SH**! Seven months! You must hate me! =S
But thanks God, now instead of damn school is AMAZING UNIVERSITY! Hahaha XD
My five weeks holidays started this week! And so far my midterm exams are all pass =D So I'm really happy to celebrate it with updating this story!
Ok... In this chapter you'll find new important things... ;)
Please let me know my typos - Last chapter, I was changing between Mary and Maria in order not to repeat it so much, but the last "Marie" was a mistake. I swear that during these holidays I will correct all the mistakes of ALL the chapters.
The song I'll devote for this chapter is... "I'll Follow You" by Shinedown. IT'S PERFECT! Either for the story or just to sing it at the top of my lungs till they explode XD hahaha. They are ALL OUT GENIUSES
I hope you enjoy! =)
Lucy was in her brothers' room trying to calm Mary down.
"Mary, please, you have to calm down and talk to me." The trembling girl was helpless; no word could go out from her mouth. She was staring at nowhere, obviously replaying the scene in her head again and again. "MARIA!" The little girl shouted, taking the other one out of her trance. "Please, tell me what happened. Maybe you'll feel less weight on your shoulders." Then the girl started crying, but finally managed to talk.
"We were in the park talking, and when we wanted to go leave, three men appeared. They wanted to escort us home, but we didn't believe them. Susan was the brave one and turned down the offer. After a couple more comments they threatened us, to Susan with a knife. When she said that he was immature for pointing a knife to a woman, he was seething. And when he tried to attack, I don't know what Susan did to be the one threatening him five seconds later. He managed to free himself, he jumped on her again and, the next second, he was lying on the floor covered in blood, as well as the knife in Susan's hand. Another man went for her too and Susan dodge and the guy just fell right there dead. When the last one tried to run away, she threw the knife and it hit his heart with such an aim... As if Susan had practiced it for years. Lucy, I was so scared of everything right that moment that I almost run away, though I don't know how Susan managed to bring me here." Lucy just stared at her not knowing what to do or say to her. Hell had broken in her perfect and normal life with those boys trying to take advantage of them, and now, watching her best friend defending them that way, only pushed her to the edge. The only way she could find to sooth her was to cup her face in her hands, brushing the tears with her thumb, and then wrap her arms around the brunette and let her cry on her shoulder. She sighed, knowing her older brother would most probably be in the same position as her, soothing her sister's pain. I can't imagine how they must be feeling right now. For this girl it was the most terrifying experience. At least, this time Susan hasn't been kidnapped like when it happened with Rabadash. She only hoped that nobody had seen her sister killing those men, because she knew that the family would crumble if Justice had to get involved in their lives. All would turn into lies, confusion, disappointment and sadness... all because of a secret that can't be proved.
After almost ten minutes of staying like that, Maria calmed down enough for Lucy to say something.
"Mary, why don't you wash your face, take a bath putting on some of Susan's clothes and we'll all talk later?" The girl just nodded and left the room. Lucy decided to follow her in order to change her soaking wet blouse.
When they both entered, Susan was there, wrapped in a white towel while choosing some clothes to wear. The blooded one was lying on the floor next to her.
Their friend got paled when she saw it, all the images appearing in her mind again.
Susan saw her expression and didn't think twice when she wrapped her friend in her arms. The girl was shocked taken aback at first, but then, she hugged her too.
"I'm so sorry, Mary, that I scared you. I swear it wasn't my intention." She moved away to face her friend. "It's just that I kind of changed into a defensive mode and it was like everything else disappeared. I had to save us from those men, and only A—God knows what would have happened to us." She explained, covering her eyes, not wanting to know how her only friend would react to her words.
"I know, Su." She replied with a calm voice, though her deep sigh didn't go unnoticed. "Though it's quite hard to take in everything that happened, I know you did it for our safety." She added, taking her friends hands in hers. "Let just pry that you don't have to do it again."
They stayed there in the bed while Susan put on some blouse, a skirt and a pair of sandals. They talked for a couple of hours. One of the topics was some kind of arrangement for Susan to be Maria's therapist:
"Please, Susan. I need to talk about what happened with someone, and I'm sure neither of us wants anybody to know it. Besides, who better to help me than someone who, I think, has been through the same?" Her friend almost begged, even knowing that it was a serious issue.
"Ok, Mary. Just please, don't even tell it to your father. It's just between me, my sibling and you, alright?"
"I promise."
"Ok, then. Why don't you come by on Friday so we can have the first session?"
"Sure. Is it ok if I come at 6?"
"It's perfect. Maybe you can even sleep over. I'll ask my mother later." The now content girl nodded. "Let's ask one of my brothers if they can take you home. I'm not taking the risk this time."
