A/N: Sorry, got de-railed from the writing inspiration train and hauled onto the back end of the songwriting one for a week - been more stressful than I thought it was going to be. But after a few days of re-acquainting myself with a tv show I fell in love with a few years ago, I'm back! Hope you enjoy.

Chakotay looked out of the kitchen window briefly before looking back down to read through Phoebe's note again. She'd started the journey back to her family on Mars, and she'd arranged for Tom, B'Elanna and MIral to come over for a few hours after lunch to check on them, but they'd be gone by dinnertime. She needed to be with her husband and children again, and Kathryn was 'in good hands'.

The old-fashioned kettle screamed on the old-fashioned stove as the water inside boiled. He picked up the handle and poured the water into the mug to make a fresh mug of coffee for Kathryn. Help her Chakotay.

So do I remind you of

Someone you never met

A lonely silhouette

And do I remind you of

Someone you wanna be

So pull at a leash is too far out to reach

Ohh I wish you to open up for me

'Cause I wanna know you

Amaryllis

Bloom

Kathryn sat on the swing chair in the shade under some willow trees in the back yard of the Janeway farmhouse, swinging idly in the warm summers breeze, an empty coffee cup in hand. She was staring idly out across the garden at the Talaxian tomatoes she'd planted in the opposite flowerbed after she'd returned to Indiana after the Starfleet debriefings had ended.

Chakotay watched her from the porch for a while before wandering over to join her.

"Can I sit down?" he asked quietly, holding out a steaming mug of coffee to her as a peace offering. She nodded, and let him pull the empty coffee mug from her hands and replace it with the full one. "You okay?" She nodded silently. "Kathryn," he pleaded.

"Why?" she whispered, a stray tear spilling over her cheek. "A crew of almost a hundred and fifty and you chose Seven?" Chakotay played with the handle of the empty mug before he answered.

"Because I was hurting. I've been in love with you for so long Kathryn, and after Seven came aboard, it felt a lot like you didn't have time for me anymore, like you'd stopped caring for me. You started to stop giving me any of those little signs to show that you still cared. So when she asked me to escort her on a date to help her explore a wider range of human emotion, I felt . . . flattered, in a way. By spending time with her, I felt like I was getting to spend time with you, but in a way that I'd never be able to have with you.

"And when I saw how much you were hurting, I enjoyed it. Because it meant that you were suffering like I was." He bit his lip and refused to meet her eyes. "But it went too far. I didn't see it until it was too late. Everyone was against us staying together after the debriefings were over, and hardly anyone from Voyager would talk to us, let alone spend time with us.

"So when I spoke to B'Elanna and she convinced me to change something, anything, I felt like I had to start by talking to you. But when I saw that last one yo left me, telling me that your mother had died . . . and I felt like something had snapped. I realised what I had done wrong. I broke my promise to you, and everyone else made sure that I knew just how much you were suffering because of me.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn."