Rocket Man Chapter XI
Here comes chapter 12. I hope you like it.
As always thanks to the fabulous BBB's.
Disclaimers:
They are not mine. I'm not keeping them, just borrowing, although I wouldn't mind to keep Castle. ;-)
Later that day she stood in the frame of his doorway, watching him. His eyes were closed, but she could tell, he wasn't sleeping, his face had that same troubled expression she had seen the other day at the hospital. He was in pain.
"Hey," she said softly and he turned his head towards her, opening his eyes.
"Hey," he mumbled and tried to sit up, grunting.
She pushed herself off the door and crossed the room quickly to press him gently back into the cushions, "You stay right where you are," she demanded and couldn't resist brushing a strand of hair from his forehead, "Your head hurting again?"
He nodded and eased back into the cushions, closing his eyes with a sigh.
"Did the boys wear you out?" she asked with a smile which faded quickly when she saw the firm lines around his eyes and mouth. She didn't like to see him like this. It made her wonder if she had caused the same expression during her absence for three months.
"Sort of. It was nice though," his gruff voice cut through her thoughts, "until you ordered them away."
"Well, we had a bad guy to catch. You boys can have some more play time on the weekend." She meant it to sound funny but her voice betrayed her, breaking at her last words. If he noticed the change in her voice he didn't let on. His eyes were still firmly shut.
"Can you do it again?" he suddenly asked, causing her to frown.
"Do what again?" she questioned.
"What you did the last time," he clarified, and whilst she knew what he meant, still she hesitated. She wanted to comfort him, would be lying if she wasn't pleased that she could offer him something to make him feel better, but her earlier worries hadn't disappeared. Kate didn't want to give him the wrong impression, did not want to confuse him more than he already was. Then she looked at him, saw the pain displayed all over his face, and decided that her worries weren't important right now. It needed to be about him, not about her.
"Where are you going?" He asked, alerted when he heard her move away from him, but then felt the mattress shift as her warm body settled down next to him.
"Where do you think I'm going?" she asked puzzled, her fingers coming to dance over his skull like she'd done it before, trying to ease the pain.
He sighed, giving in to the sensation of relief her fingers brought to the throbbing pain in his head, "So you caught the killer?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Who did it?" he asked, already feeling slightly better just because she was there.
"Juan Sarazibar."
"The Spanish opera friend? I didn't know he was a suspect." He mumbled surprised, followed by a grunt of contentment this time, not pain.
"He wasn't until Lanie identified some fibre samples we found on the crime scene as being a very expensive Spanish tuxedo fabric. When we paid Mr. Sarazibar another visit we found the victim's mobile phone in his hotel room."
"He didn't get rid of it?" He asked, trying to put the pieces together in his head. "But didn't you tell me he was having dinner with the other opera lady?"
She shook her head, "Turned out that he told Petra Krüger he had to make a quick stop at the hotel to pick something up before meeting her at the restaurant. So they didn't share a cab."
"But he never went back to his hotel," he concluded.
"No," she confirmed. "He followed Maren Leichsenring and killed her."
"But why?"
"She rejected him," Kate was still struggling to believe that was the motive behind all of this.
"He loved her?" she could feel him frown.
"I wouldn't call it love," she replied thoughtfully.
"No, you're right."
They were silent for awhile, both lost in their thoughts. She thought he had finally fallen asleep when he suddenly spoke again.
"What about her boyfriend? Esposito and Ryan told me you found him."
"Yes, thanks to you." She couldn't hide the pride shining through her words, as she regarded him beside her. Even with no memory he still helped to solve crimes. "He will bring her home," she added quietly.
"That's love," he mumbled and then grunted in pain.
"You should try to get some sleep," she said, worry clearly written over her features. "Are those headache's normal?"
"Apparently they are," he sighed.
"Have you taken anything?" she questioned.
"Yes, should kick in any minute," he mumbled.
"What about your injection?"
"It's in the bathroom," he muttered, not pleased she had remembered.
