Then

Once she had a taste of what it could be like, she couldn't rest easy until she had the rest.

It had been three days since New Year's Eve, and because of obligatory prison visits and almost every other reason that could possibly be thrown in the middle of their path, Grace hadn't seen Karen, hadn't had that precious time alone with her, since they sneaked off to Grace's bedroom before midnight. It seemed ridiculous to continue on with their actions after the interrupting cheers bringing on the New Year, and they instead opted for what they knew best: the comfort of one another's arms as the dark of the night surrounded them. And when they finally emerged from the bedroom (Grace first, Karen a few minutes after so as not to arouse suspicion), they acted like nothing happened, like their respite from Will's party was nonexistent. Grace faked a smile, secretly longing for Karen, secretly longing for her bed.

Secretly longing for what should have taken place but couldn't. She would wait; she was really good at waiting. She had put it out there verbally; now it was up to Karen to take it and run with it. And Grace knew she would. It was only a matter of time. But maybe she could speed up the process a bit. Maybe she could help Karen get there, because she knew that they both wanted it. They just needed the right moment. And she thought she had it.

"Give me your hand."

Grace looked at the puzzled look on Karen's face as she said it and couldn't help but laugh. The sound of her voice resonated louder than she expected in the Chelsea coffeehouse that had become their regular haunt. Karen still looked out of place in her Chanel-clad beauty, but Grace absolutely loved it; it was part of Karen's charm, standing out like that in a room as small as this. She placed her hand palm up on the surface of the table, locked eyes with Karen and smiled. "I'm serious. Give me your hand. I want to give you something." She watched as the dark haired woman across the table from her rested her hand on top of her own, felt the softness of her skin relax against her palm. With her other hand, Grace slipped a sliver of cold metal into Karen's weakened grip, and covered it for a moment, taking in that warmth that she had always been attracted to, like a moth to a flame.

When Karen pulled away, she slipped the silver key she was given in between her fingers. "What exactly is this the key to?" she asked with a brightness in her voice.

Grace ran her finger around the rim of her coffee mug as she spoke. "Will has to go to Chicago on business for about a week and a half. He leaves on Sunday. I was thinking maybe we could use a change of scenery, for one thing, since we always seem to end up at your place." She could see Karen's smile out of the corner of her eye, and damn if it wasn't contagious. "And, you know…there's the added bonus of having my apartment all to myself. Jack wouldn't be barging in when Will's gone. I love him, but I know that he won't come by just to see me." She paused for a moment, trying to figure out how she wanted to word this. "I…I want you to stay with me. I don't want either of us to be alone then. I want to be able to wake up with you in the morning. I don't want to have to run away when the sun comes up."

It was true. As much as she wanted to take that step, there was so much more to it than an insatiable carnal desire. She wanted to feel as though this was real. She wanted to feel like someone who was unconcerned with the things that normally held them back. She didn't want the worry that came along with the tryst. Karen never spoke of it, perhaps out of kindness, perhaps out of a desire to forget about it, but Grace could never tell if she really felt it. Whenever they talked, it wasn't about their situation. It wasn't about the circumstances, and for the most part, Grace liked it that way. But there were times when she wished they would take those circumstances seriously, because they weren't meant to be played with; they weren't meant to be mocked. Karen was still married, even though his prison stint made it seem like he wasn't an issue. And then there was that symbol on her left hand.

She didn't take that ring off of her finger when they were together, and it became a constant reminder that in time, he would be back; in time, she would be a wife again, in every sense of the word. It always seemed to detach Grace from the moment, no matter how hard she tried. As much as she wanted to make what she had with Karen feel more real, she knew the reality of that ring would always hover over them, and she couldn't make it go away. She hated what that gold band meant.

Maybe it was better that they didn't talk about it; she was certain that what she had to say would come out too bitter, and ruin it all when she didn't want to quit.

