he made the wrong decision when he decided to 'protect' Bella from the truth.

I've posted a few pictures of the person I envision as Irina and the car that triggered the whole mess on the 'Foundations' thread on twilighted.

As always, please let me know what you thought of this.