Dedicated, as always, to wolvesnvamps.
Typo fixed with thanks and pleasure to twiolic.
Chapter 12
Edward
Yes. Of course.
What was it with girls wanting what they can't have?
I ran for a reason.
I ran because she wanted me to stay.
And because I wanted her to stay.
No good could come of this.
I had a vivid and precise image in my head of Alice getting mad at me for this, blaming me for luring the girl away from her love and her family.
As if either of us had a choice in this. Well, a choice outside of whether to live for each other or die separate and miserable for all eternity, anyway. Perhaps it was a jerk thing to do, but I voted to live. I was damned anyway; might as well have fun doing it.
But did you really need to drag an innocent girl into it, Edward? I could hear Alice's condescending, superior voice echoing in my head. Could see her spiky hair pointing accusatory little stabs at me, judging me and calling me out for ruining a beautiful, sexy, confusing and-
I should stop.
I should make her go.
But I couldn't.
Fuck it; I didn't want to.
She was mine now.
She'd follow me wherever I went; I knew it to be true, even if I didn't know her mother's name or where she was born or whether she preferred mayonnaise to Miracle Whip. I couldn't read her facial expressions or mind. She was a total fucking mystery.
All I knew was that the thought of her turning away from me- forever- made my throat twist and all 639 of my skeletal muscles clench.
Damn her. Damn her for being here and belonging to someone else. Damn her for damning herself by being here with me instead of over there with him.
As I stared at her face, hot and wet with tears, I realized I couldn't ever be mad at her. She wanted to chase me? Fine. I wanted to be caught.
Salty water flowed from the corners of her eyes, streaming around the apples of her flushed cheeks, collecting at the apex of the chin that was in my cold, harsh hand. Why, Bella? Why did you have to tempt me so? I could see it in her eyes, the fact that we were both about to fuck over everything and everyone we knew.
And, like me, she didn't care enough to keep away.
Then again, she didn't know about my sordid history. Perhaps I could give her one more chance, one more out. She shouldn't leave puppy love only to be saddled with dramatic, soulless obsession.
I released her chin and grabbed at her hand, noting that she had never flinched at my icy skin.
"Come on," I said. She didn't answer, simply nodding and acquiescing, like she had come to the same realizations as I had.
When her human pace made me impatient, I stopped and picked her up, securing her in my arms and trotting at an increasingly faster pace. And it felt good. Felt good to run, felt good to simply be myself with her. I should have been alarmed by the elated feeling rushing from my legs and bursting up through my every orifice as I ran farther and farther, taking Bella to a place where we wouldn't have ugly reminders of what we were leaving behind.
How would she react when I told her about my first? I felt like I needed to come clean about it, to give her that chance to not be here. Because if she could choose me, could choose to be with me- I would never let her go. If she wanted to walk, I'd have to live with it, forever. The anticipation was building, side-by-side with the elation, it was there. Burning my fast footsteps and making my stomach jump into my throat, as it were.
I carried her to an area near my house but still well out of earshot for my family; I found a log and regretted I didn't have an undershirt on or something that I could lay out for her so that she wouldn't have to be uncomfortable. I sat her down gently and kneeled in front of her, lightly brushing the straggly strands of hair that had gathered in her eyes off to the side and peered at her. I knew I looked expectant, but I suddenly felt so damned eager to come clean. This would be it, I knew it; the moment. If she could still want to be with me when I told her what I really was, then I would know how to proceed. They all grudgingly thought we were "good" vampires, and maybe that was true- ah, fuck it. I just needed her to know. I didn't want her to feel like I had hidden anything.
"Bella-" I started, and the sticky words tripped on my tongue.
"Hey, what is it?" she said softly, breathing into my face and making me pause. I closed my eyes briefly and allowed her breath into my nose and my thoughts; oddly, instead of the burn I had been starting to get used to, her smell brought more clarity. I opened my eyes and stared at her directly, ready for whatever reaction she might have.
"I killed a girl the last time we were here, in Forks. It's why we left. I didn't mean to, we just- she was my first. Sex, I mean. And I killed her, drained her." I kept it simple. The whole time I was gauging her reaction, noticing that her heart didn't change pace, her pupils didn't dilate or constrict. No narrowing of the eyes, no frown.
It was a moment before she responded.