Ten minutes later, a very pissed of Peter was walking out of the house with his sister's friend.
Susan took her blooded clothes and hurried to the laundry to clean it out before their mom came from her friend's house. While she did it, she kept replaying the scene in her head and how she had felt. Free. Relieved of the weight on her shoulders. She wanted to feel that again, but not by killing people. Just by telling someone how much she had changed during the last sixteen years. Unfortunately... nobody can have everything.
"Susan, what are you doing?" Someone asked from behind. She jumped startled. Leaning on the doorframe was her mother, looking curiously at her. She stuttered before answering.
"I-I was washing my blouse because we went to the park with Mary today and it got stained with mud."
"Oh, ok. Do you want me to do it?"
"NO!" Susan answered way too quickly. "Don't worry man. I'll finish cleaning this up while you make dinner." She tried to sort it in order not to sound so desperate, but her mother's startled face didn't disappeared, not even when she left.
The girl tried to finish as quickly as possible and hang the clothes dry. While she helped her mother cooking, they were both silent, though Helen kept stealing glances at her daughter every now and then, trying to figure out what was happening to her.
"Dinner's ready!" That was enough for the rest of her siblings to run downstairs towards the table. Once everything was served, they started eating.
Some minutes later, Mrs. Pevensie broke some news, some they had forgotten completely.
"My children, your father sent a letter some time ago." They all looked at her. "Among other things, he said that we should do our annual camping alone... again."
"But he promised that this year he would do it with us!" Lucy whined, clearly disappointed of her father's words. "Can't we, at least, wait for him?"
"No, Lu." He still doesn't know when he is going to come back, or even if he will."
The little girl's eyes watered. Her siblings, knowing what was about to come, took her in a comforting embrace. The tears fell down her cheek, anyway. They all knew that she and Edmund were the most attached to their father, and adding that she was just ripped from her home again, the news hit her hard. A few moments later, she excused herself for the night and went to sleep.
As soon as her sister was out of sight, Susan reproached her mother.
"Mother, don't you think you could have been a little more delicate?"
"Someday, she will have to deal with what's happening"
"We are all dealing with it. But as a mother you should support, or at least sooth down your children's pains or worries, not throw it like that and leave them overcome the problems alone."
They all looked at her shocked, though there was no choice for her siblings than to side with her.
"I'm sorry, mum, but Susan is right. I'll check on Lu." Edmund just said and left.
"And since when you know what to be a mother is like?" Helen asked her.
She stayed silent for a moment, thinking what to say without giving their secret away.
"Believe me when I say that a long time ago, mother. I had to be there for them countless of times when they needed a mother and you were out there with your friends or grieving." She told off standing from her seat. Mrs. Pevensie was speechless, and you could see the regret in her eyes. After a pause, Susan talked again. "Don't you think that the camping can be put off this year? Doing it a second time without dad would hurt her even more."
"I know what you mean, Su. However, I'll follow your father's order and take you there whether you want to or not."
"ARG! You are always obeying. Why can't you, for once, do what's best for your children?!" And a very furious Susan stormed out of the living room...
There as a knock on the door.
"Come in."
The door opened.
"My king, you were right. They are coming."
"I see." The man, who was looking at the window, answered. "Alright, set in motion the plan we designed in case this day come."
"As you say, your majesty. However, you know I'm not sticking to it, don't you?" The king glared at him.
"We've already discussed this—"
"Of course we did, but I never agreed that I would do it too." He chuckled, though the king sighed, having to accept his friend's decision.
"Alright, as you want to. But don't say I didn't warn you."
"Yes, you did." He said and closed the door.
Dealing with the consequences of what happened would be very difficult.
Friday came very slow for Susan. Always the same boring and problematic days at school and always the same horrible and confusing nightmares. She couldn't get any good sleep in three days.
Mary came up at her house for her 'therapy session' at six, looking like she was about to cry. Susan was still so angry at her mother that she hadn't even bothered in asking her if her favourite friend could stay the night. Not that she would do it now...
"Come in, let's go to my room." Once they get there, the girl fall apart.
"Oh, Susan. I almost told my father everything last night. That's why I missed school today. We quarrelled about anything as always, but after what happened on Wednesday I think that any argument will ever be the same. What can I do, Su? She managed to say between sobs.
"First of all, you need to calm down and tell me what happened."
"He was drunk as always." The Gentle queen just hugged her sympathetically. These incidents were getting more frequent each time. She even had had to stay at the Pevensie's house several times due to her father's constant mistreatment. Though what still nobody understood was how a father could blame his child for its mother's death during birth. It had no sense.
