Chapter 12
Lucifer was resting in one of the ugly sofas Sam had. He had thought in visiting him in the bar, knowing that his shift would be over in a few minutes, but it wasn't too late and there were always too many people at this hour for him to appear without Sam scolding him for scaring someone. Time had been always relative for him, constantly changing depending where he was; however, Lucifer had found that he appreciated it greatly to spend it more with Sam than with demons and damned souls. Of course that didn't mean he didn't enjoy spending some time alone. One would have thought otherwise after being inside the Cage for so long; the truth was that he enjoyed being able to choose when to be alone, especially in places where he had good memories. Sam had lived here for a few weeks already, but it was enough for him to like it.
He could glance at the kitchen and remember them kissing against the small fridge; Sam teaching him how to cook a pizza; drinking coffee together after Lucifer had spent the night, even after repeating that he wasn't going to fall asleep, he just looked tired.
He even liked this sofa too, it wasn't aesthetically appealing because it was a dark, ugly purple, but it was big enough for Sam could come over and easily sit on his lap even if it was intended for just one person to sit, so it wasn't all bad.
Lucifer glanced at the clock hung on the wall again. Sam always rubbed his back and neck with soothing circles whenever Lucifer felt weary and stressed, pressing the tense spots on the muscles he wasn't able to fix with expert fingers. He didn't know how Sam knew when to do it, but he did. And Lucifer wished he could be good at giving massages as Sam was, but he always tended to rub at the spot with too much force, causing Sam to hiss most of times.
Maybe today Sam would know, too. Hell's business was going slow. Demons didn't like the change, and Lucifer found himself stressing over constantly. Since he had been searching for Cain and other higher beings to delegate some of the work, things had become tense. However, it was necessary.
He sighed and tilted his side to the right, looking at the empty sofa in front of him. He also remembered calling for Michael days ago, asking for his presence. He had waited for long minutes, but nothing came. Ready to go and return to Hell, he had stood up, but there was a familiar displacement of air that had made him look up, thinking that his brother would be there. He wasn't. In its place, Raphael stood tall in front of him, looking as tired as he had seen Michael before. "Lucifer."
Lucifer didn't say 'Not you too', instead he sat again in one of the sofas, motioning Raphael to do the same in front of him. "I called for Michael, sister. Not that your company isn't appreciated, of course."
Raphael sat, apparently agreeing with Lucifer in how awful those seats were if her frown was to go by. "He's busy," she answered.
"Still? One would have thought that he had learnt to delegate some work after so many eons in the same job."
"You know that not many can do what Michael can, Lucifer."
She didn't mention how not one, but him could. There wasn't any resentment in her words, not like those times when they were young and she wanted to help Michael in everything, wanting to be like their older brother, only to find that her grace wasn't situated for most of his tasks. She atone more with Gabriel, in the same way he did with Michael.
"And how is he?" Her lips pursed and that movement made Lucifer lean towards her. "You can't tell me? Did Michael ask you to not tell me anything?"
She glared, confirming his words and Lucifer sent a quick message to his brother, 'Damn you, Michael. What have you told Raphael?'
Raphael's eyebrows twitched and her lips pursed. The action made something lit inside him. "You're hearing Michael's prayers, aren't you?" She stood in one fluid movement, visibly started at his statement.
"The souls are being protected," she said quickly before leaving. Lucifer didn't understand then why she had come when no explanation was going to be given. Nor he did now. But Abbadon appearing in front of the empty sofa his sister had once sat made him pull his musings aside for the moment.
"What are you doing here?" he asked. It had been no more than a few days ago on Earth since he had waked Abbadon up, retrieving her from the space between timelines she was in. It was an attempt to search for his mentor. It wasn't working so far.
"Shouldn't be me the one asking that?"
"That I had brought you into this dimension doesn't mean you're entitled to follow me wherever I go, Abbadon. Remember that you're in try-out. I can eliminate you whenever I want."
She smirked in the way only demons could. "I just want to serve you, my Lord," she said. "You told me to inform you about Crowley's whereabouts, am I right?"
Meg mentioned that it was Crowley the one given the task of making sure she didn't escape. But there was an old pipe in her jail; one that dripped drops of water from time to time in the Salomon's circle they had trapped her in. After it had erased a part and she was able to escape, she found out that the demons weren't really strong even if there was a great number of them, the hellhounds still young. It was easy for her to escape with the power she had. So he was curious.
"You have found him?"
Her eyes lit in mischief. "No, but we've found interesting information about him working with a powerful pagan god."
Lucifer wanted to roll his eyes. He really needed to kill every one of them. "Tell me all about it," he said, his eyes narrowing in disgust when she moved to sit next to him.