"You want me to live with you for a week and a half?" Karen asked playfully. "Can I ask you something? And I'm being completely serious here." It wasn't a yes. Grace was holding her breath and trying to play it off like she wasn't. Getting a "No" as a response wasn't exactly what she was expecting. It hadn't even crossed her mind in the slightest. She figured they were on the same page.

Wait, Grace. Stop for a moment. Let her speak. Stop your mind from running so fast. Wait to hear what she has to say.

Karen let a small half-smile play on her face. "Why haven't we done this sooner?"

Grace let out a sigh of relief, slid her hand across the table to land on Karen's arm softly. "Because the conditions haven't been right like this before. Trust me, if we had a way, I would have asked you to do this sooner. As soon as Will told me he'd be out of town, I couldn't stop thinking about you being there. We can make it something great, I know it. Of course, if you start to get bored with me, with all of that time we have, you can duck out," she said as a joke.

"Right. Because if I have one complaint about any of this, it's that we spend way too much time together." God, Grace loved to hear Karen's laugh. It was completely unlike anything else she had heard in her lifetime. And if that wasn't enough, the way her eyes lit up so much more than she thought possible while she laughed made it a sight you never wanted to see disappear. "Of course I want to spend my time with you. I can't imagine anything I'd rather do. Why don't you just give me a call when he leaves for his trip, and I'll be right over. I can't wait to be with you." Karen lifted her left hand to brush a stray lock of hair out of her eyes. Grace could see the wedding band in plain sight, almost as if it was taunting her.

And just like that, her smile dropped quicker than you could notice the change.

Karen saw the change in the red head's eyes, her lips, and frowned. "Gracie, what's the matter?" she asked. How could she know what was going on in Grace's mind? How could she know about the ghosts that roam around in her head, haunting every thought, plaguing her with bad associations and bitter connotations? "Did I do something wrong?"

Grace shook her head. "It's nothing. It's stupid. Just, when I see your ring…" she trailed off, not knowing what else to say. Karen was smart enough to figure the rest out on her own. She didn't need to spell it out for her. Karen looked down at her hand, covered the band up with her fingers before placing her hand in her lap. Grace shouldn't have brought it up, she shouldn't have let on, at least right now. She knew this. "Look, just forget about it," she said quickly, trying to repair what she had damaged. "I know you have to wear it, okay? I know that. I need to get over it."

Silence. God, Grace wished she could rewind. She wished she didn't have such a bad poker face when it came to things like this. She looked around at everyone else in the coffeehouse; they were completely oblivious to the scene she was a part of, nose deep in old novels and copies of The New York Times. Trying to make their coffee order heard over the espresso machine. They had no idea that she effectively killed any of the good intentions her presentation of the key had. She looked down at her lap, unable to face Karen. She closed her eyes for a moment, only to open them again when she heard something hit the table. She looked at the surface, expecting to find the key.

She found the gold band instead.

"If this is holding you back—not that you're holding anything back," Karen started, "but if it is, then it's gone. I don't have to wear it. Honestly, it feels better when it's not on my finger. I'm not going to wear it around you. I don't want you to feel this bad when you're around me. I can't bear that."

"Karen, I didn't mean for you to do that."

"It wasn't you. Well, it wasn't all you. I just think I need to stop kidding myself. I keep pretending to be this contently married woman, who will always be by her husband's side. And the truth is, I hate visiting Stan in prison. Not just because of the setting, but because when we're forced to be seated across from each other for an hour, I have no idea what to say. When he was home, our conversations usually lasted no more than ten minutes. I don't know what to do. We've lost that connection a long time ago. It's foolish to act like it's still there. Especially when I've found it in someone else."

Grace smiled, kissed Karen's palm. It was amazing how those small gestures were enough to give her the world. She watched as the band was slipped into Karen's pocket, quickly forgotten about, lost in conversation about their impending time together while Will was away. Grace could feel the effects immediately; it was better this way, ringless.

It wasn't as if she didn't think they'd have to face it. But at least they could put it off for a little while longer.