"I'll be right back," she said and climbed off the bed to head to the bathroom. Kate found the injection easily enough, but hesitated a moment to take in her surroundings. Yesterday she had been distracted by him and his presence so now decided to take a minute to look around. The walk-in shower, the two washstands, and the bath tub big enough for two, yes, she noticed that. She saw a lot of natural stones and wood, creating a warm and comfy feeling and she liked it, it was him. Ruggedly-handsome.
"I don't want to," he whined the minute she returned, and Kate couldn't help but chuckle.
"You really are a big baby!"
He huffed and then groaned, "Ouch." His hand flew up to press against his head.
"Come on," she said, "I'll be gentle."
Somehow that brought an inappropriate picture to his mind and he couldn't stop the smirk coming to his lips.
"Get your mind out of the gutter, Castle!" she commanded, rolling her eyes.
Reluctantly he pulled up his shirt and squeezed his eyes shut, awaiting the torture. But all he could remember once she was done were her warm fingers on his skin. She had tucked him in and turned of the lights, leaving him to get some rest before she walked back into the living room to find Martha.
"Why didn't you tell me she sold the baby?" Martha demanded to know when Kate entered the room.
"What?" Kate looked at her confused.
"Not you, darling," Martha laughed. "I have an audition tomorrow. I'm once again up for the role of grandmother Ruby." She sighed dramatically, putting her script away and patting the bar stool next to her. "How's the big boy doing?"
Kate grinned and took the seat next to Castle's mother, "His head is giving him a hard time."
Martha nodded, "He refused to take painkillers for hours. Said it was messing with his head. Can I offer you something to drink?"
"A glass of water would be nice," Kate said and her view wandered to the stair case, not unnoticed by the other woman.
"Alexis, is in her room," Martha suggested, when she placed the glass in front of Kate.
"Mmh," Kate answered.
"The longer you wait, the harder it's going to be."
Kate sighed, "You're right." Downing the glass of water she stood up. Time to face the music.
She stood in front of Alexis' room, hand raised ready to knock, her heart pounding like crazy, and she knew there was no way out, she had to do this and make it count. Because she knew if she wanted her chance with Castle, she needed Alexis on her side.
"Grams?" Alexis asked when she heard the knocking on the door.
Kate opened it hesitantly, "Alexis?"
Alexis looked up and stared at the woman now standing in her doorway, "Detective Beckett."
"Can I come in?" Kate asked.
Alexis shrugged, and looking up to meet Kate's eyes briefly she finally nodded and sat down on the bed. Kate stepped into the room, closing the door to lean against it. She could hear her own heart beating fiercely against her ribcage and the blood rushing through her ears, was sure Alexis could hear it too.
"What do you want?" Castle's daughter asked harshly. Kate swallowed a sigh, at least she hadn't thrown her out. It was something, a start and Kate knew she had to be grateful for it. Had to take whatever she was offered.
Staring at her hands, clutched in front of her stomach Kate tried to find the right words, "I want you to know I understand. But I also need you to know the last thing I wanted was to hurt him. And I have no excuse for what I did, but I'm really trying to make it up to him." Her tone was pleading, "I really am trying."
Kate stood pressed to the door, eyes on the floor and when she didn't know what else to say, she reached for the doorknob, she was lousy at this.
"I know you are," Alexis' voice cut through the silence and Kate froze against the door, taking a deep breath. "I'm angry and disappointed, but I can see you are trying." She paused and looked at Kate. "After all, you are here."
Kate took a tentative step forward encouraged by Alexis' words and sat down at the very end of the bed, "I am here and I'm listening."
Sighing Alexis stood up, if she was going to do this, she needed to move. She knew how much it must have taken Kate to come to see her and she respected that, so she might as well get it all out.
"We like you Kate. Grams and I," the use of the present tense didn't go unnoticed by Kate and it gave her hope, "Dad normally keeps the women in his life away from us." She knew exactly what she implied with her words. Kate was not only one of the women in her father's life, Kate Beckett was the woman in his life and Kate needed to hear it. "He thinks he needs to protect us, though he's the one who needs protecting most of the time."