- x -
Once in the hall that led to his apartment, Sam took a deep breath before he opened the door, wanting to erase the tight smile he felt on his lips, as well as subdue the eyes that he was sure screamed 'I'm going to kill you'. He didn't want to fight.
Lucifer turned his gaze towards him the moment Sam opened the door in a movement; a beautiful woman sitting gracefully on the arm of his couch, next to Lucifer. She smiled a little too toothily; her red lips framing perfectly her white teeth, a strand of red hair tucked lazily behind her left ear. Pearls curled around her lean neck, seeming to glint alongside her smile. Lucifer was still wearing his pristine white suit, but there wasn't a tie, the upper bottom was loose, making him look almost casual.
He had looked mildly bored from whatever tale the woman was telling him, however, when his eyes found his something close to affection seemed to soften his stoic face, but then he gave him a glance over and narrowed his eyes, already knowing something wasn't right. Lucifer stood and in a blink he was standing in front of him; a hand moving to stroke his cheek. "What's wrong?" he asked, unable to hide his amusement at some of the huffs of annoyance Sam couldn't seem to be able to stop coming out from his mouth.
"I don't know, why you don't tell me?" he whispered harshly.
Looking honestly confused, Lucifer tilted his head. Sam scoffed and glanced towards the woman. He saw for a moment eyes filled with revulsion before her smile appeared and she stood. Sam had at least the modesty to smile back.
"So this is your chosen companion, my Lord?" She made an exaggerated flourish with her hand. "A pleasure to meet you, Samuel."
Lucifer's features barely changed. "You may go, Abbadon," he said evenly, a hint of a tortuous promise in his voice.
"And Hell?" she said, walking closer to Lucifer's side, touching his arm briefly, the charming smile never leaving her lips as she glanced at Sam from the corner of her eyes. Lucifer didn't bat an eye.
She wouldn't have problems with being naked, Sam thought, she'd probably undress gladly if Lucifer asked. He tightened his hold in the bag with food and sighed. He turned towards Abbadon and nodded politely, then looking at Lucifer again, he said, "Finish your business; I'll be in the kitchen." The 'we need to talk' was implicit, but it was there.
"I'll be there in a second." Holding Sam's free hand, Lucifer kissed his knuckles before turning towards the woman. Sam didn't hear anything they talked as he closed the kitchen's door behind him. He leaned on the counter, letting it take his whole weight.
Taking his jacket harshly away, Sam placed the bags of food on the small table and started taking plates out to serve his food, but stopped, placing the food in the fridge instead with a sigh.
"How have you gotten that?"
Sam's turned left and saw Lucifer under the doorway, watching the two big wet brownish dots on the collar of his white shirt. "Well, I was drinking some coffee and one of your minions walked into me, making me drop most of it."
Bending closer to smell something on his neck, Lucifer frowned. "Did he do anything to you?"
"That's the weird part, he didn't! He was going to say something but stopped when he saw me," Sam puffed his chest and crossing his arms tightly over his chest. "He looked afraid of me."
Lucifer visibly relaxed and leaned even more to kiss his jaw but Sam swatted him away, feeling the indignation welling inside him again at Lucifer's indifference. With others, he would have tried to rub it off, smile and say 'it's okay', but this was Lucifer. "I don't think you understand. He almost bowed in front of me in the middle of the street. The fucking street. And then he was spluttering, saying 'I'm sorry, my Lord' and things like that." He swatted him again when Lucifer tried to hug him. "What the fuck, Lucifer. Seriously, what the fuck?"
Lucifer attempted to look innocent. "You said that everyone I wanted could know about our relationship."
"What did you do, scream at the top of the biggest mountain in Hell or something?" For the look Lucifer gave him, Sam suspected that it wasn't far from reality. He ran a hand through his face. "You basically peed on me so no one would touch me, right?"
When he didn't hear an answer, Sam peeked under his fingers. Lucifer's troubled expression made him pull his hand away. "Are you mad?"
"Mad? I─" Sam looked down. It didn't really surprise him Lucifer's actions. Something told him that it would happen, but… "I don't know."
Lucifer's palm was cool on his nape, pulling him up so they could lock eyes. "I don't want anything happen to you. I won't stop you from hunting, but this way at least demons won't be the ones you'll have to worry. Maybe they can even protect you if I'm not close."
"I can protect myself."
Pressing their foreheads together, Lucifer sighed. Cool breath ghosted over his skin. "Sam, you're a human," he said as if that was enough explanation. "You can die so easily and then I won't be able to have you."
"Our deal was to─"
"I don't care about the deal," Lucifer sneered, the temperature in the room visible drooping, before visibly taking a breath and calming himself. "You're going to live until you're old and your body can't anymore."
"...Do I want to ask what's going to happen to me when I die? Because─"
"You don't want to be in Hell, Sam. I just want to look after you."
