A/N I AM SOOOOOOOOO SORRY! It took me so long to update. There has just been so much going on and I was kind of stuck on how to continue the story from where I left off. But, I am back and I swear on all that is good that I will never EVER take this long AGAIN! So without any more excuses from me, it's on with the chapter. But anywayyyyyyyyyy HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Disclaimer: Don't own Vampire Academy.

After running aimlessly down the beach for god knows how long, I slowed down to catch my breath. My lungs burned from the exertion that they had just been put through. I calmed my breathing and pulled out my phone to call the one person I knew would help with no questions asked: Lissa. As I pressed the call button, my eyes began to sting. Liss. I need you. My best friend picked up on the first ring.

"Hey Rose!" She said cheerfully. Upon hearing her happy voice, I felt a little bit calmer.

"Lissa…" I began, voice thick with tears.

"Sorry, but I can't talk right now! Christian and I are late for our movie! I'll call you later, okay?"

"But, Liss I—" I started, only to have my words mowed over by the oblivious Lissa.

"This is a really bad time. You know it's my date night with Christian. I'm sure it can wait."

"Lissa! I really need—" Lissa sighed in annoyance, making me extremely angry.

"Rose, really. I need to make time for Christian just as much as you."

"Me? When's the last time you EVER made time for me?! As much as I need you right now, as a best friend, you're fucking blowing me off for him. Again! God I can't believe you!" I was crying now, feeling the bitter sting of my friend's betrayal in my already weakened heart.

"Are you seriously accusing me of being a bad friend? What are we, 12?"

"FUCK you Lissa!" I cried, throwing my phone down into the sand in a fit of rage fueled by my hurt. Minutes later, I let out a few sobs as I picked it back up and clutched it to my chest. Now not only was I stranded but I had no one to save me from my loneliness. Well you did have one person, but you pushed him away. My inner self taunted. "Shut up." I replied back to nothing. I wandered down the beach farther, until I came across an old, broken-down surf board rental shop. I pushed the door open and found a secluded corner, away from all of the debris. I sat down, and I tried.I tried to pretend like I wasn't where I was. That I was somewhere else. I tried not to breakdown. Despite my efforts, loud whines came from my mouth and finally, I sobbed. And I mean like—in the fetal position, sobbed. My chest practically caved in on itself; it was difficult to breath.

I'm such a sorry-ass. I hate this. Being alone. Maybe that's why I let Isaiah do all of those things to me. I let him do them because I wanted to have someone. And I did. Oh boy, did me. I thought that if I'd never told anyone, and pretended like I was just a normal girl, I would be able to keep people at my side. I was wrong. Lissa completely abandoned me for a guy. When I needed her most, she completely ignored me. And now I'm sitting in the dirty old corner of a dilapidated shack somewhere down the beach. Never before in my life had I questioned my friendship with Lissa. She's changed. Why did Isaiah have to show up here again? Why did he have to make me remember so vividly? That night, when I willingly went with Isaiah… I wanted to save my father, sure. But I also wanted the chance to choose to be touched by him. I thought that would give him less control over me. It was my decision. Mine. M I N E. As soon as he touched me, though, I felt 10 years-old again; just as small, just as helpless, and just as hurt. Because of him, my dad never looked at me the same again. He pitied me. Yes, I know that. He still does. I can see it. Right there in his eyes. My eyes. It hurts. These looks—they burn. I want it over. I want it done with. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to forget. Adrian thought I looked happy? I wonder how it was so easy for me to be with Dimitri in the way I was… I could kiss him passionately without…anything. It felt good. I wanted to do it—I wanted him. I do. So badly it hurts. It was so different from a while ago, with—Adrian… he's probably looking for me right now. Part of me wants to be found, and the other part not. He kissed me. He... took advantage of my breakdown. Everyone I've trusted has just… Betrayed me. It's painful. The only one I can think of to talk to would be a certain Russian whom I've been quite successful in scaring off. I wonder… If I called him now… Would he answer? Would he hear what I have to say? Comfort me? Or is trusting him gonna be just another one of my fuck-ups? I'm so alone right now in this desolate shack, the sun has ceased to shine. I can't smell the salt, or feel the cool ocean breeze—I can't hear the waves anymore. Maybe I could call him, and talk for just a little bit? His number is saved to my phone. I could do it, you know. You know what? I will. I CAN'T TAKE THIS SILENCE.

With shaking hands I lifted my phone to my face, attempting to find his contact info with bleary eyes. I mistakenly tapped on "Dad" and nearly had a panic attack. Him? Oh god. If he heard me like this… He'd try to find me. I don't want him to see me like this. I've spent all these years trying to convince him that I was finally okay. I quickly backed up and called Dimitri. And as soon as he picked up—I hung up. I can't do this. I—he probably doesn't want to talk to me. After what I said… My phone began vibrating. He was calling me back? I nervously answered.