Kate looked at her, confused. "I'm not sure I understand."
Alexis wasn't sure she should talk about this, but there was no other way she could see to make Kate realise what this was all about, "They never want him."
"Who?" Kate questioned, a lump forming in her throat.
"Women," Alexis elaborated. "Sure they want the famous writer, the fancy book parties, the money, the public persona of Richard Castle and all the amenities that come along with it. What they don't want is the family guy, the father of a teenage daughter who is living with his mother. The man who would rather have a movie night with his family than go to every new club opening. The man who stays home to play laser tag with his daughter rather than going out and having dinner in a fancy restaurant."
"Is that what happened with Gina?" Kate knew she really shouldn't ask this question, especially not of Alexis, but she had always wondered what happened between Richard Castle and his ex-wives.
"Sort of. He just never really let her in, not into his life with us anyway. I think he knew it wouldn't work out and it was just easier this way for all of us." Kate had to admit she couldn't picture Gina in sweat pants on his couch, eating popcorn while watching a horror movie, much less playing laser tag.
"You're the first," she looked at Kate, "The first he let in. The first he's ever wanted to be part of this family."
Kate knew it was true, he had taken her in when she had nowhere to go. He had asked her for advice regarding Alexis, had asked her to look after his daughter should something happen to him. He had trusted her with what was most important in his life, his family, and they had welcomed her with open arms.
"We let you in, we trusted you, all of us, and then you just walked away." Alexis bit her lip, looking desperate. "Away from him and with that walked away from all of us."
Kate swallowed, "Alexis I… " But Alexis cut her off.
"Did he ever tell you how my mom left?" she asked, tears now shining in her eyes. Kate shook her head.
"She did just that. She just left. One day she was here, the next she had gone. Ran off with some director to California, leaving Dad and me behind without so much as a second thought." Alexis' voice was firm, almost cold. "I thought you were different."
Kate bit down on her lip, fighting back tears. She hadn't known, had no idea the memories her three months of silence had erupted in all of them. She stared at the floor, unable to form even a single sentence. The room was silent until Alexis spoke again.
"I thought you were different, because you were the first to understand he comes as a package-deal and you let him be himself." Alexis raised her arms in gesture that told Kate what ever came next might sound unimportant, or even ridiculous, but it wasn't. Not to Alexis. "You made breakfast for all of us when you were staying over after your apartment blew up." Kate had never thought that making breakfast could make such a difference, and she understood the gesture had been important to Alexis, however still felt a major but approaching. So Alexis' next words took her by surprise. "And you are different Kate, because you came back. It took me awhile to see it. I couldn't understand how Dad could forgive you so easily, but I get it now. You came back." She let that linger before she continued. "And you are here now."
Relief washed through Kate, she had expected another yelling match, more accusations, anything but this calm and insightful consideration, and she felt it was only fair to give something back. Even if it was hard, even if it meant it made her more vulnerable, Kate knew that she had to start, and looking at her hands in her lap, she softly started speaking.
"After my mother died," she swallowed. "My father - he started to drink. He took her death very badly, and instead of having someone to take care of me when I needed it the most, I was suddenly the one who needed to take care of my father. And it made me think I was better off doing things on my own. that I didn't need anybody. I did not want to let anybody in. Just to be let down again." She knew Alexis wasn't the one who needed to hear her next words, at least not primarily, but now she had to get them out. Kate couldn't hold them in any longer and since she couldn't tell him, at least not now, she told his daughter. "You're dad is the first to get in, I don't know how he did it, but somehow he managed it and after the shooting it was all too much. I know there are other ways to deal with what happened, rather than running away from everything, but it was the only way I knew."
She felt more than saw Alexis move, sitting down next to her and then the small hand of her partner's daughter covered hers and she knew she had to take that last step as well.
"I don't want to be that person anymore," she said as she lifted her head to look at Alexis, and was greeted with the warmest smile she had ever seen on Alexis' face.
"I think you are well on your way."