"I don't know what I want now," he said exasperatedly, "but at least I want to have the choice to choose for myself, Lucifer!" He moved his arm away and walked towards the kitchen's door, his throat closing and tension filling his being. "I know that for you I'm a weak little human, but I can protect me. I can decide what I want."
Lucifer looked over his laptop that still lay over the table since that morning pointedly. "You were preparing yourself for a vampire nest. I don't think that qualifies as a way to know how to decide things that aren't going to harm you, Sam."
"Were you looking into─" his voice cracked slightly.
To Sam's horror, his stress was manifesting itself in angry tears. He can feel the wetness in his eyes and he knew he wasn't that far from the tears actually falling. So he squeezed his eyes shut and drew in a painful ragged breath.
God, why am I so weak?
He wasn't like this.
"We can't talk like this. I'm tired from working and you─ you look tired, too. I… I need to take a walk,"
No, stop. He would not show weakness. Digging his nails into his palms he shook his head and turned, a hand spread over the door.
He felt Lucifer's body close behind him when he didn't immediately open the door, fingers ghosting over his arm. "You know that I love you."
"I know." Sam bit his lower lip, trying to stop the trembling in them as a smile curled around his lips. He placed his free hand over Lucifer's, squeezed once, and let go. "I love you too."
He pushed the door without looking back. In part because he didn't want to lose his temper and cry; in other part because he didn't want to look at the expression Lucifer wore.
He was a coward.
- x -
Sam didn't know how long he had wandered, hands inside his pocket and tears falling on his cheeks; gaze down as he continued walking in the cold street, trying to stop the dry sobs that escaped him from time to time. It was already winter and the brush of the wind was almost painful. It was worse when you were crying. Though he was able to see his warm breath lingering in the air, condensing the cold atmosphere surrounding him. It was beautiful in its simplicity and it relaxed him. He liked the cold, loved it in fact, every breeze that brushed against his skin felt like the lingering of Lucifer's touches. He wondered if Lucifer's breath would do the same as his or the air would remain the same.
He groaned when he realizes that in his attempt to seclude himself from people he was now in a part of town he didn't know well. Drying his tears, he entered inside the nearest coffee shop, he wanted to drink something warm. Needed it to keep his head clear.
A soft bell rang the moment he pushed the door open. The place was small, brown and cream colors painting the walls; tables made from dark, old wood were spread around the room. It was cozy in a way. It emanated a welcoming aura and Sam could felt his shoulders relax at the ambient. He looked at the place, at the warm lights that made it look as if it wasn't winter outside. Sam didn't know much of art but the paintings that hung on the walls looked familiar and too well done, as if they were the real-deal. But it couldn't be, could it?
"Like it?"
Sam was so immersed in looking at his surroundings that he hadn't noticed the man behind the counter. As the place, there was something warm about him. Maybe it was how easily he carried himself, the smile on his face, or his golden colored eyes, looking as if they were caramel melted by the sun.
"I'm sorry, I didn't intent to hover." Sam walked towards him. From close, he noticed that his hair wasn't brown, but chestnut.
The man shrugged. "That's okay. Want something?" he pointed at the board hung behind him. "I make a mean vanilla latte. What the doctor ordered for this weather."
Sam smiled, there was something in the man that felt familiar. Comfortable. "Okay, just not too sugary."
"Now you've offended me." The man pressed a hand against his chest in a mock-hurt expression. Sam chuckled and chose to sit as he waited for his drink. That way at least he won't look as if he hovered over the guy. He didn't wait long, a few minutes later the guy was placing a cup in front of him.
"Thanks," Sam said before drinking, pleased at the taste of it. It was actually very good. He glanced at the side, were one paint hung. There weren't any windows but it was nice. He kept drinking, slowing his pace with each sip. As his mind calmed and the anger retreated, Sam realized that he wanted to be with Lucifer in this coffee shop, drinking.
He shook his head, perhaps he shouldn't have gone as he did. Though he knew that if he stayed, things would get worse between them and Sam hated to fight with him. He hated to fight with anyone he loved. It hurt. Dean had always been the emotionally constipated; Sam the one that talked about his feelings. He wondered when it came difficult to do so. When it started to scare him to open up.
"Your cup is getting cold." Sam looked up and saw the man sitting in a chair that he hadn't seen before, one that put them in the same height. "Problems in Paradise?" he asked, a small gleam of mischief in his eyes, as if what he had just said was the funniest thing ever. "You look as if you've relationship problems. I'm not going to say anything, but just know that many know me as Dr. Love." He winked.
"Just the usual," Sam conceded, darting his eyes away because the expression he wore reminded him of Lucifer. Wanting to change the subject, Sam added, "How is that this place is empty if you can make drinks like this?" He pointed his cup. "Bad marketing?"