"Hello?" I croaked, my voice barely recognizable as my own.

"Rose? Are you okay? You sound terrible."

"I just wanted to talk for a bit." I said quietly.

"Rose, where are you? Adrian just called me. He said you ran off. I—"

"He just… I needed to get away. I tried to call Lissa… But she…" I let out a choked, short sob. "She fucking blew me off" I cried tearfully.

"Wha—Rose? What's wrong?!"

"I just need to talk…for a bit." I sobbed quietly.

"Where are you?"

"I'm—in some—little building—down the beach from my house…" I tried to speak through my tears.

"Stay where you are. I'll find you. I'll be there soon."

The line went dead, leaving me in complete silence once more. Dimitri was coming here? For me? A feeling of relief and hope swelled in my heart as I thought about Dimitri coming to get me. Did this mean he wasn't mad at me? I didn't know how much time had passed in that dark shack. Then suddenly I heard a deep, rich, slightly accented voice calling my name. "Rose! Rose where are you?!"

As I was getting up Dimitri burst through the door, relief etching his features as his eyes met mine. I forced a smile. "Hey."

"Roza.." Dimitri ran to me and brought me into his arms and hugged me tightly. "I was so worried about you. What's wrong?"

"I just… I was remembering something awful. But, you're here. I just wanna forget it. It's nothing." I widened my forced smile painfully, willing to forget it all if I could just spend a few peaceful minutes with Dimitri. Talking will help me forget again.

"Rose, c'mon. You're never honest when it comes to this. How will we ever be anything, if you don't let me understand you? I need to know what's wrong right now. Let me help you." He murmured.

"No! I don't… I don't want you to look at me any different than you do now. I don't want you to know…that. "

"Roza," The Russian began, looking down to meet my gaze. "What I learn about you will not change the way I feel. However, if you don't trust me enough to share your pain, we'll never move forward. I want you to be happy." I looked down, eyes filling steadily with tears. "If you keep this inside you any longer… You may not be able to come back from where it takes you."

"It's so hard… Talking about something like this isn't easy!" I cried, weakly pushing Dimitri's chest; barely moving him. "It makes me want to crawl out of my own skin! Don't make me go through it twice in one day!" Dimitri tipped my chin up and gave me a warm, empathetic look.

"It's okay." He whispered reassuringly. "You don't have to tell me….yet. Right now let's just get out of here. Okay?"

I simply nodded, unable to speak past the lump in my throat. He released me from his embrace and put his arm around my shoulder leading me to the door of the shack. We walked to his parked car and he helped me into the passenger seat. Then he got into the driver's seat and started the car. "Do you want me to drive you home?"

"No!" I answered quickly. "Anywhere but there. I can't….handle being there…..not now."

"Okay….Then where do you wanna go?"

"Your house?" I suggested.

Dimitri bit his lip in contemplation. Watching him do this made me think of how much I wanted to kiss him. I bet that would help me forget. I thought to myself. Dimitri nodded, put the car in drive and pulled onto the road. I threw him a sideways gaze, eyes traveling down his body and falling onto his lap. I then recalled what Lissa told me when she'd first done it to Christian. She'd said that all she could think of was Christian. Pleasing him, and nothing else. If I did that to Dimitri right now… I bet I could forget all this.

I took a deep breath and took off my seatbelt quietly. I leaned all the way over, and down. I let my hands caress the front of my Russian's pants. Arousal spread over me, muffling any unease and dread I had been feeling.

"Rose?! What… What are you doing?"

My fingers tugged the zipper down slowly, and slid one of my hands beneath the first layer of fabric. I enclosed my fingers around his member through his boxers, outlining it to get a feel for just how big it was. Hmm. Not bad. I could tell he was beginning to become quite aroused.

"Roza," he said huskily, attempting to push my hand away. "Stop that."

I ignored his protests completely, allowing my hand to travel beneath his thin shorts. My hand wrapped around his length fully, and I began to stroke him. His warm member came to life, hardening in a matter of minutes. I smiled. Time to start.

"I'm driving… This is dangerous—" The man stopped dead when he felt my tongue touch his attentive tip.

I began swirling my tongue around the head of his dick, tasting him for the first time. It wasn't an unpleasant taste—just unusual. Practically tasteless. I wrapped my lips around the tip fully, sucking in gently. My own body began to tingle when I heard his gasp. I pushed down further, enveloping even more of him. In, and out. I steadily began to suck longer, and harder; enjoying each and every grunt he offered me. I pumped what I couldn't fit in my mouth with my hand furiously, timing it with each inhale.