"Su, how can I stop this? Or at least make that it doesn't hurt so much."
"I think that the only way is by telling yourself that it was the only way or the right thing to do, because if not, you would be at the hospital or worse." And at that, a thought came up in the girl's head.
"Susan, have you done it before?" To k-kill someone."
Susan just stayed frozen, silent, and that gave her away.
"Susan..." She took some distance from her friend to look at her in the eyes.
"Why do you think that, Maria?" Susan asked.
"Because of your determination when you were doing it. Su, tell me the truth, because we are friends, and if you don't trust me I can't do it either." She said letting a few more tears fall. "Have you done it before?"
She doubted. It was too much information. But she was right, and besides, her friend knew perfectly when she was lying, so it would be folly to play the fool.
"Yes, I did. In the same circumstances we were in on Wednesday. Kill or get killed." Though expecting the answer, she was surprised and looked at her friend sadly and sympathetically. She had never imagined her friend had such a hard life. "I can't tell you what happened. But what I can tell you is that the burden I have on my heart is indescribable."
Both women stayed silent for a while, wrapped in their own thoughts. Mary broke the silence.
"So you say that the only way to deal with my mind is to repeat myself that I did the right thing?"
"Well, I don't know if it was 'the right thing' because it should have been that they didn't attack us. But there was nothing else we could do."
The girl just nodded, trying to really grasp what her friend had told her.
Moments later, they changed the subject in order to enlighten the mood. They talked about everything except their families and the incident. They were pleased with themselves that, at least, they could have some fun despite the circumstances, even more with the pillow fight they had some time later... until it was time for dinner.
"Susan! I've always told you to tell me when we had a guest, especially for dinner. Now there won't be enough for everyone." Her mother scolded her.
"Don't worry, mum. I'm not hungry anyways." You just made me lost my appetite. She thought. "Give my plate to Maria. I'll just have some fruit." Though it was odd watching Susan eating that, her mother knew perfectly that Susan always cared more for the others than for herself.
When they finished, Susan and Maria volunteered to wash the dishes, so they could talk without being interrupted –None of the boys would ever walk into the kitchen if it weren't in order to ask food; Lucy was surely already sleeping, as she had been yawning the whole time, and Helen seemed to be as tired as her.
"Su, how are you coping with your other problem?"
"What 'other problem'?" Susan asked confused.
"Of that man you were telling me about on Wednesday."
Susan closed her eyes and sighed once more, like she always did when thinking of him. He haunted her every day and night; even in her dreams he was there.
"I'll never forget him, Mary. Not when he's in my mind all the time. It's like he wouldn't let me."
"Everything always happens for a reason." Susan looked at her even more confused. "That was what my grandmother used to say. I don't think you should forget him. He came into your life for a reason, o maybe you shouldn't try to rip him out of it."
Susan smiled at that. He had appeared in her life to love her as anybody could or would.
As a woman. And in every way possible.
She would never be able to forget that. So, why did she think she should? –Oh, right. Because it hurt too much. Her smile disappeared and the pain in her chest started again.
"But Mary, it hurts too much; knowing we can never be together..."
"Just don't think about being with him again, but of all the moments you had together; perhaps that sooths the pain a little."
"Yes, maybe. I'll try." She answered, really proud and content of the friend she had.
"Where are they?" The man asked.
Then, a punch as heard.
"Where are they?" He repeated.
The punched man spat some blood out of his mouth and looked at his attacker.
"You will never find them." And another punch.
"I SAID, WHERE ARE THEY?!"
"Go to Hell!" That was the last straw. The last punch left him unconscious.
"Take him to the dungeon again." The man told his soldiers, who obeyed.
She was on the same street as always, the same people passed by her, sometimes shoving, sometimes not. She looked at them but didn't manage to make out any of their faces; they were just blurs. She walked in the same direction than most of them, supposing that, maybe, they could lead her somewhere she recognised.
She didn't know how long she had been like that –Maybe a few minutes, maybe hours, maybe days—but as she went on, a pull on her chest got stronger, telling her that she had to continue and never look back. With every step it became stronger and stronger up to the point that her heart was about to jump out of her chest.
She couldn't take it anymore. She felt right there on her knees, pressing her hands where the pain took place. She just wanted it to stop, but no matter how hard she tried, it didn't. She opened her mouth to scream, but no sound came out. She was suffering to the very core and couldn't tell it to anyone. The mere thought of not having someone to sooth the oppression she felt made tears roll down her cheeks. She felt she wanted to die right that moment.
All of a sudden, she had the big urge to look up. She felt she had to. So she did.
And she gasped. All air she had in her lungs was gone. She stopped breathing.