The guy laughed. "Have you forgotten that we're in winter? This is the time everyone wants to open coffee shops."
Sam hummed and took another sip. With a latte like the one he was drinking, it was strange that there weren't lines waiting by the door. He finished the cup and looking down at the empty mug, he thought in buying another one. For Lucifer. He wanted to return to their apartment and talk. How long has it been? An hour?
Taking a deep breath, he felt courage building inside him. He stood. "I want one to go."
The man shook his head, looking truly apologetic. "Sorry, no can do. I don't have more of those cups to go; probably tomorrow I'll have them." Sam let all the air he had inhaled in one go. "Oh," he breathed.
"Really. Sorry, kiddo. But let me tell you this, you come next time and I give you a discount, deal?" Sam tried to smile. He didn't remember where this place was. "You know what always sets me in good mood?" The man said when Sam didn't move. "A magic trick."
Sam raised an eyebrow and repeated, incredulous, "A magic trick?"
"Yeah."
The guy stood from his chair and bend down to search for something inside the counter. Sam couldn't see what it was but before he had the chance to lean, the guy was already jumping, looking up at him as he showed him a black hat.
"Okay, look. Nothing inside." He made a show of putting his hand inside the hat and Sam peered over to see that it indeed, it was empty. "Nothing under my sleeves either."
Sam snorted. "Okay, okay. What are you gonna pull from the hat now, I wonder."
The man seemed to appreciate his sense of humor. He winked and his hand covered the hat's hole. He closed his eyes, pouted a little, and exhaled. He then looked at him. "I need to say the magic words, so it can work." Sam huffed in amusement. The words that came from the man next were short, rough. It made the fine airs of his arms rise.
Lucifer always told him to trust his instinct.
His hand was moving towards his belt by the time the man snapped his fingers, his own closing around the edge of the knife. But before he could do anything, in a quick movement, the man was already pulling a long feather from the hat and was smiling at him. "Ta-dah!"
Sam's eyes widened. He looked inside the small hat and the feather again. It was impossible that by its length it had come from it. The man shrugged easily. "I know, I'm awesome."
"How did you do it?"
"Sorry, kiddo, a magician never reveals his secrets." There was something in his smile that Sam couldn't place. Something familiar. "But, here. The feather is yours."
Sam backed slightly away when the feather was placed in front of him, a few inches away from his face. "It's beautiful," he said and grabbed the feather. The feeling in his gut was still there and his right hand was on top of his tight, close to the weapon.
The feather was caramel from close, but when one swirled it, it glinted gold. Strange patterns covered it, he didn't know if the color was blue or silver, but it was still stunning. Close to the quill were thin yellow-colored strands, looking innocent and small in contrast to the sharp end. It emanated comfort, as the coffee shop did, but purer. It felt like those times Lucifer brushed his soul and Sam felt at ease as he relaxed between his arms.
He remembered being curled against Lucifer side in the hospital's room, his hushed voice as he told Sam about how he escaped the Cage. Mentioning all what he had seen, the brothers that visited him. He remembered how he went quiet after he told him about his youngest brother, how he had gone away in disappointment and longing, not being able to stay in Heaven anymore.
When he thought Lucifer wasn't going to continue, he started talking about how he was: joy incarnated, happiness immediately lit in those that surrounded him. As Raphael had been behind Michael, seeking knowledge; Gabriel was behind him, always curious to learn what he had to teach. He cared like Raphael: deep, with its whole self. But unlike her, whose love was more silent and calm, he chose to externalize it. Showed it to everyone, fledglings and older alike. But, like Lucifer, love had been his downfall too.
He looked up, a more genuine smile curling on his lips. "It is beautiful," he repeated and the man huffed, seemed to fidget on his feet in embarrassment as if Sam had made him the best compliment ever.
"Oh, you." He waved a hand, the smirk on his lips looked so damn familiar, it made him long. Sam put his right hand inside his pocket. The key was still there. He pulled it out and played with it between his fingertips, it looked small on his large hands.
"It looks empty; you better find a key-ring or something for it." Sam found the man looking down at his hand, a lazy smirk spread over his cheeks. Their eyes meet and Sam swore he saw a golden gleam in his eyes, something powerful and dangerous shone behind them. "Now you better go, kiddo. I've to close, you know."
For some reason, it sounded like a warning. A threat under a sweet voice.
Sam snorted. Yeah, it was Lucifer's brother alright.
- x -
When Sam returned home, Lucifer wasn't there.
Sam wanted to call for him but he thought that, perhaps, like he did, Lucifer also wanted some time alone. It had passed less than an hour since he took a walk. He pulled the feather out of his jacket and placed it inside one of his drawers.