"Aahh—Roza.." He groaned, pulling over. It seems as though he's lost the will to fight me. I felt his hand plop lightly onto the top of my head. I heard the seat creak as he leaned back, attempting to quiet his moans. For a few more moments I sucked him off mercilessly, feeling happy and more than a little bit powerful. The fact that I could make Dimitri cry out like this… I almost giggled with glee. It made my heart race. Oh…this is bad! I pulled my head back, licking the dripping tip of his member, tasting the salty precum that had begun to leak out. Again, not a bad taste. He was breathing fast now, and his free hand clutched the edge of his seat. That's it! Almost there! I went back down, as far as I could go, then out again.

"Shit… Rose, I'm—I'm gonna—!" He let out, voice hoarse, but loud. My lips left him, and I viciously pumped him, hard. Seconds later, he released blissfully. I felt flustered, and dazed. I hadn't been touched, yet… I was so turned on. My breathing was heavy and my heart pounded uncontrollably. I need more. I haven't forgotten yet. I climbed on Dimitri's lap and straddled his hips, then I crushed his lips to mine. I kissed him hungrily and desperately, as I tried to burn the images from my past away. Dimitri moaned and I felt his cock harden yet again underneath me. I ground against his hardened member which made him groan. I reached for the hem of Dimitri's shirt and I tugged at it. Dimitri broke away from me and removed my hands from his shirt. "Roza. No." Dimitri objected huskily. But I didn't listen. I trailed kisses down his neck and brought my hand to the hem of my own shirt and tried to remove it. But, Dimitri stopped me. "Rose, please."

I looked into Dimitri's chocolate brown eyes. "Don't you want me?" I spoke thickly. "Don't you wanna touch me? Be inside me?" I whispered into his ear. When he didn't respond, I frowned. "Dimitri?" I said in a small voice.

Dimitri raised his hand to stroke my face. His eyes were dark with lust when he said: "I do Rose. More than anything. But—"

"But what? Dimitri, don't you see? You're the only one… that can make me forget. Kissing you—being with you is the only thing that's felt right in a long time. Please, Dimitri! Help me… I need to forget." Tears began to stream down my cheeks as I pleaded. God I was tired of crying.

"No, Rose." Dimitri said sternly. His eyes softened as the tears dripped in a waterfall down my faces. "Rose, trust me when I say I want you, and I mean a lot. But, you're not thinking straight."

"I'm thinking perfectly straight!" I protested stubbornly.

"No, you're not. The only reason that you're doing this is to forget something that you won't even tell me about. You're trying to use me and it's not fair." Dimitri's eyes reflected hurt and betrayal. "Rose, all I want to do is help you. But, I can't do that if you won't tell me anything. It's killing me that you're hurting inside and there is nothing I can do to help you. Please, Rose."

I climbed off his lap, returned to the passenger seat and hung my head in shame. What the hell is wrong with me? I just tried to take advantage of Dimitri's feelings for me, for my own selfish needs. I was foolish to think that sleeping with Dimitri would erase what had happened to me. The truth is, no matter what I do, nothing can erase what had happened to me. But, sitting next to me was a boy who cared about me, a boy who wanted to help me, and all I've been doing is hurting him and leaving him in the dark. Well, not anymore. "Dimitri. I'm… I'm sorry. I know that I've been leaving you in the dark all this time. The truth is, I do trust you. I also care about you…a lot and I don't want to lose you. I feel like if you see that side of me… Hear my story… You'll turn tail and run. I'm scared. That's the main reason I've been holding back. I don't want you to think of me any different, and I don't want to lose you. I want to show you these parts of me, even if I'm more than a little scared. You know… I—I love you, Dimitri." I whispered the last part, afraid of rejection.

"…I love you too, Roza. I would never leave you, no matter what you've been through, or might've done in your past. I want to protect you, and I want to make you happy."

"I know that now." I told Dimitri everything, from beginning to end, with a bit of difficulty at first. Throughout the story, Dimitri's facial expressions exhibited a mixture of horror, sorrow, and anger, but there was never any pity. Not once did I get the feeling that Dimitri felt sorry for me, and when I finished he brought me into his arms while I cried and comforted me. He didn't go back on his word. He still looked at me like… like I was a gift. He stroked my hair and told me that everything was going to be alright, and… for once in my life, since that day so many years ago, I believed him.

A/N Wellllll there you go. Despite how it sounds this isn't the end and I swear I will NEVER take that long ever again. Me and Case-chan will meet every 2 or 3 weeks to work on the chapters. Next chapter there might be a brawl. Hehehehehehehe. R&R and see you in a couple weeks. Have happy holidays. Signing out.