Not that she notices. Neither could she feel the pain anymore, even though it was still there.
There in front of her, standing among the crowd and looking at her, was him. The man she would give everything for. The only one who could make her happy during her time of grief. The one that changed her life forever.
Although something didn't settle.
How was he in England? She was sure Aslan would never make him leave Narnia by itself. She was going to ask him, but when she saw his eyes, she gasped for a second time, and all the questions in her head vanished completely.
Those deep, beautiful brown eyes where she used to get lost in were not there anymore. Now, there were deep blue ones instead.
Why? Was all she wandered. She wanted to ask him too. But her mouth wasn't moving. She didn't know whether it was because of the shock or because she was so lost in his new eyes. It didn't matter what colour they were. The kindness, the faithfulness, the adoration, the love were still there. Those particular things that were only his. They made her so happy and proud. She loved him so much...
However, she didn't find herself wanting to kiss him passionately and make love to him. It just didn't feel right, as if their relationship wasn't like that. She just wanted to kiss him on the forehead and hug him, comfort him, tell him everything would be ok. Make all the melancholy, pain and sorrow in his eyes to go away. She couldn't stand seeing him like that anymore. The pain in her chest was growing again bit by bit. She wanted to stop both. The only problem was that she had no strength to move. Like she didn't deserve it, like she had to earn his love and compassion, like she needed it.
Everything changed a moment later when he got closer and kneeled before her, so then he could rest against her body, with his head on her shoulder. Suddenly, all the worries, all the pains and all the fear faded away.
Now they were replaced by happiness, comfort and love. She finally had him. Nothing else mattered now.
However, she felt that deep inside, something was still missing. Although he was with her now, the other half of her was still missing. With the man in her arms the feeling was slowly decreasing, like her heart was healing and her other part was being fulfilled. But she knew and was sure that it would never heal until she found what she so much longed for.
She woke up suddenly, sitting in her bed. She was panting and her heart was beating furiously. Her legs were trembling and her whole body was cold as stone but kind of warm at the same time.
What the hell is that?! The same question that she had been asking herself for the fourth time now. And there were a lot more too.
Was that her Caspian? That man was as similar as different from him.
She had so many questions haunting her head and none of them could be answered. But she needed them. Otherwise she knew she would get insane.
She thought again of the different possibilities, but in half an hour nothing came to her mind but even more unanswered questions.
"Susan. What's wrong?" Maria asked from the other bed, her voice still hoarse due to her sleepiness.
"It was just a dream." She replied.
"Want to tell?" Lucy asked, now sitting on her temporary mattress on the floor next to her sister.
Susan thought about it for a moment. Although her sister was mature enough, she would surely never understand, and her friend even less for that matter. But maybe the little one had the answers she so longed for. Aslan always told her those kind of things first.
"I saw him."
"Who?" Both girls asked.
"Him. My love." She shook her head. "But he was so different..."
"What do you mean?"
"He had blue eyes instead of his brown ones! And he was so sad... as if he felt lonely. What was very odd too is that I didn't feel that pull to kiss his worries away. I just had to erase them by hugging him and with smoothing words. And I don't know how that's possible, since all we did when we were together was kissing. I just don't understand."
Both girls looked at her sympathetically, although they didn't know what to do. No words would ever make up the fact that she and her lover were apart and that they would never see each other again.
"Lu, I don't know how, but you always seem to have all the answers for everything. What is happening to me?" She asked sitting at the edge of the bed resting her head in her hands, while her elbows rested on her knees, and shaking it slightly.
Lucy just looked at her with wide eyes, quite surprised at her sister's insinuation.
"I don't really know, Su." She answered. "That dream might have a lot of meanings. Although it's very unlikely, it could possibly mean that, someday, you'll see him again. But what's more important, that do you think it could mean?"
Susan just stayed there, analysing her so vivid dream. She knew that she would see him again. She could feel it. But still...
"I don't really know, Lu. What I'm really sure is that it's more than just seeing him. I just know it. Even though you'll think I'm crazy."
Both girls stood up and walked to Susan, who welcomed their warm embrace
She couldn't help it. A few tears rolled down her cheek. She would wait for him; all her life if it was necessary. He was the only man who was worth the waiting. Maybe her siblings or her mother wouldn't understand her lack of interest in men for such a long time, but she didn't care. She vowed in that moment that she would never marry someone she didn't love, even if it cost her family's trust and her own reputation.
And? What do you think? =D
I know it's kind of a depressing chapter... But you have to admit that the cliff hanger was pretty good. XD hahaha.
I'll try to update The Punishment as soon as possible... But I don't know when that will be.
Remember telling me my typos... And what you think of the chapter ;)
Bye!
